Trivial Stuff #4

Have I mentioned that Alexa is now a vital part of our household?  This "hockey puck" keeps us entertained every day.  For instance:   I just got through listening to Wait Wait Don't Tell Me as broadcast by Alexa.  Later today, I will listen to the Embedded podcast concerning that "snake" Scott Pruitt.

Every week day when I get up, I say "Flash" to Alexa and get news from NBC, ABC, The Wallstreet Journal, and a few other agencies, as well as the weather forecast for Westminster, Maryland.  After that I get to hear the Rachel Maddow Show from the night before... and without commercials.

A week ago, my WiFi took a hit from something or other and I lost Alexa for a few days.  When I got her back, I was surprised and said:  "Alexa, you're back!"  Alexa immediately responded:  "I'm glad to be back!"

Praise Amazon....  for Alexa..  for my Prime membership from my son and his wife which allows me to order something in the evening and find it at my doorstep the next morning.  Ain't technology wonderful?  What will our future look like?  (And none of this is due to president trump.... he's too busy insulting people on Twitter to do his job in encouraging technical advantages.)

Back in 2008, someone sent me an email with "Idiot Sightings."  Here are a couple that I liked.

Making Change

"My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.  Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.  She said,  "You gave me too much money."  I said, "Yes, I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back."  She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.  I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said, "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing."  The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change."

Using the Brain

"When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.  As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey, "  I announced to the technician, "it's open!"  His reply, "I know. I already got that side."

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"Drifting along..."

The Week Magazine reports that the residents of Victorville, California woke up last week to find that their homes were buried by tumbleweeds. During the night, extra strong winds blew the troublesome weeds from the Mojave desert into their neighborhood.

I remember those damn plants attacking our car as we drove through California towards Los Angeles.

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Couples

A few blogs ago, I showed some pictures of special couples.  I just found this picture to add to the others.

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Mucha

For years I have tried to do artistic things.  I succeeded fairly well with cartoons that I would copy.  However, my work with oils did not succeed at all. (Perhaps it was because I tried to paint with my left hand.)

In my dotage, I have been toying with taking an art course where I might learn to paint (copy) subjects that please me.  I especially like the work that Alphonse Mucha did painting beautiful (zaftig) women, like the examples below.

Yes, these renditions have been my pin-up pictures for many years,  and, of course, my beautiful two Elaine's have compared more than favorably to these ladies.  I have been very lucky in that regard.

Some artists have been rather successful in copying Mucha.  One lady won a contest for a Wine Festival poster.. until someone noticed that it was not original, but was an almost exact copy of a Mucha picture.  I don't care.. I like her work and think that she did a great job and deserved the prize.

So.. there it is. My confession that I like to look at beautiful ladies, including my dear companions.

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Trivial Stuff #3

Here are some more items that have gotten my attention .. but this time a few are more recent. 

1.  Revenge

Hunter: I read somewhere that a geese hunter was a bit surprised when a goose he had shot landed on top of his head.

Insulter:  The Week reports that a chubby teenager bought up every cupcake in a bakery after hearing a lady in back of her in line remarked: "Let's hope this fat bitch doesn't buy all the cupcakes."  That reminded me of the following.

Music Lover:   When I returned from years of Air Force duty in Europe, I put a coin in a restaurant record machine to hear Eartha Kitt sing: Santa Baby.  A grouchy looking fellow customer said something derogatory about black singers.  So, I pumped in 10 more coins so that he and I could both enjoy a whole hour of Eartha.

2. Sex

Bestiality:  The Louisiana State Senate recently passed a bill outlawing bestiality.  Ten Senators voted against it!  (Well, now we know what they do in their spare time in Louisiana.)

Hard Act to Follow:  Penis Baba, a Hindu holy man is able to pull a compact car 100 feet using a towrope attached to his male member.   He attributes this feat to "the power of God .. the power of devotion." (and probably a bit of Viagra.)

3.  Trump

Conscience bother you?  A 67-year old man died due to a fire on the 50th floor of Trump Tower in New York City.  Why didn't the sprinkler go off?  Well.. it wasn't necessary to have one on "older" buildings like Trump Tower.  (Trump and other developers successfully lobbied to have a New York sprinkler requirement not apply to their pre-1999 buildings.   Yes, it was said by them to be "unnecessary and expensive.")

