SOME MORE VITAL INFORMATION

WORDLE Fun

Very tough word today.  Good luck! 

More Fructophobia

The Washington Post reports that the Roman Emperor Vespasian was the first person to be "pelted with produce."  In this case it was parsnips.

After being recently reelected as France's President, Monsieur Macron was "pelted with produce."  In this case it was cherry tomatoes.  He was saved by a strategically-placed umbrella.

La Tomatina is a festival held in Bunal, Spain,  where participants enjoy being "pelted with produce."  In this case it is tomatoes.  To avoid the danger that our former President mentioned, the tomatoes are smashed before being thrown..  

Do you like to do puzzles?

Humorous Journalist and Author A. J. Jacobs has written a book about all kinds of puzzles.  If it is anything like his earlier work, I would hurry to get a copy. 

I don't like its current price, but since it is marketed by Random House, Westminster, Maryland, where I live, maybe I can purchase it "in house" for a cheaper price.  Yes, I've become a "cheapskate" in my dotage.

(dotage = the period in life in which a person is old or weak)

Mr. Jacobs claims to complete four crossword puzzles each day, plus WORDLE and it's offshoots.  He does say he is confused when it comes to British Cryptics, which I love to work.

OK .. what is the book's title?   Well, of course, The Puzzler.

I enjoyed two of Mr. Jacobs' earlier books:

The Year of Living Biblically .. which was what he actually did and wrote about.  I think I will read it again.

The Know It-All .. which recounts his success in reading the Encyclopedia Britannica from A to Zed.

One of his books that I missed was It's All Relative that I assume is about Genealogy.  I'll have to get a copy .. if it's cheap enough.

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I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!

The Rev?

Me? Moi? A minister? No way!

I never performed a marriage ceremony, but I did give scores of eulogies as a board member or leader of several Senior Citizen groups, and I did help some of my workers who had spiritual problems.

As a former Quaker, Baptist and Free Thinker, I always thought a lot about religion and how it could help me become a better person.  My religious contact when I was on Home Hospice tried hard to get me to become more religious.  She almost succeeded.

Fructophobia

Yesterday I forgot to mention why it was thought that tomatoes are dangerous.  It's because they have seeds that could hurt you when thrown.

Unknown Callers

I mentioned that I purchased a machine that screens telephone calls and blocks those that do not show  numbers on "Caller Id."  That is working great.  Several bad callers are  being blocked each day.  My life has become more peaceful.

However, with the "good," comes the "bad." My answering machine is now not working.  I need to contact my telephone provider and get the problem fixed.

Puns

Elaine's daughter provided us with some award-winning puns: (Actually in Mensa such puns are called FEGHOOTS)

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

His goal: Transcend dental medication.

( Did you like that, Amy Vaughan?)

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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

 

This made him . . . a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.

OY!

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Someone sent me these thoughts:

Did you ever notice that when you put the two words "They" and "IRS" together it spells "theirs?"

Forms ask you who to call in an emergency.  My reply is "an ambulance!"

Birds of a feather flock together, and then crap on your car.

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth (or my writing fingers.)

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 A NUMBER OF THINGS

Words

WORDLE

Remember that sometimes the solution word uses duplicate letters.

Captions

Last night some song lyrics said: "I'll show you the old fishing hole."

Closed captioning showed: "I'll show you the old vision, Oh!"

New Word?

Have you heard this?  "eechutha"

It's supposed to be "each other."

Poetry

As I get older, I get more interested in poetry.

Here are some books about poetry that I may download to my Kindle:

"Immortal Poems in the English Language" edited by Oscar Williams.

"How to Read a Poem and fall in love with Poetry" also by Oscar Williams.

"The Heart of American Poetry" by Edward Hirsch.

"Rhymes Rooms" by Bret Leithauser

Books

A Tennessee State Representative was asked what he would do with those books that the state has deemed inappropriate for libraries:

I think he responded: "... I would burn them..."

Fructophobia

A former U.S. President has declared bananas to be  a "dangerous" fruit.  Also tomatoes and possibly blue berries.  Check it out!

(Fructophobia = "fear of fruits")

Longevity

A resident of Saint Helena Island in the South Atlantic is celebrating his 190th birthday.

Jonathon Tortoise arrived full-grown on the island in 1882.  Experts say that he was hatched in 1832.

