Hot as usual, but maybe we might experience a thunderstorm. We could use the rain. Elaine tells me that we have had 45 days of 90 plus degrees. I believe it. And our BGE energy bill reflects it.
Mr. Trump visits Mexico
Well, it happened, and Trump did not even get shot at. His Mexican lovers account for a grand total of 2% of the population. The Mexican President invited Donald and Hillary to meet with him... Hillary declined. Some folks in Mexico say that El Presidente took that action to deflect interest in some scandals that he is supposed to be involved it. In any event, an American reporter said that the two big guys seemed to act as friends, rather than enemies. We'll see. Donald gives an immigration speech tonight... should be interesting.
Meanwhile... Please! Please! obtain a copy of Yuge by Garry Troudeau. You will see that all that is going on is deja vu.
Otherwise
I had a nice talk with my son, Christopher. I love to talk with him because he has so much information to impart. God! I'm so lucky to have such a son!
Chris called to tell me to watch the new show with some famous old guys: William Shattner (84?!); George Foreman (you know... fists and grills); the Fonze (now what the hell is his name); that tall guy who claims to be a former quarterback... I don't believe it... at 6'3", he's too tall to be a quarterback. Anyway, these guys managed to destroy Tokyo, then Kyoto, then Hong Kong... next, I think they will be bugging Kim Yung Whatever in North Korea. It's a great show, Elaine and I laughed and laughed, while these guys set International relations back by decades. Watch it if you can!
George Foreman doesn't just have grills... he also has lots of kids.. George 2, George 3, George 4, George 5, George 6 (maybe more) and one of his girls is named Georgette. For years, everybody had a George Foreman grill. We did. And we used it every Sunday. I wonder what happened to it?
Asian Food
Why do markets in Asia all sell parts of animals that Americans do not ordinarily eat? Ovaries? Penises? Lungs? etc. Our American representatives went to a medicine store in Hong Kong and were offered lots of healthful things, like baby mice and cobras. Naturally, these things are not sold in McDonalds, and therefore will never be eaten by red-blooded American folks. No way!
I've read where cockroaches are wonderful sources of protein. But, I'm sorry, I'm still going to step on them. And spiders.
Growth Hormone
I read where McDonalds is going to eschew the serving of hamburgers that have come from cows injected with Growth Hormone. Of course, this will mean that the average American height will once again have to be adjusted. As I've mentioned before, at 5' 7" I was tall for a 12 year old. However, that was when hamburger joints started to serve the meat from cows injected with growth hormone. I was too poor to have any, so I stayed at 5'7". Meanwhile, my buddies pushed steroid modified food down their gullets and quickly made me a short person. So there you have it... the reason why I have to have my pants cut down, as well as having my photo ops taken with me standing on a box, just like Humphrey Bogart and Alan Ladd.
A Sign from God
Chuck Shephard reported in the Funny Paper for September 2016, the strange case of a Florida lady who saw a cross smudged on her infant's dirty diaper. "God, put the sign where he knew I'd see it."
Prior to this, a few people reported seeing Jesus in a rust stain on an abandoned refrigerator.
.....................................................................................................
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
RIP Russ Culp; Donald Trump; Hillary Clinton; Quotations; California; Prohibition; Zimmerman's Gun; Nude Dining
Hot!
This morning I was part of the Veterans' participation in the funeral of my friend, Russ Culp. Let me give you a little timeline of his life:
1919 Born in Pennsylvania
1940 Joined the U.S. Army for a one year enlistment
1941 Stationed at Oahu, Hawaii when Pearl Harbor was bombed by the Japanese.
1946 His one year enlistment stretched to 6 years because of WWII.
1947- 1970 Work at the National Institutes of Health (23 years)
1971- 2016 Retirement (45 years!)
His retired life lasted almost twice as long as his working life! I knew Russ at the NARFE organization meetings. (Retired Federal Employees) I also heard him sing many times.. he was in a lot of barbershop quartets.
Russ also was crazy about radio operations. He formed a group at Carroll Lutheran Village and asked me often to join with them. Even though I had a radio operator's license, I never did. I should have; it sounded like a lot of fun, communicating with folks around the world.
I saw Russ just a couple of days ago and he looked good. If I knew he wasn't going to be around much longer, I would have stopped and talked to him. Instead, I just patted him on the back and told him how good he looked.
His wife said that at the age of 97 (!) it was probably his time to leave us.
RIP Russ!
.........................................................................................................................
Words to Live By?
The Funny Times for September 2016 has a cartoon by Joe Heller that I think is a masterpiece. It shows a grumpy looking Donald Trump and a smiling Hillary Clinton, with words from both candidates: First: from Donald:
"It's getting worse
So don't try to convince me that
the future is bright in America
because, when you take a closer look,
there's anger + hate
even if
it's not who we are as a nation
but
you should be scared
crime, terrorists, illegals
we need to do something
believe me
fear
is greater than
hope
because
we can't be optimistic
and you'll never hear me say
America needs bridges not walls"
Now, for Hillary's words, read it from bottom to top.
Quotations Can Help Us
Dave Maleckar quotes Winnie the Pooh's A. A. Milne, who wrote: "A quotation is a handy thing to have about, saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself, always a laborious business."
So Here's a Couple of Quotes from the Funny Paper:
Cher: "The only grounds for divorce in California are marriage."
Neil Simon: "The only thing Californians read is the license plate in front of them."
............................................................................................
To end this marvelous blog entry, I will mention three fantastic pieces of information that the Funny Paper listed as coming from Harper's Index:
o There are 30 members left in the Prohibition Party, the third-oldest U.S. political party.
o George Zimmerman got $250,000 when he auctioned off the gun he used to kill Trayvon Martin.
o There are 46,000 people on the waiting list of a London restaurant where patrons are allowed to dine in the nude.
...................................................................................................
This morning I was part of the Veterans' participation in the funeral of my friend, Russ Culp. Let me give you a little timeline of his life:
1919 Born in Pennsylvania
1940 Joined the U.S. Army for a one year enlistment
1941 Stationed at Oahu, Hawaii when Pearl Harbor was bombed by the Japanese.
1946 His one year enlistment stretched to 6 years because of WWII.
1947- 1970 Work at the National Institutes of Health (23 years)
1971- 2016 Retirement (45 years!)
His retired life lasted almost twice as long as his working life! I knew Russ at the NARFE organization meetings. (Retired Federal Employees) I also heard him sing many times.. he was in a lot of barbershop quartets.
Russ also was crazy about radio operations. He formed a group at Carroll Lutheran Village and asked me often to join with them. Even though I had a radio operator's license, I never did. I should have; it sounded like a lot of fun, communicating with folks around the world.
I saw Russ just a couple of days ago and he looked good. If I knew he wasn't going to be around much longer, I would have stopped and talked to him. Instead, I just patted him on the back and told him how good he looked.
His wife said that at the age of 97 (!) it was probably his time to leave us.
RIP Russ!
.........................................................................................................................
Words to Live By?
The Funny Times for September 2016 has a cartoon by Joe Heller that I think is a masterpiece. It shows a grumpy looking Donald Trump and a smiling Hillary Clinton, with words from both candidates: First: from Donald:
"It's getting worse
So don't try to convince me that
the future is bright in America
because, when you take a closer look,
there's anger + hate
even if
it's not who we are as a nation
but
you should be scared
crime, terrorists, illegals
we need to do something
believe me
fear
is greater than
hope
because
we can't be optimistic
and you'll never hear me say
America needs bridges not walls"
Now, for Hillary's words, read it from bottom to top.
Dave Maleckar quotes Winnie the Pooh's A. A. Milne, who wrote: "A quotation is a handy thing to have about, saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself, always a laborious business."
So Here's a Couple of Quotes from the Funny Paper:
Cher: "The only grounds for divorce in California are marriage."
Neil Simon: "The only thing Californians read is the license plate in front of them."
............................................................................................
To end this marvelous blog entry, I will mention three fantastic pieces of information that the Funny Paper listed as coming from Harper's Index:
o There are 30 members left in the Prohibition Party, the third-oldest U.S. political party.
o George Zimmerman got $250,000 when he auctioned off the gun he used to kill Trayvon Martin.
o There are 46,000 people on the waiting list of a London restaurant where patrons are allowed to dine in the nude.
...................................................................................................
Monday, August 29, 2016
Alt Right; Yuge!; Phones; Old Joke; Problem Solving; Dubai Decree; HItler's Portrait
Another hot day... Elaine had her teeth cleaned today and afterwards we spent a couple of hours in our 84 degree swimming pool at the village. Lots of our fellow residents do not avail themselves of the pool because of the cold temperature. A shame.
Alt Right!
Alternative. Conservatives... (alt right) that's all one hears about now... never heard of them before last week. On today's Diane Rheem Show, the head of these guys called in and Diane asked him some probing questions that exposed him as the ultra bigot that he is.
The movement is concerned that the white folks in the United States are becoming a minority and that immigration should immediately be stopped, because our land was formed as a "white" enclave.. and we need to remain so. Segregation is OK, so they say, because all races want to stay with their own. Now, the alt right movement has moved into Trump's camp. I'm surprised that it took so long to happen.
Yuge!
At another segment of the Diane Rheem show, Diane interviewed Mr. Trudeau, the creator of Doonesbury. He has taken all of the cartoon strips he has created since the 1980's, in which one of the main characters is Donald Trump and published them in a book with the Trump-like title: Yuge!. I immediately ordered the book on Kindle and am enjoying it.
Phone Fun
Evelyn Wilkins wrote in the Readers Digest; "The phone rang. I answered with the name of our company, only to be told by the caller that he had the wrong number. A minute later, he called again, this time sounding agitated. By the third time, he'd lost it. "Quit answering the phone!" he yelled. "I'm trying to call Austin High School!"
Old Old Old Joke
Man: (to woman on train) "That's the ugliest baby I have ever seen."
Woman: "Conductor! Conductor! This man has just insulted us!"
Conductor: "Now, madam, calm down. I'll get a drink of water for you and a banana for your monkey."
Brady's First Law of Problem Solving:
When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger have handled this?" sez Karyn Brady
Once, at work in the 1960's, I attacked something called the O + M Test (Organization and Management)... the test was given to help select folks for the new position of Computer Programmer/Analyst. I found the test very easy and "aced" it... because, for each question, I asked myself, "What would President Johnson do to resolve this?"
Murray's Rule
Any country with "democratic" in the title, isn't. Jim Murray
Note from Theresa Williams
"I love ewe," he said sheepishly.
What happened?
Back in 2013, Dubai attempted to induce its chubby citizens to lose weight by offering them a gram of gold for every kilogram (2.2 pounds) they shed.
Stomach Turning Art
Patrons of the Night Light Lounge in Portland Oregon, demanded that a painting of Adolf Hitler wearing a Dondald trump campaign hat be removed. The said that it spoiled their appetites.
.................................................................................................
Alt Right!
Alternative. Conservatives... (alt right) that's all one hears about now... never heard of them before last week. On today's Diane Rheem Show, the head of these guys called in and Diane asked him some probing questions that exposed him as the ultra bigot that he is.
The movement is concerned that the white folks in the United States are becoming a minority and that immigration should immediately be stopped, because our land was formed as a "white" enclave.. and we need to remain so. Segregation is OK, so they say, because all races want to stay with their own. Now, the alt right movement has moved into Trump's camp. I'm surprised that it took so long to happen.
Yuge!
At another segment of the Diane Rheem show, Diane interviewed Mr. Trudeau, the creator of Doonesbury. He has taken all of the cartoon strips he has created since the 1980's, in which one of the main characters is Donald Trump and published them in a book with the Trump-like title: Yuge!. I immediately ordered the book on Kindle and am enjoying it.
Phone Fun
Evelyn Wilkins wrote in the Readers Digest; "The phone rang. I answered with the name of our company, only to be told by the caller that he had the wrong number. A minute later, he called again, this time sounding agitated. By the third time, he'd lost it. "Quit answering the phone!" he yelled. "I'm trying to call Austin High School!"
Old Old Old Joke
Man: (to woman on train) "That's the ugliest baby I have ever seen."
Woman: "Conductor! Conductor! This man has just insulted us!"
Conductor: "Now, madam, calm down. I'll get a drink of water for you and a banana for your monkey."
Brady's First Law of Problem Solving:
When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger have handled this?" sez Karyn Brady
Once, at work in the 1960's, I attacked something called the O + M Test (Organization and Management)... the test was given to help select folks for the new position of Computer Programmer/Analyst. I found the test very easy and "aced" it... because, for each question, I asked myself, "What would President Johnson do to resolve this?"
