Bahama Breeze Pig-out; Paella; Shrimp; Scallops; Key Lime; Happy Child; Rocking Chair Picture

Overcast and cool... but a wonderful day in spite of that.  I had lunch with my beautiful daughter, Diane.  She brought me 4 tomato plants, 2 pepper plants, and some flower plants.  I can't wait to get them into my dirt. 

Hey.. with all my whining about my kidney, I think I forgot to elaborate on our supper at the Bahama Breeze.  We ate like ditch diggers and yet, using our Darden gift card, the bill came to only $14.  Wow!  Our waiter was very attentive to Elaine's garlic allergy and made sure that everything did not have that spice included.  I gave him a big tip... he deserved it.

What did we eat and drink?  First, we had some kind of crab and veggie creation.  Very nice.  To wash it down, Elaine got an "ultimate" Pena Colada... so frosty to the touch that she had to hold the glass with a cloth napkin.  After a few sips of that, she assumed her "satisfied" look.  I had a 14 ounce glass of Sam Adams draft beer.  Yummy sez my tummy.  So, I had another.. but unfortunately I had to stop at 2.

As for our entrees, ... I had a massive paella.  My only complaint was that the scallops were the little baby ones from the Chesapeake Bay and not the giant ones that come from the seafood capital of the world,  New Bedford, Massachusetts.  But, they were tasty and complimented the spicy sausage, mussels, cut up veggies, and shrimp.  Excellent.  But, I couldn't finish it, and I get to have some more for supper tonight.

Elaine had a large plate of coconut shrimp, with broccoli on the side.  Whatever else usually comes with it had garlic in it, so our attentive waiter brought Elaine a gigantic bowl of sautéed sweet potatoes instead.  She also could not finish all of the dinner and will do so tonight.

Meanwhile, our quarter-pie slices of Key Lime Pie showed up.  The menu said that these are 1,000 calories each!  As full as I was, I ate mine.  Elaine could not.. so that will be her dessert tonight.. except that as her caregiver and watcher of her calories, I might have to share it with her.

All in all... it was a wonderful supper and I highly recommend the Bahama Breeze if  you want to have a nice tasting and filling meal for a relatively cheap price.  (For instance, my draft beers only cost $2 each.. and Elaine's drink was half price.  Of course, we were there in "happy hour.")

Speaking of "happy".. included with a small group of ladies sitting next to us was a funny little one year old baby named Ian.  Ian was fascinated with Elaine's hands.  This may be because he was African American and Elaine is a WASP with very light skin.  Most one year old babies would have been screaming all night.  Not Ian.  He was very well behaved, with lots of smiles.  The only time I saw him frown was when his mother tried to get him to taste a piece of lemon.  He reminded me of my daughter, Diane.  She was very early in learning to talk and friendly to everybody, and when we went out to eat she would strike up a conversation with anyone nearby.  We made a lot of friends through Diane.  Everybody loved her. 

My daughter, Elizabeth was more laid-back, but she was friendly too.  And, even though the two girls were born a year apart, their mother dressed them exactly alike, and everybody thought that they were twins.  One year, we decided to pose the girls on our rocking chair and take a picture to put into a Christmas card.  We did that... however, what I didn't count on was that a week earlier, I had put shellac on the chair and it had not completely dried. So, when our picture taking was over, the poor little girls could not get off of the chair because their panties were glued to the seat.  But it all worked out in the end (excuse the pun.) 

I have left my son, Chris out of this story because he wasn't born yet.  But, he was a good baby too, never screaming or crying when we took him out to a restaurant.  I am indeed a lucky person to have such beautiful and charming children... and now grandchildren too... and one nice great grandson.  I hope I can stay around a little while longer to enjoy interacting with them.


Sorry to carry on like this .. with personal stuff.  I'll return to my old style entry tomorrow.

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Medical Tell-All

Another overcast and rain 50 degree day.  I started out depressed today and let me tell  you why.

(Now... I am writing this for my children to read.  I don't really want to saddle them with any of my problems, but they should be aware of at least one of them, because at some point, I may call upon them to ferry me here and there... but not quite yet.......so, if you are not one of my wonderful children or a relative, why don't you skip this blog entry and try again tomorrow.  I love you anyway.)

Last year, I had 30 pounds of water removed from my body and I immediately felt wonderful.. and I have felt great ever since.  However, during a cat scan to make sure the water was gone, a "shadow" was observed on my left kidney.  When I was told this, the urologist did not look happy.  He set me up for an appointment with Doctor Lowentritt, a urological surgeon.  In the meantime, he had me do two MRI scans, that I might have mentioned. 

Although the MRIs were "open", I was extremely uncomfortable, especially since the operators told fibs about how long it was going to take.  Anyway, the MRI results confirmed the decision to have me talk a surgeon, namely, Doctor Lowentritt.  (Incidentally, the Doctor grew up in New Orleans and talks and looks a lot like Myrna's husband.  He visits N.O. three times a year.. and always at Mardi Gras time.  Seems like a real nice young guy, with beautiful children.)

Waiting for the appointment with Doctor Lowentritt, I have been extremely nervous... looking forward to a repeat perhaps of how I lost my dearly beloved Elaine.  I decided that I would fight this surgeon, because I am too old to be carved like a turkey. 

Today was the fateful day!  My blood pressure rose from 122/35  to 165/65 in his office.  However he and Elaine calmed me down so that I could listen to what he said.  I have a 3 or 4 centimeter growth (tumor) on my left kidney.  It has blood vessels, which means that it will probably  become cancerous.  (80 to 90 % of such tumors do)...  However,  we don't know if it is growing very fast.  It may have been at this level for years. 

What is done with tumors of this type?  He outlined 4 options:

1.  Do nothing.

2.  Remove the kidney.

3.  Remove part of the kidney.

4.  Freeze the tumor.

You know what option I picked.  Yes... number one.  Let's wait for a while and monitor the tumor.  Right now, it is far from the size when it will start to bother my system.  It could speed up.  It could slow down.  It could just sit there.  But, it makes sense to me not to rush off and do something drastic without knowing if it is necessary or not.   Besides, I'm 82 years old!

Dr. Lowentritt says that he operated on a 90 year old man with my condition two years ago and he still is chasing young girls.  The doctor said that I looked like I could handle the procedure.  Yeah, but not now!  Let's monitor the damn thing first!  Doc sez... OK.

So.. now I will get another cat scan (not an MRI thank goodness) in six months to see if things have changed.  Meanwhile, I feel much relieved and once again 18 years old.  And, I am no longer depressed.