Even at this old age and with no eyesight or sense of smell, he still enjoys robust meals. If you meet him, he might like you to rub his shell. Just don't rub him the wrong way and stay clear of his sharp  beak.

Some say that there may be sharks that are older than Jonathon.  What brave soul figured that out?

Remembrance

I like this Jewish proverb for people who have died: 

"As long as we live, they too will live, for they are a part of us, as we remember them."

Moby?

In 2019, a large white whale surfaced in Norway wearing a harness.  Experts speculated that the whale was part of a Russian program to use nautical mammals like dolphins to search for underwater explosives.

The Norwegians named the whale "HVALDIMIR."  Hval is Norwegian for whale and dimir relates to Vladimir Putin.

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 DIPPING INTO MY FILES

Animals

American author, professor and actor (1978), Elena Passarello wrote a book of essays in 2017 called "Animals Strike Curious Poses."

This is a bestiary of famous animals and their human friends, and how their interaction occurs.

(bestiary = A collection of descriptions or representations of real or imaginary animals)

 Some subjects:

The Recently Uncovered Wooly Mammoth

"Up from the mummy on that ice-cave slab comes a linked chain of animals, all of them pointing backward,"

Mozart's Pet Starling

(Vogel Staar (1785) "At the moment it locks in on your Mozartean whistle, the little bird will only blink, aiming it's entire soundless self toward the music coming from you.")

Mozart would whistle a tune and his pet starling would whistle back a deviant copy.

St. Francis and the Wolf of Gubbio

Legend:  A wolf terrorized the city of Gubbio until St Francis tamed it.

Jeoffry: The Poet's cat.

Supposedly true:  Book by Oliver Soden

"Jeoffry was a real cat who lived 250 years ago, confined to an asylum with Christopher Smart, one of the most visionary poets of the age."

Duerer's Rhinoceros 

In 1515, Albrecht Duerer drew a magnificent picture of a rhinoceros which caused a sensation. 

Mr. Ed 

Enough said!

Cecil the Lion

For over ten years an enormous lion became the lure for people to visit Hwange National Park in Zimbabwe.  He was not afraid of people and people were not afraid of him. 

An American bow hunter killed Cecil because he would become a sought-after trophy. (Why is it always thoughtless Americans?)

Koko the Gorilla

Koko lived for 46 years at the Gorilla's preserve in the Santa Cruz Mountains of California.  

She mastered sign language and had a pet kitten.

That reminds me:

When I was seven or eight-years old, my Aunt Marjorie took me to watch the parade of the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus.

Two things occurred there that gave me nightmares for years:

A boy about my age was hitching a ride on the bar connecting two wagons.  He fell off and was squashed to death.

A wagon rolled by that held Gargantua, the mean-looking circus gorilla.  He glared at me through the cage bars and scared me silly.

I later learned to love that circus and often helped them pull the "big-top" up and tear the "big-top" down.

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 WELCOME ABOARD

Wink, Wink!

This morning, after I had worked on WORDLE, I winkled information about "The Wrinkle in Time."

This is a part of a series of young adult science fantasy books written by American Christian author, Madeleine L'Engle (1918 - 2007).  It concerns a lovable family that travels through the wondrous universe in a customized Whirlybird, fighting evil guys, and showing how family love and goodness conquers all wars.

Disney produced a movie called "A Wrinkle in Time" which slightly relates to L'Engle's stories..

(winkle = (verb) To obtain with great difficulty)

A winkle (noun) can also relate to a mollusk with a spiral shell.

That reminds me of the time when my Portuguese-American friends and I searched the long stretches of New Bedford, Massachusetts beach front looking for periwinkles.  Not the pretty little flowery plant, but the tiny snails that like to attach themselves to the bottoms of boats and on the moist surfaces of large rocks.  My friends called them "peeny winkles."

We would always carry "common pins" with us (they had to be rusty) and used them to pull out the creatures ensconced (so they thought) in their tiny shells.  They would then be devoured with great delight by my friends.

I tried them once, but felt nauseous and never tried them again.  I just liked to be with my friends on their quests. 

I don't think I would want to try escargot. Yuk!

Incidentally, our food protectors have labeled periwinkle meat "unsafe to eat."  It may destroy your liver in time.