4. Religion

Massachusetts Legacy:  I just completed a Great Course about the famous Massachusetts thinkers: Emerson, Thoreau, and others.  I was reminded that in my Grandparents' home where I grew up, there were only two books, kept reverently.  One was The Progress of Julius and the other was Emerson's Essays. Both books made a  great impression on me, and probably are responsible for the way I think about things.

I did not read Thoreau until I left home, but I always had a feel for the "native life" ..  communing with nature.. and a few years ago I was able to visit Walden Pond.  So, I was interested in a study that found that the pristine nature of Walden Pond has been attacked by swimmers "peeing in the pond."  Did Thoreau pee in the pond?  Of course not!

5. Music

Carousel:  I loved this musical years ago.  Now it is making a Broadway revival only in a slightly different way.  The leads are of different races.  Why does that matter?  It doesn't.  It's the voices that matter.  When the leads sing "If I loved you!"  I have always cried.  Sorry.  I confess.  Just as I cry when Mimi dies in La Boheme, so I cry when I hear Billy and Julie belt it out.

Billy:  If I loved you
Julie:  But you don't.
Billy:  No, I don't.
But somehow I can see just exactly how I'd be...

If I loved you.
Time and again I would try to say
All I'd want you to know.
If I loved you,
Words wouldn't come in an easy way.
Round in circles I'd go.
Longin' to tell  you but afraid and shy,
I'd let my golden chances pass me by.

...

Even writing those words,  the tears come to my eyes.

Why is that?  Because tough guys do cry at times, and as this tough guy gets older, he cries more often.  That's life, my friend.

(Thank you Mr. Rogers and Mr. Hammerstein.)

6.  Guns

Are You Carrying?  A Nevada woman refused to sing the Star Spangled Banner before a ball game because a metal detector would reveal the gun she carries with her at all time.

(Unbelievable!)

IMHO

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Trivial Stuff #2

Finally!  I finished my income tax yesterday and mailed it off.  It was very complicated this year, but I was finally get it to a fair refund.  However, at the same time, I had to give most of it back in the form of an estimated payment for 2018.  Such is life. As my co-worker Lloyd Hess often said:

"Sometimes you get the bear; sometimes the bear gets you."    How true.

Anyway, now that I have accomplished the horrendous IRS task,  I hope to have more time to devote to my blog activity.

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Here is some more trivial "stuff" that I've found recently while working on eliminating other "stuff" that I should have gotten rid of before moving to my current home. This is from notes that I prepared and may be in error here and there.

Medicine Breakthrough:  Paul Winchell and Doctor Heimlich invented and patented the artificial heart.  (Was Mr. Winchell the entertainer?  I assume Heimlich developed the "maneuver.")

Biblical Puzzle:  What is the origin of the phrase:  "offspring of the virgin's womb."  (The Bible mentions Jesus' brothers..  so, he must have been the "older brother.")

Dirty Tricks Politics:  From a Conservative:  "Gingrich had a Road to DesMoines Conversion!"  (By the way, it was Newt Gingrich who forced Republicans to call the Democratic Party "the Democrat Party" because it had a "harsher ring to it."

Space Watching:  A laundry washer/dryer has been installed on the Space Station.  (Before this time, dirty underwear had to be jettisoned.  As it burned on re-entry, lovers made wishes, thinking it was a shooting star.)

Royalty $:  In 2011, Queen Elizabeth suffered a "pay raise."

Air Line Sex:  The safety video for passengers on an airline shows scantily clad stewardesses. (One might ask: "Why?"..  when the Brits during World War II found that its cryptographers were falling asleep while reading important coding instructions, they began to intersperse pictures of naked ladies among the instruction pages.  This caught the coders' attention and kept them awake. 

Years later, when I was tasked with putting together a very dull work activity manual for the Government,  I made a special edition of the manual, with scantily-clad ladies interspersed.   Because I did not want to appear entirely sexist,  I also included a picture of a man in a bathing suit.  )

Hollywood Question:  Why did Rudolph Valentino wear extra-wide suspenders?

(yes.. I know... to keep his pants up)

Appropriate Personnel:  Captain Lust is now responsible for keeping the Sex Offenders Registry up to  date.

Religious Calling:  A priest had a cat named "Honey."  He had to change it when people began to wonder when they heard him calling the cat late at night.

Country Music Wisdom:  Vince Gill's father wrote a song with these lyrics:  "It's hard to kiss those lips at night after she's chewed your ass all day!"

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BASTA!