Some questions I have been pondering:
How fast is our deficit going up because of things that djt is doing?
Am I the only recipient of the Tax Relief Act that has to increase IRS payments by $4000?
What keeps djt's orange hair from flying away in a gale?
Is djt really a billionaire?
Who decided that a sitting president can't be arrested for blatant crimes?
Have there been any attempts on djt's life while he has been president?
What information is being kept from djt by reputable Government workers who fear what he would do if he knew about certain things?
Did djt launder money from the Ukraine? Russia? Arabia?
What did djt say to Putin when nobody but him was in attendance?
Was the Steele dossier correct in all respects?
Why are the Republicans afraid of djt?
Has djt been compromised by Putin?
Will the tariffs affect the vote for djt by farmers?
How many farmers will go bankrupt because of djt?
Will the Democrats finally decide to start impeachment hearings?
Will the Senate leader go to jail for corruption?
Why is there no pet dog in the white house?
Why did the Brits honor Trump and his family?
Will somebody fire Kellyann for Hatch Act violations?
Revisit next year and see if any of this has been answered.
Monday, June 17, 2019
Friday, May 31, 2019
More from the Pink Book... Carnivals
Yes, I know.. I have become very slow in posting to this blog. TMGO (too much going on). But, here is a bit more in an attempt to catch up.
TUNE IN: Be careful in your Internet dealings.
I use TuneIn to access podcasts, but sometimes the advertisements bug the hell out of me. For instance:
Run along, little dust bunnies, run along!
What does this button do? What does this button do?
Those are for Geico, I believe. They play on and on, all day long, during podcast or news breaks.
A couple of weeks ago, I decided to find out about Tune In Premium. The ad for Premium said that there would be no other ads to bother us. Instead, the ad spots would be filled with news items. (Perhaps that could be painful to hear the same news over and over..?)
I talked to a nice lady about Premium, but at the end of our talk I said that I was not going to get it.
So, of course, in my next Discover bill, I found an entry for a $99 payment to TuneIn Premium. There was a telephone number next to the entry. I called it and argued with someone for a while, to try to get a refund of my $99. I was told that because I "ordered Premium" from a "3rd Party" I should not get a refund. My answer to that was that if I did not get my refund, I would be telling my story to the local newspaper. They gave me the refund.
Coupons!
Whenever I buy a 50-50 chance at a church, carnival, or club, I get a ticket stub with the "potential" winning number... but it also usually says, in bold type: KEEP THIS COUPON
Now, tell me what I should do with all of these coupons?
Carnival Gambling 1
When I lived in New Bedford, the Portuguese Catholic Church would have carnivals in the Spring and in the Fall. They had them in a large area across the street from my house, so, it was easy for me and my friends to visit them.
We didn't have much money, so we just watched other people win or lose. One night, while we were watching a money wheel, we noticed that the triple six wheel face kept coming up whenever one of the wheel spinners would do his thing. Aha! A chance to make some money. We only had a couple of dimes.. but we put one one the six spot when our spinner twirled the wheel. We won!
We did this for a while and got richer and richer, until an observant priest found out what was going on. A new wheel spinner was assigned; we grabbed our ill-gotten gains and left quickly.
Carnival Gambling 2
Later, in Junior High School, I had a lot of jobs because our family was not very rich. One of my jobs was at New Bedford's Sargeant Field. I "manned" the ring toss game. My orders were to:
Let every 7th player win something, even though their ring didn't circle any clothes pin. (It cost 25 cents to play. The prizes cost something like 10 for $1.)
If the player's ring encircled a clothes pin labeled "81".. tell them that the winning number was "18."
Ditto with "99" .. "66." Ditto with "45" .. "54." You get the picture.
Of course, you know that I did not follow the rules when the boss wasn't looking.
Carnival Concessions
Sargeant Field had a large bleachers set up for folks to watch circus acts or baseball games. A bunch of us "rats" would sell hot dogs and soda to the attendees. Not bad for 12 year olds.. we got 10 cents for every $1 sale. Because I sold more that the other kids, I received 15 cents per $1 sale.
Besides making a few bucks, us kids got to see all of the circus acts for free.
