Arsonist Husband; Cat Visitor; Baseball; Latin Mottos; Santa

Around 32 degrees and sunny.. but no wind.. so it doesn't feel too cold.

Some Nerve!

It is alleged that a Carroll County man set a number of fires in his house.  The position of the fires meant that his wife could not escape the flames and smoke.  She died.  He survived.  According to the newspaper, he called his insurance agent earlier in the day to make sure his Homeowner's Insurance policy was up-to-date.

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Some Nerve!

Last night I put some stale cat food out to the flower pots on our side porch.  We thought that some animal might need the protein in this cold weather.  This afternoon I looked out to see a great big Maine Coon cat chowing down on this cat food.  He was very nonchalant about it.. he didn't even run away when he saw me.  I guess he thought that this was his personal restaurant.  I tried to get a picture of him by my cell phone camera, but I couldn't get it to work.  When I searched for and got my regular camera, the kitty had disappeared. He'll be back.

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Some Nerve!

A little boy was talking to himself as he entered through his backyard, baseball cap in place and carrying a baseball and bat.  "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he said proudly.

Then he tossed the ball in the air, swung and missed.  Undismayed, he picked up the ball, threw it into the air and said to himself, "I'm the greatest hitter ever."

As the ball descended, he swung at it again and missed.  He paused for a moment to examine the ball and bat carefully, then once again he threw the ball into the air and said, "I'm the greatest hitter."

As the ball came down, he gave another mighty swing and missed.  "Wow," he exclaimed, "What a pitcher!"

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Mottos

Somebody sent me a list of possible Latin mottos to use, if  appropriate:

Vincit Veriitas  (Truth Conquers)

Fortis Est Veritas (Strong is the Truth)

Galatea Mea Viridis Est  (My helmet is green.)

Omnia Vincit Amor  (Love Subdues All Things)

Fortuna Juvat Audaces  (Fortune Favors the Brave)

Parea Non Servin  (I obey, but not as a slave)

Per Ardua Surgo  (I Rise through Difficulties)

Rex Porcus Largus Est  (The King is a fat Pig)

Nil Desperandum  (Never Despair)

Aut Vincam Aut Periam  (Either win or perish)

Patriae Inflici Fidelis  (Faithful to My Country)

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DID YOU DO YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING YET?!

Massive Auto Accident; Puzzle Info; Little League; Sentry Duty; Obituaries; Tiger, Tiger, burning Bright

What weather.  Yesterday's icy snow storm was responsible for many accidents, including one in Baltimore where 67 cars crashed into each other.  I thought that happened only out west.

When I got up this morning, it was 62 degrees on my side porch!  Not too many hours ago, the temperature was 14 degrees.  As the day progressed, the temperature dropped again to  40 degrees and may get below freezing during the night.

Comeupance

Last week, I crowed about doing remarkably well on the Sunday New York Times Spelling Bee puzzle.  This week, I bombed.  I didn't even reach the "Excellent" level.  The letters were LAVIPON
and the longest word found by NYT was PAVILION, which I missed. 

The NYT had an insert this Sunday. Thirty puzzles.... so you can guess what I will be doing all this week, when I should be doing something else.  But, what the hell, I love my puzzles, in fact, I just came across work and correspondence from my early involvement with the National Puzzlers League (NPL) and the American Cryptogram Association (ACA).  This was back in 1974, when I made monthly trips to Green Belt, Maryland, to meet with fellow members.  The group was  run by Walter Penney, a crypto expert from NSA.  In fact, I think he was dean of a "Code College" there, but nobody will tell me if that is true.  Secrecy... just like my promised job there that got shredded somehow.  (Search in my blogs: keyword: NSA)
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Baseball Story

Not long ago I stropped at a local playground to watch a Little League baseball game.  To get myself up to speed, I asked one of the youngsters what the score was.

"We're behind 16 to nothing," he answered.

"I must say you don't seem discouraged," I said. "Why is that?"

"Discouraged?" said the boy.  "Why should we be discouraged?  We haven't even been up to bat yet."

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Military Service Story

A young marine sentry had strict orders not to admit any car without special identification.

The first car he stopped contained a general who didn't have the required ID.  When the sentry refused to let the car pass, the annoyed general ordered his driver to pass right through.

The sentry asked politely: "I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver first?"