Elaine and I both thought that I should write this out so  you know what is happening with this old dude.   I love you.    Dad

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Tomato plants; Brain Toons; Morse Code; Dryer Sheets; Mel Brooks; Carl Reiner; Hello Barbie!; Hen-pecked Husband; Stalin's Poop Analysis

Another overcast 50 degree day. But not unpleasant.  Rain from time to time.  The rain is making the grass explode!  April showers bring May flowers.  Azaleas are about to blossom.  My daughter, Diane of the Green Thumb, is going to visit on Saturday and bring us some tomato and green pepper plants.  I'm looking forward to seeing my beautiful daughter again, although it hasn't been that long.

Head Melodies

I mentioned before that I always have melodies playing around my head, and unless I try, I don't notice it very often.  For instance, for a couple of weeks, the music of the Phantom of the Opera was playing, and I couldn't shake it for anything else.  However, lately by listening to classical music on my XM radio and also on WETA out of DC, my melody has changed to snippets of Beethoven.  That's nice.

Of course, I still have Morse Code translating everything I hear.. but I have been able to keep that in the background.  I ordered a couple of courses on The Brain from the Great Courses company.  I'm anxious to see what they say about my strange brain connections. 

Do You Use Dryer Sheets?

The Week magazine lists some special uses for Dryer Sheets.  (I thought they were only to be used to throw into dryers to make clothes smell nice.  Foolish me.)

o  One can rub a sheet on the soles of your squeaky rubber shoes.  The sound is supposed to go away magically.

o  Tie a sheet on your belt or on the edge of your outdoor easy chair.. it's supposed to keep those pesky mosquitoes away.

o  Rub a sheet on your cat during a thunder storm.  This should prevent static.

o  (I quote)  " Put a sheet in a bowl of warm water and soak the (hair)  brushes for a half hour, then pull out the hair with a cloth or another hairbrush."

Isn't it amazing what one can learn each day in this wonderful world!

Mel Brooks

AARP Magazine for September 2015 asked some questions of Mel Brooks, who was 89 years old at the time.  There is a picture of him, and he looks a lot younger than his stated age.

Mel says he see Carl Reiner almost every day. He's 93, but sharp as a tack.  Mel was born Melvin James Kamisky in Brooklyn in 1926.  He married Anne Bancroft, and was an expert at telling jokes, was 1,000 years old, and really knew how to fart.


Hello Barbie

The Week reports that Mattel and ToyTalk have brought out a talking Barbie.  Press her belt-buckle and she will hold a conversation with you.  She has a bank of 8,000 prerecorded comments, so she probably will be able to communicate realistically.  And, once the prerecorded stuff is found not to apply to a question,  Barbie's innards will search the Web for an appropriate answer.

This concept, of course, is not new.   I wrote a computer program back in the 1960's that allowed a computer to talk to you in a manner that sounded intelligent.  Actually, what I did, was parrot back to the questioner versions of his queries, with a little "sauce" added in to make it sound real.  Not bad for the time.


A Real Old Husband/Wife Joke

The Readers' Digest printed this old joke at the instigation of Oscar Nunez, who, I'm told, is a character on the TV show, The Office:

In heaven there were two huge signs.  The first read, Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to  Do.  The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see.

The second sign stated, Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do.  Only one man stood under that sign.  Intrigued, Saint Peter said to the lone man, "No one has ever stood under this sign before.  Tell  me about yourself."  The man shrugged and said, "Not much to say; my wife told me to stand here."

I See By the Pooper

Chuck Shepherd writes in the May 2016 Funny Times about the dictator Josef Stalin.  He says that a former KGP spy said that Stalin asked Soviet engineers to obtain some of  Mao Zedong's bowel movements, so that scientists could examine them chemically to get a psychological profile of the Chinese leader.  The spy says that other world leaders may have also had their poop analyzed.  Chemical analysis supposedly could determine if the pooper was subject to nervousness or insomnia. Apparently, this knowledge would allow Stalin to know how to wrangle concessions from visiting dignitaries.

By the Way,  I've read where people in the Soviet Union try not to clog up their ancient sewer systems by not throwing toilet paper into their toilet bowls.  Instead, they place it in the rest room's garbage container.  One American lady wrote to one of the National magazines that she was happy to be entertaining a cross-cultural Russian student, but she was having a hard time getting him to throw his dirty toilet paper into the toilet.  Now, do you  think that Americans will ever embrace that way to be ecologically progressive?  I doubt it.

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Maryland Primary; Ted and Carly; NPI; White Supremacists; Denis Hastert; New York Post; Yoenis' Lamborghini; Dwarf Moon; Pothole Birthday.

Overcast and fifty degrees.  Now, that is more like an April Spring day used to be.  But, it can't last, it'll probably be 85 degrees in a couple of days.  Tsk.

Politics

Yesterday's Maryland Primary

Wow!  Every person I voted for, got elected (picked).  That's a first for me.  At least, by changing my affiliation from Independent to Democrat, I was able to vote in Maryland's primary.  If I had switched to Republican, I probably would not have found anyone to vote for.

Ted Cruz Hutzpah!

Ted is an eternal optimist.  Besides believing that Jesus will appear again real soon, he has now got himself believing that Trump will not get enough delegates to win the Republican nomination for President, and an "open convention" will take place, at which, he will emerge victorious.  To be prepared for that, today he "tapped"  Carly Fiorina to be his running mate.   What a pair. A Presidential candidate that I hear is disliked by all of his fellow Senators, and a Vice Presidential candidate who has no governing experience and who may be responsible for almost bankrupting a company, if what I read is correct. 

I wonder who Trump will "tap" ..  Megan?  But, it really doesn't matter who the Republican candidates put up, that party is about to take a "hit" that may destroy them..  at least, that is my humble take on the situation.

Trump Supporters Go on Record

The Washington Spectator  for May 1st, 2016, has an article by Hannah Gais, who crashed an "Identity Politics" conference put on by National Policy Institute (NPI) director Richard Spencer. (The Southern Policy Law Center (SPLC) defines the NPI as a "suit and tie version of the white supremacists of old.")

I like Hannah's explanation as to why white nationalist and sympathizers from around the country gathered together.  I quote:

"It is the rise of the bombastic Republican frontrunner that brought this amalgam of aggrieved crusaders together for an evening of cocktails, appetizers, and songs of praise to the candidate who's inspired them to dip a toe into the stream of establishment politics."

Hannah says that at one point, Richard Spencer cried into the microphone, "Thank God for Donald Trump!"

One of the presenters at the conference was Paul Ramsey (Ramspaul), Alternate Right (alt-right) ambassador, who identified the "bedrock" of that movement as having three "pillars". .

1.  Sex Realism ("men and women are suited for different roles"

2. Race
      a.  Race Realism
      b.  Nationalism
      c.  Jews

3.  Natural Order ("society should resist acting against what is deemed 'natural'.

Sieg Heil!  What a sweetheart!  If Trump wins, the NPI and it's cuckoo members will probably want to serve as his advisory council. 