My favorite was "The Great Lalage".. a muscular lady who twirled hundreds of times on a hanging ring. After her act, she would retire to her trailer, which was next to a fence that could be climbed by young boys who would then peak in her trailer window to watch her get undressed.
The circus "roustabouts" appreciated kids who worked hard, putting up, and,or, taking down circus tents and sheds. There were "managers" who had the kids line up for payment of 50 cents each at the end of the night. Once again, because I worked very hard, each "manager" let me on their line so that I could receive extra money.
Enough for now.
TUNE IN: Be careful in your Internet dealings.
I use TuneIn to access podcasts, but sometimes the advertisements bug the hell out of me. For instance:
Run along, little dust bunnies, run along!
What does this button do? What does this button do?
Those are for Geico, I believe. They play on and on, all day long, during podcast or news breaks.
A couple of weeks ago, I decided to find out about Tune In Premium. The ad for Premium said that there would be no other ads to bother us. Instead, the ad spots would be filled with news items. (Perhaps that could be painful to hear the same news over and over..?)
I talked to a nice lady about Premium, but at the end of our talk I said that I was not going to get it.
So, of course, in my next Discover bill, I found an entry for a $99 payment to TuneIn Premium. There was a telephone number next to the entry. I called it and argued with someone for a while, to try to get a refund of my $99. I was told that because I "ordered Premium" from a "3rd Party" I should not get a refund. My answer to that was that if I did not get my refund, I would be telling my story to the local newspaper. They gave me the refund.
Coupons!
Whenever I buy a 50-50 chance at a church, carnival, or club, I get a ticket stub with the "potential" winning number... but it also usually says, in bold type: KEEP THIS COUPON
Now, tell me what I should do with all of these coupons?
Carnival Gambling 1
When I lived in New Bedford, the Portuguese Catholic Church would have carnivals in the Spring and in the Fall. They had them in a large area across the street from my house, so, it was easy for me and my friends to visit them.
We didn't have much money, so we just watched other people win or lose. One night, while we were watching a money wheel, we noticed that the triple six wheel face kept coming up whenever one of the wheel spinners would do his thing. Aha! A chance to make some money. We only had a couple of dimes.. but we put one one the six spot when our spinner twirled the wheel. We won!
We did this for a while and got richer and richer, until an observant priest found out what was going on. A new wheel spinner was assigned; we grabbed our ill-gotten gains and left quickly.
Carnival Gambling 2
Later, in Junior High School, I had a lot of jobs because our family was not very rich. One of my jobs was at New Bedford's Sargeant Field. I "manned" the ring toss game. My orders were to:
Let every 7th player win something, even though their ring didn't circle any clothes pin. (It cost 25 cents to play. The prizes cost something like 10 for $1.)
If the player's ring encircled a clothes pin labeled "81".. tell them that the winning number was "18."
Ditto with "99" .. "66." Ditto with "45" .. "54." You get the picture.
Of course, you know that I did not follow the rules when the boss wasn't looking.
Carnival Concessions
Sargeant Field had a large bleachers set up for folks to watch circus acts or baseball games. A bunch of us "rats" would sell hot dogs and soda to the attendees. Not bad for 12 year olds.. we got 10 cents for every $1 sale. Because I sold more that the other kids, I received 15 cents per $1 sale.
Besides making a few bucks, us kids got to see all of the circus acts for free.
My favorite was "The Great Lalage".. a muscular lady who twirled hundreds of times on a hanging ring. After her act, she would retire to her trailer, which was next to a fence that could be climbed by young boys who would then peak in her trailer window to watch her get undressed.
The circus "roustabouts" appreciated kids who worked hard, putting up, and,or, taking down circus tents and sheds. There were "managers" who had the kids line up for payment of 50 cents each at the end of the night. Once again, because I worked very hard, each "manager" let me on their line so that I could receive extra money.
Enough for now.
Thursday, April 18, 2019
In My Grandfather's Footsteps
Stuff in a Pink Book.
I loved my old reprobate of a grandfather... Arthur S. Vaughan was father to 15 children and after they all had grown, found me as a new addition to his home. I have many stories to tell about my "Grandpa Vaughan." I'll get to them later.