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Bad News Story 1

I think it was Mark Twain who said something like:  "The stories about my passing have been greatly exaggerated."

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Bad News Story 2

A man was shocked to see his obituary in the newspaper.  He called a friend and asked, "Did you see my obituary in the newspaper today?"

The friend replied, "Yes. Uh - where are you calling from?"

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Bad News Story 3

An 80 year old German motorist drove through a motorway barrier, a construction site, and into a pile of sand because his Mercedes' onboard navigation system told him to.  (Jawohl!  Just following orders.)

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Good News Story 1 (?)

Iran's supreme leader Ayatollah Khamenei has now decreed that masturbation is permissible during Ramadan, as long as the act is not intentional.

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Good News Story 2 (actually, a Life Lesson)

"What are we going to do?" said Baby Tiger to Mama Tiger in the jungle.  "Here comes a hunter, and he has five rifles, three special sighting scopes, and devices to allow him to see in the dark!"

"Hush!" answered Mama Tiger and she taught her cub how to sneak up from behind and pounce.

The hunter was never heard of again.

All of which goes to prove that technology may be fine, but it will never be a substitute for a good basic education."

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Authoritarian Personalities; UBER; Ethnic Rentals; Chips and Squid; Mensa Notes and Quotes; Punchlines; Bald Eagle vs the Turkey; They Remember her Still

Our first snow... a couple of inches.  And it iced over.  Even though we have a contract with where we live that they will shovel the snow, nobody showed up.  Luckily, we had nowhere to go, because we could not have gotten Elaine's wheelchair through the icy snow.

Perception

In an Intertel newsletter for 2007, Steve Mayer (sp?) wrote what was supposed to be a comparison of George W. Bush to Hitler.  Check out what he said:

"They (Hitler types)  are notably insecure in their daily lives, and as a result, can become aggressive - even violent - when defending/promoting their beliefs... they can be either male or female.  Most often though, Authoritarian Personalities are males.  Being amoral, they will say or do anything, and certainly won't hesitate to distort facts in their quest for power.  They pick on the weak, accept torture as an expedient, are not self-critical, and believe they have the answer to every question.  This makes any attempt at negotiation pointless."

Does that remind you of anyone in the news today?

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me!

Today's show had a few items that I really grabbed onto:

UBER says:  "No more sex in the car!"  (Is it OK in taxicabs?)

Germany now has a "Rent a Jew" program.  A company decided that since today's Germans do not usually get a chance to connect with Jewish persons, (I wonder why) they would (for a price) set up meetings so that  Gentiles could find out what a Jew is all about.

(What about a program called "Rent an Arab" for the U.S?  ..  Seriously, I would guess that most Americans have never met a Moslem person and have only a hazy idea of their religion and customs.)

A new word has been coined for scatological talk.  Such speech is now known as "lavatorial."

The Brits have panicked.  Cod fish has become hard to catch, so they have creatively come up with a substitute for Fish and Chips.  It's called "Chips and Squid."  There's lots and lots of squid available.  Someday I may be able to stomach squid.  Greeks love it.  I find it a mite chewy.  Perhaps I should buy some sharper teeth and give it another chance.

Mensa Notes

Gil Krebs, from Charleston, South Carolina writes:  "The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions.  The hypothalamus controls the "four 'Fs'":  1 Fighting  2  Fleeing  3  Feeding  4  Mating

Jim Bie, from LaJolla, California writes about his presentation to an audience who he assumed were so used to jokes that they would enjoy hearing just the punchlines again.  That way, their audience could fill in the joke from their own memory.  A great idea!... except that I had also tried that and bombed!  and so did Jim.  (check out my story in another one of my blogs.. search for "punchlines".

Anonymous:  "There are no mausoleums in Prague because the undertakers refuse to cache Czechs."

Anonymous:  "We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?"

Ben Franklin said:  "I wish the bald eagle had not been chosen as the representative of our country:  he is a bird of bad moral character; like those among men who live by sharping and robbing, he is generally poor, and often very lousy.  The  turkey is a much more respectable bird, and withal a true original native of America."

Wally of Troy says:  "Sins of omission:  These are the sins you should have committed, but didn't... (and remember), the only way to get rid of temptation is to give in to it."

Geroge Dunn of Indianapolis says:  Quasimodo's job description: kyphotic campanologist.

Doug Larson:  "The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it."

