(I thought that we all needed some humor in our lives right now, so I'm republishing a blog entry that contained a number of old, corny jokes.) 

MORE HUMOR ... MAYBE

01. Upside Down Under

 Gus, an Australian, was trying to drive in America, but was mixed up about highway signs.

American route signs look just like Aussie speed limit signs.  Gus was OK on Route 32, but when he turned on to Route 97 he was in big trouble!

But he shouldn't be driving anyway, with his arm on a leash restraining a giant ostrich seated next to him.

A few months earlier he had found a rusty lamp on the beach, and as he wiped the sand away, a Genie appeared.

The Genie was so happy to be released from the lamp that he offered Gus one wish that would be granted.

As a horny Aussie, Gus asked for:

A chick with long legs!

02.  From Louise Miller (true?)

"When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower,

She said, 'Mommy, you are getting fat!'

I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.'

'I know,' she replied, 'but what's growing in your butt?'"

03.  Wisdom

Another released genie told his rescuer, "I will give you either infinite wisdom or a million dollars."

Since people were around, the rescuer said, "Give me the wisdom."

Years later, as he sat, looking intelligent, one of his disciples asked him, "Master, with all that wisdom, what have you learned?" 

"That I should have taken the million dollars!"

04.  Travel Note

The towels in that hotel were so fluffy that I could hardly get my suitcase closed.

05.  Revolutionary War

General Steuben at Valley Forge, to his soldiers:

"I have good news and bad news. 

The good news is that you all will have a change in underwear.

The bad news is that Private Schultz will change with Private Miller, Corporal Schmidt will change with Sargeant Wilhelm, etc."

 06.  Symptoms

A man went to his doctor complaining of severe neck pain, throbbing headaches, and dizzy spells. The doctor told him he only had two months to live.

The doomed man decided to spend all his money. First, he'd buy a dozen tailor-made silk shirts.

The tailor said, "Size 17 neck."

The man said, "No, I've always worn 15 neck shirts!"

The tailor said, "If you wear 15 inch shirts, you'll get severe neck pain, throbbing headaches, and dizzy spells.

07.  Farm Life

Man: "Judge, my wife keeps a goat in the bedroom, and I can't stand the smell any longer."

Judge:  "Why don't you open a window?"

Man: " What, and let my chickens get out?"

08. Where the Hell am I?

One of the patients at the Downtown Nursing Home asked every nurse the same question: "Where am I?"

The answer was always: "You're at the Downtown Nursing Home."

One day, a very harried nurse was stopped.  "Where am I?" asked the elderly patient.  Exasperated, the nurse answered: "In Heaven!"

Without blinking an eye, the patient said, "Oh, thank God, I thought I was still at the Downtown Nursing Home!"

.....................................................................

Go, and laugh some more.