Winkle reminds me of a song sung by "The Simon Sisters (folk singers). "Winkin' Blinkin' and Nod" was based on a poem by Eugene Field (1850 - 1895).

"Wynkin' and Blynkin' and Nod one night

Sailed off on a wooden shoe ...

... Wynkin' and Blynkin' are two little eyes

 And Nod is a little hand

And the wooden shoe that sailed the skies

Is a wee one's trundle bed.

So close your eyes while mother sings

Of the beautiful sights to see

And you will see the wonderful things 

As you rock in your misty sea,"

This is very soothing to me and I'll bet my mother read the poem to me to get me to go to sleep.

That reminds me of the Scottish nursery rhyme: Wee Willie Winkie," written by William Miller in 1841 for the poetry and song anthology "Whistle-binkie."

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,

Upstairs and down stairs in his night-gown.

Tapping at the window, crying at the lock,

Are the  children in their bed, for it's past ten o'clock?"

"Wee Willie Winkie is a ghost who must go to bed by 8 or he will lose his ghostly powers."

 

When I first made contact with some folks in Germany, they asked me about my last name "Vaughan."  I mistakenly said that it was pronounced by their word "von.'

"Ah, so you are from royalty?"

("Von" is pronounced in German like "fon" in English so I changed and said it should be pronounced like "won" in German and then it worked.

Don't forget to try these Podcasts:

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me

What's News

Why is This Happening?

WSJ Wall Street Journal

As we Work

WHO?

The Weekly

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 LIFE IN ALL ITS GLORIES!

L'Chaim!

A la vida!

Para a vida!

Don bheatha!

To Life!

I just got through cleansing my soul with the music of Herr Mozart. In his early thirties, he said: "I must confess that when I lay down to sleep, I know that I may not be here in the morning."

He did live fully in the few years left to him.  He even took the time to write several operas, including my favorite: "The Marriage of Figaro," a paean to love, forgiveness and life.

(paean = expression of praise)

Would you like to live forever?

Recently, a 117-year-old lady passed.  The Social Security files showed a gentleman who lived to 120, but whose birth date was in question.  (This, of course did not cause any problems with his monthly benefits.) 

In a 2013 This Week article titled:  "The Quest for Immortality," a number of questions were listed:

How long can humans live?

Scientists think that the maximum human life span is 125 years.   Gerontologist Aubrey de Gray believes that that there is a 50-50 chance that aging may come under control by 2038.  

What is aging exactly?

Entropy or oxidation.  We may just "run down" or "rust out," take your pick.

Are there ways of avoiding this decline?

Consume less calories.  Near-starving people live longer, supposedly.

 Is there a better alternative?

Replacement of failing organs. Stem-cell usage?

How could aging be cured?

Manipulate our genes to prevent telomeres from degenerating.

So, is immortality a possibility?

Noted computer guru, author and inventor Ray Kurzweil (The Age of Spiritual Machines - 1999) says by 2045 we will merge with computers and become immortal  

Should we want to live forever?

Would you like to have thousands of 150-year-olds roaming the streets?

"Ethicist Leon Kass argues that finite life spans are necessary 'for treasuring and appreciating all that life brings.'"   (HUH?)

There is a tiny sea creature called Turritopsis dohrnii which is a form of jellyfish that grows younger and younger until it becomes a polyp, and then proceeds to cycle back to live again.

It is nicknamed "The Benjamin Button Jellyfish" after the F. Scott Fitzgerald character which ages in reverse.  Scientists are studying how the jellyfish's magic could be applied to humans.

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 SOME MORE TRIVIA

I know - I do ramble on.  But I can't help myself. I just hope that you don't think of me as a cockalorum, even though I do talk a lot about my life experiences.

(cockalorum = a self-important person)

Computer Ink

Months ago I purchased a "remanufactured" color ink cartridge for my Canon printer.  I didn't need it at the time so I kept it in a desk drawer until I did need it.  That time came yesterday.

I took out my old cartridge and after ten minutes trying to figure a way to open the shipping container for the new one, I was able to insert the "new" cartridge.

I probably should have not been surprised when the printer would not let me use this Chinese  "interloper."  No matter what I did based on the miniscule "manual" that came with the new cartridge, nothing worked.

Also, handling the cartridge I coated my fingers and shirt with heavy black ink stains.  (I thought it was supposed to be a color cartridge.)