Murray's Rule
Any country with "democratic" in the title, isn't. Jim Murray
Note from Theresa Williams
"I love ewe," he said sheepishly.
What happened?
Back in 2013, Dubai attempted to induce its chubby citizens to lose weight by offering them a gram of gold for every kilogram (2.2 pounds) they shed.
Stomach Turning Art
Patrons of the Night Light Lounge in Portland Oregon, demanded that a painting of Adolf Hitler wearing a Dondald trump campaign hat be removed. The said that it spoiled their appetites.
.................................................................................................
Sunday, August 28, 2016
U.S. Chamber of Commerce Mission
Nice day... not too hot.. I trimmed one of my tomato plants and a couple of flowers and didn't get too much sweat in my eyes. I also found a nice little hidden red tomato that had been hidden by weeds.
Note to remember: At 5 am this morning, one of our smoke detectors made a loud screeching sound for 3 seconds.... it has done that before. And, the other night, one of our ceiling-installed detector (of some kind) flashed a green and sometimes yellow circle on the bedroom ceiling and this time, on the ceiling in the front room... the first time I have noticed that.
When these things occur, it feels as though Martians are invading. I contacted Security and was told that there is not much they can do... we will have to wait for a new sensing system to be installed "sometime soon. Meanwhile, I won't let Elaine watch Science Fiction movies before bed.
Chamber of Commerce? Horrors?
I subscribe to the Washington Spectator newsletter and depend on its accurate take of the situation in our Nation's capital. In the September first, 2016 issue, Mark Dowie wrote a critique of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. The title: Corporate Lobby: The Third Chamber of Congres.
Mark outlines what he believes are the goals of Thomas J. Donohue, CEO since 1997, of the US Chamber of Commerce. I must be very naïve, because when I read the goals I was shocked. If true, these goals are the complete opposite of my idea of proper goals for the United States.
o Challenge health care reform
o Sue the SEC to stifle the regulation of financial markets
o Lobby Congress to reduce punitive damages in product liability legislation
o Gut the Foreign Corrupt Practices and False Claims Acts
o Undermine carbon pollution standards
o Question the causes of climate change
o Oppose a Federal minimum wage
o Defend high-salt processed foods
o Attack "net metering" of solar energy panels
o Interfere in the election of state supreme court justices
o Be a shill for American tobacco overseas (even though tobacco kills)
o Oppose environmental legislation
o Fight paid maternity leave
o Persuade American businesses to fight campaign-finance disclosure
o Oppose net neutrality
o Defend high pharmaceutical prices!!!
o Launder large "anonymous" donations
o Get friendly with the Koch Brothers Freedom Partners
o Get friendly with Karl Rove's American Crossroads Super PAC
WHEW! Tom must be a superman if he can do all this. Mark Dowie thinks that this is just an abbreviated list of Tom's CEO duties.
How does all this fit into the mission of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce? Or does it?
"To advance human progress through an economic, political, and social system based on individual freedom, incentive, initiative, opportunity, and responsibility."
Note to remember: At 5 am this morning, one of our smoke detectors made a loud screeching sound for 3 seconds.... it has done that before. And, the other night, one of our ceiling-installed detector (of some kind) flashed a green and sometimes yellow circle on the bedroom ceiling and this time, on the ceiling in the front room... the first time I have noticed that.
When these things occur, it feels as though Martians are invading. I contacted Security and was told that there is not much they can do... we will have to wait for a new sensing system to be installed "sometime soon. Meanwhile, I won't let Elaine watch Science Fiction movies before bed.
Chamber of Commerce? Horrors?
I subscribe to the Washington Spectator newsletter and depend on its accurate take of the situation in our Nation's capital. In the September first, 2016 issue, Mark Dowie wrote a critique of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. The title: Corporate Lobby: The Third Chamber of Congres.
Mark outlines what he believes are the goals of Thomas J. Donohue, CEO since 1997, of the US Chamber of Commerce. I must be very naïve, because when I read the goals I was shocked. If true, these goals are the complete opposite of my idea of proper goals for the United States.
o Challenge health care reform
o Sue the SEC to stifle the regulation of financial markets
o Lobby Congress to reduce punitive damages in product liability legislation
o Gut the Foreign Corrupt Practices and False Claims Acts
o Undermine carbon pollution standards
o Question the causes of climate change
o Oppose a Federal minimum wage
o Defend high-salt processed foods
o Attack "net metering" of solar energy panels
o Interfere in the election of state supreme court justices
o Be a shill for American tobacco overseas (even though tobacco kills)
o Oppose environmental legislation
o Fight paid maternity leave
o Persuade American businesses to fight campaign-finance disclosure
o Oppose net neutrality
o Defend high pharmaceutical prices!!!
o Launder large "anonymous" donations
o Get friendly with the Koch Brothers Freedom Partners
o Get friendly with Karl Rove's American Crossroads Super PAC
WHEW! Tom must be a superman if he can do all this. Mark Dowie thinks that this is just an abbreviated list of Tom's CEO duties.
How does all this fit into the mission of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce? Or does it?
"To advance human progress through an economic, political, and social system based on individual freedom, incentive, initiative, opportunity, and responsibility."
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Self Serv Gas; Burkinis; Sex Stuff; Cows; E-Cups; Lucky; Pizza Drone; Netflix Docimentary; KFC Recipe
Nice hot summer day.
Today I picked up a copy of my favorite scandal sheet: The New York Post. As I've said before, they hate Hillary and report nasty things about her. However, they also print what I consider interesting news that other "newspapers" do not think is important. Since I know that people who I know who read this blog might not read a copy of the Post, I will here list a few items from today's edition.
Gas Pumpers Explained
New Jersey is the only State to not have Self Service gasoline pumping. I have always wondered why. The Post quoted Governor Chris Christie who said that he had polled the situation many times and the results showed that 78% of New Jersey women were opposed to self-serve gas, while only 52% of men were against it.
I have always thought that if self-service gas was discontinued in all of the states, it would give a lot of unemployed folks jobs. Elevator operators also.
France says OK to Burkinis
France's top administrative court has now overturned a ban on burkinis. These bathing outfits cover the female body, except for the face and hands. The ruling is welcome to the Moslems in France. I can't understand what the problem was in the first place. Liberte? Why can't anyone wear anything they want to as a bathing suit... or none at all. We all know that topless and nude bathing takes place on the Riviera. Shakespeare wrote about it: Much ado about Nothing.
Horny Burglar
A crook broke into a New York novelty store and stole the top half of a busty sex doll. He also stole handfuls of lubrication oil and some sex toys.
Protect those Cows
In India, there was concern recently about how to stop cows from causing automobile accidents, so they came up with a great idea: they put bright stickers on the cows' horns. I would have expected it would be better to put stick-on lights on the cows' bodies. I think that would make them more visible.
There are probably udder ways to solve this problem.
Boobs for Boobs
The PrimaDonna bra making concern in Belgium had special weight-bearing harnesses made to simulate what it would be like to have big boobs. They required their male employees to wear these imitation boobs for an entire day. Designed to make men more appreciative for the problems of the women they serve, the company called the day "The International E-Cup Day for Men."
His Nickname is "Lucky"
A Florida man has survived three normally life-threatening situations in the past four years. First he got struck by lightning, next a venomous spider bit him, and the other day, a five-foot rattlesnake dug its fangs into his leg.
Here's Pie in your Eye!
Domino's Pizza has started a drone-delivery service in Auckland, New Zealand. Amazon and Google have made plans to make deliveries by drone. Quote from Reuters: "In the US, drones will be allowed to make deliveries from Aug. 29, butt not across state lines or over people."
More on "Making a Murderer"
Steven Avery's lawyer is seeking permission to do extensive DNA testing to prove that Mr. Avery did not kill Teresa Halbach. He is serving life for the crime. He insists that the authorities framed him. His case was featured in the Netflix documentary series: Making a Murderer.
The young man who confessed to being a witness to the murder and later recanted, was recently released from prison because his confession was judged to have been forced on him by the police.
KFC Recipe Still a Secret?
The Chicago Tribune recently published a recipe for Kentucky Fried Chicken, provided to them by a nephew of Colonel Sanders. The KFC company says that the recipe containing 11 herbs and spices that was shown to the newspaper is not "the real thing."
.......................................................................................................
Today I picked up a copy of my favorite scandal sheet: The New York Post. As I've said before, they hate Hillary and report nasty things about her. However, they also print what I consider interesting news that other "newspapers" do not think is important. Since I know that people who I know who read this blog might not read a copy of the Post, I will here list a few items from today's edition.
Gas Pumpers Explained
New Jersey is the only State to not have Self Service gasoline pumping. I have always wondered why. The Post quoted Governor Chris Christie who said that he had polled the situation many times and the results showed that 78% of New Jersey women were opposed to self-serve gas, while only 52% of men were against it.
I have always thought that if self-service gas was discontinued in all of the states, it would give a lot of unemployed folks jobs. Elevator operators also.
France says OK to Burkinis
France's top administrative court has now overturned a ban on burkinis. These bathing outfits cover the female body, except for the face and hands. The ruling is welcome to the Moslems in France. I can't understand what the problem was in the first place. Liberte? Why can't anyone wear anything they want to as a bathing suit... or none at all. We all know that topless and nude bathing takes place on the Riviera. Shakespeare wrote about it: Much ado about Nothing.
Horny Burglar
A crook broke into a New York novelty store and stole the top half of a busty sex doll. He also stole handfuls of lubrication oil and some sex toys.
Protect those Cows
In India, there was concern recently about how to stop cows from causing automobile accidents, so they came up with a great idea: they put bright stickers on the cows' horns. I would have expected it would be better to put stick-on lights on the cows' bodies. I think that would make them more visible.
There are probably udder ways to solve this problem.
Boobs for Boobs
The PrimaDonna bra making concern in Belgium had special weight-bearing harnesses made to simulate what it would be like to have big boobs. They required their male employees to wear these imitation boobs for an entire day. Designed to make men more appreciative for the problems of the women they serve, the company called the day "The International E-Cup Day for Men."
His Nickname is "Lucky"
A Florida man has survived three normally life-threatening situations in the past four years. First he got struck by lightning, next a venomous spider bit him, and the other day, a five-foot rattlesnake dug its fangs into his leg.
Here's Pie in your Eye!
Domino's Pizza has started a drone-delivery service in Auckland, New Zealand. Amazon and Google have made plans to make deliveries by drone. Quote from Reuters: "In the US, drones will be allowed to make deliveries from Aug. 29, butt not across state lines or over people."
More on "Making a Murderer"
Steven Avery's lawyer is seeking permission to do extensive DNA testing to prove that Mr. Avery did not kill Teresa Halbach. He is serving life for the crime. He insists that the authorities framed him. His case was featured in the Netflix documentary series: Making a Murderer.
The young man who confessed to being a witness to the murder and later recanted, was recently released from prison because his confession was judged to have been forced on him by the police.
KFC Recipe Still a Secret?
The Chicago Tribune recently published a recipe for Kentucky Fried Chicken, provided to them by a nephew of Colonel Sanders. The KFC company says that the recipe containing 11 herbs and spices that was shown to the newspaper is not "the real thing."
.......................................................................................................
Friday, August 26, 2016
Palindromes
Hot and muggy again. Drs Tolle and Wen pulled a bagel shaped mass of wax from my right ear and I can hear again. Quite a difference. I was always taught to never put anything smaller than my elbow into my ears. Dr. Tolle agrees and doesn't even want me to put a Q-tip in my ears. However, she neglected to tell me how to get rid of wax buildups... I guess that means that I get to see her more often.
My copy of the Funny Paper came yesterday. I love that sheet. In this September issue, if you cut out all the cartoons, stories and references to Donald Trump, you would not have enough paper left to wad into a ball. However, today, I want to talk about something else.
Palindromes
In 1987, I prepared a "paper" for Bob Hale, a creator of the Wordsmiths at the Social Security Administration. One of Bob's grandmothers was the creator of the poem "Mary had a little lamb," among others, so Bob is trying to live up to her standards. I have printed some of his work on this blog. Meanwhile, I decided to help him by giving him information for his literary newsletter:
The word palindrome comes from the Greek "palindromes" = running back again. "pallin" = back, again; "dromos: = to run. The word palindrome means: a word, verse or sentence that reads the same backward or forward. For Example:
Oldest palindrome: Madam, I am Adam.
