Tuesday, November 30, 2021

 SUNDAY FUNNIES

As I've mentioned many times before, my favorite childhood comic book was "Felix the Cat." This was the book that Marsha Leary always promised me for doing her bidding, but was never delivered. (Sucker!)

My next favorite comic (not a book) was included in the weekly "Funny Paper" section on Sundays.


THE LITTLE KING

I loved "The Little King" (probably because it was easy to draw.

This was the creation of Otto Soglow (1900-1975).
 

I also liked all of the following comics:


JIGGS AND MAGGIE (BRINGING UP FATHER)

The "Jiggs and Maggie" comic strip was created by George McManus (1884-1954).  It had one of the first usages of circles for eyes, and animated wall hangings.

BEETLE BAILEY





This is Beetle's Sargeant.

Mort Walker (1923-2018) created this comic in 1956.  He had already created "Hi and Lois" in 1954.

This comic strip was banned by U.S. Army Occupational Forces once in Japan, because it was supposedly making soldiers less amenable to following orders!


ARCHIE




This comic was created by Bob Montana (1920-1975). This picture shows strip character Forsythe Pendleton "Jughead" Jones III.


DENNIS THE MENACE


 (Not quite a picture of Dennis, but close.  Just add hair that sticks out in the back and eyes that are constantly moving, with lines making it like flies are buzzing around his eyelids.)

This comic was created by Hank Ketcham (1920-2001).  I liked the comic strip.  I suffered through the related movie.  I absolutely hated the TV show that had very bad acting (Clint Howard?) and no plots.


DAGWOOD AND BLONDIE


Blondie was a flapper-like creation of Chic Young (1901-1973) in 1930. A bumbling-like guy was introduced into the strip and the beloved "Dagwood and Blondie" comedy was developed.

After Chic's death other cartoonists took it over and it still is in existence.

Remember the characters: Alexander, Baby Dumpling, Cookie, Daisy the Dog, and Mr. Dithers.


MUTT AND JEFF



(I think this is Mutt.)

Mutt and Jeff may be the first ever comic strip.  It was created in 1907 by Bud Fisher (1885-1954). I believe that it is still in existence thanks to some other cartoonists.


POPEYE

(I yam what I yam!)

"I like to go swimmin'

With bow-legged women.

I'm Popeye the sailor man!"





The Popeye character was created for "Thimble theater" by Elzie Crislen Segar (1894-1938) in 1929.  It was an immediate hit. (And I think it still is!)

Some memorable co-characters: 

Olive Oyl

Wimpy

Bluto

Poopdeck Pappy 

The Sea Hag

A while ago, several newspapers dropped the strip because "Popeye smokes a pipe!"


POSTAGE?

Amazon advertises a collectible sheet of stamps with the title: "Sunday Funnies."  It honors five famous comic-strips:

Archie

Dennis the Menace

Beetle Bailey

Calvin and Hobbes

Garfield


SUPERDAD


 This is a cartoon done by my son, Chris at an earlier time.  He has given me lots of great drawings and cartoons. I'm very proud to call him my son.

...................................................................

Go, and do super stuff!

 

Monday, November 29, 2021

 NEW BEDFORD, MASSACHUSETTS

New Bedford was a wonderful place in which to grow up.  I spent, in total, 22 years there, both single and married. 

Someday I will fill my blog with information about the history of this fantastic city, but for now I want to show pictures from my New Bedford archives.

BELT BUCKLE

This was a gift from my Sister Donna.  It shows a rendition of the Whaleman Statue that relates to New Bedford's long-time status as the largest whale chasing port in the world, producing oil that was used to light lamps everywhere.  I believe that this industry made New Bedford the world's richest city for many years.

The carved legend on the statue reads something similar to: "A dead whale or a stove boat!"

The muscular model for the statue was about 6'5," a remarkable height for the early 1900's, and when he died there was no coffin big enough for his body.

That did not phase my Grandfather who was the undertaker assigned to take care of the body.  He immediately purchased a piano, and used the piano's large delivery case for the necessary coffin. 


POSTCARD PICTURE


This postcard picture shows the inauguration of the Whaleman Statue, and its placement in front of the City Hall, which later became "The Free Public Library.


PORTUGUESE FOLKS


My cousins Allen and Diana sent me this nice warm covering, which shows to all the world that I grew up in a city where most people were of Portuguese descent.

I read somewhere that there were more people in the New Bedford/Fall River/ Pawtucket Rhode Island area with Portuguese blood in their veins, than in Lisbon, the capitol city of Portugal. (I don't know if that's true.)


ELEPHANT


New Bedford has an elephant in the Buttonwood Park Zoo that likes to snack at Dunkin' Donuts and even sometimes likes to suck up "specials" through its trunk (or so I'm told).


SOUVENIR BED COVERING

 


Somebody sent me this nice covering.  If you look closely, you can see certain edifices beloved by the New Bedford community, plus the city seal with the motto: "Lucem Diffundo" ("I Spread the Light."

....................................................................
Go, and love the whales!


Sunday, November 28, 2021

 HI HO, HI HO, ITS OFF TO WORK WE GO!

Eighty-four years ago, a forward-thinking guy named Walt Disney released a colorful animated fairy-tale movie called "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs."

Walt had to borrow a million dollars in 1937 money to produce this movie, which quickly became one of the top ten grossing creations of all time.  The money that Walt earned allowed him to build a modern studio in which to create many more delightful movies.