A great poem by Hugh G. White from Midland, Tesxas

"A century ago, 'neath a Tennessee hill,
Hepzibah White ran a moonshine still.
Her product was widely noted
As first-rate likker and neat,
Guaranteed to cloud your mind
And knock you off your feet.

Hepzibah is now long gone,
Her spirit's left the rill,
And though she no longer cooks her mash
The hills remember her still."

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TRIAD Meeting; Pie in the Sky Scam; Grouchy Disabled Person; British Cryptics

Hey.. are we in Alaska?  16 degrees and blowing a gale.  This weather is probably adding a lot of fuel to Climate Change deniers.  Yeah... but, guys, why are Polar bears losing their icy homes?

TRIAD

Well, I had my monthly TRIAD meeting today in spite of the cold.  Only four of us showed up. But we had a nice meeting in spite of that.  Some of the things we talked about:

Don't Hold Your Breath

The Alliance for Retired Americans may have started out as a nice organization designed to advocate for senior citizen's benefits.  However, now they are perpetrating a scam that is designed to take money away from the people they say they are helping.  They want some donations to cover the legal and lobbying fees necessary to get Congress to come up with a $581. stimulus check for everyone. (I'm sorry, but this will never happen, at least not in your lifetime.  Remember the "Notch Babies?"  My Uncle Allen donated lots of money to organizations saying that they would get money for certain Social Security beneficiaries caught up in a Congressional screw up of benefit rates.  As should have been expected, no money was forthcoming and now all the "Notch Babies" are dead.)

They suggest  paying $10. for a membership in their organization... with, of course an extra $3.50 tacked on "to expedite petition processing and win passage of this bill more quickly..." 

New Jersey calls their request for your money, a "charitable solicitation."  However, the mailing  brochure says that "The Alliance is a non-profit, tax-exempt Membership organization that engages in legislative lobbying on  your behalf, so dues or donations to the Alliance are not tax-deductible as a charitable contribution or business expense."

My suggestion: don't send these guys any money.  If, by some unbelievable change of heart by our now Alt-Right Government leaders, they do decide to "trickle down" a few bucks to the "greedy old-timers," you'll get your share then... and you would not have helped the Alliance folks become millionaires.

Some Folks are Like That

Yesterday, Elaine and I went to WalMart to buy some "stuff" and to see if there were big crowds and make Elaine happy to own WalMart stock.  There were, and she was.

After pushing Elaine in her wheelchair  and a cart for about two hours, I sat down in the only sitting place now in the store and waited for Elaine to finish her search for bargains.  Nearby was a middle aged guy in a wheelchair.  He was looking through his wallet and grumbling, as only a grouchy looking guy can look. He obviously was not happy about his condition.

Suddenly, he dropped his credit card on the floor and said a few choice phrases, but made no effort to pick up the card.  As I was about to get up off my dead ass to help him, a young mother with a small child reached down and handed the card to the grouchy man, saying, "Here's your card, Mister."

Normally, one would expect at least a short "Thank You."  What did this nice lady get?  Nothing. Mr. Scrooge did not even look at her as he snatched the card from her hand.  Why?  Perhaps:

He was wounded in the Middle East war and has stress as well as a disability.

His wife divorced him today.

He has an incurable disease and has only a short time to live.

He had a big mac a  short time ago, and he has indigestion.

Or.. he's just a miserable son of a bitch.

And... why is of importance to me what this guy does?  I'm an empath, and my empathy this time was with the nice young mother trying to be helpful.  I hope that this guys attitude doesn't sour her own attitude. 


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What I Learned Today from Cryptics

As I work on British crossword puzzles, I come across words and references that are unfamiliar to me. For example:

drugget:  a floor covering made of coarse woven fabric. (I would have thought it was the name of a female addict.)

Curio:  a keepsake of course, but also a character in Twelfth Night.

Fleance: the son of Bafquo in MacBeth... you remember Bafquo as a ghost?  (I would have thought it was a name combination of two annoying critters)

William Etty: (1787-1849)  English (from York) artist, best known for his history paintings containing nude figures. (He was very good, and yes, you can check himt out on Google Image.)

Amy Robsart Dudley (1532-1560) the first wife of Lord Robert Dudley, who was a "favourite" of Elizabeth the first.   Amy was mysteriously choked to death.