Meanwhile, I will do something that emulates his adult life activity. Cutting and pasting newspaper and magazine items that meet my interest. Grandpa cut and pasted to the wall of his "den;" I will cut and paste to big pink notebooks.
Why pink? Because, after I am gone, as my junk is being thrown out, the junkman may pause when he sees a pink notebook and look inside and find out a lot about me. And I'll live again.
The New Bedford, Massachusetts Standard Times newspaper had a rotogravure section on Sundays. One Wednesday, a photographer showed up and took pictures of the interesting items on Grandpa's wall. Some pictures were of the Siamese Twins, Jumbo the Elephant, Emmet Kelly (circus clown and drinking buddy of Grandpa), Tom Thumb, etc... you get the idea. The pictures he took showed up in the next week's rotogravure... the year was 1948.
I've been trying to get a copy of that rotogravure section from the Standard Times; but, with no results. However, those covered walls are impressed on my eyeballs.. I can see those images in my brain database. I appreciate my grandfather feeding my curiosity and making my life much more interesting than it could have been.
Now is the time for emulation, at least in a small way; I don't want to post to walls; instead, I will paste into those pink notebooks.
(Yes, I know, you saw that back in the 1960's I had done the same thing with regular scrap books, so this is not a new activity for me. I love those old scrap books. I look at them a lot and relive the '60's, a time of excitement for me and my beloved wife, Elaine. In the '60's, we moved to Baltimore and it was here that my beautiful girls and handsome boy were born. What a wonderful time that was!)
Here goes: (random "stuff" .. started when I turned 85 on February 1, 2019)
Roman poet Horace (65 BC - 8 BC) said: "Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans, it's lovely to be silly at the right moment." Later, I will tell about the British cryptographic manuals and how they got to be read, even though they were dull as hell. Also, I will tell about how I jazzed up the project management manuals at the Social Security Administration... i.e., the infamous "Macintosh Versions."
In the 1960's, I founded Niemand Associates. This was an organization created to get my co-workers to use a reading file and become better employees. For years, NA was run out of a Randallstown Post Office box; later its address was: P.O. Box 779, Finksburg, MD, 21048. One of my aliases at the time was: H.M. Niemand. (of course, H.M. stands for Herman Melville!) and those who know German know what my last name stood for.
SuZee has lived with us for about ten years now. She is a Siamese cat (not a twin).. and quite food looking. But, she is a "fraidy cat." She was found alone in a barn. Her mother had been killed by a "varmint." The finder brought her home as a little kitten be share a food bowl with two husky dogs. Even as a kitten, she was feisty and the two dogs had to watch out. (She was not a "fraidy cat" until later.) We adopted her and took her to our home... fleas... fleas... Elaine had to give her 85 baths to get rid of them. Also, here coloring did not look like Siamese coloring while she was a kitten and we thought that she was a mongrel. But, after a few months, this kitten blossomed into a beautifully colored Siamese cat.
My favorite painter is Alphonse Mucha.. If I ever try to learn to paint, I would like to do beautiful ladies like he did. Some of the ladies in his pictures look like the Elaines in my life.
Tom Clancy (1947 - 2013) said: "The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
ENOUGH!
I loved my old reprobate of a grandfather... Arthur S. Vaughan was father to 15 children and after they all had grown, found me as a new addition to his home. I have many stories to tell about my "Grandpa Vaughan." I'll get to them later.
Meanwhile, I will do something that emulates his adult life activity. Cutting and pasting newspaper and magazine items that meet my interest. Grandpa cut and pasted to the wall of his "den;" I will cut and paste to big pink notebooks.
Why pink? Because, after I am gone, as my junk is being thrown out, the junkman may pause when he sees a pink notebook and look inside and find out a lot about me. And I'll live again.
The New Bedford, Massachusetts Standard Times newspaper had a rotogravure section on Sundays. One Wednesday, a photographer showed up and took pictures of the interesting items on Grandpa's wall. Some pictures were of the Siamese Twins, Jumbo the Elephant, Emmet Kelly (circus clown and drinking buddy of Grandpa), Tom Thumb, etc... you get the idea. The pictures he took showed up in the next week's rotogravure... the year was 1948.