By the way, I think that the movie would have to have a different title if it were produced today.  Perhaps "Whitey Meets the Little People."

 Someone once asked me what my earliest recollection in life was.  I suddenly remembered something that occurred when I was three years old.

My Aunt Marjorie took me to the New Bedford State Theater to see the recently released "Snow White" movie.

I was happily enjoying the movie until the evil Step-Mother/Witch said: "Mirror, mirror, on the wall..." and her sneering face filled the screen as she made up a poisoned apple.

I was scared to death and for the rest of the movie snuggled behind my Aunt's broad shoulders, peeking out at the less threatening scenes.

Disney had each of the seven "dwarfs" given an appearance that agreed with their personality. Once, when I was drawing a lot of cartoons, I made remarks as I drew each of the seven.


GRUMPY



This is how I feel in the morning before coffee and newspaper.


HAPPY




Ah!  Now I've had my coffee and all is right with the world!


SNEEZY



This damn allergy!


SLEEPY



This was hard to draw because I kept falling to sleep.


BASHFUL


This was me before I discovered Toastmasters.


DOC


Doctor of optometry? Medicine?  Happiness?  If you are sad, he will cheer you up.  Is he an intellectual? 


DOPEY


He's really not "dopey."  He just likes to play and have fun like a loveable little kid. And he could talk if he felt that he had something profound to tell.


I love that Disney movie, can't you tell?

..........................................................................

Go, and find a beautiful young lady!

Saturday, November 27, 2021

HANUKKAH

To our Jewish friends and relatives:


Chag Urim Sameach!


........................................................

Go, and spin the dreidel.


 MUCHA

Before I begin to praise the artistic work of Alphonse Mucha, let me tell you about a work created by an artist in our midst. (This is an unsolicited testimonial.)

Bonnie Shipley Peele, a friend of my family and life-long buddy of my daughter, Diane, has created a marvelous little book.

"Tails of a Squirrel and a Fish" has an appealing story with beautiful illustrations by Bonnie herself.

I downloaded a copy to my Kindle so that I can look at it again and again. As a child, I pestered my mother over and over to read "A Child's Garden of Verses," and "Scampy" and to show me the illustrations. So, it will probably be like that with this book.  

I highly recommend its purchase this Christmas and Hanukkah season. I guarantee that your future reading sessions with your child will be rewarding for both of you.

MR. MUCHA

You can call him "moosha," "mookah," "moocha," or any other pronunciation.  I prefer "moocha."

Alfons Maria Mucha was born in 1860 in what would probably now be called "The Czech Republic." He had a natural artistic ability, augmented by study in Vienna and Paris.

He began his adult artistic career by designing a much-loved poster for Sarah Bernhardt in 1896.

I don't have the Bernhardt poster, but I do have another work from 1896.

ZODIAC was designed as an in-house calendar for his printer's company.

It shows a beautiful girl within a halo of the twelve zodiac signs.


Mucha created so much wonderful and "modern" art work that by 1900, Parisians were calling the current artistic era "In the Mucha Style."  This was later changed to "The Art Nouveau Period."

One of his "later" (1911) works shows a brooding Princess Hyacinth (Princezna Hyacinta):



This was to advertise "a fairy-tale ballet and pantomime" by Nedbal and Novak.  

A few years ago, I casually entered a "Print Shop" in Towson, Maryland and was astounded to see hundreds of framed Mucha posters. Unfortunately for me, even the smallest item was too costly for me to purchase.  I hope to revisit the shop.

In my opinion, both of my Elaines could have been beautiful zaftig models for Mr. Mucha.

........................................................................

Go, and find female beauty, it's everywhere.



Friday, November 26, 2021

 RELIGIOUS MUSINGS

In my family tree there are branches that show people with many different religions: 

Friends (Quakers), Lutherans, Baptists, Methodists, Observant Jews, Catholics, Presbyterians, Fundamentalists, and some religious con men and hypocrites.

In addition, there are Atheists, Agnostics, Free Thinkers, and even some Trump cultists.

I am interested in all of these "faiths" except the last, and I hope I do not offend with religious jokes and stories.

Two years ago, I made a comical flop on my face and was placed in Hospice to prepare for a soon-to-come transition from life to its opposite.

My Right At Home Aide and the wonderful Hospice staff treated me so well that I was able to graduate back into "the land of the living" after a year and a half.

One of the Hospice staff that cared for me was its delightful Chaplain, who spent a lot of time listening to my stories and trying to resurrect any traces of religious thought in my ancient brain.

She almost succeeded.  I did make a try at prayer and I took Communion along with Elaine. But... I still have problems when I think about matters of "faith," and should probably be called an Agnostic.

Meanwhile, join me in enjoying the following religious "tidbits," some of which come from The Week magazine, newspapers and the "Funny Paper."


01.  A New Religion

A Czech man was allowed to wear a colander on his head for his driver's license photo, claiming the headgear was required by his religion, Pastafarianism.  Officials cited the nation's religious equality laws in granting the request.


02.  Another New Religion

A North Carolina teen won a legal battle to wear a nose stud to school.  She argued that as a member of the "Church of Body Modification" she should be exempt from her school's jewelry ban.  The school gave in to avoid legal expenses.


03.  Words of Wisdom

Will Rogers said: "Mixing politics and religion is like mixing manure and ice cream.  It doesn't do much for the manure, but it surely does ruin the ice cream."