Hastert gets his Come-uppance.

Today, the longest serving Speaker of the House, and a confessed pedophile, Denis Hastert, was given a fifteen month sentence for money manipulation.  He was trying to get some money to shut up one of the men who, as a kid, he had messed up.  I worked at a YMCA for a number of years and I know how scary it is for young kids to be preyed upon by grown men. One of my jobs was to keep an eye on a known pedophile when he was in the locker room, and keep him away from any of the young kids.

Also, a few years ago, a child molester was involved with a local junior firemen's group. The kids were too scared to say anything.   Finally, as some of the children he had messed with got older, they got up enough courage to tell on him and he was given a long vacation in the County Jail.

News from the New York Post

I love this scandal sheet.  You can always count on it to contain weird stores.. that I find very interesting.  And, the stories are not  made up, as they are in those sheets that are on display at the checkout counter.  Here are some items that I thought were interesting today:

New York City Budget

$82 Billion!  A large chunk of that money must go for salaries of their massive police force.  I'm told (by a cop) that New York City now has a policeman standing in almost every block, and the crime rate has dropped significantly.  They are even punishing those Disney characters who try to exact vast amounts of cash from skyscraper gawkers who want to have a picture with Mickey or Minnie to show the folks at home.

Baseball Millionaire

Mets Outfielder  Yoenis Cespedes is selling his "fire breathing" Lamborghini.  He says that New York traffic is too tough for this car.  He paid $480,000 for it in 2014, and hopes to get $375,00 for it now.  He already has received an offer of $280,000.  If he gets his price, he will chip in game tickets and autographed bats and balls.  And..  don't worry about his getting around without his Lamborghini, he still has six other outrageously priced automobiles.

Oh, yeah.. "fire-breathing".. Yoenis had the exhaust system fixed up so that with a push of a button, actual flames shoot out of the rear of the car.  Of course, that restricts one on where and how to drive.

Big Hubble News

We have now found a dwarf moon orbiting the dwarf planet Makemake, at the edge of the Milky Way.

Happy Birthday You Old Pothole You!

I've talked about the people in Jackson, Mississippi a lot in my blogs.  Now, they have raised themselves in my estimation .  Confronted with a massive pothole that they have been unable for a couple of years to get the local maintenance people to fix, they decided to hold a birthday party for the pothole.  The party was featured on local TV.. the next day, the pothole was fixed.

This reminds me of former Baltimore mayor William Donald Schaeffer.  People would call him and give the location of a damaging pothole that needed to be fixed.  The mayor would then tell his maintenance folks:  "There's a pothole out there in Baltimore that needs to be filled.  Take care of it." And, he would not tell them where it was.  It was always found and was fixed, as he ordered.

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Millionaires; Drunkards; Firearms; Iranians; Baldness; Mel Brooks; Lose Weight; Weightlifting

Sunny and 80 degrees.  A nice breeze was supposed to bring lower temps and lots of rain.  Well, it hasn't shown up yet.  Before the sun went down, the sky was bright blue.

Today was voting day in a bunch of Northeast States, including Maryland.  Trump aced them all!  I haven't checked on Bernie and Hillary yet.. however, in order to unseat Hillary, Bernie would have to  have won all of them.

Some more Harper's Index items published by the Funny Times for May 2016.

Percent of middle-aged college -educated Americans who are millionaires:

White 22%
Black  6%

Liters of Alcohol consumed annually:

By the average Iranian drinker  24.8

By the average French drinker  12.9

I would have thought that the French would be the biggest drinkers in the world, and that Moslem Iranians would not be such big drinkers.  What about Germans?  Americans?

Firearms found by U.S. Airport security screeners  in 2015:

Total  2,655

Unloaded  17%
Loaded      83%

Is that's scary, or not?  Thank God for screeners.  I hope they got them all... but I doubt it.

Those Drunken Iranians again

The Week Magazine reported a while ago that the satirical newspaper, The Onion, showed a headline that read:  "Gallop Poll: Rural Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad to Obama,"  This was picked up by Iran's FARS News Agency and posted as being true. 

Donald, Pay Attention!

A University of Pennsylvania study found that men with fully hairless heads are perceived as being more dominant, stronger, and taller than other men.

(Also, they are perceived as having larger hands than readily apparent.)

Catskill Joke by Mel Brooks:

I met a beautiful girl last night, but she was rather thin,. I mean this was a skinny girl!.   She turned sideways, you didn't see her.  I took her to a restaurant and the maître d' said to me,  "Check your umbrella?"

Wanna lose weight?

Count calories is one way to do it.  Try a FITBIT.  Also, there is a website that advises you on the calories you might expend on daily activities.  www.caloriesperhour.com

Big Arnie is going to live Forever

The Bottom Line Personal newsletter says that people over 55 with the lowest muscle mass have a 30% greater chance of premature death than people with the highest muscle mass, which is a better predictor of longevity than  body mass index (BMI).

So, come on, Joe, get  your ass in gear and get lifting again!

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Ohio Education; Road Kill; New Words; Guide Dogs; Strange Notes; Archie Bunker

Another marvelous Spring day. Low humidity and 70 degrees.. and lots of sun! 

The household cleaning lady named Dinah gave us a wonderful two hours of vacuuming, washing, dusting, scrubbing, etc.   She even took away ten years of dust from on our bedroom overhead fan.  She also filled up two vacuum containers with cat hair!  Maybe my allergies will not be so bad for a while.

A Melange of Dumb Stuff

Ohio Education

A little while ago, the Week Magazine reported that an Ohio Kindergarten student was suspended for coming to school with a Mohawk haircut. The superintendent says that he had violated the school's grooming rules and must shave off his Mohawk before returning to school.  (Better Bald Than Bold!)

They also reported that an Ohio Middle School is requiring all students to get drug tested before they can participate in extracurricular activities.  (Sounds like Ohio educators are smoking too much pot.)

I'll have to seek my brother's comments on these cases.  He has been an Ohio resident for many years and taught school there himself.  My brother, Joe, is a very intelligent guy and does not suffer idiots lightly.

Moo Goo Gai What?

The Week  Magazine also advised us that the Red Flower Chinese Restaurant in Williamsburg, Kentucky was shut down after patrons found out they were eating road kill.  When confronted, the restaurant owner said that he didn't know that was illegal.  (Now, I will always wonder what I am eating that tastes so good.  I've mentioned that I did eat horse meat in Europe, when it was ersatz Wiener Schnitzel.  Yes, and that was good too.)