.................
Latin: Signa te, signa: temere ne tangis et angis.
(Cross yourself; cross. You touch and torment me in vain. .... Thus says a martyr, as he defies the fire.)
...................
Latin: Si nummi immunis.
(Lawyer: Give me a fee, and you can go free.)
....................
Latin: Satire Veritas. (There is truth in satire.)
....................
Latin: Roma tibi subito motibus ibit amor. (Rome, you move us suddenly to love.)
.....................
Athletic palindrome: Yale relay.
.......................
Automobile palindrome: A Toyota.
......................
Police line-up palindrome: Name no one man.
.....................
Hitler's autobiography: I, Zany Nazi.
....................
Lady MacBeth: Dame Mad
....................
Vietnam palindrome: Tet
...................
New product: Lion oil.
.....................
New York palindrome: Niagara, o roar again.
......................
Social Security Administration palindrome: Some men interpret nine memos.
.....................
Drunkard's palindrome: Was it a car or a cat I saw?
.....................
Re: New Bedford canal engineer Goethals: A man, a plan, Panama.
(sometimes said to be about President Teddy Roosevelt.)
..........................
Re: Phony Stradivarius: Egad! a base tone denotes a bad age.
......................................................................
You're right, I didn't create all of these, just a few. Instead, I stole some of them directly from works by the following geniuses that I admired:
Joseph T. Shipley
(Noted critic and author. He died at the age of 94 in 1988.)
Latest books by Shipley: Origins of English Words (1984)
Playing with Words (1960)
Solomon W. Golomb
(1932-2016) He was born in Baltimore
He was a professor of electrical engineering at USC.
He invented Cheskers in 1948.
He introduced us to Polyominoes and Pentominoes in 1953.
Professor Otto R. Osseforp... the first holder of Harvards prestigious Emor D. Nilap chair of Palindromology... at least that is what Solomon told us.
\
...................................................................................................................
My copy of the Funny Paper came yesterday. I love that sheet. In this September issue, if you cut out all the cartoons, stories and references to Donald Trump, you would not have enough paper left to wad into a ball. However, today, I want to talk about something else.
Palindromes
In 1987, I prepared a "paper" for Bob Hale, a creator of the Wordsmiths at the Social Security Administration. One of Bob's grandmothers was the creator of the poem "Mary had a little lamb," among others, so Bob is trying to live up to her standards. I have printed some of his work on this blog. Meanwhile, I decided to help him by giving him information for his literary newsletter:
The word palindrome comes from the Greek "palindromes" = running back again. "pallin" = back, again; "dromos: = to run. The word palindrome means: a word, verse or sentence that reads the same backward or forward. For Example:
Oldest palindrome: Madam, I am Adam.
.................
Latin: Signa te, signa: temere ne tangis et angis.
(Cross yourself; cross. You touch and torment me in vain. .... Thus says a martyr, as he defies the fire.)
...................
Latin: Si nummi immunis.
(Lawyer: Give me a fee, and you can go free.)
....................
Latin: Satire Veritas. (There is truth in satire.)
....................
Latin: Roma tibi subito motibus ibit amor. (Rome, you move us suddenly to love.)
.....................
Athletic palindrome: Yale relay.
.......................
Automobile palindrome: A Toyota.
......................
Police line-up palindrome: Name no one man.
.....................
Hitler's autobiography: I, Zany Nazi.
....................
Lady MacBeth: Dame Mad
....................
Vietnam palindrome: Tet
...................
New product: Lion oil.
.....................
New York palindrome: Niagara, o roar again.
......................
Social Security Administration palindrome: Some men interpret nine memos.
.....................
Drunkard's palindrome: Was it a car or a cat I saw?
.....................
Re: New Bedford canal engineer Goethals: A man, a plan, Panama.
(sometimes said to be about President Teddy Roosevelt.)
..........................
Re: Phony Stradivarius: Egad! a base tone denotes a bad age.
......................................................................
You're right, I didn't create all of these, just a few. Instead, I stole some of them directly from works by the following geniuses that I admired:
Joseph T. Shipley
(Noted critic and author. He died at the age of 94 in 1988.)
Latest books by Shipley: Origins of English Words (1984)
Playing with Words (1960)
Solomon W. Golomb
(1932-2016) He was born in Baltimore
He was a professor of electrical engineering at USC.
He invented Cheskers in 1948.
He introduced us to Polyominoes and Pentominoes in 1953.
Professor Otto R. Osseforp... the first holder of Harvards prestigious Emor D. Nilap chair of Palindromology... at least that is what Solomon told us.
\
...................................................................................................................
Thursday, August 25, 2016
The Great Stupnagle Cobolski Answers Questrion
Hot and very muggy! Elaine and I did the "old folks" thing.... we got our toenails cut. Erik Diamond, our podiatrist informed us that Medicare will only pay for about three quarters of nail cuttings in two years. He figures that we would have to go over 5 months in between visits... which to his mind, and mine, is too long. By that time, our nails would be talons.
Almost 50 years ago!
I can't believe it. It's just like yesterday to me. In 1970, our Social Security division decided to have a picnic at beautiful Patapsco Park. At the time, I was running Niemand Associates at Woodlawn. This was an unofficial organization I created, to increase computer programmers' morale in a very sensitive and frustrating job. So, seeing an opening, I volunteered to set up the picnic, and thereby, have some fun for my members. I kind of took over the entertainment.
Today, I found a copy of the Picnic "program. The picnic took place on August 27, 1970, exactly 46 years ago, next Saturday. Part of the entertainment was titled:
The "One and Only" Stupnagle Cobolski answers questions from the audience (on 3x5 cards.)
Ed Konizeski was Cobolski and I asked the questions found on the cards. (Many of the answers were ad lib.)
1. Ques. Would you vote for a woman president?
Ans. Yes, dear.
2. Ques. Do ;you believe the equal time doctrine will be the downfall of the Democratic Party?
Ans. Not unless they get equal time.
3. Ques. What is your view of pornography?
Ans. 20-20
4. Ques. What quarterback holds the record for total gains in one season?
Ans. John Brody, $1,000,000.
5. Ques. Is it true that the Windsor Mill Inn serves lunch?
Ans. I don't know. When I was there, they were all out of glasses.
6. Ques. Are you afraid of heights?
Ans. No, but widths terrify me.
7. Ques. Do you think that computers would have avoided the recent drop in the stock market?
Ans. To the best of my knowledge, in that drop, no computer lost a penny.\
8. Ques. Is it true that Bernie Rubin is coming back as Mr. Hanna' right-hand man?
Ans. ....
(Bernie was a programmer who suddenly disappeared. Mr Hanna was head of Health and Human Services at the time.)
9. Ques. My name was left out of the Social Security Administration phone book. What should I do?
Ans. Nothing. You will shortly get a bill for the unlisted number.
10. Ques. How do you keep a moron busy for hours? (Over) How do you keep a moron busy for hours? (Over)
Ans. ....
11. Ques. What is the solution to the Marijuana problem?
Ans. I think we should feed all that grass to cows... then everyone would drink a lot of milk.
12. Ques. Do you object to nudity on stage"
Ans. No, come on up.
13. Ques. My job is supposed to run on Kluge "A," but they always run it on Kluge "B". What can I do?
Ans. Always consult your dentist in cases of malocclusion.
("Kluge" was a name for an area filled with massive computers devoted to one task.)
14. Ques. When will Joe Vaughan get his grade 14?
Ans. He hasn't started to act like a grade 13 yet.
15. Ques. What is your idea of a really good time?
Ans. 8:15
16. Ques. What do you think of the new pollution free car that runs on refrigeration gas?
Ans. I'm against it. Plumbers already make more than auto mechanics.
17. Ques. Do you believe in equal rights for women?
Ans. Yes, dear.
18. Ques. Can a man have fun with an old-fashioned girl?
Ans. It depends on how many old-fashions she's had.
19. Ques. Is it true that they recently fenced in the Baltimore zoo?
Ans. Only the small downtown area was fenced in. The main area at Woodlawn is still free and open.
(Woodlawn was the home for Social Security programmers.)
20. Quest. What do you think of free love?
Ans. The price is right.
Times have changed and the reaction to this skit today would probably not be the same as when we gave it in 1970 We had them rolling in the aisles with laughter. (Believe it or not.)
........................................................................................
Almost 50 years ago!
I can't believe it. It's just like yesterday to me. In 1970, our Social Security division decided to have a picnic at beautiful Patapsco Park. At the time, I was running Niemand Associates at Woodlawn. This was an unofficial organization I created, to increase computer programmers' morale in a very sensitive and frustrating job. So, seeing an opening, I volunteered to set up the picnic, and thereby, have some fun for my members. I kind of took over the entertainment.
Today, I found a copy of the Picnic "program. The picnic took place on August 27, 1970, exactly 46 years ago, next Saturday. Part of the entertainment was titled:
The "One and Only" Stupnagle Cobolski answers questions from the audience (on 3x5 cards.)
Ed Konizeski was Cobolski and I asked the questions found on the cards. (Many of the answers were ad lib.)
1. Ques. Would you vote for a woman president?
Ans. Yes, dear.
2. Ques. Do ;you believe the equal time doctrine will be the downfall of the Democratic Party?
Ans. Not unless they get equal time.
3. Ques. What is your view of pornography?
Ans. 20-20
4. Ques. What quarterback holds the record for total gains in one season?
Ans. John Brody, $1,000,000.
5. Ques. Is it true that the Windsor Mill Inn serves lunch?
Ans. I don't know. When I was there, they were all out of glasses.
6. Ques. Are you afraid of heights?
Ans. No, but widths terrify me.
7. Ques. Do you think that computers would have avoided the recent drop in the stock market?
Ans. To the best of my knowledge, in that drop, no computer lost a penny.\
8. Ques. Is it true that Bernie Rubin is coming back as Mr. Hanna' right-hand man?
Ans. ....
(Bernie was a programmer who suddenly disappeared. Mr Hanna was head of Health and Human Services at the time.)
9. Ques. My name was left out of the Social Security Administration phone book. What should I do?
Ans. Nothing. You will shortly get a bill for the unlisted number.
10. Ques. How do you keep a moron busy for hours? (Over) How do you keep a moron busy for hours? (Over)
Ans. ....
11. Ques. What is the solution to the Marijuana problem?
Ans. I think we should feed all that grass to cows... then everyone would drink a lot of milk.
12. Ques. Do you object to nudity on stage"
Ans. No, come on up.
13. Ques. My job is supposed to run on Kluge "A," but they always run it on Kluge "B". What can I do?
Ans. Always consult your dentist in cases of malocclusion.
("Kluge" was a name for an area filled with massive computers devoted to one task.)
14. Ques. When will Joe Vaughan get his grade 14?
Ans. He hasn't started to act like a grade 13 yet.
15. Ques. What is your idea of a really good time?
Ans. 8:15
16. Ques. What do you think of the new pollution free car that runs on refrigeration gas?
Ans. I'm against it. Plumbers already make more than auto mechanics.
17. Ques. Do you believe in equal rights for women?
Ans. Yes, dear.
18. Ques. Can a man have fun with an old-fashioned girl?
Ans. It depends on how many old-fashions she's had.
19. Ques. Is it true that they recently fenced in the Baltimore zoo?
Ans. Only the small downtown area was fenced in. The main area at Woodlawn is still free and open.
(Woodlawn was the home for Social Security programmers.)
20. Quest. What do you think of free love?
Ans. The price is right.
Times have changed and the reaction to this skit today would probably not be the same as when we gave it in 1970 We had them rolling in the aisles with laughter. (Believe it or not.)
........................................................................................
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Mensa Bulletin Items: Why Short Faces; Cowardism; Historical Jesus; Barbaric Practices
You know.... it's hot still. Summer has us in its grip.
One of the benefits of belonging to Mensa is the ability to read the monthly "Mensa Bulletin." It is designed to feed the curious like me. The August 2016 is filled with delicious foodstuffs, such as:
Why the short face?
Science News for April is quoted. Surely you have wondered why humans have "wimpy" teeth and jaws, compared to other primates. Scientists at Harvard have determined that this was because of the use of stone knives. Chewing raw meat is a hard job, requiring much time and effort. But when our ancestors learned to cut up meat, they could consume more calories in a lot less time, and they lost their need for gigantic jaws and teeth. Thus, the much smaller human face appeared, and with that, room for a "vocal tract that makes speech possible."