This reminds me of something Arthur Godfrey said long ago. "Always pay a little more and go first class.  You'll never regret it."

I "cheaped out" on ink and got junk.

Class Distinction

When I was in Germany, trains had three classes. 

Third Class was always crowded with people holding pooping animals, people enjoying baskets of stinky food and people who forgot to use deodorant that morning.

Second Class was quieter, cleaner and more pleasant.  One could eat vendor-prepared meals, purchased at numerous station stops.

First Class was wonderful.  Food and services were delivered to you. It was always designed to make you feel like you were royalty. 

I was only able to go First Class on a few occasions, and never on the Orient Express.

In the U.S. when I traveled by train, I always paid a bit more for "Business Class," where I was offered a free drink or two and a nicely pressed newspaper; usually The Wall Street Journal.

Since my airline flights were always of the "white knuckle" variety, First Class wouldn't have made any difference to me.

WIKI?

This week the New Yorker magazine had an article that I am trying to figure out.  It relates to groups interacting with Wikipedia.  (Is it true or just satire?)

Here are some insights (?) from the article:

"There are more than 6.4 million English-Language articles on Wikipedia."

Entry: "'Unknot,' a mathematical concept of the least-knotted possible knot."  

Entry: "Judaism in 'Rugrats' - six episodes are devoted to Jewish holidays."

Entry:  "The earliest-known bar joke, in ancient Sumerian:

A dog walked into a bar and said: 'I can't see a thing. I'll open this one.'

(I guess you had to be there.)

Questions from me about this: "... after X finished a class in which she dissected the brain of a fly ..."

(Is that possible?  What kind of a brain does a fly have?  I did not take college courses that could answer these questions.)

Subject:  "Tiger penis soup." 

(A very expensive Chinese delicacy.  I guess tigers aren't too keen on contributing to such a food.)

Entry:  "x to the eighth power is called zenzizenzizenzic."

Much of this was supposedly delivered as part of a one-time ninety minute show in Manhattan.

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 LOTS OF STUFF

WORDLE

I was sweating over today's word but solved it just in time to keep my 100% score.  It was a good workout for my brain.  It would have been easier if my beginning word was different.  But then it wouldn't have been so much fun.

Nothing Again

Today, RADIOLAB published a YOU TUBE session on the topic that I wrote about on April 18th.  It is an entertaining "take" on the famous "NULL" problem.  I shared the session on FACEBOOK.  You'll like it, I'm sure.

 

That Troublesome Ad

Last night I heard the new Honda ad four times in a 40 minute podcast, but today I listened to the Rachel Maddow Show podcast for 43 minutes without one of those ads.  Hooray!

Where Did My UNKNOWN CALLER's Go?

Ever since I can remember, Unknown Callers have been hogging my phone on an average of 20 times a day.  Suddenly they are gone -- why.

Well, it's because I purchased a call blocker machine from Amazon. Just a push of a button causes the machine to block any call that does not leave a telephone number on caller-id.

I can also block scam calls that do have telephone numbers, including whoever has been clogging my message receiver with the sounds of speeding trains.  Another Hooray!

 

The "Right" Whale

The Right Whale was so named because it was slow moving and easy to catch and also floated when killed, which made it easy to work on.  As cruel as killing those wonderful creatures was, its oil was used to light the world and its baleen was great for making girdles for the "royals" of Europe.

However, because they were easy prey, their numbers dwindled until there were only a few hundred left.

Just in time, oil was found under the American soil, and in a little while whaling became outlawed. Japan violates the ban, because the Japanese like whale steak. (In 1960, the famous Hausner's Restaurant in Baltimore had "Whale Steak" on its menu. My wife and I complained to Mrs. Hausner about it.)

The Right Whale number began to climb until the boat population expanded greatly and frequent collision with whales increased.

The Washington Post has published an interesting article telling how efforts are being made in Massachusetts to try to protect the Right Whales, which forage along the New England coastline during the Summer.

I have one problem with the article.  They say that Nantucket was the Whaling Capitol of the World. I believe that New Bedford, Massachusetts was.

Take a look at the over 100 whaling captain mansions on County Street or Hawthorn Street. And it is a fact that New Bedford was once the richest city in the world - because of whaling. 

