JOKES (MORE OR LESS)

01.  A man submitting information to his income tax preparer was asked how many dependents he had.  "Sixteen" he replied.  The preparer asked, "Would you mind repeating that?"

The man replied, "Not if I can help it!"

02.  I tried to call 911, but couldn't find 11 on the dial.

03.  I called to make airline reservations and was put on hold.  After several minutes of taped music, a recorded voice came on.

"If you have been waiting longer than ten minutes, you may press eight. If your call is not answered within five more minutes, you may press seven.  This will not speed up your call, but it will give you something to do while you wait."

04.  Michael: "Hi, Archie. How are things going at home?

Archie:  Good.  Edith ain't talking to me, and, frankly, I ain't in the mood to interrupt her.

05.  Archie sez: "Look at all those sissified ballet dancers bouncin' on their toes. Why don't they just get taller dancers?"

06.  In the Synagogue, as a very young child I was caught by Rabbi Goldfarb guzzling wine meant for the sabbath service.  Chastised,  I apologized: "I'm (hic) sorry, Rabbit Bullfrog."

07.  A wife goes to the doctor with her husband. The doctor examines the husband and comes out shaking his head.

Doctor: "I don't like the looks of your husband."

Wife: "Neither do I, but he's good with the children."

08.  "And, what is your name?"

"Nosmo King."

"That's an odd name, where does it come from?"

"Closed barn doors.

09. "Oh... and what sign were you born under?"

"No trespassing."

10.  "Madam, your baby has beautiful red hair.  What was the color of his father's hair?"

"I don't know, he kept his hat on."

(Sorry about that.)