MONEY!  

(Waiting for Elaine to come home.)

Thanks to the Trump changes to the tax code, I now owe an average of $3,000 each year to Uncle, instead of getting a refund every year as before. (Help me toss those tea bags, John!)

Here are some thoughts on taxes and money:

Mark Twain: 

"What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?  

The taxidermist takes only your skin."

Ambrose Bierce

"Money (n.) A blessing that is no advantage to us excepting when we part with it..." 

New Bedford Money Story

Concerned Father (CF): "I hear that you want to marry my daughter.  What is your financial status?"

Suiter (S) "It is great and you can check that out with my friends at the exclusive Wamsutta Club, where I am a member."

CF:  "I hear that there are many male members (sorry) there who have vast fortunes and engage in wild activity."

S: "Sir, if I marry your daughter I will no longer hang out with those money-spreading guys."

CF: "No, don't do that.  Bring them here to marry my other three daughters!"

Biblical Money Quote

"Wine maketh merry; but money answereth all things."    ( Ecclesiastes X.19.)

(Which would you rather have, wine or money? With money you can buy a lot of wine... which now sells for ridiculous prices.)

Robert Frost

"Never ask of money spent

Where the spender thinks it went.

Nobody was ever meant 

To remember or invent

What he did with every cent."

Making Money

The housewife was proud of her ability to redeem coupons that came with "Sunlight Soap" to get free prizes, including massive amounts of furniture which she used to outfit one of the two "living rooms" in her house. 

A neighbor asked her why she didn't use some of the furniture to outfit the other "living room."

She replied that she could not do that because that's where she kept her many cartons of "Sunlight Soap."

 

That reminded me of when one usually astute neighbor couple got caught up with the "money-making" opportunities in selling hand soap (it may have been called S---- or something similar.)

Soap selling was a form of Ponzi scheme.  The first people who began to sell in a "virgin" territory sold a lot of soap and they then recruited friends or relatives to join in by buying lots of soap to sell.  The recruiters got a "cut" of the new folks' sales.  

Our neighbors earned a lot of money... until the virgin territory was "deflowered."  The money dried up and they and the others were left with cases of unsold soap.  In fact, our neighbors' garage no longer had room for their car.  Instead, it held case after case of soap that was now unsellable.

Sometimes the redempyion of product coupons tyurned out well.  My late wife, Elaine Eva would redeem coupons for money under friends' and relatives' names and addresses.  They would then receive checks of $1 to $20 in the mail and wouldn't know who it came from.

(For a few years one of the diaper companies  included a redeemable coupon for $20 in their "jumbo" package.  Every Thursday night when people in Westminster, Maryland put out their garbage for morning pickup, Elaine would have me go around town looking for emptied packages that still had an intact coupon.  Then, of course, a little while later, a friend or relative would get a nice crisp $20 bill in the mail and wonder why they received it.)

When I gave the eulogy at Elaine's funeral I "spilled the beans," and I heard a lot of people in the audience gasp.  

Elaine was a very generous person.

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 SOME MORE ODDS AND ENDS

(We expect Elaine to come home soon, hopefully today.  At night it's just me and Susie and her diminishing pelage.  We miss Elaine!)

01.  WORDLE

A WORDLE expert suggests that we use the same opening word for each puzzle.  I disagree.

I think that there is a lot more mental fun to use a different opening word each time.

02.  WAIT!  WAIT!

I like the entertaining radio show: "Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me." A different episode airs on a Washington, D.C. station each Sunday at noon.  I am not always available to listen on Sundays, so I listen to it on Mondays as a podcast.

It is a British-style question and answer program and I believe in what they say. I learn something whenever I listen, for instance:

SHRINKFLATION

To address the potential rising cost of buying  products, and to keep their current prices from rising,  Charmin will be reducing the number of sheets in their toilet paper rolls.

Oh, and there will also now be fewer Doritos in a package.

WOOKIES?

Disney will be opening a Star Wars themed hotel in Orlando.  For $5,000 a night, fans can interact  with actors playing Chewbacca and Han Solo.

