WHY ARE YOU SO CRABBY?

This is mainly a paean to the Maryland Blue Crab, but first:

BAIT

When I was around ten years old, my buddy Casey and I liked to ride our bicycles to Padanaram, Massachusetts and fish near its cement bridge.

We just used pieces of strong cord connected to hooks which we sometimes made from things like nails and metal paper clips.  We were not very good fisherman and I doubt if we ever even caught one fish worth cooking.

Some water-dwellers that we often found hugging our strings were large crabs coated with pleasant blue shells.  In our childish and utter disregard for living creatures, we broke these beautiful crabs open with rocks and used the "meat" for bait.

As far as I knew, the only persons who ate crabmeat lived "down south," far below the Mason-Dixon Line.

How dumb I was!

CRAB-EATERS HEAVEN

In 1960, my wife and I and our melodic parakeet migrated to Baltimore, Maryland. After an extensive review of our backgrounds, a nice couple allowed us to move into an apartment in a "homey" Baltimore suburb called "Hamilton."

We were hungry for something other than burgers and we asked our landlords if there was a restaurant nearby where we could get a good meal for a cheap price.

They gave us directions to a cafe on Harford Road, the main road at the time for Baltimore emigres to escape to New England in order to get away from corrupt politicians, such as future Governor Spiro  Agnew. (But- that is another story.)

The cafe was pleasantly dark, but smelly like a New Bedford fishing boat and noisy as hell.  In fact, it sounded like the banging in Verdi's "anvil chorus."  This was not a problem for us.

We watched an elderly waitress say, "Here's your crabs, Hon!" She had already covered a neighbor's table with copies of the Baltimore News- American newspaper.  We shook our heads. We guessed that they could not afford table-cloths.

The waitress had a large pan filled with something.  She then dumped that something on top of the newspaper.

It was indeed crabs! They looked like the blue crustaceans that we kids used to crush for bait! We decided to order beans and hot dogs.

We talked about this experience with our landlords and they invited us to a crab feast at their weekend home on the shore of the Magothy River.

They showed us how to catch crabs that were extremely plentiful at the time. (This would be our supper!)

They showed us how to keep from being stung by the also plentiful sea nettles as we pulled crabs out of the water. (Jellyfish to you Landlubbers,)

They showed us how to add spicy Old Bay seasoning to the pile of crabs and then steam them until their blue color became red.  (Similar to the Grand Inquisitor's punishment for being a non-believer.)

They showed us how to crack open the creatures' shells to get at white meat, including sweet-tasting morsels that lay hidden inside their claws.

Guess what! It was all delicious!  Washed down with some cold National Bo beer, we knew that we were now in the "Land of Pleasant Living!"

From then on, whenever relatives and friends from New England would come to visit, we would indoctrinate them in the "cult of the Steamed Crab."

For instance, at first, my visiting sister-in-law, Joann would only say "Yuk!" when she saw steamed crabs, but after she relaxed and tasted a bit of that sweet and spicy meat, she became one of crabmeat's most vociferous advocates.

THE CRABS' REVENGE

This year, crab prices are high and I decided to buy West Coast Crab Claws instead.  For an unbelievably low price during a Super Market sale, our helper bought twenty pounds and I have been periodically feasting on them.

However, these crab claws are not like blue crab claws.  They have very sharp, curved and pointy tips.  As I was recently getting some out of the freezer and ready to heat and eat, one stabbed jme on the hand. The puncture is close to some large veins and I will have to be vigilant in watching for signs of infection.

Score one for crab revenge!

PS:  Did I say I love Maryland steamed crabs?

 

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