New Words

Phil Proctor writes in the Funny News  about new words coming  into usage in 2016. (I May have mentioned a couple of them before, but they are good enough to repeat.)

o  flabbergasted -  appalled over how much weight  you have gained.

o  oyster - a person who sprinkles his conversations with Yiddishisms.

o  circumvent - an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

o  reintarnation - coming back to life as a hillbilly.

o  ignoranus -  a person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Blind leading the Blind?

I read somewhere that a guide dog has been obtained for a British guide dog that has gone blind.

Mysterious Notes

Can you help me decipher these notes that I found the other day?  They were marked "for my blog," but I can't remember what they were related to.

o  Gilbert Godfrey spelling AFLAC.

o  Somali pirates are willing to give a big percentage discount for hostages.

o  Whales name babies, sperm whales. 

o  Monkey out of bra.

o  If no football season, what will redblooded American men do?  Your tailgate is closed.

How about a little Wit and Wisdom from Archie Bunker?  You remember Archie, right?
(He did look a lot like Jiggs.)

Archie: You got a cousin on the police force?  Lionel, I didn't know that.
Lionel:  Yeah, well, he's the white sheep of our family.
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Edith:  The other day I came across our copy of Glenn Miller's "Moonlight Serenade."  You remember how we used to dance to that.  Remember how I used to snuggle up against your cheek.

Archie:  Oh c'mon.  Willya act your age? Even Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers don't dance together no more.
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Archie:  I don't know what the world's coming to.  It's a dog eat dog out there.   Some nut decides to throw himself in front of a subway train  and ties it up for thirty minutes.  He couldn't have picked the middle of the day.  He had to pick the rush hour.
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Thank you, Norman Lear!

IRS Scam; Political Fact-Checking; Toleration; Harry's Jokes

Another nice warm sunny Spring day.  However, the weather report says that we might have a frost tonight! Huh?

IRS Scammers

The Carroll County (Maryland) Times today had some tips on how to handle all of these IRS scammers who are calling and emailing right now.  If you have caller-ID, don't pick up.  If you pick up, hang up.

To report IRS scam calls, you can report them at TIGTA.gov.  Click on "IRS  Imp Scam" and fill out the form.... or call: 1-800-366-4484.

You can also forward any scam email to PHISHING@IRS.gov.

Politics

The New York Times today did a piece entitled "Debunking the 'Crooked Hillary' Myth.  In it, the author, Nicholas Kristof, mentions that politicians' truthfulness can be assessed when they are on the campaign trail.  PoltiFact, a famous fact-checking site, calculated that 95% of Hillary's statements are either wholly or mostly true.  To contrast that with the other candidates' scores, lets put the percentages side by side:

Truth Percentages

o  Hillary  95%
o  Bernie   46%
o  Kasich   33%
o  Cruz      23%
o  Trump   12%  (pants on fire)

According to what I heard on CNN's rebroadcast of the networks' Sunday talkshows, the Republicans may be feeling a little cosier with the Donald winning their nomination.  Mr. Trump himself is trying to play "nice nice" all of a sudden. He still has to fight against the ultra Conservative bent of the Republican National Committee... for instance, Trump said that he might be ok with abortion in cases of rape and incest.  This goes against the head of the RNC, who says he wants no abortions for any reason, because a person is human "at conception." 

Hillary already has a campaign ad out with those clips of Trump's now famous statements about Moslems,  women, and Mexicans.

I predict that if the RNC does not give Trump it's nomination ab initio, he will bolt the party and form a new one.  Whatever happens, I would imagine that the days of the Republicans are numbered.

Toleration

Also in the New York Times was an opinion piece by Wajahat Ali, a well-known playwright and creative director.  He cites the many times lately that us WASPs have gotten scared of people speaking Arabic, and have reported them to the authorities as possible terrorists.  For instance, an Iraqi refugee was recently removed from a Southwestern Airlines flight because one of the passengers heard him speaking Arabic on his cellphone.  The victim supposes the listener heard him say the Arabic phrase "inshallah,"  which translates to "God willing."  But it usually is said in a kind of sarcastic manner.

Ali gives an example:  Boy: "Father, will we go to Toys 'R' Us later today?"
Father: "Yes, Inshallah."
Translation: "There's no way we're going to Toys 'R' Us, I'm exhausted.  Play with the neighbor's toys..."

He gives another example:  Man: "So, you think, we can go on a date later this week?"
Woman:  "Yeah, let me think about it, inshallah."
Translation:  "No, never.  There is no way (under the sun that) we are ever going on a date..."

Get the picture?

Ali ends with an example of something he might say/pray out loud while on an airplane."Inshallah, trump and Cruz get zero votes.". if you hear him just be assured that he is only a "harmless dork" like  you, hoping to stay on the plane.

The Last Jokes from Harry Hershfield (I promise)

A husband insisted on being a nudist while he was at home.  His wife did not like that.  She said: "Please, please, do not walk around the house nude!"  "My house is my castle," he  yelled, "if I want to be a modernist, and nudist, nobody can stop me!"  Again she  pleaded:  "Please don't walk around the house naked - if the neighbors see  your shape they'll be positive that I married you for your money."

A tourist entered one of those Western towns that you see portrayed in films.  He saw an Indian half asleep, leaning against a post.  Being a nosey, butter-in tourist, he gave advice to the Indian: "Why don't you get a job, get a salary and save your money; then invest it and get rich and you won't have to work anymore!'  The Indian smiled and replied:  "(You dummy!)  Why should I go to all that trouble, I'm not working now!"

How true!

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Moscow Snow; Scammers On Call; Liposuction; Rare Coins; More Harry Hershfield; Durante;

Another 70 degree day, with bright sunlight.  I kind of like this global warming stuff.  Years ago, we would travel to South Carolina around this time of the  year... and the weather and heat were like this.. while we were gone, the temperature hovered around 50 degrees.   So, now we are like South Carolina and they are probably experiencing what it is like to live in the Tropics.

Today, I attended a Standing Room Only funeral for a nice lady who touched our lives as a vibrant, highly intelligent, organ-playing person.  The service was 2 hours long, but I don't think anyone fell asleep.

She had been happily married to  her husband for 63 years.  He seems like a real nice guy.  I hope he has hobbies to occupy his mind so that he doesn't succumb to the problem that most long term married men experience... they grieve so much that they die within a very short time.  However, based on the vast number of progeny I don't think he will have any trouble keeping busy.  Especially with all those beautiful and gifted grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Let's try some more trivial stuff from Prepop's box of tricks:

Snow?  Nyet, Comrade.

Back in 2009, The Week Magazine reported that Moscow Mayor Yuri Luzhkov forbade snow for that Winter.  He hired Russian Air Force pilots to seed any precipitation filled clouds heading toward his city.  He figured that it would be cheaper at 6 million rubles to have clouds sprayed with dry ice, cement particles, and silver oxide, than to spend 10 million rubles, which is the normal cost for snow removal.  I wonder if it worked.   I haven't seen anything written about it.  When cloud seeding was tried in the United States, I don't think it worked at all.

