"My Favorite Things"

Here are two versions of a song from the Sound of Music.  The first came from Elaine Peterson at Carroll Lutheran Village, but she apparently doesn't know where she obtained it.  The other poet is known.

#1 (Author unknown)

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, when the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips creak,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

#2  By Thomas Vincent, as published in the Washington Post*

Golfing and Big Macs and late-night tweet rages,
Tax breaks for fat cats and babies in cages.
Justices dancing like puppets on strings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Hounding reporters and calling them traitors,
Pissing off allies and kissing dictators,
Congress like bobbleheads mounted on springs,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When collusion and indictments
Bring things to a halt,
I go on TV and say you can't blame me
For it's all Obama's fault.

* From "The Style Invitational" which is a contest held  every week, in the Style section of the Washington Post.  It's a marvelous opportunity to flex one's creative muscles.  Try it, you'll like it.

More Curious Names

I just came across some more names that I collected during my term as a disability analyst at the Social Security Administration (SSA).  I don't mean to make fun of people with these names..  I just find it curious to think about them carrying them throughout their lives.  If I have included your name, I apologize if I hurt your feelings.  (All of these names belonged to living people at the time.)

Nice-sounding B-Names

Bench Bentum
Buster Belcher
Bess Bulgin
Birdie Berryhill
Bertha Box
Bland Butts

Other Nice-sounding Names

Floyd Pflug
Edgar Edgar
Wilma Walkup
Ada Shingshang
Flora Flatt

Doctors' Names

Dr. Truss
Dr. Couch (psychiatrist)
Dr. Sickley
Dr. Dieter
Dr. Tambone
Dr. Mense
Dr. Fettus
Dr. Junk
Dr. Needle

Medical-related Names

Rush Tisnosis
Ether Boyant
Rena Sweat

Animal Names

Tom Catt
Bob Catt
Kitty Catt
Ima Hogg
Ura Hogg
Violet Hogg
Arthur McSwine

Kind-of Naughty Names

S. Pisztoverus
Pattie Dickey (SSA employee)
Midnight Love
Vaseline Love
Claud Ball
Rose Yurassits
Assof  Rosie
Fresia Balzoff
Ophelia Cock

Colors

Pinkie Moses
Neva White
Pink Sparks
Pink Lupkin (SSA manager)

Feelings

Joe Jolly
James Giddy
John Looney
Amorous Wooten

Conditions

Ven Dymshits
Ruby Loveless
A. Reck
Sinus Wilzy
Peaceful Howard

Just Plain Fun Names

Snow Melton
Mr. Sizzleberger
Yip Poo Yee
Sandy Crank (SSA manager)
Maria Refugie
Othello Moore
Lutie Reed
Dot D. Tongue
Kirk Douglas Cheeks
A. Bulley
Bill Milks


Religious

Christ Diede
Visitacion Rodriques
Concepcion Royal
Christell Christmas

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Shamed!

I thought that the House  committees'  idiotic attack on a heroic FBI agent the other day was the height of stupidity but I was wrong.  Today's performance by trump in Helsinki tops it by a bunch. What he said sounds to me like treasonous talk.  In my opinion, his shameful attack on all of our informational organizations and his sycophantic action towards Putin should be evidence of his utter disregard for the Nation he is supposed to be leading.

Well, as I said on Facebook a short time ago,   now the whole world has seen and heard what we put up with on a daily basis.

Yes... our Nation has been conned...  by an expert.  THE DONALD has reached the pinnacle..  the most powerful man in the world.. and if Putin helps him, (or if he isn't impeached) he will stay powerful for 6 more years!

SUCKERS!

Weekly Fun Contest

Life is so filled with things to do that I don't get time to sit down and "blog" as much as I would like to.  When I do feel that I have some time, I would rather continue work on my autobiography.

I started typing my service experiences in the Air Force.  I'm still in Chapter One, where I have just graduated from High School and am trying to decide what to do with my life... with the Army draft breathing down my neck.  Amazing things happened to me soon after this point.  I need to let people, namely my family, know about these events.  Meanwhile.....

The Washington Post has a weekly fun column called "The Style Invitational," in which they offer ideas and suggestions that they hope will elicit clever and funny responses.  They do this as a contest where the winners get ridiculous prizes, such as, floppy foam hats with weird signs stapled on, or magnets with strange messages.  It's lot of fun and I am probably now going to break some taboo by mentioning a few recent contest entries that I really liked:

Premise:  Mention a line by Shakespeare and a question or answer that the quote might elicit.