Terrorism
Dennis Lenahan wrote to the Bulletin about the word "terrorism." He thinks that the word should be changed in Government documents to forms of "cowardism." Surely, a terrorist is a coward and shouldn't be rewarded with a name associated in some places with "Freedom Fighters." So, Dennis thinks that headlines such as the following should be generated:
"Man Arrested in Conspiracy to Commit Cowardism In Arizona."
"New York Enacts Tougher Anti-Cowardism Rule."
"Cowardist Attacks in Paris."
Dennis says: "There may be some implied glory in being a terrorist. There can be no glory in being correctly labeled a cowardist."
Historical Jesus?
Father John Oliver, an Orthodox Christian priest from Tennessee wrote the Bulletin about Jesus' existence, and lists some non-Christian sources:
o The Talmud (1st and 2nd century) "eve of the Passover when Yeshua was hanged"
o The Antiquities (Jewish text from the first century): records the crucifixion of Christ.
o Tacitus (1st century secular Roman historian) .. noted Nero's hatred for Christians and their "Christus."
o Pliny the younger (1st century pagan senator) .. couldn't understand the Christians for their refusal to renounce "Christ as God.)
What do you think?
Barbarism
The Bulletin editor asked "what practices taken for granted today will be viewed as barbaric in the next century?" Here are some of the results from Mensan readers:
o Abortion.. instead perhaps we might have:
--- long-term, yet temporary and reversible sterility for males and females
--- more "user friendly" methods of birth control
o Chemotherapy..
--- Hopefully, cancer will be cured.. no need for it
o Circumcision..
-- males.. no need for it (now.. automatic in hospitals? religion mandate.)
-- females.. no need for it (now.. in African tribes and parts of India.. why?)
o Health Care
(I don't think we can imagine the advances that will probably to made in the next few decades.)
o Zoophagous Lifestyle
(Will we change to a vegetarian society? Right now, "fifteen pounds of grain fed to humans is fifteen pounds of edible food, but fifteen pounds of grain fed to cattle results in only one pound of edible meat." Seems like a waste.)
Again... what do you think?
.............................
One of the benefits of belonging to Mensa is the ability to read the monthly "Mensa Bulletin." It is designed to feed the curious like me. The August 2016 is filled with delicious foodstuffs, such as:
Why the short face?
Science News for April is quoted. Surely you have wondered why humans have "wimpy" teeth and jaws, compared to other primates. Scientists at Harvard have determined that this was because of the use of stone knives. Chewing raw meat is a hard job, requiring much time and effort. But when our ancestors learned to cut up meat, they could consume more calories in a lot less time, and they lost their need for gigantic jaws and teeth. Thus, the much smaller human face appeared, and with that, room for a "vocal tract that makes speech possible."
Terrorism
Dennis Lenahan wrote to the Bulletin about the word "terrorism." He thinks that the word should be changed in Government documents to forms of "cowardism." Surely, a terrorist is a coward and shouldn't be rewarded with a name associated in some places with "Freedom Fighters." So, Dennis thinks that headlines such as the following should be generated:
"Man Arrested in Conspiracy to Commit Cowardism In Arizona."
"New York Enacts Tougher Anti-Cowardism Rule."
"Cowardist Attacks in Paris."
Dennis says: "There may be some implied glory in being a terrorist. There can be no glory in being correctly labeled a cowardist."
AMEN!
Historical Jesus?
Father John Oliver, an Orthodox Christian priest from Tennessee wrote the Bulletin about Jesus' existence, and lists some non-Christian sources:
o The Talmud (1st and 2nd century) "eve of the Passover when Yeshua was hanged"
o The Antiquities (Jewish text from the first century): records the crucifixion of Christ.
o Tacitus (1st century secular Roman historian) .. noted Nero's hatred for Christians and their "Christus."
o Pliny the younger (1st century pagan senator) .. couldn't understand the Christians for their refusal to renounce "Christ as God.)
What do you think?
Barbarism
The Bulletin editor asked "what practices taken for granted today will be viewed as barbaric in the next century?" Here are some of the results from Mensan readers:
o Abortion.. instead perhaps we might have:
--- long-term, yet temporary and reversible sterility for males and females
--- more "user friendly" methods of birth control
o Chemotherapy..
--- Hopefully, cancer will be cured.. no need for it
o Circumcision..
-- males.. no need for it (now.. automatic in hospitals? religion mandate.)
-- females.. no need for it (now.. in African tribes and parts of India.. why?)
o Health Care
(I don't think we can imagine the advances that will probably to made in the next few decades.)
o Zoophagous Lifestyle
(Will we change to a vegetarian society? Right now, "fifteen pounds of grain fed to humans is fifteen pounds of edible food, but fifteen pounds of grain fed to cattle results in only one pound of edible meat." Seems like a waste.)
Again... what do you think?
.............................
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
How to Draw.
I couldn't sleep and was listening to a late-nite talk show... the interviewer was talking to someone named Linda Barry. Linda is a comic cartoonist and bubbly personality.. with a wonderful ready laugh. She created a book entitled: One Hundred Demons. I immediately bought it and uploaded it to my Kindle. I can't wait to read it.
During the interview, Linda said that anybody could draw, and she outlined the following steps to be taken.
1. Obtain 4 3x5 cards. Put a different question on each card.
2. Obtain an 8/12 by 11 piece of typewriting paper. Fold it in quarters.
3. Draw some squiggles and lines randomly in each quarter of the paper.
4. Using the lines and squiggles, draw a monster in the first quarter. (Since nobody knows what a monster really looks like, just let it all hang out.)
5. Have your monster open its mouth and ask one of your questions.
6. Now, draw the monster's parents.
7. Repeat for the remaining three quarters of the paper.
8. Now have each monster talk to each other.
Now you've got it! You are drawing a comic strip. Congratulations!
.............................................................................................
.
During the interview, Linda said that anybody could draw, and she outlined the following steps to be taken.
1. Obtain 4 3x5 cards. Put a different question on each card.
2. Obtain an 8/12 by 11 piece of typewriting paper. Fold it in quarters.
3. Draw some squiggles and lines randomly in each quarter of the paper.
4. Using the lines and squiggles, draw a monster in the first quarter. (Since nobody knows what a monster really looks like, just let it all hang out.)
5. Have your monster open its mouth and ask one of your questions.
6. Now, draw the monster's parents.
7. Repeat for the remaining three quarters of the paper.
8. Now have each monster talk to each other.
Now you've got it! You are drawing a comic strip. Congratulations!
.............................................................................................
.
Monday, August 22, 2016
Carmen Miranda and Mamae eu quero!
During the closing ceremonies for the 2016 Rio Olympics, hidden among other songs was one that was a big hit with my groups when I was growing up in New Bedford, Massachusetts. More people in that city have Portuguese ancestors than in any city in Portugal except Lisbon. So, of course, one could hear songs with Portuguese lyrics everywhere.
My favorites were fados.. those kind of sad songs usually sung by sultry ladies in sexy voices. Often, during our mandatory Thursday night walks through the downtown and the North End of town, we would stop outside of Portuguese themed taverns and listen to the fados coming out of the open door.
However, we also liked the songs that Carmen Miranda sang, but especially one of them:
Mamae eu quero
Some folks translated this title as "Mommy, I want Mommy!" .. some folks translated this title as "Mommy, I want it!" Whatever... here are the lyrics in Portuguese (without letter modifications):
(Refrao:)
Mamae eu quero, mamae eu quero,
Mamae eu quero, mamar!
Da a chupeta, ai, da a chupeta, ai, da a chupeta,
Da a chupeta pro bebe nao chorar.
Dome filhinho do meu coracao
Pega a mamadeira en vem entra no meu cordao
Eu tenho uma ima que se chana Ana
De piscar o olho ja ficore sem a pestana.
(Refrao)
Eu olho as perquenas, mas dapiede jeito
E tenho muita pena nao ser crianca de patio.
Eu tenho uma ima que e fenomenal
Ela e da bossa e o marido e um bocal.
(Refrao)
..................................................................................................
I apologize to my Portuguese friends. I have not kept up with the language since I was in grade school, and I didn't know that much then. I do love to hear spoken Portuguese.... of course, when I was growing up I heard it with a New Bedford accent.
What does it all mean?
Well, I found a translation on the internet done by somebody called EVFOKAS (first name is Evan, I believe)... So...now for the surprising English words:
(Chorus)
Mommy, I want mommy,
I want mommy
I want to suckle!
Give..the nipple,
give the nipple,
give the nipple,
so the baby won't cry!
Sleep, sonny of my heart
Take the feeding bottle
And come enter my group
I have a sister called Anna
She's blinking, so she's lost her eyelashes.
(Chorus)
I look at the little ones, but this way
I'm sorry I'm not suckling.
I have a sister, she's phenomenal
She's in bossa and her husband's an imbecile.
(Chorus)
.................................................................................
I assume "bossa" means "bossa nova."
............................................................................
YouTube has Carmen Miranda singing this song. I love the stupid thing. It reminds me of my youth in that marvelous melting pot of a city named New Bedford, former whaling capital of the world, former textile capital of the world, and current fishing capital of the world. Did you eat scallops or cod fish or flounder for supper? Well, they probably were captured for you yesterday in waters close to New Bedford and processed through that port.
...........................
My favorites were fados.. those kind of sad songs usually sung by sultry ladies in sexy voices. Often, during our mandatory Thursday night walks through the downtown and the North End of town, we would stop outside of Portuguese themed taverns and listen to the fados coming out of the open door.
However, we also liked the songs that Carmen Miranda sang, but especially one of them:
Mamae eu quero
Some folks translated this title as "Mommy, I want Mommy!" .. some folks translated this title as "Mommy, I want it!" Whatever... here are the lyrics in Portuguese (without letter modifications):
(Refrao:)
Mamae eu quero, mamae eu quero,
Mamae eu quero, mamar!
Da a chupeta, ai, da a chupeta, ai, da a chupeta,
Da a chupeta pro bebe nao chorar.
Dome filhinho do meu coracao
Pega a mamadeira en vem entra no meu cordao
Eu tenho uma ima que se chana Ana
De piscar o olho ja ficore sem a pestana.
(Refrao)
Eu olho as perquenas, mas dapiede jeito
E tenho muita pena nao ser crianca de patio.
Eu tenho uma ima que e fenomenal
Ela e da bossa e o marido e um bocal.
(Refrao)
..................................................................................................
I apologize to my Portuguese friends. I have not kept up with the language since I was in grade school, and I didn't know that much then. I do love to hear spoken Portuguese.... of course, when I was growing up I heard it with a New Bedford accent.
What does it all mean?
Well, I found a translation on the internet done by somebody called EVFOKAS (first name is Evan, I believe)... So...now for the surprising English words:
(Chorus)
Mommy, I want mommy,
I want mommy
I want to suckle!
Give..the nipple,
give the nipple,
give the nipple,
so the baby won't cry!
Sleep, sonny of my heart
Take the feeding bottle
And come enter my group
I have a sister called Anna
She's blinking, so she's lost her eyelashes.
(Chorus)
I look at the little ones, but this way
I'm sorry I'm not suckling.
I have a sister, she's phenomenal
She's in bossa and her husband's an imbecile.
(Chorus)
.................................................................................
I assume "bossa" means "bossa nova."
............................................................................
YouTube has Carmen Miranda singing this song. I love the stupid thing. It reminds me of my youth in that marvelous melting pot of a city named New Bedford, former whaling capital of the world, former textile capital of the world, and current fishing capital of the world. Did you eat scallops or cod fish or flounder for supper? Well, they probably were captured for you yesterday in waters close to New Bedford and processed through that port.
...........................
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Handwriting; Cursive; Typewriter; PC; Louisiana
Refreshing rain today.
Learn About Handwriting from Mother Jones
The Mother Jones magazine for September and October 2016 published "A Brief History of Handwriting." based on research from Madison Pauly .. Some questions and responses (some just mine) follow:
Why cursive? Because in the 600's quill pens and parchment resulted in drippy ink, and therefore lifting the pen from the paper was discouraged. So, cursive was invented.
In the early years, did everybody use handwriting? Usually, only fairly well off white males were taught to write in the 1700's. Gentlemen used an italic script, while those accomplished women allowed to write used something called "ladies roman."
Could slaves handwrite? Prior to the Civil War, some southern sites passed laws making it a crime to teach slaves to write. (Frederick Douglass learned to read and write. He had a little help from whites who could have been prosecuted.)
