AARP Meeting
Today I went to the monthly AARP Chapter meeting at the American Legion alone because Elaine was afraid that the promised storms would be messing us up. Let me tell you a little about the meeting.
Home Call
A guy named Jeb (not Bush) who said he knew me from the SPIN (Health Care Providers) meetings that I attended for a few years, introduced a young lady (can't remember her name) who talked about the services that a business named Home Call provides for people who are confined to their homes. Jeb showed off equipment that they rent out to do medical chores, such as monitor Blood Pressure or Blood Sugar. These folks had come to the right place for this information.
Lunch
Lunch consisted of roast pork with sour kraut, mashed potato and gravy, and salad. All of this was topped off with a slice of peach cobbler. All in all, a pretty nice meal. (750 calories!)
Music to Die For
After lunch, the Never Too Late Band played a lot of classic pop and jazz tunes. Our friend and neighbor, Mitzie, introduced the band and had each of them tell about their musical background. Most of these guys play like professionals, and a couple, like Jack Dennis, have been playing in dance bands for years. And it shows. Jack's horn playing rivals that of Louie Armstrong, in my opinion, and the sax riffs of one of the other band members sounded just like what must be played by angels as they sit up there on their little white clouds.
I suspect that Mitzie paid for these guys to play out of her own pocket. (No, dummy, they did not fit into her pocket!) The Chapter treasury does not have enough money now to pay for music.
One of the trombone players said that one night he left his instrument on the front porch and went in to supper. His wife said immediately that he should hurry back out and bring the trombone in or else someone else might come by and drop off another one.
By the way... nobody falls asleep or talks while the Never Too Late Band is playing!
Jokes
Serpent's Tooth?
Edith told a joke: A man raised three sons. He told them that if they were successful in life, they should each place $1000 in his coffin when he died. When he died, his sons had become very successful persons; one was a doctor; one was a financial planner; and one was a lawyer.
When he died, his sons decided to do his bidding. At his viewing, when the father's body was on display, the doctor took 10 $100 bills out of his pocket and laid them on his father's chest. The financial planner took a $1000 bill out of his wallet and laid it on his father's chest also. Finally, the lawyer wrote a check for $3000, put it on his father's chest, and took back $2000 change.
Proposition?
Louise told a joke: A Senior Citizen was out fishing when he came upon a funny looking frog. He picked it up and it started to talk to him. "Oh, sir, please help me. A wicked witch turned me into a frog because I was more beautiful than she was. The only thing that will release me from the spell is a kiss from a human. If you help me, you will see me change into a beautiful young woman who will be willing to give you the best sexual experience you could ever have. Please help me!"
The old timer picked the frog up and put it in his pocket. The frog was amazed and confused. "Sir, why didn't you kiss me and earn the romantic experience?"
"Well, you see, my froggie friend, at my age it's more fun to have a talking frog."
The Phantom Thumbprint
Joe told a joke: Well, not really. I had one ready, but decided instead to gross the folks out with a Social Security story. My friend, Stan P. told this story about an experience he had when he was an investigator for the Social Security Administration.
After WWII, when the Philippine Islands were a U.S. protectorate, many former Filipino peasants worked for American concerns in reconstructing their country after the destruction caused by the war. These workers paid into the Social Security system and were able to get Social Security benefits when they retired. Unfortunately, most of them were illiterate, so, when it came time for them to sign their Social Security checks, they were allowed to use a thumbprint instead of a signature.
After a few years, someone notified the U.S. that one of the check recipients was dead, yet someone was cashing his checks. Upon investigation, it was shown that the recipient's thumbprint was being properly used on the checks. However, to further check on the accusation, an investigator went to the recipient's home and found out from a relative that he had indeed died a couple of years earlier.
So... why were the checks being properly cashed. Surely the man must still be alive and able to press his thumbprint onto each check. After exhaustive investigation, it was learned that a neighbor of the man was intercepting the checks and signing them with the actual dead man's thumbprint. That was easy for him to do because he had cut off the man's thumb when he died, and kept it preserved so he could use it to endorse the man's checks each month.
Clever, right?
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Enough!
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