04. Religious Clothes

The U.S. Patent Office approved "Jesus Jeans" in 2007, but since that time the following clothing names have been prevented:

"Jesus First"

"Sweet Jesus"

"Jesus Couture"

"Jesus Surfed"


05.  META?

Last year, many Christians gave up Facebook for Lent.

A Lutheran pastor said: "Facebook is almost compulsive.  That's why it makes sense to give it up for Lent."


06.  YOGA

The former chief exorcist of the Vatican denounced yoga as a tool of Satan.

He said that the discipline of stretching and breathing can lead devotees to Hinduism and thus to a false belief in reincarnation and unholy worship of the body.  "Almost as bad as reading Harry Potter!"


07. CHURCH AND STATE?

Former Alabama Governor Robert Bentley said in his inaugural address that "Anybody here today who has not accepted Jesus Christ as their savior, you're not my brother and you're not my sister."


08.  SHAKE IT!

A conference of Catholic Bishops changed the word "booty" to "spoils" in a new Bible translation, because "Booty" connotes to the younger generation a "portion of the body often shaken in time to music."


09.  Beliefs

Research indicates that nobody in Iceland under the age of 25 believes the Bible's account of the Earth's creation, while half the population believes in elves.


10.  Holy Theft

Because of recent thefts, Catholic churches are attaching GPS tracking devices to their nativity statues of the baby Jesus.

..........................................................................

Go, and steal no more!

Thursday, November 25, 2021

(I thought that we all needed some humor in our lives right now, so I'm republishing a blog entry that contained a number of old, corny jokes.) 



MORE HUMOR ... MAYBE

01. Upside Down Under

 Gus, an Australian, was trying to drive in America, but was mixed up about highway signs.

American route signs look just like Aussie speed limit signs.  Gus was OK on Route 32, but when he turned on to Route 97 he was in big trouble!

But he shouldn't be driving anyway, with his arm on a leash restraining a giant ostrich seated next to him.

A few months earlier he had found a rusty lamp on the beach, and as he wiped the sand away, a Genie appeared.

The Genie was so happy to be released from the lamp that he offered Gus one wish that would be granted.

As a horny Aussie, Gus asked for:

A chick with long legs!


02.  From Louise Miller (true?)

"When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower,

She said, 'Mommy, you are getting fat!'

I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.'

'I know,' she replied, 'but what's growing in your butt?'"


03.  Wisdom

Another released genie told his rescuer, "I will give you either infinite wisdom or a million dollars."

Since people were around, the rescuer said, "Give me the wisdom."

Years later, as he sat, looking intelligent, one of his disciples asked him, "Master, with all that wisdom, what have you learned?" 

"That I should have taken the million dollars!"


04.  Travel Note

The towels in that hotel were so fluffy that I could hardly get my suitcase closed.


05.  Revolutionary War

General Steuben at Valley Forge, to his soldiers:

"I have good news and bad news. 

The good news is that you all will have a change in underwear.

The bad news is that Private Schultz will change with Private Miller, Corporal Schmidt will change with Sargeant Wilhelm, etc."


 06.  Symptoms

A man went to his doctor complaining of severe neck pain, throbbing headaches, and dizzy spells. The doctor told him he only had two months to live.

The doomed man decided to spend all his money. First, he'd buy a dozen tailor-made silk shirts.

The tailor said, "Size 17 neck."

The man said, "No, I've always worn 15 neck shirts!"

The tailor said, "If you wear 15 inch shirts, you'll get severe neck pain, throbbing headaches, and dizzy spells.


07.  Farm Life

Man: "Judge, my wife keeps a goat in the bedroom, and I can't stand the smell any longer."

Judge:  "Why don't you open a window?"

Man: " What, and let my chickens get out?"


08. Where the Hell am I?

One of the patients at the Downtown Nursing Home asked every nurse the same question: "Where am I?"

The answer was always: "You're at the Downtown Nursing Home."

One day, a very harried nurse was stopped.  "Where am I?" asked the elderly patient.  Exasperated, the nurse answered: "In Heaven!"

Without blinking an eye, the patient said, "Oh, thank God, I thought I was still at the Downtown Nursing Home!"

.....................................................................

Go, and laugh some more.




Wednesday, November 24, 2021

 MY BROTHER JOE

Sherlock Holmes was very smart, and he had a brother named Mycroft who was much smarter. I like to think that I am IQ smart, and my brother Joe is much smarter.

Joe is a retired school teacher in Bucyrus, Ohio. He is also an expert horse trainer, sports-lover, sometimes farmer, free-thinker and puzzle solver with the nom de plume, "Ishmael." He has a large, good-looking family that loves him.

As an Easterner, I am astounded by the shenanigans of Ohio politicians.  Apparently, Joe is too.

From time to time, Joe sends me documents that reflect his humorous views on interesting events taking place in Ohio, other States, and around the world.

In my hand I have such a document and I have Joe's permission to share with you some of his musings.


01. The High Price of Gasoline

"I think that I have finally figured out why the cost of gasoline is so damned high.

The product has to be transported from a distributor via truck, and the price of gas is so damned high because it costs a lot to fill up the trucks!

And why does it cost so much to fill the trucks?

Why, because the price of gas is so damned high!"


02.  Unemployment

"Which reminds me of the state starting an unemployment office in a small rural community.

The community was so small it had only one unemployed guy, Chester, who was hired to run the office.

As soon as Chester started, the state decided to close the office because there were no more unemployed people.

State officials then noticed that there now was one unemployed guy, Chester, so it hired him to run the agency ... ad nauseum." 