Didn't cursive writing become popular in advertisements? Yes, and it probably started with that show off John Hancock, who wanted to advertise himself to King George. Ford and Coca Cola used cursive writing as part of their ads.
When was the typewrite invented? A Dane, Rasmus Mailing-Hansen developed the Hansen Writing Ball. Was this a precursor () to IBM's Selectric machines? I'll have to check this out. Interesting.
The most useful class I took in High School was Typing 101. I'm not sure why I took it, except that I was the only boy in the class. The keys were covered so I learned to find the ones I wanted by touch position. My problem was with numbers and symbols. My speed was good except when I had to look at the uncovered keys (the numbers and symbols of course.)
After I snuck into the Air Force, I was sent to Morse Code School in Biloxi, Mississippi. Six months at eight hours from midnite to 8 am, I copied code using a typewriter. Once again, my speed was excellent, except for those damn numbers and symbols. Because I still had to look for those keys, my typing speed remained at around 25 words per minute, which was fine, except that my friends who could break that speed were allowed to learn foreign code characters and go on to secret jobs, eventually leading to the CIA or NSA... or so it was whispered to me.
When I got out of the service, the first thing I did was buy an extra small portable typewriter which served me well in College.
Do other Countries use cursive handwriting? Yes. Most that I've seen are easy to read, but Germany's is tough. However, one of the first things I did when I was stationed in Germany was to learn to read German in both typeface and cursive. After a while I was good at reading the old cursive script.. in fact some German adults never did learn to read it. I have been able to translate some old German birth certificates even though I'm not of German descent. (At least I don't think so.)
Timeline of notable events:
1880 - Alonzo Cross (you know, the good pen guy) patented the "stylographic pen" that holds its own ink.
1888 - John Robert Gregg invents a form of shorthand.
1894 - Austin Palmer introduces the "Palmer Method"
1904 - The IQ guy, Alfred Binet gets into handwriting analysis
1913 - Congress says its ok to use handwriting as forensic evidence in Court.
1944 - Laszlo Bird markets the first ballpoint pen.
1958 - The BIC ballpoint pen appears. (This guy collects them.)
I question this date, because I still remember my cousin Tom visiting and breathlessly showing me his BIC pen. At the time, around 1947 (?) I was very impressed because in school I was still using a pen that was dipped into an inkwell fit into the top of my desk.
When I was in the fourth grade at Massachusetts' oldest and most dilapidated grammar school in New Bedford, we "bad" kids would dip our pens into our ink wells and allow them to drip down between the old mismatched wood flooring onto the unsuspecting kids underneath.
One of the class papers that I wrote in the seventh grade was written in cursive with a "dip" pen. It is an autobiographical set of papers crimped together with one of those old type brass connectors. Why I mention it is because I dripped ink throughout the document, and this was before "inkblot tests." But, apparently I wasn't that sloppy a writer, because she gave me a "B."
I wonder what happens today when a child misbehaves in school. When I misbehaved, the teacher would have me write out 100 times on the blackboard in cursive: "I will not drip ink on people anymore." This would be a good punishment because it was such a pain in the ass to be doing this while your friends are all out playing baseball or such.
Do today's kids just grab their hand-held devices and implement an "app" that will handle the punishment. Besides, kids are not learning cursive writing today. A few years from now, genealogy will self destruct because nobody will be able to read their ancestors' letters.
Troubling Item
Another handwriting entry by Mother Jones relates to a State's push to get only the "right" folks to vote. Here is the entry:
c. 1964: From a Louisiana poll test: "Write every other word in this first line and print every third word in same line (original type smaller and first line ended at comma) but capitalize the fifth word that you write."
However, another entry shows:
"2016: Louisiana and Mississippi mandate instruction of handwriting in public schools. Without it, supporters argue, kids wouldn't be able to sign their names or read the Constitution."
.............................................................................................................
Addendum: I bought some pens with my fan club logo on them from National Pens. Now, almost every week I get a new sample of a pen with my logo and a "good price." I also have a few with my Niemand Associates logo on them, and I arranged for the Social Security Alumni Association to buy some with their logo to give out as advertisements.
Good friend, Mitzie L. sends to a special Internet site where they sell rejected pens. These are the ones that say things like: "Eat at Joe's Dinner." or "Go to our Weeb Site." She has a large collection. Sounds like fun to me.(I'd get involved if I wasn't so damn old.)
..........................................................................................................
Learn About Handwriting from Mother Jones
The Mother Jones magazine for September and October 2016 published "A Brief History of Handwriting." based on research from Madison Pauly .. Some questions and responses (some just mine) follow:
Why cursive? Because in the 600's quill pens and parchment resulted in drippy ink, and therefore lifting the pen from the paper was discouraged. So, cursive was invented.
In the early years, did everybody use handwriting? Usually, only fairly well off white males were taught to write in the 1700's. Gentlemen used an italic script, while those accomplished women allowed to write used something called "ladies roman."
Could slaves handwrite? Prior to the Civil War, some southern sites passed laws making it a crime to teach slaves to write. (Frederick Douglass learned to read and write. He had a little help from whites who could have been prosecuted.)
Didn't cursive writing become popular in advertisements? Yes, and it probably started with that show off John Hancock, who wanted to advertise himself to King George. Ford and Coca Cola used cursive writing as part of their ads.
When was the typewrite invented? A Dane, Rasmus Mailing-Hansen developed the Hansen Writing Ball. Was this a precursor () to IBM's Selectric machines? I'll have to check this out. Interesting.
The most useful class I took in High School was Typing 101. I'm not sure why I took it, except that I was the only boy in the class. The keys were covered so I learned to find the ones I wanted by touch position. My problem was with numbers and symbols. My speed was good except when I had to look at the uncovered keys (the numbers and symbols of course.)
After I snuck into the Air Force, I was sent to Morse Code School in Biloxi, Mississippi. Six months at eight hours from midnite to 8 am, I copied code using a typewriter. Once again, my speed was excellent, except for those damn numbers and symbols. Because I still had to look for those keys, my typing speed remained at around 25 words per minute, which was fine, except that my friends who could break that speed were allowed to learn foreign code characters and go on to secret jobs, eventually leading to the CIA or NSA... or so it was whispered to me.
When I got out of the service, the first thing I did was buy an extra small portable typewriter which served me well in College.
Do other Countries use cursive handwriting? Yes. Most that I've seen are easy to read, but Germany's is tough. However, one of the first things I did when I was stationed in Germany was to learn to read German in both typeface and cursive. After a while I was good at reading the old cursive script.. in fact some German adults never did learn to read it. I have been able to translate some old German birth certificates even though I'm not of German descent. (At least I don't think so.)
Timeline of notable events:
1880 - Alonzo Cross (you know, the good pen guy) patented the "stylographic pen" that holds its own ink.
1888 - John Robert Gregg invents a form of shorthand.
1894 - Austin Palmer introduces the "Palmer Method"
1904 - The IQ guy, Alfred Binet gets into handwriting analysis
1913 - Congress says its ok to use handwriting as forensic evidence in Court.
1944 - Laszlo Bird markets the first ballpoint pen.
1958 - The BIC ballpoint pen appears. (This guy collects them.)
I question this date, because I still remember my cousin Tom visiting and breathlessly showing me his BIC pen. At the time, around 1947 (?) I was very impressed because in school I was still using a pen that was dipped into an inkwell fit into the top of my desk.
When I was in the fourth grade at Massachusetts' oldest and most dilapidated grammar school in New Bedford, we "bad" kids would dip our pens into our ink wells and allow them to drip down between the old mismatched wood flooring onto the unsuspecting kids underneath.
One of the class papers that I wrote in the seventh grade was written in cursive with a "dip" pen. It is an autobiographical set of papers crimped together with one of those old type brass connectors. Why I mention it is because I dripped ink throughout the document, and this was before "inkblot tests." But, apparently I wasn't that sloppy a writer, because she gave me a "B."
I wonder what happens today when a child misbehaves in school. When I misbehaved, the teacher would have me write out 100 times on the blackboard in cursive: "I will not drip ink on people anymore." This would be a good punishment because it was such a pain in the ass to be doing this while your friends are all out playing baseball or such.
Do today's kids just grab their hand-held devices and implement an "app" that will handle the punishment. Besides, kids are not learning cursive writing today. A few years from now, genealogy will self destruct because nobody will be able to read their ancestors' letters.
Troubling Item
Another handwriting entry by Mother Jones relates to a State's push to get only the "right" folks to vote. Here is the entry:
c. 1964: From a Louisiana poll test: "Write every other word in this first line and print every third word in same line (original type smaller and first line ended at comma) but capitalize the fifth word that you write."
However, another entry shows:
"2016: Louisiana and Mississippi mandate instruction of handwriting in public schools. Without it, supporters argue, kids wouldn't be able to sign their names or read the Constitution."
.............................................................................................................
Addendum: I bought some pens with my fan club logo on them from National Pens. Now, almost every week I get a new sample of a pen with my logo and a "good price." I also have a few with my Niemand Associates logo on them, and I arranged for the Social Security Alumni Association to buy some with their logo to give out as advertisements.
Good friend, Mitzie L. sends to a special Internet site where they sell rejected pens. These are the ones that say things like: "Eat at Joe's Dinner." or "Go to our Weeb Site." She has a large collection. Sounds like fun to me.(I'd get involved if I wasn't so damn old.)
..........................................................................................................
Friday, August 19, 2016
Gypsy Curse; BBC; Mr. Trump; Pot; Cryptograms; Poem; Crooks; Free States
Not too hot... getting lots of tomatoes.
Gypsy Curse Cure Still Alive in NYC
The New York Post reports that four female slick-talkers were spinning tales about family curses. The "cursed" turned over "temporarily" bags of valuables for a "blessing ritual." The suspects took the bags and later returned them while they quickly disappeared. Only then did the gullible folks realize their valuables were gone and replaced by water bottles.
BBC Talk
I actually heard this sentence on the BBC report this morning:
"There is a certain amount of certain uncertainly on that issue."
Comparison
Robert LaRosa wrote to the Post:
"Trump has insulted the family of a slain soldier, called Mexicans rapists, called women pigs, called Vladimir Putin a friend and claims he's a business genius even after declaring bankruptcy...
. But Hillary used the wrong e-mail server.""
From a Long Time Ago
J. H. Plumb wrote an article for the Saturday Review in 1967, titled: "A Drug is a Drink Is a Smoke"
M.Mazharul Huq of my hometown, New Bedford, Massachusetts, took issue with the article as follows:
"Mr. Plumb states: 'However, we are not alone in our folly, after all, Islam permits marihuana and bans alcohol.' this is partly a false statement. Islam does not permit the use of marihuana or for that matter any other intoxicating drugs. According to the Koran all intoxicants be they alcohol or drugs are prohibited... I wonder from where Mr. Plumb gets the information that Islam permits the use of marihuana."
Incidentally, the Saturday Review of Literature was my favorite magazine for many years. It has long since died a respectable death. Some persons satirized the magazine as being pompous and some even called it The Satyr Dairy View. I loved it and miss it.
Literary Crypts
The Saturday Review always published a cryptogram to be broken to find a literary quote within the puzzle. I looked forward to this cryptogram every week. A couple of quotes uncovered follow:
James Thurber: "It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all."
A. A. Milne: "One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries."
Random Quote
Unamuno: "Only he who attempts the absurd is capable of achieving the impossible."
Spur of the Moment Poem
I had a job where I had to praise customers,
Another word for praise is EXTOL.
But the company had to let me go,
Because I stole.
Some more stuff from the New York Post
Apologetic Crook:
Katsutoshi Ozaki allegedly threatened a store clerk with a knife before stealing $15,000, police said. But guilt got the best of him and he returned later to make amends with the clerk, who promptly called police.
Horny Crooks
Caledon, Canada police said thieves snatched $1,5 million worth of elk, deer, and moose antlers.
Calling all Cars
Poor Carlo Bernarte complains that in the past 12 years, six cars have crashed into his North Carolina home. One car even sailed through his picture window.
Land of the Free
The Cato Institute placed New York state dead last in their list of "free" states, because of its high taxes and "heavy handed rules controlling daily life." Maryland ranked 46th. The most free State was listed as New Hampshire.. the second was Alaska.
....................................................................................................................
Gypsy Curse Cure Still Alive in NYC
The New York Post reports that four female slick-talkers were spinning tales about family curses. The "cursed" turned over "temporarily" bags of valuables for a "blessing ritual." The suspects took the bags and later returned them while they quickly disappeared. Only then did the gullible folks realize their valuables were gone and replaced by water bottles.