I've been trying to get a copy of that rotogravure section from the Standard Times; but, with no results. However, those covered walls are impressed on my eyeballs.. I can see those images in my brain database. I appreciate my grandfather feeding my curiosity and making my life much more interesting than it could have been.
Now is the time for emulation, at least in a small way; I don't want to post to walls; instead, I will paste into those pink notebooks.
(Yes, I know, you saw that back in the 1960's I had done the same thing with regular scrap books, so this is not a new activity for me. I love those old scrap books. I look at them a lot and relive the '60's, a time of excitement for me and my beloved wife, Elaine. In the '60's, we moved to Baltimore and it was here that my beautiful girls and handsome boy were born. What a wonderful time that was!)
Here goes: (random "stuff" .. started when I turned 85 on February 1, 2019)
Roman poet Horace (65 BC - 8 BC) said: "Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans, it's lovely to be silly at the right moment." Later, I will tell about the British cryptographic manuals and how they got to be read, even though they were dull as hell. Also, I will tell about how I jazzed up the project management manuals at the Social Security Administration... i.e., the infamous "Macintosh Versions."
In the 1960's, I founded Niemand Associates. This was an organization created to get my co-workers to use a reading file and become better employees. For years, NA was run out of a Randallstown Post Office box; later its address was: P.O. Box 779, Finksburg, MD, 21048. One of my aliases at the time was: H.M. Niemand. (of course, H.M. stands for Herman Melville!) and those who know German know what my last name stood for.
SuZee has lived with us for about ten years now. She is a Siamese cat (not a twin).. and quite food looking. But, she is a "fraidy cat." She was found alone in a barn. Her mother had been killed by a "varmint." The finder brought her home as a little kitten be share a food bowl with two husky dogs. Even as a kitten, she was feisty and the two dogs had to watch out. (She was not a "fraidy cat" until later.) We adopted her and took her to our home... fleas... fleas... Elaine had to give her 85 baths to get rid of them. Also, here coloring did not look like Siamese coloring while she was a kitten and we thought that she was a mongrel. But, after a few months, this kitten blossomed into a beautifully colored Siamese cat.
My favorite painter is Alphonse Mucha.. If I ever try to learn to paint, I would like to do beautiful ladies like he did. Some of the ladies in his pictures look like the Elaines in my life.
ENOUGH!
Sunday, March 3, 2019
Silly Stuff for a Snowy Afternoon
I had planned on spending a couple of hours at the Giant Supermarket to restock our larder. However, before I could leave the house, it began to snow.. big time! Since it would be stupid for me to try to drive in a snow storm, I decided to stay home and do a blog entry. (Still procrastinating about Income Tax.)
Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me
Very funny show today. Alan Sorkin was a contestant.. West Wing creator and now honcho for the staging of To Kill A Mockingbird on Broadway. Some of the other things discussed:
Fit Chickens
China is now outfitting chickens with miniature Fitbits. They record the chickens' steps so that freshness can be determined... I guess.
(Someone quipped: So now we will know why the chicken crossed the road... to get a longer step score.)
License Plates
In some parts of Australia, emoji vanity plates are being allowed. I wonder what the police think about that.
Speaking of vanity plates, I've had my Mensa plate for years. Since I got it, I've only seen one other car with another Mensa plate. When I got the plate, I asked them to not give me a vanity number of less than 120, the Stanford-Binet score for the Genius level. So... they gave me 80 (low normal.)
........................................
Craft Beer
Someone mentioned that a brewer is making marshmallow India Pale Ale (IPA). No.. please.. no!
(I only drink IPA now. Everything else tastes like sour water.. especially Lite Beer. I have talked about this before: I visited a brewery in Pennsylvania where they had two big vats. They both were filled with the same kind of beer. However, after a while, an equal amount of water was pumped into one of the vats and mixed thoroughly. I was told that this is how they make Lite Beer. No wonder it tastes like water.)
..................................................
Wisdom from WWDTM
"A foot long hot dog is always the right size."
.........................................
Here is some current Religion information from a couple of sources.
Harpers Index mentions that there are probably around 120,000 Christian missionaries who have left the US to preach the Gospel to the heathens.
They also mention that there are probably around 30,000 foreign missionaries who have left their homes to preach their religious beliefs to us heathens.