BALONEY!

Bologna is being smuggled into the U.S. from Mexico.

(I read that 250 pounds of illegal bologna has already been seized at the U.S./Mexican border.  It is illegal because it is made from pork and might introduce pathogens into our country.)

IT'S  CHAR-MING!

It's hard for me to believe, but "couch-potatoes" are going crazy over potato food that used to be thrown away.

Most major potato-chip manufacturers are now marketing formerly over-cooked and rejected burnt chips.

Damn clever!

 

WHAT'S FOR SUPPER?

Wisconsin has made an APP available for residents to claim and eat ROAD-KILL!

03.  OY!

This is from The Progressive for 2015:

"(Former Wisconsin Governor) Scott Walker, when he was Milwaukee County executive, tried to show his sensitivity to the Jewish community by promising in a letter to display a menorah at the courthouse.

He ended the letter, which was recently made public, by writing, 'Thank you again and Molotov.'"   

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 MORE ODDS AND ENDS

(Elaine is still in the hospital. We expect her home soon.)

I wonder why problems always seem to happen on weekends.  Oh well...

My daily schedule now includes WORDLE.  It is addictive, and I've solved 12 out of 12 so far. Hooray for me.

01. Snake in the Bowl

A Texas boy preparing to relieve himself found an adult western diamond rattlesnake poking its head out of the water in the toilet bowl.  Its a good thing he saw it because if it had gotten a good tushy "asp-bite" the boy would not have recovered.

02.  Wanna get rich?

Max Gunter in "How We Feel about Our Money" reports on a Roper poll from 1967 that asked Americans what they would do for a million dollars.  These are the results:

1% would leave their families

4% would yield citizenship

10% would marry someone they didn't love

11% would permanently give up friends

12% would take off their clothes in public

13% would serve a year's jail term on a framed charge

14% would take a dangerous job with a 1-in-10 chance of losing one's life

21% would become a beggar for a year

14%  ?  Maybe they don't feel that large amounts of money is important.

03.  Incarceration

Adam Gopnik wrote in 2017 in the New Yorker:

"... 6.7 million people, mostly men, were under correctional supervision during the year 2015 -- more than were enslaved in antebellum America and more than resided in the Gulag Archipelago at the height of Stalin's misrule."

(I wonder how many folks are in jail because of holding marijuana joints, or not paying their parking tickets.)

In September, 2014 it was reported that "A Maryland Senate Bill goes into effect on October 1st. It makes the possession of less than 10 grams of marijuana a civil offense, subject to a fine.  However, more than 10 grams and its paraphernalia remains a criminal offence."

I have heard that some southern states may have reinstituted "chain gangs."

Civilization?

04.  Slang

Michael G. Williams wrote about the origin of certain slang phrases for senior communities' newsletters.  Here are a few paraphrased examples:

SLANG - from "Shortened Language."

TOAST - Years ago it was common to drop toasted bread into wine glasses to filter out the sediment. Over the years winemakers (even I) learned how to filter wine and toast was no longer needed.  However the phrase "a toast (to the host)" persisted.

HELLO/HI - Around 1820, Davy Crockett invented "hello" as a greeting.  When the telephone appeared in 1860, it was shortened to "hi."

05.  Sex Education?

A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what?  We learned how to make babies today."

The grandmother, more than a little surprized  - tried to keep her cool.  "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl.  "you just change "y" to "i" and add "es."

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 MORE ODDS AND ENDS

(Elaine is in the hospital with pain issues.  Her Siamese cat SuZee and I expect her to get better and come home shortly.  We miss her.) 

I found a box in our basement containing articles and other information that once interested me.  Let's see if it still "rings my bell."

01.  DISCRIMMINATION?

In 2015, a Bel Air, California citizen of Indian descent was accosted by a policeman who thought she was an illegal alien.

I wonder if this happens a lot.  I hope that police organizations conduct training to stop this practice.