BBC Talk
I actually heard this sentence on the BBC report this morning:
"There is a certain amount of certain uncertainly on that issue."
Comparison
Robert LaRosa wrote to the Post:
"Trump has insulted the family of a slain soldier, called Mexicans rapists, called women pigs, called Vladimir Putin a friend and claims he's a business genius even after declaring bankruptcy...
. But Hillary used the wrong e-mail server.""
From a Long Time Ago
J. H. Plumb wrote an article for the Saturday Review in 1967, titled: "A Drug is a Drink Is a Smoke"
M.Mazharul Huq of my hometown, New Bedford, Massachusetts, took issue with the article as follows:
"Mr. Plumb states: 'However, we are not alone in our folly, after all, Islam permits marihuana and bans alcohol.' this is partly a false statement. Islam does not permit the use of marihuana or for that matter any other intoxicating drugs. According to the Koran all intoxicants be they alcohol or drugs are prohibited... I wonder from where Mr. Plumb gets the information that Islam permits the use of marihuana."
Incidentally, the Saturday Review of Literature was my favorite magazine for many years. It has long since died a respectable death. Some persons satirized the magazine as being pompous and some even called it The Satyr Dairy View. I loved it and miss it.
Literary Crypts
The Saturday Review always published a cryptogram to be broken to find a literary quote within the puzzle. I looked forward to this cryptogram every week. A couple of quotes uncovered follow:
James Thurber: "It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all."
A. A. Milne: "One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries."
Random Quote
Unamuno: "Only he who attempts the absurd is capable of achieving the impossible."
Spur of the Moment Poem
I had a job where I had to praise customers,
Another word for praise is EXTOL.
But the company had to let me go,
Because I stole.
Some more stuff from the New York Post
Apologetic Crook:
Katsutoshi Ozaki allegedly threatened a store clerk with a knife before stealing $15,000, police said. But guilt got the best of him and he returned later to make amends with the clerk, who promptly called police.
Horny Crooks
Caledon, Canada police said thieves snatched $1,5 million worth of elk, deer, and moose antlers.
Calling all Cars
Poor Carlo Bernarte complains that in the past 12 years, six cars have crashed into his North Carolina home. One car even sailed through his picture window.
Land of the Free
The Cato Institute placed New York state dead last in their list of "free" states, because of its high taxes and "heavy handed rules controlling daily life." Maryland ranked 46th. The most free State was listed as New Hampshire.. the second was Alaska.
....................................................................................................................
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Mr. Mellinger and Hollywood
Eventually, I will add this information to the Social Security book I am writing.
Mr. Mellinger, Movie Star
I met Bert Mellinger when I became a Programmer/Analyst at the Social Security Administration in Woodlawn, Maryland. Bert had come from one of the Payment Centers to help centralize the payment of Social Security checks. I liked Bert.
Bert was a little guy... barely 5 foot nothing... but a good dresser. He also had a very bad stutter. This meant that he would get teased a lot.. but it didn't diminish his analysis prowess.
We worked together for a few years and Bert was involved in some of the strange (childish?) activity that I set up in an attempt to relieve the tension of short deadlines and dumb service requests. For instance, he was a member of my Niemand Associates, my Red Tie Club, and the Wow Club.
Mild-mannered semi perverts like Bert liked the Wow Club, because of its racy material that was passed around to members. One of the items was an advertisement somewhat like this: "Send us $5 and we will let you know about 50 dealers who pass out free pictures of scantily clad ladies." Bert hurriedly mailed off the five bucks. After a few weeks, he received a letter in the mail with the names of those 50 dealers, and the following notice:
"Send us $100. and we will forward to you the addresses to go with the names."
Gotcha, Bert!
Bert was related to the famous Hollywood lingerie salesman also named "Mellinger." He often complained that they didn't want to correspond with him. But Bert showed them!
Bert retired in his 50's, and settled down in Florida. One day, as he was walking along a boardwalk, he noticed a new ad on a bulletin board. A Hollywood movie firm was looking for a character actor. Bert immediately called the number shown and had an interview. He was exactly what they had been looking for. And, guess what! they didn't care if he stuttered because he was needed for non-speaking parts.
Bert made a deal with the studio and got himself a manager. He became "Mister Mellinger," one of
the most sought after character actors in Hollywood, California.
One day in 1986, I got a telephone call from Bert, in which he told me about his new movie career and gave me instructions on where to look for him. Check out the bar scene in Porky's. I did, yes I did watch that stupid film and looked for Bert at the bar. Nope. I didn't see him. Burt called me to ask if I had seen him. I told him "no." So, he told me to watch it again very carefully because he is in the bar scene.
I watched that damn bomb over again, and guess what... in one bar scene Bert's face filled the screen for a few seconds. After that, I saw him over and over ... he was a fixture just like those characters in "Cheers!" Damned if Bert was not a movie star!
Bert sent me the following information about his career:
Movies:
Funhouse
Apocalypse Now
Porkys
Porkys II
The Island (he was the old old man)
Scarface
Absence of Malice
Harry and Son
Superfuzz (not a U.S. film)
Making Mr. Right (a speaking part!!)
Television
Miami Vice episode.
I Bert were still alive, he would probably be in his late 90's. I need to do some Internet searching to see if he is still with us.
..................................................................................................................
Mr. Mellinger, Movie Star
I met Bert Mellinger when I became a Programmer/Analyst at the Social Security Administration in Woodlawn, Maryland. Bert had come from one of the Payment Centers to help centralize the payment of Social Security checks. I liked Bert.
Bert was a little guy... barely 5 foot nothing... but a good dresser. He also had a very bad stutter. This meant that he would get teased a lot.. but it didn't diminish his analysis prowess.
We worked together for a few years and Bert was involved in some of the strange (childish?) activity that I set up in an attempt to relieve the tension of short deadlines and dumb service requests. For instance, he was a member of my Niemand Associates, my Red Tie Club, and the Wow Club.
Mild-mannered semi perverts like Bert liked the Wow Club, because of its racy material that was passed around to members. One of the items was an advertisement somewhat like this: "Send us $5 and we will let you know about 50 dealers who pass out free pictures of scantily clad ladies." Bert hurriedly mailed off the five bucks. After a few weeks, he received a letter in the mail with the names of those 50 dealers, and the following notice:
"Send us $100. and we will forward to you the addresses to go with the names."
Gotcha, Bert!
Bert was related to the famous Hollywood lingerie salesman also named "Mellinger." He often complained that they didn't want to correspond with him. But Bert showed them!
Bert retired in his 50's, and settled down in Florida. One day, as he was walking along a boardwalk, he noticed a new ad on a bulletin board. A Hollywood movie firm was looking for a character actor. Bert immediately called the number shown and had an interview. He was exactly what they had been looking for. And, guess what! they didn't care if he stuttered because he was needed for non-speaking parts.
Bert made a deal with the studio and got himself a manager. He became "Mister Mellinger," one of
the most sought after character actors in Hollywood, California.
One day in 1986, I got a telephone call from Bert, in which he told me about his new movie career and gave me instructions on where to look for him. Check out the bar scene in Porky's. I did, yes I did watch that stupid film and looked for Bert at the bar. Nope. I didn't see him. Burt called me to ask if I had seen him. I told him "no." So, he told me to watch it again very carefully because he is in the bar scene.
I watched that damn bomb over again, and guess what... in one bar scene Bert's face filled the screen for a few seconds. After that, I saw him over and over ... he was a fixture just like those characters in "Cheers!" Damned if Bert was not a movie star!
Bert sent me the following information about his career:
Movies:
Funhouse
Apocalypse Now
Porkys
Porkys II
The Island (he was the old old man)
Scarface
Absence of Malice
Harry and Son
Superfuzz (not a U.S. film)
Making Mr. Right (a speaking part!!)
Television
Miami Vice episode.
When I retired in 1995, my co-workers tried to get in touch with Bert so he could attend my retirement luncheon. But they had no luck. Instead, they made up a dummy "Bert" and propped him up next to me to share the fun.
I Bert were still alive, he would probably be in his late 90's. I need to do some Internet searching to see if he is still with us.
..................................................................................................................
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Alzheimer Prevention; Diet; Healthy Tips; Light; Einstein
Lots of violent thunderstorms all day. Serves us right for having such hot weather.
Digging through lots and lots of records, I found a Philander Gifford who wrote "The Logbook of the Ship Addison." This was a New Bedford whaling ship. I'm hoping that this Philander Gifford is my biological father. Time will tell.
Here is some more stuff from the latest Readers Digest.
Alzheimer Prevention
Dharma Singh Khalsa, MD has spent a lot of time studying the meditative tradition called Kirtan Kriya. He believes that 12 minutes a day with Saa Taa Naa and Maa can increase the flow of blood to the brain, and thereby slow cell aging. The procedure:
Breath deeply
Chant the Sanskrit words: Saa, Taa, Naa and Maa ("my devine self."
While moving your thumb to touch your index, middle, ring and pinkie fingers with each sound.
Healthful Diet "Limits"
Limit butter to one tablespoon per day
Limit cheese to less that one serving per week
Limit red meat to fewer than four meals per week
Limit fried and fast food to less that one serving per week
Limit sweets and pastries to fewer than five serevings every week
Follow this plan and get brain-boosting energy.
Tips for Mental and Pysical Health
Don't smoke
Keep your BMI under 25
Be physically active for at least 150 minutes a week
Keep your cholesterol under 200 mg/dl.
Keep your blood pressure under 120/80
Keep your blood sugar under 100
Eat a balanced diet of fruit, veggies and whole grains
Watch the salt
Watch the sweets
A Surprize
In 2012, an L.A. restaurant owner discovered that a neon light had been left on when it was walled over 77 years earlier. He had paid over $17,000 in electric bills for that damnable light!
It depends..
Albert Einstein: "When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it's only a minute, but when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it's two hours. That's relativity.
.......................................................................................................................................
Digging through lots and lots of records, I found a Philander Gifford who wrote "The Logbook of the Ship Addison." This was a New Bedford whaling ship. I'm hoping that this Philander Gifford is my biological father. Time will tell.
Here is some more stuff from the latest Readers Digest.
Alzheimer Prevention
Dharma Singh Khalsa, MD has spent a lot of time studying the meditative tradition called Kirtan Kriya. He believes that 12 minutes a day with Saa Taa Naa and Maa can increase the flow of blood to the brain, and thereby slow cell aging. The procedure:
Breath deeply
Chant the Sanskrit words: Saa, Taa, Naa and Maa ("my devine self."
While moving your thumb to touch your index, middle, ring and pinkie fingers with each sound.
Healthful Diet "Limits"
Limit butter to one tablespoon per day
Limit cheese to less that one serving per week
Limit red meat to fewer than four meals per week
Limit fried and fast food to less that one serving per week
Limit sweets and pastries to fewer than five serevings every week
Follow this plan and get brain-boosting energy.
Tips for Mental and Pysical Health
Don't smoke
Keep your BMI under 25
Be physically active for at least 150 minutes a week
Keep your cholesterol under 200 mg/dl.
Keep your blood pressure under 120/80
Keep your blood sugar under 100
Eat a balanced diet of fruit, veggies and whole grains
Watch the salt
Watch the sweets
A Surprize
In 2012, an L.A. restaurant owner discovered that a neon light had been left on when it was walled over 77 years earlier. He had paid over $17,000 in electric bills for that damnable light!
It depends..
Albert Einstein: "When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it's only a minute, but when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it's two hours. That's relativity.
.......................................................................................................................................
Monday, August 15, 2016
Sunday, August 14, 2016
Jimmy Carter; Jokes; Sensitivity; Weight; Doctor;
Too hot today to go outside. I watered the vegetable plants on the deck and was covered with sweat. My body was telling me that it needed to get out of this heat. I looked at the temperatures list in the New York Times today.. I was amazed to see that the temperature in Boston yesterday was 90, just a little less hot than here. But then.. New York City was also 90. I don't blame those dumpster water fillers for doing so.. anybody in NYC at 90 to 100 degrees probably was melting. Imagine living in one of the tenements without air conditioning.
Old Quick quotes, etc:
President Jimmy Carter: "My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers." (reported in Readers Digest)
Toastmasters: The first one to take a breath is the listener.
......................................................................
(During one of my stand-up comedy routines, I was called to task for not being sensitive to women. The ladies who were yelling at me would not believe that the jokes had been researched and given to my for the performance by my dear wife. Come on now... do we have to be sensitive to everybody and everything? Within reason.. we should not be cruel, but we still should have some fun.)