Q.   "Shall I introduce Donald to my pal Melania?"   (from Thor Rudebeck)

A.   "Give not this rotten orange to your friend."  Much Ado About Nothing
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Q.  "How shall we begin the Cabinet meeting, Mr. President?" (from Gil Glass)

A.   "Which of you shall we say doth love us most?"  King Lear

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Q.  "Honey, when will you fix the screen door?"  (from Dinah Rokach)

A.  "Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow..."   Macbeth

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Q.  "What's the motto of Windows 10?"  (from Duncan Stevens)

A.  "To boot, and boot!"  King Lear

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Q.    "What happens when you flush an airline toilet?"  (from Gary Crockett)

A.   "It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath."  The Merchant of Venice

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Q.   "When will you finally get over the fact that Hillary Clinton lost the election?"  (from Robert Schneider)

A.  "Never, never never, never, never."  King Lear

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So... what do you think?  Fun?  Each week there is a new "contest"..  maybe I'll join in.

MOMS Presentation; A Fib: Wedding Clothes; The Human Brain; Mae West; Height; Jokes

I just came across a note I prepared in 1998:

"Begin to gather material for .. 'educating your baby' ..  for the 'MOMS' Group... prepare a precis first ... relate some of 'thinking' module and Mozart..."

Yes, I gave such a presentation in 1998.  I talked about the "Mozart effect" and other baby-training programs which were then popular.  I had the audience on the edges of their seats until I mentioned a situation that I had experienced when my daughter, Elizabeth, was 7 years old.

Elizabeth was a "delight".. smart and bright and a joy of a child.  However, she was a bit hyperactive.  Our chubby old pediatrician suggested giving her medication to calm her down.  Her mother and I refused.  We loved her the way she was and didn't want her to become a zombie.

One day, I received a letter from her 2nd grade teacher complaining that she could not control Elizabeth in the classroom.  She hinted that my daughter might be mentally retarded.

I immediately hurried to the school and confronted the teacher.  After listening to her for a while, I decided that she just did not know how to handle a hyper-active child and I told her a "fib" to see if that would change her attitude to my child.

I said that we had had Elizabeth tested by Johns Hopkins and they found that she had an IQ that was astronomical.  This was a kid who qualified for Mensa while only 7 years old.

The teacher was impressed when she heard my "little white lie" and completely changed how she handled my daughter.  Suddenly, Elizabeth was one of her best students, who flourished under the new attention given her by the teacher.

As I told this to these young "MOMS" group members, their faces got a bit grim and the rest of my presentation was disastrous. 

What I had not realized was they most of the members of this group were either current or former school teachers and they did not like parents lying to them!


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On the back of this old note was scribbled this joke:

At a wedding, a kid asked her mother why the bride wore white.  The mother explained that it is a symbol of happiness, as this is the happiest day in her life.

The kid thought about this for a while and then said, "Then, why is the groom wearing black?"


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The Human Brain

In 2002, Japan built the world's fastest computer.  It's speed was 40 trillion floating-point operations per second.

As great as that is, think about the human brain that is capable of electro-chemical configurations at the rate of 10 to the trillionth power!
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Height

I'm reading about Mae West and I've found out that she was very short and used high heels and some form of "lifters" to get her high enough to entice her male movie mates.  In fact, this combination of height-increasing aids raised her a total of 9 inches.  Yes, I said 9 inches.

Apparently, these aids affected how she walked... in a kind of shuffle.. which became "her sexy walk." 

As I've mentioned a million times before, I have lost around 4 inches in height since I was a teen-ager, and I wasn't that tall to begin with.  I am just having a hard time getting used to being a "little old man."

Here is a "gem" from my friend, Alan Kaufman.  Alan was 5'4" as he stood in line at a movie theater in Ocean City.  In front of him was a guy who was almost 7' tall.  Alan tugged on the man's pant leg and asked him, "Do you play basketball?"

The tall man looked down and replied, "No, do you play miniature golf?"



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Notes on Crime and Technology

These entries are either from The Week Magazine, Harper's, or In These Times.

