The Great Stupnagle Cobolski Answers Questrion

Hot and very muggy!  Elaine and I did the "old folks" thing.... we got our toenails cut.  Erik Diamond, our podiatrist informed us that Medicare will only pay for about three quarters of nail cuttings in two years.  He figures that we would have to go over 5 months in between visits... which to his mind, and mine, is too long.  By that time, our nails would be talons.

Almost 50 years ago!

I can't believe it.  It's just like yesterday to me.  In 1970, our Social Security division decided to have a picnic at beautiful Patapsco Park.  At the time, I was running Niemand Associates at Woodlawn.  This was an unofficial organization I created, to increase computer programmers' morale in a very sensitive and frustrating job.  So, seeing an opening, I volunteered to set up the picnic, and thereby, have some fun for my members.  I kind of took over the entertainment.

Today, I found a copy of the Picnic "program.  The picnic took place on August 27, 1970,  exactly 46 years ago, next Saturday. Part of  the entertainment was titled:

The "One and Only"  Stupnagle Cobolski answers questions from the audience (on 3x5 cards.)

Ed Konizeski was Cobolski and I asked the questions found on the cards. (Many of the answers were ad lib.)

1.  Ques.  Would you vote for a woman president?
      Ans.   Yes, dear.

2.   Ques.  Do ;you believe the equal time doctrine will be the downfall of the Democratic Party?
      Ans.   Not unless they get equal time.

3.   Ques.  What is your view of pornography?
      Ans.    20-20

4.   Ques. What quarterback holds the record for total gains in one season?
       Ans.  John Brody, $1,000,000.

5.   Ques.  Is it true that the Windsor Mill Inn serves lunch?
      Ans.    I don't know.  When I was there, they were all out of glasses.

6.   Ques.   Are you afraid of heights?
      Ans.     No, but widths terrify me.

7.   Ques.   Do you think that computers would have avoided the recent drop in the stock market?
      Ans.     To the best of my knowledge, in that drop, no computer lost a penny.\

8.   Ques.    Is it true that Bernie Rubin is coming back as Mr. Hanna' right-hand man?
      Ans.      ....

(Bernie was a programmer who suddenly disappeared.  Mr Hanna was head of Health and Human Services at the time.)

9.   Ques.   My name was left out of the Social Security Administration phone book.  What should I do?
      Ans.    Nothing.  You will shortly get a bill for the unlisted number.

10.   Ques.  How do you keep a moron busy for hours? (Over) How do you keep a moron busy for hours?  (Over)
        Ans. ....

11.   Ques.  What is the solution to the Marijuana problem?
         Ans.   I think we should feed all that grass to cows... then everyone would drink a lot of milk.

12.    Ques.  Do you object to nudity on stage"
         Ans.    No, come on up.

13.    Ques.  My job is supposed to run on Kluge "A,"  but they always run it on Kluge "B".  What can I do?
         Ans.    Always consult your dentist in cases of malocclusion.

("Kluge" was a name for an area filled with massive computers devoted to one task.)

14.   Ques.   When will Joe Vaughan get his grade 14?
        Ans.     He hasn't started to act like a grade 13 yet.

15.   Ques.    What is  your idea of a really good time?
        Ans.      8:15

16.   Ques.    What do you think of the new pollution free car that runs on refrigeration gas?
        Ans.      I'm against it.  Plumbers already make more than auto mechanics.

17.    Ques.   Do you believe in equal rights for women?
          Ans.    Yes, dear.

18.     Ques.   Can a man have fun with an old-fashioned girl?
           Ans.    It depends on how many old-fashions she's had.

19.      Ques.   Is it true that they recently fenced in the Baltimore zoo?
           Ans.     Only the small downtown area was fenced in.  The main area at Woodlawn is still free and open.

(Woodlawn was the home for Social Security programmers.)

20.   Quest.  What do you think of free love?
        Ans.     The price is right.

Times have changed and the reaction to this skit today would probably not be the same as when we gave it in 1970  We had them rolling in the aisles with laughter. (Believe it or not.)
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