Years ago, I read where snow sweeping jobs were given to matronly Russian women in Moscow during each snow season.  At the first flake, these ladies were supposed to take to their brooms and start sweeping.  The article said that this approach worked.  The Moscow streets were always clear and unemployment was down.  So why didn't Yuri continue with that approach?  Surely, that wasn't the cause for the 10 million ruble expense.

Scammers On Call

For a while, I have left ten caller-ID numbers in my telephone system for calls I figured were from scammers.  Some months ago, I looked up every number for every call that I got.  I found that most of my calls were from persons that had been already reported as scammers.  I gave it up after a while.. because it took up too much of my time.  However, today I decided to check on the ten most recent numbers that I had retained.  

Sure enough.  Nine of them were shown to be scammers.  One was a "no match,"  and one from "Jerry Gomez" in California was interesting.  Jerry had a pleasant sounding lady tell whoever answered my phone that the IRS was preparing a court case against them.. the only way to get out of trouble was to call a special telephone number... that just happens to be one of Jerry's 30 telephone numbers.  This guy has a big business going on.  He also has had many bad reports made about him, and I added another one.  However, Jerry must be making a lot of money with this scam... I just wonder how he is getting away with it.. especially since he uses his name (or his alias) connected to the calls.

Fat Strikes Back

 A study by researchers at the University of Colorado has found that the fat siphoned off by liposuction can suddenly reappear at other locations in the body.  For instance, siphon off a ten pound lump of fat from your tummy, and probably another ten pound lump of fat might suddenly appear on your triceps!  Let that be a lesson to you...as obesity researcher at Columbia University, Rudoph Leibel, says:  "You can't fool mother nature."

Rare Coins that you might have in your Pocket.. or Piggy Bank

My Trivia book lists a bunch of rare coins that you might want to search for:

o  1937D Three-legged Buffalo nickel:  Number unknown.. could be worth $30,000.

o   1909S VDB Lincoln Cent..  the designer's initials VDB (Victor D. Brenner) are on the back.  There still are several around.  If you find one in your change, it may be worth $7,500.

o   1804 Silver Dollar.. only 15 are known.. lots of counterfeit ones around.. if valid, it could be worth around four million dollars.


Some little bits from Harry Hershfield

Jimmy Durante was looking for his eye glasses:  "Jimmy, it's on  your nose.  "Be more specific," came Durante's famous grunt.

"I would enjoy reading the dictionary far more, if it didn't change the subject so often."

A kangaroo visited his psychiatrist and said: "I don't understand myself,  Doc, I don't feel 'jumpy' lately."

Remember the fat man who reduced and won the "No Belly" prize?

This is the only country in the world where we lock up the jury and let the prisoner go home every night.



OK, OK,  I didn't say these bits were going to be good.  Harry was much better at long jokes.

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Global Warming; Red Meat; Garlic; Old Cartoons

Another partly sunny, 70 degree day thanks to global warming.  Representatives of 150 countries are meeting today at the United Nations in New York, to sign an agreement that their country will reduce carbon emissions and other pollutants.  A good first step.  I hope they try to live up to what they are agreeing to.

More Trivial Material from Prepop's Old Files

Boycott Red Meat?

Harvard Men's Health Watch newsletter for February 2011 talked about red meat.  They were agin it.  Better to eat beans for the protein than red meat.  Fish is ok. They site an 11 year American study that concluded that  a high consumption of red and processed meat was linked  to a substantial increase in the risk of cancer in the lower colon and rectum, while the long term consumption of fish and poultry appeared to be protective.


They also site a 2009 Australian study that found that people who eat red meat ten or more times a week are nearly 50% more likely to develop Age-Related Macular Degeneration (AMD) than people who consume five or fewer portions a week!

Hey!  I like red meat... how much can I safely eat?  Well, the American Institute for Cancer Research suggests a general goal of no more than 300 grams (11 ounces) a week, with very little or no processed meat.

Garlic!

I love garlic; garlic makes Elaine sick.  Each evening I get supper as carryout from our "Bistro", kind of deli for us old farts.  Unfortunately, all vegetables except mashed potatoes are sprinkled with a salt/pepper/garlic mixture, and most entrées have garlic included in their preparation.  Even the soup, usually made from packets provided by the restaurant's provider, have some form of garlic included.

So, for instance, tonight, there was nothing on the "line" that Elaine could eat.  So, I had a grilled cheese sandwich made for her, and picked up a lot of cut up fruit. 

When I cook, every noon, and usually two evenings a week, I refrain from using garlic .. or onions, which do not make her ill.. she just does not like them.  A garlic allergy is a rare allergy, with no known cure that I could find online.  I'll keep looking.  I hate to see Elaine miss out on all the delicious food that she can't handle.

Saturday Evening Post

Today, I sent a check for a subscription to the Saturday Evening Post, because one incentive was access to their archives and I wanted to see some of the old cartoons if possible.  When I was around 7 or 8 years old, I would assault our copies of that magazine with sharp scissors and cut out all of the cartoons.   I also did that with other magazines that neighbors provided us when they were finished with them.

Even at an early age, I was a compulsive hoarder and paper organizer.  I would separate all of the cartoons by artist, and then attempt to copy them.  As I mentioned before, I became quite good at drawing Mutt and Jeff, Sluggo, Jiggs, Maggie, the Little King; Sappo, etc etc.  So, I'm anxious to see if the archives of the Saturday Evening Post include those old old old cartoons.

A few years ago, I had a subscription when the magazine resurrected (it had died for years) but I found that it had become just a "shill" for fundamental religionists.  I've been told that all that has changed.  I hope so.  Time will tell.

Maryland History; Trump Sez; Banking; The Dow; Special Olympics; Nine Lives; DIY Tragedy; Hershfield; Cardiogram; Clean Liver

Partly sunny and 70 degrees.  We are getting used to nice weather... but I think tomorrow is going to bring rain.

Maryland History

On this date in 1649, The Maryland Toleration Act was passed, allowing freedom of worship.  (Differently from the other colonies, Maryland was founded by Catholics.)

Politics

According to today's New York Post, after playing "nice nice" in his New York victory speech on Tuesday, Trump went back to his old crowd riling self, by bashing "Lyin' Ted" and "Crooked Hillary."  When protesters made noises, he yelled: "Get 'em out!"  and then said: "I love waterboarding."