None of this will probably help anybody. IMHO
The Carroll County Times is advertising a "drive-through" for folks who want to get ashes on Ash Wednesday. And, of course, if you have a favorite pet, you can get them blessed in a "drive-through" lane at one of the churches.
Talk about laziness. Also, when I was down in South Carolina, one of the funeral parlors was advertising "drive-through" viewings.
Methodists May Not Be Gay About This
The Week Magazine reports that at a meeting of United Methodist Church leaders in St. Louis, a slim majority voted to retain anti-gay rules. No gay marriage ceremonies allowed. This ruling will probably result in another one of those "schisms" that occur over the years to a religion that is in its dotage.
.....................................................
Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me
Very funny show today. Alan Sorkin was a contestant.. West Wing creator and now honcho for the staging of To Kill A Mockingbird on Broadway. Some of the other things discussed:
Fit Chickens
China is now outfitting chickens with miniature Fitbits. They record the chickens' steps so that freshness can be determined... I guess.
(Someone quipped: So now we will know why the chicken crossed the road... to get a longer step score.)
License Plates
In some parts of Australia, emoji vanity plates are being allowed. I wonder what the police think about that.
Speaking of vanity plates, I've had my Mensa plate for years. Since I got it, I've only seen one other car with another Mensa plate. When I got the plate, I asked them to not give me a vanity number of less than 120, the Stanford-Binet score for the Genius level. So... they gave me 80 (low normal.)
........................................
Craft Beer
Someone mentioned that a brewer is making marshmallow India Pale Ale (IPA). No.. please.. no!
(I only drink IPA now. Everything else tastes like sour water.. especially Lite Beer. I have talked about this before: I visited a brewery in Pennsylvania where they had two big vats. They both were filled with the same kind of beer. However, after a while, an equal amount of water was pumped into one of the vats and mixed thoroughly. I was told that this is how they make Lite Beer. No wonder it tastes like water.)
..................................................
Wisdom from WWDTM
"A foot long hot dog is always the right size."
.........................................
Here is some current Religion information from a couple of sources.
Harpers Index mentions that there are probably around 120,000 Christian missionaries who have left the US to preach the Gospel to the heathens.
They also mention that there are probably around 30,000 foreign missionaries who have left their homes to preach their religious beliefs to us heathens.
None of this will probably help anybody. IMHO
The Carroll County Times is advertising a "drive-through" for folks who want to get ashes on Ash Wednesday. And, of course, if you have a favorite pet, you can get them blessed in a "drive-through" lane at one of the churches.
Talk about laziness. Also, when I was down in South Carolina, one of the funeral parlors was advertising "drive-through" viewings.
Methodists May Not Be Gay About This
The Week Magazine reports that at a meeting of United Methodist Church leaders in St. Louis, a slim majority voted to retain anti-gay rules. No gay marriage ceremonies allowed. This ruling will probably result in another one of those "schisms" that occur over the years to a religion that is in its dotage.
.....................................................
Thursday, February 28, 2019
New Stuff
I am very disgusted with the way the Republican members of the House Oversight Committee acted as Michael Cohen gave testimony. They call him a liar.. but who encouraged him to lie? Who edited his statements before he gave them in his prior appearance? Hypocrites! What is trump holding over their heads to get them all to act alike?
Anyway.. you know why I am writing a lot of blog entries lately... yes, I am avoiding doing my Income Tax. Ye procrastination god.. thou art my muse.
Aging
Someone sent me this new take on a famous prayer:
The Senility Prayer
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, the good fortune
to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.
..................................................................
Math Question (from the American Legion Magazine)
Teacher: "If there are seven flies and I hit one with a ruler, how many are left?"
Student: "Just the one you squashed."
.....................................................................
Literature (from New York Times Book Review)
Chelsea Clinton mentioned something she read in a Perez-Reverte novel. One of the characters said: "Never trust a man who reads only one book."
El presidente may have never read a book.. and... his own book The Art of the Deal was ghost-written.
In my years on the boards of several non-profit organizations, I had to interact with lots of people who have never read anything but the Bible. Yes, I have read it too. (Some of it.. because some other parts put me to sleep, I'm sorry to say.) But.. one must read other things because the Bible should not be taken as the complete guide for everything one does... Some of the preachers that I interacted with proved to be hypocrites.. IMHO. However, some were wonderful people... IMHO.