03.  Justice

"A schoolgirl in Dayton moved to a different seat on the school bus when she noticed a girl and boy having sex nearby!

Of course she duly reported the incident to school authorities who immediately administered punishment.

Yes, they punished the girl who made the report because she changed her seat!"


04.  Sports Injuries

"When I played (sports) we wore relatively soft leather helmets and I can only recall one time when a teammate (Buck) sustained a concussion.

... When he got hurt, our town doctor was summoned.

He looked Buck in the eye while holding up 2 fingers, asking Buck how many Buck saw.

Buck said, '4?'

Doc said, 'that's close enough, put him back in.' (True story)"


05.  Fire!

"You have heard about the little town of Centralia, PA?  Most of the town has been evacuated because of the noxious fumes of a coal mine fire that has been smoldering since 1962 and has enough fuel to keep on for a long time.  Lehigh, PA had a similar situation, with the fire burning 80 years."


Joe writes that it rains a lot where he lives (Liquid Sunshine), and signs his document thusly:

"That's all from this wet little corner of the world."

..............................................................................

Go, and laugh some more.



Tuesday, November 23, 2021

 MAKEUP!

This bit of wisdom that I am about to quote, may be from Ovid.

"Men pursue women?"

"Does a mousetrap pursue mice?"


One of the weapons of pursuit in women's arsenal is MAKEUP.

Let me list a few of my thoughts about MAKEUP:


01.  As a young child I enjoyed watching my mother get ready for her dates.  Although she was a beautiful person, she felt the need to augment her beauty with MAKEUP.

First, she would paint her legs brown, with a dark line drawn in back.  This was to emulate nylon stockings, which were expensive and hard to get during World War II.

Next, she applied some sort of sweet-smelling salve to her face.  This was supposed to mask acne scars and pockmarks, neither of which she had.

She then applied several layers of stuff that made her skin glow like the smooth surface of the popular Charlie Macarthy dolls.

After buffing with a powder puff, with her natural beauty enhanced, she was ready to meet the world and her many boyfriends.


02.  Cleopatra started it all!  She must have been good at it, because two of her lovers were leaders of the Roman Empire.  Someone said she owed it all to kohl, whatever that is, but it must be potent.


03.  My favorite hated object is eye MAKEUP.  Do you remember Tammy Faye? Nobody had ever seen her eyes because they were always hidden under tons of black stuff.

As Tammy and her conman husband faded from view or went to prison, her position as eye MAKEUP user extraordinaire passed on to another lady.

You've seen her many times in magazine ads. She is the lady that yells: "Help!  I've fallen and I can't get up!" 

Please, will someone help her up so I don't have to see this disgusting ad ever again. Perhaps in future ads they could show a real life woman in her natural beauty, rather than the current lady who makes me think she is dressed and made up to bedazzle the 911 EMT's.

04.  Once a friend and I were devouring a pint at a London cafe (not a pub), when a young lady sidled over to us and sat at our table.

At first glance, she looked to be a movie star, with every hair in place and her face like a smooth doll's cheek.  AS she sat talking with us, her MAKEUP started to melt, revealing the acne scars and pockmarks that I mentioned before.  Very sad.

05.  Anon wrote:

"In the Elizabethan Age many women, in search of skin that looked like porcelain, whitened their faces using ceruse, a potentially lethal combination of vinegar and lead.

Queen Elizabeth I used ceruse so consistently that it eventually ate pits into her skin, causing her to pile the paint on in thicker and thicker layers in hopes of camouflaging the growing damage.

This, in turn, only led to more corrosion, and the Virgin Queen's face was ultimately so ravaged that she ordered all mirrors banned from the palace.

... Elizabeth's servants exploited the ban on mirrors in a wickedly mischievous way: Every morning they painted the queen's face white with ceruse, but they painted her nose 'a cruel crimson.'"


06.  The Week Magazine writes:

"Wealthy Manhattanites are rubbing bird poop into their faces in a bizarre bid for beauty.  The luxury Shizuka New York salon charges $180 for a traditional Japanese treatment known as the 'geisha facial,' which involves pasting a mix of imported Asian nightingale excrement and powdered rice bran onto a client's face.

Spa owner Shizuka Bernstein said that because nightingales eat only seeds, their droppings contain a natural enzyme that helps rejuvenate the skin.' We don't use Central Park (pigeon) facials,' she said, 'because those birds eat garbage.'"


07.  I remember a TV show, Laugh-In or Smothers Brothers, where a cast member would periodically run on stage screaming "MAKEUP" and dust everyone with a giant powder puff.

........................................................................

Go and slather no more!


Monday, November 22, 2021

 PARIS

I was stationed in Europe for over three years and was able to visit Paris twice.  The first time almost didn't take place when the captain who arranged trips (Captain Miller) decided he would rather spend time here in Germany with his girlfriend. 

Someone in his office warned me that he was composing a cancellation memo.  Since my buddies and I had already paid for the trip and were looking forward to it, drastic methods now were needed to rectify the situation.  

I called the Captain's telephone number and when he answered this is what was said: 

Captain: "Miller here."

Joe: "This is Colonel Smith, and I need to know when the Paris bus will be ready."

Captain: "Er..ah.. That will be nine AM tomorrow, Sir."

The ploy worked and me and my buddies got our trip to Paris, where we visited all of the places tourists are usually interested in:

The Eifel Tower



Notre Dame Cathedral

Arc de Triumphe

Sacre Coeur

Versailles Palace

Napoleon's Tomb

..... Very enjoyable and educational!