CRIME

Prison Inmates

Per 1,000 persons:

In China: 1.2
In Russia: 4.8
In Louisiana:  13.4

Why is this?

Is it because America is much freer than other countries and therefore it is easier for its inhabitants to try to take advantage of their neighbors?

Louisiana is a Southern state;  therefore, is this a racial bias statistic? I believe that Afro-Americans make up the bulk of the prison population, especially in the South.

Is this because America is basically a Calvinistic country, where punishment for every real or perceived crime must be reacted to?

Is this because of our out-dated marijuana laws; where small amounts of pot have consistently gotten long jail sentences by otherwise law-abiding citizens?

The Netherlands has stopped jailing nonviolent offenders and have halved their prison population in 10 years.  Some alternate "punishment" in the Netherlands:  Fines, Electronic Bracelets, Community Work.  I'm sure some jurisdictions in the U.S. are applying these methods.  It would be interesting to see if it is having the intended results.

Stupid Criminal

A suspected drug smuggler in Britain swallowed a bunch of drug packets before his arrest and has refused to move his bowels for almost a month.  Police can be patient in this case.

This reminds me of an old joke headline:

THIEVES STOLE ALL OF THE TOILETS IN THE POLICE STATION.  FRUSTRATED, POLICE OFFICIALS SAY THEY HAVE NOTHING TO GO ON.

I just purchased a new DVD player and am watching the first season of Fargo, a great satire of criminal and police activity, although supposed to be a true story.  Gruesome to watch just before bedtime.

TECHNOLOGY

DNA

A new company supposedly will pay you with its own cryptocurrency for your DNA.  They will then sell this information to researchers and drug companies.  Is this somehow related to the 23andme company that gets your DNA and also asks you to do a health survey?

Mind Reader

MIT does it again.  They have developed a wearable device that interprets non-verbal prompts, which they say is like "reading your mind."   The so-called Alter-Ego attaches to your head and its electrodes detect internal muscular signals in your jaw and face.

I'm sure that this will be the new thing for the 2020's.  This and Alexa will make you feel as though you are Thomas Jefferson, controlling lots of slaves while reclining in your hammock.

Space Reader

And, I'm sure you have already suspected would happen if you own an Alexa-type item:  German scientists have figured out a way to receive a 3-D picture of the room Alexa is in, based on WiFi signals taken in by the equipment!  Sehr klug, nicht wahr?

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Notes on Religion, Guns and Longevity

While trump is making a fool of himself again in the eyes of our allies, our enemies... except for his "followers"...  I thought that I might escape the news and post a few notes on subjects that I am interested in.

Longevity

From: Senior Center Comedy:  

A reporters interviewing a 104 year old woman asked:  "What do you think is the best thing about being 104?"  She simply replied:  "No peer pressure!"

She also said that she had decided to prepare her will and told the reporter that she had two final requests.  First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes to be scattered over WalMart.  "Why WalMart?" asked the reporter.  "Because then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."

From:  The Week Magazine:

A new company called Nectome is developing a "high tech" embalming process that will preserve your brain contents.  In the future, scientists will use it to prepare a computer simulation of you... though not exactly you...  The only drawback is that you have to be euthanized first!

From:  Yahoo "My Life Profile" (2014)

I was notified that someone had viewed a profile of my life.  Curious, I asked for more detail.  I was told that the viewer was a 113 year old male who lived near me in Westminster, Maryland.

Guns

From The Week Magazine:

A 5 year old boy shot and killed his 2 year old sister with a birthday present gift that he had just received.  It was a single shot "Cricket" sold under the marketing slogan "My First Rifle."

Keystone Sporting Arms continues to see "Crickets" that come in appealing colors for kids, like "hot pink" and "multicolor swirl."

Also From The Week Magazine:

American Legacy Firearms unveiled the "Dallas Heritage Rifle"  to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Lee Harvey Oswald's assassination of President John F. Kennedy.  The company boss said: "If I hurt someone's feelings, I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna worry about it."


Religion

Once again from The Week Magazine:

There is a German firm called Atheist which ships parcels to the United States.  However, half of their parcels do not show up and the company thinks that religious U.S. Postal workers are disrupting the deliveries because the name of the company is stamped on the packages.   Could be.

Finally, from Wait Wait Don't Tell Me (I think):

There is a new nightclub act called:   The Topless Rabbis.

That's right, they are not wearing their yamakas!

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