Also, remember that Hetty Green was a New Bedford native (who looked like Allen Alda) and was the richest woman in the world ($5 billion in today's money - because of whaling. (My Aunt Marjorie and I once spent a weekend at her red-and-green mansion on Cuttyhunk Island. I think it's now a country club.)

Check out:  The Richest Woman in America, audio book by Janet Wallach, narrated by Coleen Marlo.

Or, the hard to get book: The Day They Shook the Plum Tree.

The Post also had an article about saving the beautiful mariposas.

(Mariposa is Spanish for butterfly, in the article that pretty creature is the monarch butterfly.)

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 A BEAUTIFUL SPRING DAY IN MARYLAND

The sun's rays woke me up early today.  Feeling good, after my morning chores, I dug in one of our plant boxes to make room for planting onion sets and radishes.

In my rush, I casually brushed against a plastic bucket and sliced a bit of my left hand.  I had forgotten that at my advanced age the skin is like tissue paper and easier to tear.

When I was involved with the Carroll County Aged and Disabled program, I invited the Baltimore Blind Society to give a talk and tell us what wonderful assistive devices were freely available.  

They brought a lot of freebies and one of them was a pair of gardening gloves, and I wondered why they gave those away.  Now I know.  As we grow older and our eyes grow dim, coverings are necessary to protect us from unnoticed sharp objects in our gardens.

And thank God for Band-Aids!

Language

Today's lecture by Professor McWorter covered the amazing conclusion by noted linguist Noam Chomsky that all children have an inborn capacity to use proper sentence syntax, no matter their native language. Part of being human.

WORDLE

I must revise my tip that one should have all common letters in the opening word.  What's the fun in that?

I now think that using uncommon-lettered words make your brain exercise more.  So what if it takes you all six tries to get the word.  At least you will have stretched your thinking muscles.

Some words to try:

clump

spasm

graph

money

chomp

Going to Pot

Today I read about Mike Tyson slugging an obnoxious fellow airplane traveler.  Mike says that Marijuana does not make you feisty and wasn't involved in the altercation.

Mr. Tyson now has a business selling items infused with "weed."

I don't pretend to be pythonic, but I do think that pot-laced products will take the place of alcohol for a "high" in days to come.

(pythonic = able to predict the future)

A Florida newly-wed recently hosted a post-nuptial party where almost all of the guests experienced vomiting, diarrhea or strange muscle contractions.

The illnesses were traced to the catered food.  Unbeknownst to the guests, the host had sprinkled Marijuana over all of the entrees!

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WHAT'S IN THE NEWS AND OTHER STUFF

I'm sure you will be happy to learn that I'm not going to talk about last night's dream.  I'll just mention the characters and topics.

The Social Security headquarters cafeterias.

My late wife.

My Cousin Tom.

A shifty-eyed student.

A stolen diabetes testing kit.

A series of elevators.

A cryptic message.

Can you make up a story using those ingredients?

 

Weird Words

Starting today, I will try to include a new word in my writing - every day. You can avoid them because reading them is a facultative activity.

(A synonym for facultative = optional,)

(The following comments are my "take" on news items that I encountered this morning.)

Requiring a BIG Detention Center

Representative Debbie Lesko of Arizona tweeted that one billion people were trying to enter the U.S. illegally in the past 6 months.

That would mean that 64 people per second were detained as they were climbing over fences or wading streams. 

Ms. Lesko has now removed her Tweet.

Human Batteries

Osaka, Japan researchers have developed a prototype wearable device that monitors blood pressure and pulse and also generates the power for the device from body movements.

Wow!  Just let your imagination soar and think about the applications that could utilize this function.

But, Senator ...You Said ... 

Senator Mike Lee of Utah has been caught in lies connected to our former president.

Wait! Wait!  Don't all U.S. Senators lie about something?  I thought it was a Congressional requirement.

Oh Good!

CNET.com reports that Rolls Royce is redesigning its hood ornament, "The Spirit of Ecstasy" to make it more aerodynamic.  Apparently they thought that the old version would lower the driving range for its electric models.

Better hurry to buy a Rolls with the old version, it may become a collector's item.

Doctor Acquitted

An Ohio Medical Doctor has been acquitted in a trial where prosecutors said that he had hastened the deaths of seriously ill patients by giving them massive doses of Fentanyl.  The doctor convinced the jury that he was only trying to ease the pain of dying patients.