Anonymous: The wife of the Hunchback of Notre Dame irons her husband's shirts in a wok.
(Is that an unthinking statement today, because of our attitudes about the disabled?)
Tip for when you are being audited by the IRS: Tell the auditor that the only time you can meet with him is at 4 PM.
(Is that an unthinking statement today, because of our attitudes about Government workers?)
Jokester: "When I tried a recipe for Thanksgiving, I tried stuffing the turkey. Nobody told me the bird was supposed to be dead. I'll never forget the look of reproach on that bird's face."
(Is that an unthinking statement today, because of our attitudes about stupid people?)
Fatso: "I put on so much weight that I had to let out my shower curtain."
(Is that an unthinking statement today, because of our attitudes about the obese?)
Gillian Moore: "What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?"
"ELIFINO ... el if I no..."
Groan... groan....
Diagnosis
Doctor: "You have just two weeks to live."
Patient: "O.K., I'll take one in December and one in July."
Family Matter
Little Girl: "Grandfather, make like a frog.,"
Grandfather: " What do you mean, make like a frog."
Little Girl: "Daddy says we're going to get a lot of money when you croak."
..........................................................
Old Quick quotes, etc:
President Jimmy Carter: "My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers." (reported in Readers Digest)
Toastmasters: The first one to take a breath is the listener.
......................................................................
(During one of my stand-up comedy routines, I was called to task for not being sensitive to women. The ladies who were yelling at me would not believe that the jokes had been researched and given to my for the performance by my dear wife. Come on now... do we have to be sensitive to everybody and everything? Within reason.. we should not be cruel, but we still should have some fun.)
Anonymous: The wife of the Hunchback of Notre Dame irons her husband's shirts in a wok.
(Is that an unthinking statement today, because of our attitudes about the disabled?)
Tip for when you are being audited by the IRS: Tell the auditor that the only time you can meet with him is at 4 PM.
(Is that an unthinking statement today, because of our attitudes about Government workers?)
Jokester: "When I tried a recipe for Thanksgiving, I tried stuffing the turkey. Nobody told me the bird was supposed to be dead. I'll never forget the look of reproach on that bird's face."
(Is that an unthinking statement today, because of our attitudes about stupid people?)
Fatso: "I put on so much weight that I had to let out my shower curtain."
(Is that an unthinking statement today, because of our attitudes about the obese?)
Gillian Moore: "What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?"
"ELIFINO ... el if I no..."
Groan... groan....
Diagnosis
Doctor: "You have just two weeks to live."
Patient: "O.K., I'll take one in December and one in July."
Family Matter
Little Girl: "Grandfather, make like a frog.,"
Grandfather: " What do you mean, make like a frog."
Little Girl: "Daddy says we're going to get a lot of money when you croak."
..........................................................
Saturday, August 13, 2016
Swimming; Olympics; Katie Couric; Napping Intern; Pizza by Machine; Flying Bum; Beaver's Advantage
Unbelievably hot! No, maybe it's believable, since it seems to go on, day after day. Maybe we will get used to it.
For those who may not have listened to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell me, I will attempt to give you a taste of what you missed. (By the way, to those who accuse me of not fact checking what I publish or forward.... I assume WWDTM has done the fact checking already.)
Swim Time
Some country, maybe Turkey, has banned ladies swimming in Burkinis.. this requires more investigation.
Rio Olympics Safety 1
The head of security at the Rio Games, got mugged outside of a stadium entrance.
Rio Olympics Safety 2
Some of the blue swimming pool water suddenly turned green. Nobody knows why yet.
Anchor Lady
Katie Couric was interviewed and gave us these words: (Watchit! I may misquote.)
"I started interviewing when harass was two words instead of one."
"I learned that 'gravitas' was Latin for 'testicle.'"
Nap Time
An intern at a corporation was fired when he set up a bed for himself right in the middle of the "open space" office. The bed had sheets and blankets.
This reminds me of what one of my programmers would of done if he had thought of it. Instead, he took off his shoes and socks and manicured his toes for hours at a time. (I fired him once, but the Administration had him reinstated.)
Pizza Everywhere
A cheesy hot pizza vending machine has been set up next to an ATM at Xavier University in Ohio.
Here's Lookin' atcha!
The Brits have developed a workable blimp that consists of two rounded storage tanks linked together. People who have seen it up above them in the sky, have named it "The Flying Bum."
Waste Not, Want Not
A man with a prosthetic leg, lost the leg in a boating accident. He could not find the leg. However, two months later hikers found it as part of a beaver's dam.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
For those who may not have listened to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell me, I will attempt to give you a taste of what you missed. (By the way, to those who accuse me of not fact checking what I publish or forward.... I assume WWDTM has done the fact checking already.)
Swim Time
Some country, maybe Turkey, has banned ladies swimming in Burkinis.. this requires more investigation.
Rio Olympics Safety 1
The head of security at the Rio Games, got mugged outside of a stadium entrance.
Rio Olympics Safety 2
Some of the blue swimming pool water suddenly turned green. Nobody knows why yet.
Anchor Lady
Katie Couric was interviewed and gave us these words: (Watchit! I may misquote.)
"I started interviewing when harass was two words instead of one."
"I learned that 'gravitas' was Latin for 'testicle.'"
Nap Time
An intern at a corporation was fired when he set up a bed for himself right in the middle of the "open space" office. The bed had sheets and blankets.
This reminds me of what one of my programmers would of done if he had thought of it. Instead, he took off his shoes and socks and manicured his toes for hours at a time. (I fired him once, but the Administration had him reinstated.)
Pizza Everywhere
A cheesy hot pizza vending machine has been set up next to an ATM at Xavier University in Ohio.
Here's Lookin' atcha!
The Brits have developed a workable blimp that consists of two rounded storage tanks linked together. People who have seen it up above them in the sky, have named it "The Flying Bum."
Waste Not, Want Not
A man with a prosthetic leg, lost the leg in a boating accident. He could not find the leg. However, two months later hikers found it as part of a beaver's dam.
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Friday, August 12, 2016
Church Bulletin Mis-types
Another 100 degree day. A thunder storm at 7 pm dropped the temperature to 78... but, now that the rain has stopped, the temperature will probably go up again.
Pat Berg of Intertel sent me some church bulletin gems:
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus walks on the water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled because of a conflict.
The rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
Potluck supper Sunday at 5 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM in the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge -- Up Yours!"
..............................................................................
Now go and sin no more.
Pat Berg of Intertel sent me some church bulletin gems:
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus walks on the water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled because of a conflict.
The rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
Potluck supper Sunday at 5 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM in the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge -- Up Yours!"
..............................................................................
Now go and sin no more.
Thursday, August 11, 2016
Some Ideas on How to Run a Meeting
HOT! The temperature in my car hit 107 this afternoon. Our plants were all wilted and thanked me profusely when I gave them a nice drink of cool water. But there was a very strong breeze. Elaine wanted to see what our new porch umbrella looks like opened up. I should not have left it open because the wind picked it right out of it's container and threw it into the yard next door. Luckily, it didn't break and I was able to get it back to almost normal. However, now I must remember never to open the umbrella when the wind is blowing.
Here's a freebie, if you are still working or running a club in your retirement. You're welcome.
Toastmaster's Tips for Conducting a Meaningful Meeting
01. Have introductions and use first names.
02. Assign a recorder.
03. Square yourself to the table.
04. Limit the agenda.
05. Try to be yourself.
06. Face whoever is speaking.
07. Involve all attendees in the meeting.. solicit their input.
08. Allow any detractors to get their energy out.
09 Look detractors in the eye.
10. Never cross your arms.
11. Focus!
12. Go off-line with segues.
13, Keep it humorous.. or at least open to humor.
14. If you have an objective, make sure you accomplish it.
15. Summarize at the end.
................................................................................................
Here's a freebie, if you are still working or running a club in your retirement. You're welcome.
Toastmaster's Tips for Conducting a Meaningful Meeting
02. Assign a recorder.
03. Square yourself to the table.
04. Limit the agenda.
05. Try to be yourself.
06. Face whoever is speaking.
07. Involve all attendees in the meeting.. solicit their input.
08. Allow any detractors to get their energy out.
09 Look detractors in the eye.
10. Never cross your arms.
11. Focus!
12. Go off-line with segues.
13, Keep it humorous.. or at least open to humor.
14. If you have an objective, make sure you accomplish it.
15. Summarize at the end.
................................................................................................
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Sam the DTM; Insurance; Atheism; Answering Machine; Super Salesman; Wills; Lawyer
Hot and muggy.. I'm not having much ambition.
Sam Kaufman was a friend who decided to join Toastmasters at the age of 80. With the help of his son, Alan Kaufman, he was able to become the oldest DTM (Distinguished Toastmaster) in the U.S.
Sam had some sayings that I liked, and some jokes.
Sam sez: "Buying insurance keeps people poor, so they can die rich."
..................................................................
Sam's Joke Number 1: A "fashion plate" kind of guy died and his friend sent for a minister to say something at the funeral. The minister asked: "I don't know what to do... what religion was he anyway?"
The friend said, "He was an atheist."
The Minister said: "That's so sad. All dressed up and no place to go."
........................................................................
Sam's Joke Number 2: A guy with a lot of contacts had an answering machine set up in his car. He had this message plugged into the machine:
"Hi, I'm at home right now and can't come to the phone, but the next time I go for a drive I'll give you a call."
.............................................................................
Sam's Joke Number 3: A guy applied for a job at a haberdashery. The owner wanted to make sure the guy was a good salesman. He told him: "See that orange plaid suit hanging over there? If you can sell somebody that ugly thing, I will definitely hire you."
The next day, the boss sees that the suit has been sold and immediately hires the salesman. Curious, he asked: "Did you have any trouble with the customer?"
The salesman responded: "Not really, but his seeing eye dog gave me a fit."
.................................................................................
Sam sez: "A will is a dead giveaway."
....................................................................................
Sam sez: "A lawyer was doing so well, he bought his own ambulance."
......................................................................................
Sam Kaufman was a friend who decided to join Toastmasters at the age of 80. With the help of his son, Alan Kaufman, he was able to become the oldest DTM (Distinguished Toastmaster) in the U.S.
Sam had some sayings that I liked, and some jokes.
Sam sez: "Buying insurance keeps people poor, so they can die rich."
..................................................................
Sam's Joke Number 1: A "fashion plate" kind of guy died and his friend sent for a minister to say something at the funeral. The minister asked: "I don't know what to do... what religion was he anyway?"
The friend said, "He was an atheist."
The Minister said: "That's so sad. All dressed up and no place to go."
........................................................................
Sam's Joke Number 2: A guy with a lot of contacts had an answering machine set up in his car. He had this message plugged into the machine:
"Hi, I'm at home right now and can't come to the phone, but the next time I go for a drive I'll give you a call."
.............................................................................
Sam's Joke Number 3: A guy applied for a job at a haberdashery. The owner wanted to make sure the guy was a good salesman. He told him: "See that orange plaid suit hanging over there? If you can sell somebody that ugly thing, I will definitely hire you."
The next day, the boss sees that the suit has been sold and immediately hires the salesman. Curious, he asked: "Did you have any trouble with the customer?"
The salesman responded: "Not really, but his seeing eye dog gave me a fit."
.................................................................................
Sam sez: "A will is a dead giveaway."
....................................................................................
Sam sez: "A lawyer was doing so well, he bought his own ambulance."
......................................................................................
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
Zapped by a Stray Electrical Surge... Murphy's Law
Not bad.. 80 degrees, sun and low humidity. Elaine and I spent time at a Doctor's office, an up-scale mall, a Farmers' Market and a grocery store. It was an adventure, but I won't bore you with the details.
Instead, I will bore you with something else.
A few years ago, one of my "ACE" computer programmers, Chuck (Mert) Plummer gave me a copy of an article entitled: "How Washington and the World Really Work" by Paul Dickson. Mr. Dickson says that the Washingtonian magazine published a collection of laws, rules, and observations from the Murphy Center for the Codification of Human and Organizational Law. The Murphy Center at the time was the only "think tank" in America devoted to "the study of human imperfectability and the perverse nature of inanimate objects."
Paul lists some of the new "observations" that the Murphy Center has amassed in the past year or so. For example:
Banacek's Eighteenth Polish Proverb: "The hippo has no sting, but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee." (The Banacek TV show, from Leslie Nelson.)