Next year, me and my buddies were able to visit Paris once more.  We were on our own, so some of the places we visited were different from before:

The Tuileries, a marvelous place with flowers, trees, and sculpture. (I could have stayed there for hours.) I believe it is now closed because of the virus.

The American Bar, where I met (kind of) the famous columnist for the New York Herald, and noted humorist, Art Buchwald. (He suggested that I see The Tuileries.)

Les Folies Bergere, where I was selected from the audience to participate in a race using "Hobby Horses" encouraged by young ladies with bare bosoms.

 I wish that we would have been able to visit Paris again.  We had a lot of fun there.

................................................................

Go, and visit The City of Light and Love!




Sunday, November 21, 2021

 WHY DO THE "GOOD" DIE YOUNG?

"But I don't want to think about tomorrow

What if tomorrow never comes?

Take me to a place without the sorrow

The story's gettin' old, where the good die young."

(From: Koe Wetzel's song "Good Die Young.")


My late wife, Elaine (Langlois Vaughan) was a champion friend maker. Once she met you, you were her friend for life.  She always cemented her relationships with telephone calls, Hallmark cards on special occasions, product rebates, and gift cards that met a recipient's needs.

One day, while waiting in line at a department store, she introduced herself to another lady in line, and they became fast friends.

The lady's name was Mrs. Gail Bourgeois. She was tall and beautiful and married to a gentleman with a famous name, Pierre Bourgeois.  The family had recently moved to Maryland from San Francisco when her husband was offered an advanced job at the Social Security Administration (SSA).

Elaine and I spent a lot of time with the handsome Bourgeois family.  I learned a lot from Pierre, a "gifted" individual.  For instance:

He showed me how to make "raised" vegetable gardens.  (His veggies were always big and tasty, while mine were little, off-color and "Blah!")

We took a wine-making class together.  He made raspberry wine that was delicious, even after a short aging period.  My berry wine was ok, but it needed work and a long aging period. (He graciously gave us some of his wine, which we enjoyed.)

In 1974, I made a lot of wine.  I even experimented with dandelions and peapods. Almost 47 years later, in 2021, I opened the last bottle of my peapod wine and it had aged well, thanks to Pierre's advice. I drank it heartily, toasting my friend, Pierre Bourgeois!

Back in 1974, we planned to go to another wine-making class and when he didn't show up for the ride, I called his home to find out if there was a problem. He was supposed to be home from a trip to The Outer Banks. A woman answered the call and when I asked to speak to my friend, she said: "Pierre is no more."  

The news hit me like a blow to my solar plexus.  Pierre had died during the family's trip.  The woman who answered my call was his mother, a well-known artist who flew in from California.

His mother painted a beautiful ocean scene for us to look at and remember her son. I have it right here next to me.  It is a prized possession.

His wife, Gail, planted a blooming azalea bush in our front yard in his memory.  After all these years it has grown massively and gives pleasure when viewed.

I've written this today in memory of a friend who was taken from us at a very early age and I ask ... 

"Why did this 'good' man with great potential die young?"

 Requiescat in pace, mon ami.

..............................................................


Saturday, November 20, 2021

(I thought you might like to reminisce with me as Summer goes away.  The following was the high point of my 10-year-old Summer experience in New England.)


CLAMBAKE

This is a recollection of a trip to Mattapoisett, Massachusetts for a clambake on a nice sandy beach.

The trip took place on a warm Summer day in the 1940's. (A Saturday when my mother was not helping the "War Effort" with her job at the Cornell-Dubilier factory, making important electronic items.) We didn't think about it at the time but Cornell-Dubilier was dumping their waste material into the Acushnet River, where we kids swam.

(I often wondered why sores and scratches healed up super fast in those days ... Cornell-Dubilier  chemicals?)

My mother made sure that we were wearing bathing suits under our street clothes, and packed a tote bag with non-perishable goods for the clambake that was to be held at the waterside in Mattapoisett.

My mother and I started our trip early in the morning.  We had no automobile so we walked the five long blocks to downtown New Bedford, Massachusetts and the bus station.  We could have taken a local bus for that five blocks, but money was tight and we were young and the walk was not difficult.

We walked down Ash Street and at Union Street we passed the jail where Lizzie Borden was held during her trial for allegedly chopping up her father and step-mother.

Three Union Street blocks later we passed the court house where her trial was held.  (I have copies of the court procedures as written in the local press. There was International coverage as well.  My great grandfather, Weston Vaughan recognized a good opportunity for advertising and peppered newspapers with information about his funeral business.)

Turning onto Purchase Street, we walked to the bus terminal, where we sleepily waited on a splintery bench until there were enough customers to make a bus ride to Fairhaven profitable. 

Fairhaven is a small town across the mile-wide Acushnet River. People used to take a ferry across the river, but now there was a bridge with a draw which made the trip across much quicker ... unless a boat with a tall mast wanted to get upriver ... then, the ship had precedence and automobiles and buses had to wait until the draw closed.

So, sitting now in the newly commissioned New Bedford-Fairhaven bus, we had to wait for that damnable draw to close.  

After the draw closed, our bus began its ride through attractive Fairhaven.  The first building we passed was Fairhaven High School where some of my cousins graduated.  This was one of several beautiful edifices provided to the town by native son, Henry Huttleston Rogers (1840-1909), who was a famous industrialist and financier, and who made a bundle of money at Standard Oil.  