Money

BB&T Bank in Westminster, Maryland.  Today I tried to deposit a rather large dividend check at this bank, that had recently taken over my former bank, Susquehanna.  I was given a very hard time, and they would not deposit it.  I mentioned that I had deposited checks like that many times in the past, and the teller said that perhaps Susquehanna allowed me to do that, but BB&T would not. 

So, I went a couple of blocks away and deposited it without any trouble in my account at Wells Fargo.

Also, the Susquehanna account I had paid me interest (although rather small).. my transferred account does not pay interest.   I think it is time to discontinue my dealings with BB&T.

The DOW.  Hasn't anyone noticed that the DOW has now gotten back to over 18,000?  Stock prices are up.  Is this a secret?  Even Elaine's  WalMart stock is now worth $10 more today than just a short time ago.

Special Olympics

Yesterday, the city of Westminster, Maryland celebrated it's 45th anniversary of running a Special Olympics event.  The entrants all have some kind of disability.  Since most disabled kids are "mainstreamed" now, their interaction with so-called normal kids is much much better than when I was a kid, when the disabled were picked on or shunned.  I remember once, when my cousin Charlie and I were playing in Charlie's yard, a young man with a pronounced limp and a drooly mouth asked if he could play with us.   We said: "Of course."  After a little while, my Aunt saw us playing with this kid and came out and shooed him away in a very nasty manner.  I wonder if she thought that his limp was contagious.  Charlie and I were very ashamed and sorry that our new friend was treated so meanly.  I saw this scenario played out a lot in the 1950's.  I think that we have learned a lot since then.  At least I hope so.

 Kittty Kitty

The New York Post mentioned that a woman in Utah decided to donate her sofa to a local thrift store.  She carried it there in the family's pickup truck.   When she got to the store, and as the sofa was being taken out of the car, her cat jumped out from under the cushions.  She had no idea that the cat was there.  Why didn't it tell her?

Quite a few  years ago, my two daughters accompanied me as I drove about three miles to get gas in our Oldsmobile.  This was before you had to pump  your own gas and check  your own oil.  As the attendant lifted the hood to check the oil, a fat white cat jumped out.  My daughters recognized it as Bianca, a neighbor's pet.  Apparently, the cat had been sleeping on top of the engine.  It was a little cold outside, and maybe the motor had some pleasing heat.  She purred her delight as seeing my daughters and allowed us to take her home.

Don't Try This at Home!

The Post also mentioned a "You Tube" tragedy.  A teen-aged Ohio boy was electrocuted trying to repeat an experiment he saw on You Tube.  He was attempting to send a high voltage arc of electricity from one point to another in his family's garage.


More Jokes from Harry Hershfield

This is one of Harry's best!

The Cardiogram

He went for his annual checkup.  He saw his own cardiograph for  the first time.  He looked at a long strip of celluloid, with the up and down markings and asked the doctor if he could take it home.   The doctor agreed.  When he arrived at the house, he put it down on the table and went out on an errand.  When he returned, the cardiograph was gone and he asked his wife if she had seen it, and described it to her; "Darling, it's a long strip of celluloid in a roll."  "Oh, that?" She replied.  "I put it in the player piano."  "What! you put it in the player piano?"  "Yes, and it played  'Nearer my God to Thee.'"


A Clean Liver

An unshaven, bedraggled panhandler, with bloodshot eyes and teeth half gone, asked for a dime.  The citizen decided to question him first: "Do you drink, smoke or gamble?" "Naw, Mister, I don't touch a drop, or smoke the filthy weed, or bother with evil gambling."  "O.K," replied the citizen, "if you'll come home to my house with me, I'll give you a dollar." As they entered the house, the citizen's wife took him aside and hissed:  "How dare you bring that terrible looking specimen into our home"?"  "Darling,", he answered, "I just wanted you to see what a man looks like, who doesn't drink , smoke or gamble!"

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Dandelions; Blog Readership; Clinton and Trump; Time Management;

Another sunny, warm Spring day.  65-70 degrees.  I attended the CLV Train the Brain class this morning and learned something that I will be mentioning in a later blog.   Elaine wonders why my brain has not been fully trained yet.

A Beautiful Spring Flower!

I've written before about how much I like dandelions.  They are my favorite flower.  In my April 20th, 2010 blog entry for my Joe Reads the News Blog, I wrote the definitive paean to a flower.  I just reread it, and it is good.. in fact, as I tell Elaine all the time: "Man, am I good!"

Readership

One of the fears that bloggers have is that nobody reads their blog.  Since that is my fear too, I checked some statistics and came up with the following for each of the blogs I have cranked out for the past ten or twelve years:

Blog Name                               Average Views per Post

Hello, Baltimore                              56

Humor Program                               78

50 Years Ago                                  302

Joe's Toastmasters                          127

Joe's Trips                                        362

Joe's Family Notes                            68

TRIAD                                             211

Joe's Jokes                                        215

Quick Local News                           150

Joe's Book Reviews                         112

Social Security Alumni                    280

Joe Reads the News                         125

Prepop Sez                                           8


Now, what does all that mean?  Nothing really because I have not listed the number of  blog entries, but it does let my family know that I have been quite busy for a few years, and people have been reading what I have read.  And what that doesn't show is the fun I've been having writing the blogs.

Politics

As expected, Hillary and Donald won in New York, their "home" states.  Cruz utterly bombed out and Kaisich didn't do too well.   Bernie did ok, but not enough.  Lots of election problems in New York.  Apparently 120,000 people in Brooklyn didn't get to vote because their updated information was not acted upon by an understaffed entity.  I don't think that would have made a difference in the counts anyway,  But, it must be very frustrating to be told you can't vote, when you had no idea that would happen.  Also, New York, like Maryland has a closed primary.  Democrats can only vote on a Democratic ticket.  Republicans can only vote on a Republican ticket.

Watching the Clock

Readers Digest published an article by Tony Crabbe, in which he mentions one of the fantasies of Time Management:  If you get more organized, you will get to the top.  Instead, he writes, and I quote:   "... that works only in a finite world.  We haven't lived in that world for quite a while.  In our infinite world, we will never be able to get on top of everything.  When we complete more tasks,   more take their place... send more e-mails, get more replies.  If we do more as a result of better managing our time, we just become busier."   How true!

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Gotta run!  Bye.
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Voting; Ted Cruz; Acts Bottled Up in Congress; Harry Hershfield; Jokes

Sunny day... a little cooler, but not much.  70's and windy.

Today, Elaine and I went to our podiatrist and had our toenails carved out.  The Doctor told Elaine that she can now go into the pool, since her toe has healed up nicely.

Because of that good report, we treated ourselves to delicious ice cream at the World Famous Hoffman's Ice Cream Shop and Deli.   We had the dessert placed into waffle cones.  I had never had that before.  Man, it's good!