When I had leg problems with 10-level pain, a famous Hopkins Dermatologist prescribed the application of fentanyl patches. Immediately my pain went away.  I wore the patches until my legs healed.  Afterwards I had to be weaned off the drug like an addict, but I don't know what I would have done without Fentanyl.

A Hardened Criminal?

An 8-year-old boy was pulled off his bicycle by Syracuse, New York policemen who arrested him.  He was charged with stealing a bag of Doritos. 

A bag of Doritos costs $3 at Walmart.

He was released in the custody of his father, who plans to sue. 

 

Confession

When I was 8-years-old my Uncle Jimmie gave me a hunting jacket.  It was a mile too big, but I loved it because its giant pockets were big enough to hold the packages of fig newtons that I snitched from the local A and P.

Luckily, I was never caught, but I did develop a lot of cavities.  I stopped my evil ways when relatives sent me to Sunday School. 

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 MORE GRAB BAG STUFF

Linguistics

Reza Aslan writes about his family sitting at the festive table at Christmas time. He is a Muslim from Iran, his wife is a Christian from Pennsylvania with one daughter who is a devout Muslim and another who is a devout atheist.

As their food got cold, the ladies argued about the merits of their beliefs and how people were different from each other because their religions, or lack thereof, are different from the others.

To try to teach them all a lesson, he told a Sufi parable:

"Four hungry travelers from different countries were trying to decide what to buy with the single coin they held in common.

The Persian wanted to spend the coin on angur; the Turk, on uzum; the Arab, on inab; and the Greek, on stafil. Confusion turned to anger as the four travelers argued among themselves. It took a passing linguist to explain to them that they all were, in fact, asking for the same thing: grapes!"

Speaking of linguists, I have started a Great Course on linguistics given by John McWhorter.  I've taken other courses given by him, and love his Podcast "Lexicon Valley."

Today he mentioned that English is one of only a couple of languages that use "do" as a "helper" word in a sentence.

"Do you like to read?"

"Why do you like to read?"

"Will you do me a favor?"

And we all use "up" as another "helper" word.

"Don't tie me up!"

"O.K. I give up."

"Beam me up, Scotty!"

What do those "do's" and "up's" mean?

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 FRAUD PREVENTION

Before I get to the main topic, I must direct your attention to some weird stuff (at least I think its weird.)

A Dream

This morning, an hour before I usually get up, my doorbell clanged and I was awakened from a long dream, which I can remember vividly.

I dreamt that I was alone in my home in Gamber, Maryland when someone pushed open my front door and barged in.  It was Will Smith (huh?.)

Will said he just wanted to play with a new friend, so I joined him in games and exercises. We did become good friends.

After a while a gigantic yellow school bus parked across my front door.  I figured it was a trick by our nasty next door neighbor.  I jumped on the roof of the bus and stumbled onto the neighbor's side deck.

His deck had just been painted a bilious green and it began to stick to my clothes.  I tried to escape by jumping off, but there was a 30 foot drop.  So, instead, I slid down a greasy pole that suddenly appeared.

Back at my house I greeted my wife who had been on a trip.  She looked confused and pointed to our mail box. Normally there was a sign saying, "Vaughan Residence," but now there was a plaque hanging below it saying, "And Will Smith and his Girlfriend, Second Floor."

As I was trying to decide how to get rid of that friendly rascal, the doorbell clanged and I woke up,

Now, what the heck does that mean?

Feminism

The makers of "Cracker Jacks" have begun manufacturing "Cracker Jills."

KOHL

Kohl, kajal or kajol is an ancient eye cosmetic favored by Cleopatra, Tammy Faye and the lady who says, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

I'm pleased to report that she is now up and says,

"I live alone, but I'm never alone.  I have "Life Alert."

(A good product, by the way.)

Fraud protection by AARP.

I was president of an AARP chapter for many years and proudly display some AARP awards that I earned, but I have to admit that I seldom read their Bulletin.

That is because it is printed on paper tissue that is hard to manipulate for us old timers.

However, for the April 2022 issue I thought of a way to make life easier. I used my scissors to cut along the edge of the paper package.  Thereby creating a pile of single sheets that can be rather easily thumbed through.

As I happily poured through the single sheets, I came upon a great article about fraud and how to protect yourself from it. I highly recommend it.