He was a great friend of Mark Twain, who visited him often at his Fairhaven home.

 The bus drove past the Fairhaven Unitarian Memorial Church, also donated by Mr. Rogers in memory of his mother, and built in "neo-gothic style by Boston architect, Charles Brigham.

I always thought that this beautiful building looked like a castle without a moat.  

The bus also passed other Rogers' gifts ... the Fairhaven Town Hall and the Millicent Library, which was donated in memory of Millicent Gifford Rogers, the donor's daughter who died young.  I believe that Mark Twain gave the dedicatory speech.

As the bus neared the end of its Fairhaven line, it passed another famous Huttleston donation, The Tabitha Inn. Built as an Elizabethan-style hotel, it was named after Rogers' great grandmother.  When I saw it, the building was housing Coast Guard men in World War II.

We also passed the Delano House.  Philippe de Lanoy arrived in the Plymouth Colony in 1621 and founded a dynasty which included Lieutenant Jonathan Delano, ancestor of Presidents Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Ulysses S. Grant.

OK ... we came to the end of the bus line. Now we had to wait for the little bus that served a bit of Mattapoisett, not quite where we wanted to be, but one quarter of a mile away.  Unfortunately, this meant we had to trudge uphill the rest of the way. 

Halfway on the right side we passed a gas station, which I think had 10 cents a gallon gasoline.  In one of my Mattapoisett visits, I had made friends with the proprietor's son and I had been granted access to a room over the garage, where the boy had lots of toys that my family could never afford.

A little farther on the left side was the Quaker Meeting House where I spent some time waiting for the "spirit" to enter someone's heart and cause them to give testimony. (Woe to any boy "nodding off," because that might trigger a knock on the head from an elder.)

Finally we reached our destination, the tiny house that my Aunt Ella and Uncle Tom lived with their four children, my cousins.

I loved that little house, chamber pot and all.  The smell from the outhouse was overwhelming if you got too close, but the smell of the honeysuckle flowers and the country air was refreshing.

Ella and Tom lived on one end of Mattapoisett, right at Aucoot Road where a large metal tube poured out wonderfully tasting water all day long.

After Ella and Tom got all of the clambake ingredients together, including our donations, we started down Aucoot Road, heading to the beach.

This was another quarter mile walk, but it was on level ground, under trees, and filled with fun.

At the beach, Tom dug a pit, filled it with available seaweed and set it on fire. Some of the ingredients were ears of corn, potatoes, lobster, fish, and some other things.  All tasty, especially with the sip of beer that I managed to sneak. What a glorious smell!

An hour after eating, the kids were allowed to wade into the salty Atlantic ocean water. (Did I tell you that the beach was wave-ridden and the sand was smooth ... hardly any rocks and quite a few shells to collect.)  

We were not allowed to get into the water in August because of the fear of polio.

There were other dangers as well.  

01. We had to avoid the sharp pointy tails of horseshoe crabs.

02.  We had to avoid the Portuguese Man O' War jelly fish that were hard to see.

03.  We had to try to avoid the sharp sea shells that washed in with the waves.

04.  We were always on the look-out for sand sharks.  Although not as dangerous as other sharks, they  could bite you if provoked.

05.  We had to be on constant alert to make sure we didn't find ourselves enmeshed in the tarry substance created when German submarines torpedoed and sank allied shipping.  

(Gasoline products mixed with sand and salt water produced tarry beaches that took years to clean up.) 

In spite of all that, we all had fun in the cool ocean water and played lots of games.

My mother was a wonderful woman and a great "showoff."  She and my Aunt Mary would do cartwheels and other stunts that kept us laughing.

When the sky started to darken, my Uncle Tom left for home, where he cranked up his old Plymouth and drove us all home after a glorious day.

I love these old memories.

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Go and bake some more clams!

    


Friday, November 19, 2021

 JOKES (MORE OR LESS)

01.  A man submitting information to his income tax preparer was asked how many dependents he had.  "Sixteen" he replied.  The preparer asked, "Would you mind repeating that?"

The man replied, "Not if I can help it!"


02.  I tried to call 911, but couldn't find 11 on the dial.


03.  I called to make airline reservations and was put on hold.  After several minutes of taped music, a recorded voice came on.

"If you have been waiting longer than ten minutes, you may press eight. If your call is not answered within five more minutes, you may press seven.  This will not speed up your call, but it will give you something to do while you wait."


04.  Michael: "Hi, Archie. How are things going at home?

Archie:  Good.  Edith ain't talking to me, and, frankly, I ain't in the mood to interrupt her.


05.  Archie sez: "Look at all those sissified ballet dancers bouncin' on their toes. Why don't they just get taller dancers?"


06.  In the Synagogue, as a very young child I was caught by Rabbi Goldfarb guzzling wine meant for the sabbath service.  Chastised,  I apologized: "I'm (hic) sorry, Rabbit Bullfrog."


07.  A wife goes to the doctor with her husband. The doctor examines the husband and comes out shaking his head.

Doctor: "I don't like the looks of your husband."

Wife: "Neither do I, but he's good with the children."


08.  "And, what is your name?"

"Nosmo King."

"That's an odd name, where does it come from?"

"Closed barn doors.


09. "Oh... and what sign were you born under?"

"No trespassing."


10.  "Madam, your baby has beautiful red hair.  What was the color of his father's hair?"

"I don't know, he kept his hat on."

