Religious Story
Our church hung a plaque which contained the names of the deceased who died in the service of their country from WWI to the present.
One Sunday, I was standing nest to the plaque and a little boy looked up at it and asked me what it was about. I said that it was the name of all who died in the service.
"Which one," said the boy.. "10:30 or 11:30?"
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Another Religious Story
A doctor who had devoted his life to helping the underprivileged lived over a liquor store in the poor section of a large city. In front of the liquor store was a sign reading:
Dr. Williams is upstairs.
When he died, he had no relatives and he left no money for his burial. He had never asked for payment from anyone he had ever treated.
Friends and patients scraped enough money together to bury the good doctor, but they had no money for a tombstone. It appeared that his grave was going to be unmarked until someone came up with a wonderful suggestion.
They took the sign from in front of the liquor store and nailed it to a post over his grave. It made a lovely epitaph:
Dr. Williams is upstairs.
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The Stock Market
J.P. Morgan said: "If the world says 2+2 = 3, I buy; if the world says 2+3 = 5, I sell. And I pick up a commission from both actions."
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Cure for a Bad Toothache
Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
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Airplane Food
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the coach passenger.
"What are my choices?"
The flight attendant replied, "Yes or no."
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Another Elephant Story
The man at the zoo was weeping uncontrollably. A passerby asked "Why is he sobbing like that?"
The zookeeper said "The Elephant died this morning.:
"He loved the elephant that much?"
"That's not it," the zookeeper said. "He's the one who has to dig the grave."
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The Space Program
President Elect Trump was being briefed on the space program.
He asked "Why do we have to spend all this money to go to Mars? Why can't we just go to the sun?"
"Well, if an astronaut gets within 10 m
illion miles of the sun, he'll burn up."
"So? We'll just send them at night."
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A Failure?
After Fred Astaire's first screen test, a 1933 memo from the MGM testing director said, "Can't act. slightly bald. Can dance a little."
Astaire kept that memo over the fireplace in his Beverly Hills Home.
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