Now.. why on earth would people include such obscure (to me) entries in crossword puzzles?  Well, that's the Brits for you... and their cryptic puzzles are very hard and fun to solve.

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Religious Stories; Stock Market; Toothache; Airplane Food; Elephant Story; Mars Program; Fred Astaire

Cool but sunny.

Religious Story

Our church hung a plaque which contained the names of the deceased who died in the service of their country from WWI  to the present.

One Sunday, I was standing nest to the plaque and a little boy looked up at it and asked me what it was about.  I said that it was the name of all who died in the service.

"Which one," said the boy.. "10:30 or 11:30?"
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Another Religious Story

A doctor who had devoted his life to helping the underprivileged lived over a liquor store in the poor section of a large city.  In front of the liquor store was a sign reading:

Dr. Williams is upstairs.

When he died, he had no relatives and he left no money for his burial.  He had never asked for payment from anyone he had ever treated.

Friends and patients scraped enough money together to bury the good doctor, but they had no money for a tombstone.  It appeared that his grave was going to be unmarked until someone came up with a wonderful suggestion.

They took the sign from in front of the liquor store and nailed it to a post over his grave.  It made a lovely epitaph:

Dr. Williams is upstairs.

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The Stock Market

J.P. Morgan said:  "If the world says 2+2 = 3, I buy; if the world says 2+3 = 5, I sell. And I pick up a commission from both actions."

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Cure for a Bad Toothache

Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

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Airplane Food

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the coach passenger.

"What are my choices?"

The flight attendant replied, "Yes or no."

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Another Elephant Story

The man at the zoo was weeping uncontrollably.  A passerby asked "Why is he sobbing like that?"

The zookeeper said "The Elephant died this morning.:

"He loved the elephant that much?"

"That's not it," the zookeeper said.  "He's the one who has to dig the grave."

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The Space Program

President Elect Trump was being briefed on the space program.

He asked "Why do we have to spend all this money to go to Mars?  Why can't we just go to the sun?"

"Well, if an astronaut gets within 10 m

illion miles of the sun, he'll burn up."

"So?  We'll just send them at night."

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A Failure?

After Fred Astaire's first screen test, a 1933 memo from the MGM testing director said, "Can't act. slightly bald. Can dance a little."

Astaire kept that memo over the fireplace in his Beverly Hills Home.

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L'elisir D'amore; Pavarotti; Battle; Levine; Dr. Dulcamara reborn; Spelling Bee Boast; President George W. Bush; A Puppy Story

Today started out cold, but warmed up in the afternoon to almost 60 degrees.  I went out to put up our Moravian Star, but the wind was too strong.  I'll try again tomorrow.

Wonderful Opera

Today, I watched a taped performance from the Met.  Four of my favorite artists were involved.  Luciano Pavarotti played Nemorino, Kathleen Battle played Adina, and a guy whose name escapes me played Dr. Dulcamara.  The Met Orchestra was conducted by James Levine. The opera? 

L'elisir D'amore  (The Elixir of Love)  by Gaetano Donizetti.  Mr. Donizetti wrote this comedic masterpiece in two weeks during 1832. The public has been in love with the opera ever since.

Pavarotti has got to be the greatest tenor that ever lived.  I've heard recordings of other famous tenors, including Caruso, but Luciano has got them all beat.... in my opinion.

Kathleen Battle is the greatest soprano that I have ever heard.  Her "diva" shenanigans are legendary, but so what?  She is good, and she knows she is good.  I think the Met has reinstated her now.  They had fired her a while ago because of her actions.

James Levine is slowing down, but he is still good when he conducts.   He seems to have lots of physical ailments that keep him from too many conducting gigs these days.

Doctor Dulcamara is always played by a basso who provides laughter with his pomposity and outrageous claims.  In this opera, he sells "a bill of goods" so to speak, to the unwitting (dimwitted?) village folks.  They rush to buy his elixir, believing that it will make their lives so wonderful.  A few swigs of this potion will make wrinkles disappear, husbands more attentive, and fat bellies vanish. 

The good Doctor reminds me so much of someone much in the news these days.  Someone who has also sold "a bill of goods" to the unwitting (dimwitted?) American folks. Sadly, this modern con man does not have the redeeming feature of a fine bass voice.  God help us all.  (IMHO)

Blowing My Own Horn #01

This is my blog, so I can boast when I accomplish something that I think is noteworthy, or when I get praised for something that I have done.  Why not?  Life is short and my great great great grandkids might like to learn that one of their ancestors actually was able to do something other than sit in a rocking chair and watch the days go by.