Here are some AARP tips for senior citizens and others:

1.  Never give your Medicare number to anyone who calls on the telephone.

2.  If you are offered a free genetic testing, it's a scam.

3. If you are asked for your Medicare information in exchange for COVID information, hang up.

4.  If a caller wants to help you get Medicare or Medicaid, it's a scam.

5.  Change your passwords on  accounts every three months.

6.  Passwords should be mase up of random words, numbers and symbols.

7.  Record your passwords in a secure place.  Never mention them in EMAIL or on a typed list labeled "passwords."  (Oh Oh!)

8.  Take alerts about data breaches seriously.  But be careful.

9.  Purge your social media profiles of personal information.

10. Clean out your wallet.

11.  Update the contacts on your phone.

12.  Add phone login protection.

13.  Review your credit reports, (Free)

14.  Add two-factor authentication to your online accounts.

15.  Refresh your Facebook security.

16.  Add AARP's number to your contacts: 

AARP Fraud Watch Network  877-908-3360 (free) 

 

If this is all like "Greek" to you, ask a techie or do some technical reading.  They are out to get you.  I know because I was scammed recently and thanks to my daughter and son I survived.

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 NOTHING?

Shakespeare wrote a farce called  Much Ado About Nothing,  but it was everything but. The play is riddled with puns, plays on words and double-entendres, all related to "nothing" and "noting."  James Joyce would have been proud to call it his inspiration for "Finnegan's Wake."

Today I listened to a podcast from "Radio Lab" that gave another twist to "nothing."

A California resident applied to the Motor Vehicle Administration (MVA) to have his last name on a vanity plate. Soon after, he started to get traffic ticket summonses for vehicle violations all over the state and for cars that did not belong to him. 

A little later, he got 30,000 "undeliverable" notices from the Post Office.

His name was Chris Null and may have been the only California resident who wanted his last name (NULL) stamped into his license plate. 

The word "null" is often used by computer programmers to signify either "nothing" or "absence of information."

He called some Government offices to find out why he was getting this weird mail.  Here is my "take" on what may have occurred.

Computer: "May I help you?"

Chris:  "Yes, I have a problem."

Computer:  "OK, may I have your last name?"

Chris: "Null."

Computer:  "May I have your last name, please?"

Chris"  "Null!"

Computer:  "I cannot process your request without a last name."

Chris: "Dammit, transfer me to a human!"

Computer:  "I cannot make transfers without a last name!"

Chris:  "Go to hell!"

Now this scenario may not be far from the truth, because of a computer programming error.

Should have said "IF LAST NAME IS "NULL" GO TO Chris' address. and

IF LAST NAME IS NULL APPLY DETECTION APPS

Instead it said:  "IF LAST NAME IS NULL GO TO Chris' address. 

If a police officer forgot to add the violator's last name to a ticket, that would cause null (nothing) to be shown where last name should be.

If a letter is "undeliverable" the last name is not shown and therefore they all would get sent to Chris.

Chris is a computer expert and showed the programmers their error, the tons of misdirected mail ceased and he got his NULL license tags. 

I have several Maryland friends whose last names are "Null."

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 HAPPY EASTER!

For years I have repeatedly written about the following:

Our yearly Easter trips to South Carolina

The South Carolina Catholic priest whose Easter homily was two words long: "He's back!

The famous Jack Benny half-hour show in which he and his girlfriend said "Happy Easter!" at least one hundred times. 

I am not a very religious person, but I do like these words that remind me of when I was a young and innocent Sunday School attendee:

"Christ the Lord is risen today,"

Sons of men and angels say.

Raise your joys and triumphs high;

Sing,  ye heavens, and earth reply."

This was written by Charles Wesley (1707 - 1788) who was an evangelist of great renown for his advocacy of Methodism, a "spin-off" from the Church of England.  

During his life, he wrote 6,500 hymns, including the one shown above and also the classic Christmas hymn, "Hark the Herald Angels Sing."

In 2011, it was estimated that there were over 70 million Methodists in the world.

In 1933, Irving Berlin revised a 1917 medley that he wrote and called: "Smile and Show your Dimple." It was first used in the 1933 revue, "As Thousands Cheer."  Later it was used in several films such as "Alexanders Ragtime Band," (Don Ameche - 1942), "Holiday Inn," (Bing Crosby - 1948) and "Easter Parade" (Judy Garland and Fred Astaire - 1948.)

