RELIGIOUS MUSINGS

In my family tree there are branches that show people with many different religions: 

Friends (Quakers), Lutherans, Baptists, Methodists, Observant Jews, Catholics, Presbyterians, Fundamentalists, and some religious con men and hypocrites.

In addition, there are Atheists, Agnostics, Free Thinkers, and even some Trump cultists.

I am interested in all of these "faiths" except the last, and I hope I do not offend with religious jokes and stories.

Two years ago, I made a comical flop on my face and was placed in Hospice to prepare for a soon-to-come transition from life to its opposite.

My Right At Home Aide and the wonderful Hospice staff treated me so well that I was able to graduate back into "the land of the living" after a year and a half.

One of the Hospice staff that cared for me was its delightful Chaplain, who spent a lot of time listening to my stories and trying to resurrect any traces of religious thought in my ancient brain.

She almost succeeded.  I did make a try at prayer and I took Communion along with Elaine. But... I still have problems when I think about matters of "faith," and should probably be called an Agnostic.

Meanwhile, join me in enjoying the following religious "tidbits," some of which come from The Week magazine, newspapers and the "Funny Paper."

01.  A New Religion

A Czech man was allowed to wear a colander on his head for his driver's license photo, claiming the headgear was required by his religion, Pastafarianism.  Officials cited the nation's religious equality laws in granting the request.

02.  Another New Religion

A North Carolina teen won a legal battle to wear a nose stud to school.  She argued that as a member of the "Church of Body Modification" she should be exempt from her school's jewelry ban.  The school gave in to avoid legal expenses.

03.  Words of Wisdom

Will Rogers said: "Mixing politics and religion is like mixing manure and ice cream.  It doesn't do much for the manure, but it surely does ruin the ice cream."

04. Religious Clothes

The U.S. Patent Office approved "Jesus Jeans" in 2007, but since that time the following clothing names have been prevented:

"Jesus First"

"Sweet Jesus"

"Jesus Couture"

"Jesus Surfed"

05.  META?

Last year, many Christians gave up Facebook for Lent.

A Lutheran pastor said: "Facebook is almost compulsive.  That's why it makes sense to give it up for Lent."

06.  YOGA

The former chief exorcist of the Vatican denounced yoga as a tool of Satan.

He said that the discipline of stretching and breathing can lead devotees to Hinduism and thus to a false belief in reincarnation and unholy worship of the body.  "Almost as bad as reading Harry Potter!"

07. CHURCH AND STATE?

Former Alabama Governor Robert Bentley said in his inaugural address that "Anybody here today who has not accepted Jesus Christ as their savior, you're not my brother and you're not my sister."

08.  SHAKE IT!

A conference of Catholic Bishops changed the word "booty" to "spoils" in a new Bible translation, because "Booty" connotes to the younger generation a "portion of the body often shaken in time to music."

09.  Beliefs

Research indicates that nobody in Iceland under the age of 25 believes the Bible's account of the Earth's creation, while half the population believes in elves.

10.  Holy Theft

Because of recent thefts, Catholic churches are attaching GPS tracking devices to their nativity statues of the baby Jesus.

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Go, and steal no more!