After this treat, we went to the Senior Center and did early voting.  Maryland has a new voting system using optical scanning.  Seems to work ok.

After doing our duty, we spent the next three hours spending a bunch of money at Walmart's.  With the few bucks we had left, we had supper at Ruby Tuesday's.  Nice.

Politics

I just read that Clinton and Trump won the New York primaries.  That was expected.   I hope that Bernie put up a good fight.

Ted Cruz

The Southern Poverty Law Center newsletter came today and Morris Dees, the founder of the Center, talked about Ted Cruz:

He said that Cruz has enlisted Frank Gaffney as a foreign policy adviser.  According to Dees, Gaffney spreads all kinds of conspiratorial nonsense about Muslims, and  insists that President Obama is secretly a Muslim and that radical Islamists have infiltrated the U. S. Government.

Dees also says that Cruz has formed a "religious liberty" advisory council that includes activists for the Family Research Council (FRC), which is a group that cloaks its bigotry in religion.  The FRC president has long equated homosexuality with pedophilia.

The People for the American Way wrote in a brochure I received today that Mr. Cruz lied when he said that no Supreme Court nominee has ever been confirmed in an election year, thus ignoring Justice Kennedy's confirmation in 1988, the last year of Reagan's second term, as well as several others.

Towards More Fairness in Elections

The People for the American Way also mentioned that multiple bills have been introduced to try to clear up the "dark money" situation.  However, the Republicans have bottled up the bills, which are:

o   The Fair Elections Now Act .. which would created public funding for congressional elections.

o   The DISCLOSE Act ..  which would require corporations to disclose the sources of their political spending.

o   The Shareholder Protection Act.. which would make companies reveal to their shareholders how much money they are spending to influence elections.

Enough with Politics already!

The Humor of Harry Hershfield

Most folks these days have never heard of Harry Hershfield.  I learned about him by listening to "Can You Top This?"  during the old days of radio.  He always had something funny to say, at least I thought so.  He wrote a book in 1959 called "Laugh Louder  Live Longer," which was a collection of his jokes and witticisms. Here are a few excerpts:

Coincidence

Two strangers standing together on a corner and along towards them came two women, walking together, and one fellow said to the other:  "Funny, here comes my wife and my girl friend."  "Funny, I was just going to say the same thing," replied the other.

Tattle

The Minister, during his sermon, looked sternly at little Tommy and said to him: "Do you know where boys and girls go who neck and spoon?'  "Yes, in back of Smith's Garage," informed Tommy.

Names

"Why did you name your boy John?  Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named John."

Advice

A panhandler got a dime from a pedestrian.  Ten minutes later, he approached the same fellow for another touch.  This time the fellow got angry: "You bum, I gave you a dime ten minutes ago!"  "Stop living in the past,"  retorted the moocher.

Final Confession

A dying husband called his wife to his bedside and murmured: "Darling, before I go, I want you to know that I wasn't a good husband to you .. that I was a philanderer."  "I know it," replied the wife, "why do you think I poisoned you?"

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MRI Madness; John Quincy Adams; Teddy Roosevelt; JFK; LBJ; FDR; Nixon; Swimming

(Repeat.. check out the president stuff.)

Beautiful sunny 80+ degree day.  Unfortunately, I spent a few hours in the maw of an MRI machine again.

MRI Madness

Today was my second MRI in two weeks.  The first I would compare to medieval torture, the second I would compare to waterboarding.  A lovely young lady, who said she remembered me from when she worked in Westminster, told me that I would be placed into the pizza machine for 25 minutes and then be pulled out, checked to see if I was "done" and have something inserted into my arm.  Last week, the insertion took place before the MRI.  I hope they know what they are doing, because they certainly do not know how to tell time.

Miss MRI said that I would be pulled out after 25 minutes, so I forced myself to count to 1500, using my fingers as place-keepers and mimicking the ticking of a clock.  Now, this is extremely hard to do when  you are in the middle of this monster machine that keeps clanking and chugging and banging.  It's a good thing they give you ear plugs.

Anyway, 1500 seconds went by and I was still being banged and vibrated.  Also, I had to pee.  I forced myself to not press the panic button... and endured hell for another 20 or so minutes.  When they pulled me out, and after I vociferously complained, they said that I should calm down and the rest of the ordeal would only take 15 minutes... they promised.  So, I gave in and went back into the Witch's Oven.  I counted again, and when I reached 900, miraculously, I was pulled out, as promised.

I asked Miss MRI if she would ever put her grandfather through this ordeal.  She said: "No!"

This creature is an "open MRI"  I wonder what the regular MRI is like. 

While I was getting ready to take my turn, I noticed a blond guy sitting in the small waiting room, and I heard what an official man was telling  him.  Incidentally, I would guess that this guy is one of the Ravens.  He was about 6' 9" tall and must have weighed 300, but all muscle.  The official guy must have been his trainer, because he told him that, unfortunately, he was too tall and big for the machine and they would have to find a bigger MRI somewhere.  (Now, my waist is around 42" and a device was placed on my stomach that was the biggest they had, and it pressed down and made it an effort to breathe at times.  So, I'm sure that that device would never cover the waist area of this giant man.  I sure would not want to get a guy like that mad at me... although I do know the defensive method "known only to the emperor" and might be able to cut him down in size. ... Dream on, Joe!)

I was also worried about an obese lady who came in on a motorized scooter.  I could hear Miss MRI ask her if she could walk..."No"... could she stand up by herself..."No"... I suspect that she had to be lifted up and placed on the monster's gurney.  She obviously also had a very large waist.  I wonder how that got handled.  Man, I would not want to have a job in this place.

After my ordeal (cry baby!  want some cheese with  your whine?).. I almost got into two accidents, and a couple of cars blasted me with their horns.  Could it be because I hadn't eaten and my MRI session had screwed my brain up.. so, I hurried to the nearest McDonald's and got a sloppy Big Mac.. just like last week, only this time the clerk gave me 4 creams for my coffee and 4 Splendas. Once I got all that junk food in my body, my brain cleared up.. at least enough so that I only got one HONK on the way home, and no near misses.   I think that if I ever have to have that torture again, I will ask one of my kids to take me in their car.

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Change the subject, Joe!

Presidents

I think I mentioned that John Quincy Adams liked to take daily swims in the Potomac.  He did that in the nude; however, another President did so as well.... yes, it's that old Rough Rider, Teddy Roosevelt.  This is according to Thomas Flagel, who wrote "The History Buff's Guide to the Presidents.


Flagel also mentions two other Presidents who swam in the nude...but indoors.. in the White House Pool.  They were JFK and LBJ.    FDR had the first White House pool built so that he could soothe his aching polio-ridden body.  Richard Nixon had it covered over so that he would have more room for the Press Corps.  Gerald Ford had an in-ground one built.  He was probably our most athletic President.