This week's "Spelling Bee" puzzle consisted of the letters H,C,Y,T,N,I,E. The object was to see how many words you can spell using just the letters shown.  A score of 8 - Good.  A score of 14 - Excellent.  A score of 20 - Genius.  A score  of 25 - A match to the New York Times editorial staff.

(The longest word: ETHNICITY)

My score - 26.  God, I'm good!  (IMHO)

Presidential History Lesson

Question:  What did George W. Bush say was "the best moment" during his years in the White House?

Answer:  "When I caught a seven-and-a-half-pound largemouth bass on my lake."

Life Lesson

The pet store manager explained, "That puppy was born with a bad leg and would be crippled for life, so we're going to have to put him to sleep."

"You're going to kill this little puppy?" the boy said sadly while patting it.

"You have to realize that this puppy would never be able to run and play with a boy like you."

After a short conversation with his boy, the dad told the manager that they wanted to buy the puppy with the bad leg.

"For the same amount of money, you could have one of the 'healthy' ones.  Why do you want this one?"

To answer the manager's question, the boy bent over and pulled up the pants on his right leg, exposing the brace underneath and said, "Mister, I want this one because I understand what he's going through,"

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New Yorker Letters; Veterans' Concerns; Walls; Regional Speech; Name Tricks; Tips for Having a good Day

Cold... 31 degrees.  That's below the freezing point, folks. 

Elaine and I went to the CLV trip to Manhattan.  This was an imaginary trip with music and food.  Elaine ate duck and I ate prime rib.  Lots of good food and cheesecake desert.  A fun time.  We sat with Bob and Carol Nicoll, who originally lived on a farm in upstate New York.  He worked for IBM and knew John Glenn who just died.  A very interesting evening.

Letters to the New Yorker

A couple of letters caught my eye this week.  One was from a retired service man, Doug Bradley::

"Many of us (veterans) are concerned about a Trump presidency, which will directly affect our benefits and our health care...None of (the other Commanders-In-Chief who had not served in the military) ... invoked five draft deferments during a war (Vietnam), when each and every time another young man was drafted to serve in his place.  Nor has a Commander-in-Chief ever publicly insulted a P.O.W. such as Senator John McCain, or bragged about wanting a Purple Heart but didn't want to make the sacrifice necessary to earn one."

Another was from a Canadian, Ami Sands Brodoff:

"Do Trump and his followers realize that when you build a wall you imprison those inside, too?"

Your Speech Clues

Noted linguist, Mario Pei cites lots of ways you can tell the region someone comes from.  The one that surprised me was:

"The plural of you.  This is rendered as you-all in most of the South, as you uns in the Ozarks, mongst ye in Norfolk, and youse in the New York area."

Some other sound triggers that can be used to guess where you come from:

merry, Mary, marry.
greasy, greasy
wash, wush
dog, dawg, dahg
log, lawg, lahg
park, father
ash, ask
horse, hoarse
first, foist

Language Notes

In the Mensa Bulletin for November 1998: Richard Lederer, noted language expert and Mensa member, showed how scooting the "s" across the space separating the first and last name of a celebrity reveals something about the celebrity, for example::

Garry's handling
Sharon's tone
Gloria's wan son
Soupy's ales
Larry's torch
Sylvester's tall one
Loretta's wit
Tom and Dick's mothers
Robert's tack
Arnold's tang

Of course, most of these folks were in the 1998 headlines.

Brighten Your Day

In 1997, Doctor Dean Griffin's wife borrowed some tips from the Woman's Day magazine on how to have some fun and make your life more meaningful. .  She published the tips in the Doctor's newsletter.  Here are some of the tips:

Pick up the phone and renew an old friendship

Take a brisk 30 minute walk, rain or shine.

Reminisce through your old photographs and scrapbooks.

Do something nice and unexpected for someone who's down.

Smile at everyone you see. (Be careful with this one.)

(At Carroll Lutheran Village, you can tell who the new folks are.  They are the ones who have not yet learned to smile and say hello when passing other residents.  But, they learn fast.  However, smiling at strangers on the street can sometimes make people think you are nuts.)

Have lunch with a friend.

Volunteer.

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