(Sorry about that.)


 BIRTHDAY TIME

Yesterday was Elaine's birthday and one of her gifts was a delicious crab cake meal delivered by The Green Turtle.

I didn't know if the meal would include a piece of chocolate birthday cake, so I decided to use our pristine food processor to make some, just in case.

(The meal did consist of birthday cake, in the form of multi-layered Smith Island cake.)

I watched a video about how to use our Cuisinart Food Processor and I found a recipe that I could modify to make a birthday pie (instead of cake.)

I got all the ingredients together (mis en place) and I was ready to go.

For the benefit of all mankind, here is the recipe I used. It was modified from a 2013 Community Cookbook recipe developed by Emma Chapman, Jackson, Georgia.

Ingredients:

2 eggs

1/2 cup honey

1/4 cup melted butter

1/2 tspn vanilla

1 tblspn wine

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 tblspn flour

1/2 cup pecans (pulse)

1/2 cup chocolate morsels (pulse)

1 pie shell

Preheat oven to 375.

Combine eggs, honey, butter, vanilla and wine.

Stir in sugar, flour, pecans and morsels.

Pour into pie shell.

Bake 50 minutes,


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Go and cook some more!


Wednesday, November 17, 2021

 CARS

While checking a recent newspaper issue showing obituaries (mine wasn't there), I recognized a guy with whom I once had an automobile encounter. 

That got me remembering other car stories as follows:

01.  Driver Ed

In 1950, when I was seventeen years old, I purchased Baby, a 1935 Chevrolet for $50. Now I could see my girlfriend without having to travel by bus.  

But I had a problem, I didn't have a driving license, and I needed help in learning how to drive.

My High School had an excellent Drivers Ed program and I signed up.

Everything went well until one day when I was practicing navigating city streets.

The instructor told me to turn into a very narrow street with cars parked on both sides, across from each other.  I stopped the car.  The instructor asked me why I had stopped.

I said that there was not enough room for us to continue without hitting the cars.

The instructor insisted that I continue, saying that there was plenty of room.

CRASH!  I hit both cars as I scraped my way through.

I'm sure that I was blamed for the accident. The instructor quickly gave me a "Completion Certificate" and I got out of his life.


02.  Baltimore Car Dealer

When we arrived in Baltimore, Maryland after the long drive from New Bedford, Massachusetts, our car was in bad shape and needed some extensive repairs.

We "limped" into a repair shop that was connected to a car dealer.  After explaining that I did not have any money and would not until I had received my first paycheck from the Social Security Administration, that angel of a car dealer let me have a "loaner" and told me to pay him whenever I could.  No rush.

Needless to say, after that, I always bought new cars from him.  (Except once)


03.  The Little Red Car

We deviated from the Chevrolet/Ford cycle of new cars once and I'm trying hard to remember the name of the little red car that served us well for a couple of years.

We had lots of adventures with this car, but I just want to mention one example of "caveat emptor" (let the buyer beware.) 

The whole car was bright red for about six months when the left hand door turned orange.  So, I guess that this vehicle had been in an accident and had the door replaced.. It was not pristine.  I should have not strayed from our usual dealer.


04.  AHAB Plate

As soon as possible, I changed our license plate so that it read AHAB.  That was my nom-de-plume in most of the organizations that I was involved in. 

One perk for having that plate: Whenever we visited the New Bedford Whaling Museum, we were allowed to park in the special area right next to the museum's entrance. It was a kind of advertisement for them.

Some time ago, I was lobbied to change my plate to advertise my connection to Mensa.  This involved using a license plate that looked like this: HIQxxx (High IQ and the number of the plate.)

When I applied for the plate I asked that my xxx number be over 140, because some folks would equate that number with actual IQ scores.

When I received the plate it read HIQ080.  Thanks, guys.


05.  The Obit Guy

I mentioned earlier that I had some interaction with the guy whose obit I read. 

Back a few years all 5,000 Social Security employees at the Woodlawn, Maryland facility were required to be at work by 8:30 am.

This meant that there was a massive backup every morning as drivers scrambled to get one of the few parking spaces. Sometimes, one could spend close to an hour in a line of slowly moving vehicles.

One day I was patiently serving my time in that "Vehicle Hell" when I felt a bump.  The guy in the car in back of me got out of his car, cursing me. Apparently, I had not moved up an open three feet, and he had rammed me.

I sustained absolutely no damage, but his fan had pushed against his radiator and made a perfectly round hole in it.

To avoid problems, I paid for his repairs. I doubt that I was reimbursed by insurance.

Normally, I like everybody, but this guy tried my patience, and usually his work and newspaper statements clashed with mine.

However, he was a good family man and like Art Simmermeyer, he seemed to care for our elderly Social Security  beneficiaries.  May he rest in peace!

........................................................................

Go and drive more slow.


Tuesday, November 16, 2021

SOME OLD STUFF FROM MY FILES

01. Iran

The government of Iran arrested seven "happy" young people for engaging in "decadent Western behavior," namely dancing.  Shame on them for trying to spread happiness!

(I've read where youthful (teen-age) male Iranians are exposed for a short time to a vacation with "Sweets and Honey," with beautiful companions and concubines.  In this way, they learn what Heaven is like and would be willing to give their lives for their religion. ... I could be wrong about this.)


02. OOPS!

French engineers failed to notice that the track areas in over 1,000 train stations are a few inches too narrow to handle the 371 new trains being fitted.