02.  BIRTH OF WIKIPEDIA

Readers Digest says that WIKIPEDIA got named in 1995 by a computer programmer named Ward Cunningham after a user-editable website he called the "WikiWikiWeb" after the phrase "Wikiwiki" that means "quickly" in Hawaiian.

03.  FUNNY MONEY

A New York Times article tells the story of Steven Boggs (J.S.G. Boggs) who learned in 1984 that he had the ability to duplicate artistically British Pounds, Swiss Francs and American Dollars.

He never sold his works, he just enjoyed spending them.

If a merchant accepted a bill (which was  always blank on the back!) he would ask for a receipt, sign it, and sell it to "collectors."  It was then up to the "collector" to contact the merchant for details.

Recovered money copies were considered to be art and some were exhibited at the Smithsonian American Art Museum in DC.

Mr. Boggs said: "They (The Secret Service) said I was a counterfeiter ... they don't understand the difference between art and crime!"

(Interesting side note:  His mother was once billed in a carnival as "Margo, Queen of the Jungle.")

Over the years (he died at 62) Boggs "traded his bills for goods and services, from candy bars to motorcycles, whose worth he estimated at several million dollars."

Famous British Civil Rights lawyer Geoffrey Robertson successfully got Boggs out of a counterfeiting charge and writes in his book "The Justice Game" (1998) "... that the Bank of England, in response to the Boggs Case, added a copyright notice to its paper currency."

03.  A BOOZE POEM I LIKE

This ancestry remembrance was written by Hugh G. White of Midland, Texas. It always makes me smile to hear it read.)

"A century ago, 'neath a Tennessee Hill

Hepzibah White ran a mountain still.

Her product was widely noted

As first-rate likker and meat,

Guaranteed to cloud your mind 

And knock you off your feet.

Hepzibah is now long gone,

Her spirits left the rill,

And though she no longer cooks her mash,

The hills remember her still!"

04.  ASTRONOMY

Reporter: "Ma'am, did you see Halley's Comet?"

Older Lady: "Yes, but only from a distance."

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 MUSINGS ON A WARM PRE-SPRING DAY

1.  WORDLE Tip

In addition to words I mentioned before, these opening words might also give good letter placement:

tunes

notes

those

steno

onset

stone

These are words that use some of the most frequently used English letters.

And remember:

"Do not wear an itchy girdle

When you try to solve a WORDLE."

2. Saint Patrick Day

This is my favorite rhyme (kind of) from a Clancy Brothers ballad (A Jug of Punch):

"What more diversion can a man desire

Than to sit down by a snug turf fire?

Upon his knee a pretty wench

Aye, and on the table a jug of punch."

3. A Terrible Puzzle (IMHO)

I hated the LA TIMES crossword puzzle for yesterday (Thursday March 17th, 2022.)

I had never heard of 17 solution words, a few of which I couldn't even guess and had to look up. Normally, I rarely need to look up answers for LA or NY Thursday puzzles.

The puzzle had several irritating NATICKS and I thought the puzzle's theme was idiotic, although it had been used before by the NY TIMES.

Looking at puzzle comments online it appears that half of the solvers  liked it; the other half disliked it.

There! I've said my piece and life goes on.

4.  Prisoner Upkeep

A Harper's Index item posted in the Funny Times April 2022 issue has the following statistic:

"Amount spent per year to incarcerate someone in a New York City jail:  $556,539"

Amazing?  But wait.  Another item says:  

"Amount spent last November on a private island in the metaverse:  $398,685"

(As a former subscriber to the mind-bending Harper's Magazine, I trust their statistics.)

Many people have always pushed for a deal with some poor country to get paid to hold our prisoners.  It would be a lot cheaper than in our prisons.

Drawbacks:

Foreign prison guards might beat prisoners.

Probably no chance for reform.

It might be easy for them to escape.

Probably unconstitutional.

But who knows if our Government hasn't already farmed out prisoners. It would have to have been terrorists or lifers whose appeal chances are over and with no possibility of parole.

We are in control of the prisoners in Cuba.  There is a whole American enclave at the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base, where the prison is.