(I spent an hour typing in some examples.. when a momentary blink caused me to lose everything except what is shown. This only happens rarely, but I don't feel like doing all that typing again, so, instead, I will try to type one of the "laws" within each blog entry.)
Instead, I will bore you with something else.
A few years ago, one of my "ACE" computer programmers, Chuck (Mert) Plummer gave me a copy of an article entitled: "How Washington and the World Really Work" by Paul Dickson. Mr. Dickson says that the Washingtonian magazine published a collection of laws, rules, and observations from the Murphy Center for the Codification of Human and Organizational Law. The Murphy Center at the time was the only "think tank" in America devoted to "the study of human imperfectability and the perverse nature of inanimate objects."
Paul lists some of the new "observations" that the Murphy Center has amassed in the past year or so. For example:
Banacek's Eighteenth Polish Proverb: "The hippo has no sting, but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee." (The Banacek TV show, from Leslie Nelson.)
(I spent an hour typing in some examples.. when a momentary blink caused me to lose everything except what is shown. This only happens rarely, but I don't feel like doing all that typing again, so, instead, I will try to type one of the "laws" within each blog entry.)
Monday, August 8, 2016
Notes from 1990; Rock and Roll; Love; Aging; Hemingway; My Word; My Music; Conan; Publius; Sal; Spy Joke; Lottery Joke
Hot and muggy... but I was able to sit on the deck for an hour or so doing my Nation's cryptic.
I came across some 1990 material today. That's 26 years ago, guys. Let's see what I liked back then.
Musical Expert
My Toastmasters friend, Alan Lang gave a remarkable speech in which he interspersed at least one hundred titles of famous Rock and Roll tunes, such as "Is that all there is?", "Can't get no satisfaction" and my favorite: "Ahab the Arab." Nicely done by an expert speaker.
Love Tip
Leo Buscalia said: "If you love somebody, for God's sake, tell them so!"
Aging Nicely, Thank You
Our friend, Hazel was asked how old she was. She replied: "Plenty Nine."
Earnest Honesty
Ernest Hemingway confessed that he revised "A Farewell to Arms" 39 times. "I just could not get the words right."
............................................................................................
During the 1990's there were two BBC radio shows that I could not do without hearing every Sunday afternoon: My Word and My Music were panel shows with famous Brits. My Word consisted of questions about words and allowed the contestants to make up great stories on the spur of the moment.
My Music had questions and examples related to all kinds of music, plus funny stories. Listening to this show, was better than college courses in music appreciation and comedy.
Here are a few examples:
My Word:
"I read a play by Beckett called "ennui." (Samuel Beckett 1906-1989)
"I read a play by Anouilh called "Becket." (Jean Anouilh 1910-1987)
"I leaped up to grab an overhanging branch and found that it was just a crack in my glasses."
My Music:
Re: Famous Lines: "When you were making love to me, at what point did you realize I wasn't my twin sister?"
Re: Historical Facts: In the Trojan war, one of the soldiers began to feel ill and the sargeant yelled: "Is there a doctor in the horse?"
Life Goals
Alan Lang gave another great speech in which he conducted an interview with Conan the Barbarian.
Alan: "Mr. Conan, what is your goal in life?"
Conan: "To crush my enemies, drive them from me and listen to the lamentations of their women."
Famous 1990 (AD or BC?) Sayings
Publius: "Speech is the mirror of the soul."
Sal DiStefano (studying to be a clown at Towson): "The tiger swallowed my balls while I was juggling."
1990 Jokes
The Spy
Sam Weinstein worked as a New York City musician; however, he was also a spy for Israel. He lived in a highrise in Brooklyn. One day, one of his fellow spies came to his house to give him a secret message. He glanced at the metal plate with the names of the tenants. He saw "S. Weinstein, apartment 100" so he knocked on the door. When the tenant opened the door, the spy started to say things in code.... "Wait a minute.." said the tenant. "Who are you looking for?" "Why, aren't you Sam Weinstein."
"Oh," said the tenant. "You want Weinstein the spy. He lives on the fifth floor. I'm Weinstein the butcher."
(Now... since I am not Jewish, I know I have messed this up. My Toastmasters friend, Allan Misch tells this perfectly, as he does all of his jokes.)
The Lottery
A man hit the lottery. He immediately called his wife. "Pack your clothes, I've hit the lottery!"
The wife excitedly says, "What kind of clothes should I pack? For warm weather or cold weather?"
The husband replies, "I don't care, as long as you are gone by the time I come home."
........................................................................................................................
I came across some 1990 material today. That's 26 years ago, guys. Let's see what I liked back then.
Musical Expert
My Toastmasters friend, Alan Lang gave a remarkable speech in which he interspersed at least one hundred titles of famous Rock and Roll tunes, such as "Is that all there is?", "Can't get no satisfaction" and my favorite: "Ahab the Arab." Nicely done by an expert speaker.
Love Tip
Leo Buscalia said: "If you love somebody, for God's sake, tell them so!"
Aging Nicely, Thank You
Our friend, Hazel was asked how old she was. She replied: "Plenty Nine."
Earnest Honesty
Ernest Hemingway confessed that he revised "A Farewell to Arms" 39 times. "I just could not get the words right."
............................................................................................
During the 1990's there were two BBC radio shows that I could not do without hearing every Sunday afternoon: My Word and My Music were panel shows with famous Brits. My Word consisted of questions about words and allowed the contestants to make up great stories on the spur of the moment.
My Music had questions and examples related to all kinds of music, plus funny stories. Listening to this show, was better than college courses in music appreciation and comedy.
Here are a few examples:
My Word:
"I read a play by Beckett called "ennui." (Samuel Beckett 1906-1989)
"I read a play by Anouilh called "Becket." (Jean Anouilh 1910-1987)
"I leaped up to grab an overhanging branch and found that it was just a crack in my glasses."
My Music:
Re: Famous Lines: "When you were making love to me, at what point did you realize I wasn't my twin sister?"
Re: Historical Facts: In the Trojan war, one of the soldiers began to feel ill and the sargeant yelled: "Is there a doctor in the horse?"
Alan Lang gave another great speech in which he conducted an interview with Conan the Barbarian.
Alan: "Mr. Conan, what is your goal in life?"
Conan: "To crush my enemies, drive them from me and listen to the lamentations of their women."
Famous 1990 (AD or BC?) Sayings
Publius: "Speech is the mirror of the soul."
Sal DiStefano (studying to be a clown at Towson): "The tiger swallowed my balls while I was juggling."
The Spy
Sam Weinstein worked as a New York City musician; however, he was also a spy for Israel. He lived in a highrise in Brooklyn. One day, one of his fellow spies came to his house to give him a secret message. He glanced at the metal plate with the names of the tenants. He saw "S. Weinstein, apartment 100" so he knocked on the door. When the tenant opened the door, the spy started to say things in code.... "Wait a minute.." said the tenant. "Who are you looking for?" "Why, aren't you Sam Weinstein."
"Oh," said the tenant. "You want Weinstein the spy. He lives on the fifth floor. I'm Weinstein the butcher."
(Now... since I am not Jewish, I know I have messed this up. My Toastmasters friend, Allan Misch tells this perfectly, as he does all of his jokes.)
The Lottery
A man hit the lottery. He immediately called his wife. "Pack your clothes, I've hit the lottery!"
The wife excitedly says, "What kind of clothes should I pack? For warm weather or cold weather?"
The husband replies, "I don't care, as long as you are gone by the time I come home."
........................................................................................................................
Sunday, August 7, 2016
The New York Post; Melania Trump; Political Flags; Razor Blade Thieves; Weird Medical Remedies; Smart dogs; Smart Bird; Drunk Sign;
Hot, but not too muggy. I sat under our new patio umbrella and did the NYT Acrostic. Pleasant.
The New York Post... is that scandalous "rag" that I like to read once in a while. Remember, I said that they hate Hillary.. well, I notice that they are starting to hate Donald... along with 59% of the population. He gets a lot of attention because nobody (not even himself) knows what he is going to say next. It's fun.
Here are a few of the Post's items for yesterday that I found interesting:
Melania Trump in the Nude
Letter to the Editor from Patricia Comerford said: "Thanks a bunch for showing three pages of 'revealing' photos of Melania Trump Sunday morning. Now to even things out, you absolutely must publish some photos of Bill Clinton naked. Eww... never mind."
Advertisement
Miscellaneous for Sale:
3 ft x 5 ft outdoor flag
HILLARY
3 ft x 5 ft outdoor flag
TRUMP
Both $24.95 each
Bare Faced Robbers
News Item: Three Massachusetts men were indicted for selling $200,000 worth of razor blades on ebay that were stolen from the Boston's Gillette Factory where one of them worked.
Weird Remedies
The Post highlights some information from Dr. H. Eric Bender, who co-wrote "1 Out Of 10 Doctors Recommends: Drinking Urine, Eating Worms and Other Weird Cures, Cases, and Research From the Annals of Medicine."
Three special treatments:
o Melittin, a toxin in bee venom may be beneficial in destroying HIV while preserving normal cells. It also my be good for treating hepatitis and herpes.
o Bear bile has been used in China for years to improve eyesight and fight off the flu. Good luck in getting the bear to cooperate.
o Rhino horns are in demand since some big-shop says it helped cure his cancer. Rhinos are endangered so don't get too excited.
Smart Dogs?
Weird but True item: A lady locked her two dogs into her car with the windows up and the motor running, so that the dogs would have air conditioning. However, the dogs must have become irritated at how long she was taking and attacked the parking brake and somehow shifted into first gear and rammed into the front of the store. Luckily neither dog nor human was hurt.
Fun for State of Mainers.. how they Harass People in New Hampshire
Weird but True item: Some clown spray painted the words "I'm drunk" on the side of police headquarters in Portsmouth, New Hampshire.
Any Calls for Me"?
Weird but True item: An eagle attacked Coast Guard Lt. Andres Ayure on Ballyhoo Mountain in Alaska. It ripped off his "hoodie" and caused him to drop his cellphone. The savvy bird pecked at it a couple of times and then picked it up and carried it away to its aerie.
............................................................................................................
The New York Post... is that scandalous "rag" that I like to read once in a while. Remember, I said that they hate Hillary.. well, I notice that they are starting to hate Donald... along with 59% of the population. He gets a lot of attention because nobody (not even himself) knows what he is going to say next. It's fun.
Here are a few of the Post's items for yesterday that I found interesting:
Melania Trump in the Nude
Letter to the Editor from Patricia Comerford said: "Thanks a bunch for showing three pages of 'revealing' photos of Melania Trump Sunday morning. Now to even things out, you absolutely must publish some photos of Bill Clinton naked. Eww... never mind."
Miscellaneous for Sale:
3 ft x 5 ft outdoor flag
HILLARY
3 ft x 5 ft outdoor flag
TRUMP
Both $24.95 each
Bare Faced Robbers
News Item: Three Massachusetts men were indicted for selling $200,000 worth of razor blades on ebay that were stolen from the Boston's Gillette Factory where one of them worked.
Weird Remedies
The Post highlights some information from Dr. H. Eric Bender, who co-wrote "1 Out Of 10 Doctors Recommends: Drinking Urine, Eating Worms and Other Weird Cures, Cases, and Research From the Annals of Medicine."
Three special treatments:
o Melittin, a toxin in bee venom may be beneficial in destroying HIV while preserving normal cells. It also my be good for treating hepatitis and herpes.
o Bear bile has been used in China for years to improve eyesight and fight off the flu. Good luck in getting the bear to cooperate.
o Rhino horns are in demand since some big-shop says it helped cure his cancer. Rhinos are endangered so don't get too excited.
Smart Dogs?
Weird but True item: A lady locked her two dogs into her car with the windows up and the motor running, so that the dogs would have air conditioning. However, the dogs must have become irritated at how long she was taking and attacked the parking brake and somehow shifted into first gear and rammed into the front of the store. Luckily neither dog nor human was hurt.
Fun for State of Mainers.. how they Harass People in New Hampshire
Weird but True item: Some clown spray painted the words "I'm drunk" on the side of police headquarters in Portsmouth, New Hampshire.
Any Calls for Me"?
Weird but True item: An eagle attacked Coast Guard Lt. Andres Ayure on Ballyhoo Mountain in Alaska. It ripped off his "hoodie" and caused him to drop his cellphone. The savvy bird pecked at it a couple of times and then picked it up and carried it away to its aerie.
............................................................................................................
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