Christmas at the December AARP Luncheon Meeting
Elaine and I attended and through some quirk of luck, won two of the three free dinners offered as door prizes. And, in a further quirk... the guy sitting next to us won the last of the three. What are the odds of that happening? Perhaps the person who pulled the tickets did not mix them enough. However, there were twelve poinsettia plants to give out, and they were distributed all around.
Since I did not have a Santa gig this year, I decided to wear my Santa hat while I told a couple of jokes. Here they are... I stole them from a Readers Digest Joke Book:
The Magi (attributed to Dan Bennett)
A small boy in kindergarten was assigned by his teacher to make a Christmas drawing of the three Wise Men riding their camels across the desert. When the drawing was finished, the youngster took it to the teacher for her approval. She studied it and then pointed to an item -- a square box with a couple of wires sticking out of it -- that was being carried by one of the men.
"What's that?" she asked.
"Oh, that," said the boy. "That's the portable TV set. I didn't want them to miss "Gunsmoke!"
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Fisherman's Luck (attributed to Jim Kimball)
Ice-fisherman Floyd Colburn, of Grand Rapids, Michigan, got tired of catching and throwing back small perch. Finding a Christmas ribbon in his pocket, he began tying pretty red bows on each perch before throwing it back. It wasn't long before another fisherman came dashing up to him, wide-eyed, and cried, "You won't believe what I'm going to tell you!"
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For entertainment at our AARP luncheon, we were serenaded by the Standard Delivery Duo, two real good musicians. They played as we ate and then passed out song lyrics so that we could have a Christmas sing-along. Lots of fun. Some of the songs were ones that I had forgotten since my youth as a good Christian.
I love Jingle Bells, but I always got confused about some of the lyrics, for example:
"The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
We got into a drifted bank
And then we got up-sot."
Did the lyricist make up a new past tense word for upset? Why not?
"Take the girls tonight
And sing this sleighing song;
Just get a bob-tailed nag
Two-forty for his speed,
Hitch him to an open sleigh
And crack you'll take the lead."
I guess this means that the horse would have his tail cropped a bit, which probably helps him to cover a mile in two minutes and 40 seconds. Right?
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Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
I've written about this before. Kids love this song, but I think it gives kids the wrong impression about life. The other reindeer poked fun at him because of his red nose. But, suddenly, Rudy became a celebrity because Santa used him for an important job.
What does this teach kids? It's ok to poke fun at someone who is different. It won't hurt them because at some point in their life they may do something that the boss likes. Then the little "ass-kissers" start fawning over the new celebrity in order to get "in good" with the boss.
I hope that our schools are teaching that "diversity" should be welcomed everywhere. There are "different" kids everywhere in our diverse society. They all have something to teach us if we would only drop our prejudices and observe.
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Christmas for the Alt-Right Folks
Yes... that would be "White Christmas"...
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Santa Trump is Coming to Town
"He's making a list
And checking it twice
He already knows whose been naughty or nice."
With control of the CIA,
"He'll see you when you're sleeping
He'll know when you're awake
He'll know if you've been good to him,
So, be good for goodness sake."
"So, you better watch out,
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why.
Santa Trump is Coming to Town."
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Let it Snow!
What a wonderful song! It's like a tone poem that pints pictures in our minds.
Every time I hear these lyrics, I tear up, because they remind me so much of the first years in New England with my fiancé and later my wife Elaine. These words could be a script for many many a Winter's night that I enjoyed..
"The weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful.
And since we've no place to go
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!
It doesn't show signs of stopping
And I've brought some corn for popping,
The lights are turned way down low
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!
When we finally kiss goodnight
How I'll hate going out in the storm!
But if you'll really hold me tight
All the way home I'll be warm.
The fire is slowly dying
And, my dear, we're still goodbying
But as long as you love me so
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!
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