Bing Crosby made it immortal!

"In your Easter bonnet, with all the frills upon it,

You'll be the grandest lady in the Easter Parade.

...

Oh, I could write a sonnet about your Easter bonnet,

And of the girl I'm taking to the Easter Parade."

I love that song. It brings back so many pleasant memories!

Oh, and don't forget the Baltimore "egg cracking" routine.)

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 RD GRAB BAG

More from Readers Digest (RD)

Language learning

For years I have read that language learning dies as one gets older.  However, per RD: "A University of Kansas study has shown that, given the opportunity for immersive training, adults can pick up a new language almost as easily as kids do."

Then, why am I having so much trouble trying to learn Hungarian?

What did you call me!

If you notice the following abbreviation on a doctor's examination report don't get upset.  S.O.B. is not derogatory, it just stands for "Shortness of Breath."

New word (to me)

RD has a word knowledge test in each issue, and I always find at least one word that is new to me.

This month's new word is "kelpie."

Rd says, "According to Scottish legend, kelpies (shape-shifting water spirits) lure unsuspecting travelers to drown in lakes (lochs) and rivers."

Are kelpies friends of Nessie?  Or, maybe Nessie is a kelpie. Some Scotsmen think so. I read that most of the Scottish waterways claim a kelpie.

Some say that one of its forms is that of a handsome man who is really Satan, and mothers use this information to scare children from jumping into streams and to warn them not to talk to handsome strangers.

There is an interesting painting by Herbert James Draper (1863 - 1920) called "The Kelpie."

Mr. Draper loved to draw beautiful naked ladies.  His work reminds me of the work of Alphonse Mucha (1860 - 1939), but Al kept his ladies clothed.

There is a dog breed called "Australian Kelpie."  It looks like a small German Shepherd and is expert at herding "sheep, cattle, and goats."

TMI?

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 IN MY OPINION

1.  Offensive advertisement (IMHO)

I just listened to a podcast that lasted 43 minutes.  Four times the podcast was interrupted so that the latest (IMHO) stupid ad for Honda vehicles could be aired.

A few months ago, an even more offensive (IMHO) Honda ad ran its course.  I was so happy when the ad went away, but now I'm unhappy again.

My son owns a Honda and he loves it.  I'm sure it is a fine automobile.  I just think that they should invest in a different ad agency (IMHO).  Other companies make do with just one ad per podcast session.

I know -- repetition works for sales, but I think that this repetition just irritates people like me.  

Did you notice my IMHO repetition?  I used it to show that this might be only my problem. 

2. The Reader's Digest (RD)

I've had a subscription to RD for many years, in fact, it was a favorite "read" for me in Germany  when I needed respite from my work assignments and my language studies. 

For the past couple of years the magazine has shown up sporadically, even though it is a monthly publication, so when an issue suddenly appears in my mailbox, it is a time for me to sit down and read it cover to cover.

Why do I like RD?

Because I trust their entries and I always learn something or laugh at some of their submitted jokes and humorous stories.

For instance, the May 2022 issue showed up yesterday, and I enjoyed the following:

How to properly cook bacon (Tip)

Twist the bacon before placing it in the pan to guarantee it will be "ultra crispy." 

What does "up" mean?  (Info)

We wake up.

We bring a topic up.

We speak up.

We write up a report.

We call someone up.

We warm up leftovers.

We fix up broken things.

etc etc

The dictionary, per RD defines "up": "Toward the sky or at the top of the list."  How does that fit for the above-mentioned phrases?  

I give up!

What does "ARF, ARF" or "Meow" mean? (Info)

RD quotes Emily Goodman on messages from our pets, like"

"Put down your phone!"  (I need your full attention.)

"Feed me!"

"I'm stressed." (Licking your face for an extended period.)

"My rear end in your face is a compliment." (This is not sexual. A cat sees you as a maternal figure.)

"You make me so happy!" Tail wagging, and "when your pets put their paws on you, seemingly for no reason, they're gently showing you their gratitude."

(When Elaine was taking her sick Siamese cat Buffee to the vets, Buffee took her paw, patted Elaine's cheek, and died in her arms.)

Ms Goodman lists eight other things that pets are saying to their owners. 

                

WOOF!

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