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 MOVIES #4

SOME MORE COMMENTS AND QUESTIONS ABOUT MOVIES AND ALSO ADS

1. Naughty content

Last night Elaine and I watched "Fifty Shades of Grey" the 2015 erotic "romance," and I thought of how movies have opted to show implicit sex on the screen.  Have we become customers of "porn flicks?"

But the movie can be found free on TV, a boon to teen-agers everywhere.  Years ago, my friend Courtney and I would visit the only "Art" theater in New Bedford, Massachusetts and were once shocked and astounded to see a bare-bosomed native in a documentary about a trip in a canoe through shark-infested waters.  

Yes, as I said before, I am an old-fashioned prude, and I worry about the sexual lessons this "Grey" sado-masochist is giving to our adolescents.

If there is a moral teaching given off by this film, it might be:

True love cannot exist where one part of a couple inflicts physical pain on the other.

2.  Ads at free online movies

If you are able to see free streamed movies, or watch "live" TV, you probably get to experience some pretty stupid advertisements, such as these name-changed parodies, ... which are close to the truth.

Mr. Back Helper

This ingenious devise is placed behind your back and supposedly relaxes you and makes you healthier.

For only $19.95, you can make use of this hard cardboard piece, shaped like an upside-down V. (If you accidently spill liquid on it, you can get a replacement for just $9.95.)

Mr. Pad

This looks like the same piece of hard cardboard unfolded. Once placed on the floor, you can lean on it to do pushups, or stand on it to do squats.  A bargain for just $19.95.

Mr. Door Guadian

This is a device that even a three-year old can use to keep bad guys from entering their home.  It blocks door access and keeps the door from breaking.  A necessary family safeguard for just $19.95.

(Surely bad guys know how to smash windows.)

Oh, by the way, that obnoxious intelligence insulting Honda ad is back on Podcasts!

To all ad agencies and purveyors of filthy movies:

"Beser volt oyf dyn ort a shteyn arayn!"

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 MOVIES #3

Questions and Comments 

1.  Does anyone over the age of 16 go to movie theaters anymore?

Movie reviews that I read seem very childish with predictable or no plots.  We choose to see movies on our home computer setups.

2.  Are movie theater tickets costly?

When I was young, tickets were cheap. Candy and popcorn consumption were costly and paid the theater owner's bills.  Now, I understand that both tickets and "food" items are costly. (Yes, I know about inflation.) 

Skinny little candy bars top $2 each, while buckets of popcorn might cost $6 each.

As I mentioned yesterday, a friend and I could spend 15 cents and stuff lots and lots of sugar-filled goodies into our maws as we watched triple features.

3.  Why do companies charge so much to see their movies online?

You can watch When Harry Met Sally online for $29.  I think that no movie is worth that much, especially one that has only one remarkable scene. 

4.  Why do companies say I've entered their movie reservation service when I was just spending 5 minutes checking out a film?

Even if after two minutes viewing of a film and finding it dumb and obnoxious, and moving on, several companies bill my credit card for a monthly fee.

For instance, I found out in less than a minute that a movie was idiotic and moved on, the "Shouts and Screams" movie club automatically began to charge me $8,97 per month as a member of their movie club.

5.  Why do movie producers allow young kids to curse?

It makes me mad to hear an eight-tear-old forced to use the F-word in a movie role.  (Yes, I guess I am a prude, although I do have my cursing moments.)

Also, if the movie characters curse a lot, I sign off.  I realize that some studios use unnecessary cursing to get an "R" rating, but such attempts kill any chance for the picture to earn an award. (In my opinion.)

Other movie dialogue

Roy Blunt Jr. writes in Alphabet Soup:

"Nobody writes dialogue like this any more:

'My liver works like a buttered eagle.' - Joel McCrea in Preston Sturges' The Great Moment.'"

Thank goodness for that.

Another quote (Anon Student)

"It's a good thing electricity was invented, otherwise we all would be watching televised movies by whale oil candle light."

 

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