03. Unequal State Districts

In Reynolds v Sims (1964) The Supreme Court ruled that State legislative districts have to be roughly equal in population. (Ref.: Baker v Carr 1961)

(One State district had 191 people while another had 81,000 people.)

Carroll County Commissioner, Richard Rothschild feels that the Reynolds v Sims ruling damaged the proper functioning of a bicameral legislature because it would increase urban representation while decreasing rural representation.

I don't usually agree with anything that Rothschild says, but in this case I agree with him and with Supreme Justice Harlan, who was the only dissenter on the Court.


04.   Puns

Here are a few winners in an International Pun Contest"

1.  A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2.  Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

3.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.  Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again  that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4.  Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says "I've lost my electron."  The other says "Are you sure?"

The first replies  "Yes, I'm positive."

...................................................................

Go, and pun no more.


   

Monday, November 15, 2021

LOTS OF STUFF ... SOME SAD ... SOME FUNNY ... SOME JUST WEIRD

(Stay tuned for the elephant story!)

01. Covid

Elaine and I just got our booster shots.  It looked like everyone in our village was lined up to get theirs.

I'll never understand those folks who refuse to get vaccinated and therefore continue to have no concern for the well-being of their neighbors, as well as their own children and grandchildren.

THINK! Damn ya!


02.  TV Show Titles

Yesterday, I was reminded of those movie "interns" whose duty was to ask people waiting in line at movie theaters their preferences for proposed titles for upcoming movies and TV shows.

Once, I was accosted and asked to pick the title I liked best for a New York based TV Show.

My options were:

1. Fun In New York

2. Sex in the City

3. Manhattan Madness

Guess which one I chose.


03.  A Great Loss

A software executive was killed last week when the plane he was traveling in crashed in northern New Jersey.  Glen de Vries helped found the life sciences company called Medidata Solutions and was an environmental activist.

Now... how do the newspapers headline the information about this Renaissance Man's demise?

SHATNER  CREWMATE  ON  TRIP  TO  SPACE  DIES  IN  PLANE  CRASH

Come on, guys!  I like Captain Kirk as much as everyone else, but he is not God.


04.  Work vs Prison

I like some of Sheri Johnson's contrasts between work life and prison life.  Her analysis is "spot on," and I will try to paraphrase some of her findings.

1.  In prison you live in an 8' x 10'[ cell, and at work you have a 6' x 8' cubicle.

2.  In prison you get three meals a day, and at work you only get a break for one meal.

3.  In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out, but at work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside the bars.

4. (Best of all!) In prison there are sadistic wardens, but at work there are managers.


05.  Ms. Porter Some More

"I think joy is just as instructive as pain, and I like it better."


06.  Baltimore's H. L. Mencken Sez

"Men have a much better time of it than women.  For one thing, they marry later.  For another thing, they die earlier."


07.  F. Scott Fitzgerald Sez

"Baltimore - I belong here where everything is civilized and gay and rotted and polite."


08.  New Bedford, Massachusetts' Rogue Elephant


Buttonwood Park Zoo employees used to take one of the elephants (Emily) to the Dunkin' Donuts nearby on Kempton Street at coffee-break time. (absolutely true)

They suddenly stopped after being accused of making the elephant rob the place by sucking up the contents of the cash register through her trunk.

This is what happened when the Donut shop owner called the New Bedford Police:

Owner: "I've been robbed by an elephant."

Cop:   "Can you describe the perpetrator?"

Owner: "Well, she was sort of elephant-looking.  You know - big and wrinkled with a long trunk." 

Cop: "That's not much to go on.   Can't you give me a better description?"

Owner: "What do you want?  An elephant is an elephant."

Cop:  "No. That's not exactly true.  For instance, was this elephant who robbed you an Indian or an African elephant?"

Owner: "What's the difference?"
Cop:  "An Indian elephant has small ears close to its head, and an African elephant has large floppy ears.  What kind of ears did this elephant have?"

Owner:  "How should I know! She was wearing a stocking over her head."

.............................................................................

Go, and spin no more.


Sunday, November 14, 2021

THE GYPSY KNOWS ALL!

I was just listening to Dinah Shore sing the old song: "The Gipsy."  That reminded me of a mysterious true event that I have blogged about before.

Since some folks may not have heard the details, let me tell them again.

It was 1955, and I had one more year to spend as a "flyboy" in Germany.  My future bride, Elaine wrote me almost every day and today her letter was amazing.

She and her mother were exiting from mass at Saint Anthony Catholic Church when they noticed that a troop of Gypsies had set up shop in an empty store across the street.

Elaine's mother talked Elaine into visiting the Gypsies for a reading.  Elaine thought that Gypsy predictions were a "bunch of hooey," but her mother believed in them unconditionally.

After "greasing the palm" of one Gypsy, that lady gave her predictions.  She told Elaine that someday she would get married. Not a bad guess for a beautiful "zaftig" young lady.

Then, she made this fantastic prediction for Elaine's mother:  "Six years from now, you will travel to  Baltimore, Maryland, to visit with your new-born granddaughter!"

WHAT!  WHERE?

Elaine and her mother did not even know where Baltimore was located.  They lived in Massachusetts, almost 500 miles away in "terra incognito."  They laughed and laughed at how stupid that Gypsy could be, shaking mother's belief in Gypsy predictions.

BUT... THE CRAZY PREDICTION CAME TRUE!

...........................................................

As Dinah Shore sings: "You gotta believe the Gipsy."

............................................................