Pilgrim Heritage; Gay Pride; Transgender Pride; Stupid Criminals; Stupid Police; Bedpan Blues; Frank Zappa

Another beautiful Spring day... sunny and 75 degrees.  Meanwhile, Denver, Colorado has shut down its plane flights because of the snow.  I think that my granddaughter, Kaitlin, was planning on flying in this weekend.  I'm sure she won't be able  to.

I don't have much time today, so I'll try to be quick with my fingers.

Pilgrims  Pride

In today's New York Times, in the Relationships Section, a gentleman getting married listed as his background: Direct descendant of William Bradford, Governor of the Plymouth Colony.

That's nice... isn't there some part of the song "America" that says "for Pilgrims Pride"  or is it "for Patriots Pride?"  Anyway, I have a subscription to the Mayflower Society magazine and have been toying with the idea of joining for some time.  As I've mentioned before, I (little old me) am a direct descendant of William Bradford, as well as 10 other Pilgrims.  Wow!  La Di Da! 



Some people spend lots of time and money trying to find a link to the Pilgrims.  We Vaughan's can site a direct line quite easily, as anyone can see who has access to our trees on Ancestry.com.   Also, as I have mentioned before, my mother served as housekeeper for a professional couple for several years.  That couple spent oodles of money tracing a nebulous family line, trying to get one Mayflower connection, while their housekeeper was related to a bunch of them.  I wonder if they knew that.  I suspect that their snobbism would not let them believe it anyway.

Gay Pride

The New York Times Relationships Section has for a long time listed gay marriages and has shown pictures of the "gay" couples along with the pictures of the "straight" couples.  I wonder how that would go over in Alabama or Mississippi. 

Transgender Pride

My son has set up a family vacation at a North Carolina beach.  I wonder if we have to have our birth certificates with us if we have to use restaurant bathrooms.  How the hell is North Carolina going to enforce such a stupid law?

Stupid Criminals

Chuck Shepherd writes in the Funny Times about two bright lights.

Joe P., age 61, left the PNC bank in Okeechobee, Florida, empty handed despite having passed the teller a note demanding "a sack full of cash."  However, he had forgotten to bring a sack with him, and the teller didn't have one, so he got discouraged and left without a cent.

Joe B., age 21, of Clarkston, Washington, a potential terrorist, was caught by police when he inadvertently called attention to himself by ordering his bomb  components under the name of Oklahoma City bomber, Timothy McVeigh.


Stupid Police

Chuck also writes about some of "our finest."

The Erie, New York jail suspended two prison guards  with long work records for fighting over a bag of potato chips.  Luckily, an inmate was able to separate them before they killed each other.

The New York Police Department Sargeants Benevolent Association got mad when corruption charges were brought against some of their members for "fixing" traffic tickets for celebrities.  The Association said that such fixes are not corruption, but merely "courteous gestures."

Enema Bandits

This is unreal, but Chuck Shepherd says it's true.

A middle-aged man who had just had intestinal surgery, reported to police that a woman entered his home, had him lie face down on a bed, and then administered an enema..  He assumed that his doctor had sent her, but the doctor said he had no idea who the woman could be.

Also, in the 1970's in Illinois, a guy named Michael Kenyon operated similarly as the "Illinois Enema Bandit."  (I'll be looking this one  up.)  Supposedly, this inspired Baltimore's own Frank Zappa to write the "Illinois Enema Bandit Blues."

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enough already!
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Lock Picking; Guns; Inky the Octopus; Calamari Heaven; The Bible; Wazzoo Virus; The Seven Dwarfs

Another wonderful sunny 70 degree day in Westminster, Maryland. 

Let's just talk about weird stuff today.

Lost Your Key?

In 2013, Chuck Shepherd wrote in Funny Times about an Oakland, California adventure in Adult Education.  One of their classes was for people who sometimes accidentally lock themselves out of their homes.  The class taught the students how to pick locks.  They even offered lock-picking kits for sale after class.  Needless to say, although burglars thought the class was great, some residents didn't think so much of it, especially because burglaries had increased 40% in the preceding year.  The mayor quickly canceled the class.

Armed Citizens

In 2011, Chuck Shepherd wrote in Funny Times about a couple of people who shot themselves. 

Mr. M. of Sarasota, Florida, shot himself trying to ward off a skunk.

Mr. R. of Boulder, Colorado, shot himself while he was sleepwalking.


Oops!

On the news today was a report that they still have not found Inky the Octopus.   Inky is the size of a basketball, yet he found a way to squeeze through a very small hole in his water tank, slither across the laboratory floor, and escape to the sea through a small drain hole.  Who said Octopi are not smart?  In fact, I read somewhere that an octopus who wanted a treat that was in a jar, wrapped a few tentacles around the lid, turned it and gobbled up his reward.

I was reading about an Italian restaurant in New York City that specializes in calamari to die for.  Well, not for me yet.. I tried some and it was so chewy I could not handle it.  I did see a recipe for calamari in a magazine today that advised cooking the tentacles for quite a long time to make them tender. Hey, Greeks and Italians love their calamari.  It must be good for you.  Maybe I'll try it again.
(But I hope it's not Inky!)

Biblical Words

I thought that you might want to know that the New American Bible, Revised Edition, which I believe is a new translation for Catholics, has been trying to get the words closer to the meaning in the original languages. Seventy translators and reviewers have been working on it. A tough job:  for example:  "in the valley of the shadow of death" could  become just " "In the dark valley," depending on what missing vowels could indicate. 

The new version omits the word "booty" (wherever that is found) and replaces it with "spoils of war."
Other than that, I  have no idea what the changes would be.  But then::

Remember: "It ain't necessarily so."
                     Those words that you're li'ble,
                     To read in the Bible,
                      It ain't necessarily so."

The WAZZOO Virus

Back in 1996, I wrote to some friends about a computer matter:  "...I was listening to a radio show about computers.  A guy called in and said that he printed a resume on his PC and in the middle of it, the word 'wazzoo' appeared.  The computer experts had not heard of it.  They suggested that it must be a virus related to the 'macro aspects of WORD for PC's and MAC's,' and they suggested that he try all of the virus programs to catch and fix it, especially the latest Norton and others..."

OMG  that was 20 years ago and we are still worrying about virus infestation today.  Over those years, I have owned lots and lots of computers, in fact, one would say that I had computer "up the wazzoo."  (I know, young folks may have never heard that phrase.)

Disney's Guys

OK, did you remember the names of the Seven Dwarfs that were featured in the Snow White movie?

Sleepy

Grumpy

Bashful

Happy

Sneezy

Doc

Dopey

 Did I get them right?

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