I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!

The Rev?

Me? Moi? A minister? No way!

I never performed a marriage ceremony, but I did give scores of eulogies as a board member or leader of several Senior Citizen groups, and I did help some of my workers who had spiritual problems.

As a former Quaker, Baptist and Free Thinker, I always thought a lot about religion and how it could help me become a better person.  My religious contact when I was on Home Hospice tried hard to get me to become more religious.  She almost succeeded.

Fructophobia

Yesterday I forgot to mention why it was thought that tomatoes are dangerous.  It's because they have seeds that could hurt you when thrown.

Unknown Callers

I mentioned that I purchased a machine that screens telephone calls and blocks those that do not show  numbers on "Caller Id."  That is working great.  Several bad callers are  being blocked each day.  My life has become more peaceful.

However, with the "good," comes the "bad." My answering machine is now not working.  I need to contact my telephone provider and get the problem fixed.

Puns

Elaine's daughter provided us with some award-winning puns: (Actually in Mensa such puns are called FEGHOOTS)

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

His goal: Transcend dental medication.

( Did you like that, Amy Vaughan?)

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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

 

This made him . . . a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 

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There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.

OY!

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Someone sent me these thoughts:

Did you ever notice that when you put the two words "They" and "IRS" together it spells "theirs?"

Forms ask you who to call in an emergency.  My reply is "an ambulance!"

Birds of a feather flock together, and then crap on your car.

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth (or my writing fingers.)

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