........................................................................
Weird Stuff (from a recent Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me)
Clothes
One of the famous designers (Laurent?) has designed some high heeled shoes with wheels attached. Are they like the funny sneakers that little kids have? I have a hard time visualizing some tall, skinny super model whizzing by in her rolling high heels.
Fast Food
There now are oyster vending machines in France.
How on earth would they keep the oysters fresh? Stick a franc (or euro) into a slot and get to slurp an oyster (except during certain months.) Also, how on earth do you keep them cold? Wait a minute, we have ice cream vending machines, so I guess it is possible to keep anything cold in a vending machine.
Quite a while ago, I read about a High School class that went on a European trip and discovered that they could get a can of beer from a vending machine. High times!
......................................................................
enough
Anyway.. you know why I am writing a lot of blog entries lately... yes, I am avoiding doing my Income Tax. Ye procrastination god.. thou art my muse.
Aging
Someone sent me this new take on a famous prayer:
The Senility Prayer
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, the good fortune
to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.
..................................................................
Math Question (from the American Legion Magazine)
Teacher: "If there are seven flies and I hit one with a ruler, how many are left?"
Student: "Just the one you squashed."
.....................................................................
Literature (from New York Times Book Review)
Chelsea Clinton mentioned something she read in a Perez-Reverte novel. One of the characters said: "Never trust a man who reads only one book."
El presidente may have never read a book.. and... his own book The Art of the Deal was ghost-written.
In my years on the boards of several non-profit organizations, I had to interact with lots of people who have never read anything but the Bible. Yes, I have read it too. (Some of it.. because some other parts put me to sleep, I'm sorry to say.) But.. one must read other things because the Bible should not be taken as the complete guide for everything one does... Some of the preachers that I interacted with proved to be hypocrites.. IMHO. However, some were wonderful people... IMHO.
........................................................................
Weird Stuff (from a recent Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me)
Clothes
One of the famous designers (Laurent?) has designed some high heeled shoes with wheels attached. Are they like the funny sneakers that little kids have? I have a hard time visualizing some tall, skinny super model whizzing by in her rolling high heels.
Fast Food
There now are oyster vending machines in France.
How on earth would they keep the oysters fresh? Stick a franc (or euro) into a slot and get to slurp an oyster (except during certain months.) Also, how on earth do you keep them cold? Wait a minute, we have ice cream vending machines, so I guess it is possible to keep anything cold in a vending machine.
Quite a while ago, I read about a High School class that went on a European trip and discovered that they could get a can of beer from a vending machine. High times!
......................................................................
enough
Wednesday, February 27, 2019
Quick Facts
I think I should take a break from my Politics, Religion and Sex entries. Instead, today, I will talk about some other stuff, while not as interesting, could still command a little attention.
Animals Rights
According to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the PETA organization has decided that animals are getting a bad break on some of our phrases, and has suggested some changes, such as:
Old: Bring home the bacon.
New: Bring home the bagels.
Old: Kill two birds with one stone.
New: Feed two birds with one scone.
Old: There's more than one way to skin a cat.
New: There's more than one way to feed a cat.
What do you think? I think that PETA also wants pet owners to clothe their animals. I could be wrong on this... I hope so.
...................................
Large Population Solution
The Saturday Evening Post says that Texas could contain the Earth's entire population if it were as densely populated as New York City.
And Ted Cruz would run the show.
...........................................
Animal Talk (from my 1988 stand-up routine)
Wife bear to husband bear: "Did you eat something that disagreed with you? You tossed and turned all Winter long."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Perseverance for sure!
The Week Magazine in 2016 reported that an 80 year-old homeless woman won a 16-year-long battle to claim Social Security benefits. She received a lump sum check for $99,999.
This reminds me of the time that our Social Security programmers accidentally paid beneficiaries an amount that was really their zip-code. This was not so great for someone on the East Coast in zip-code 00125, but was great for someone on the West Coast in zip-code 99555. Luckily, the error was caught quickly and not too many people were involved.
.......................................
Enough for now.
Animals Rights
According to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the PETA organization has decided that animals are getting a bad break on some of our phrases, and has suggested some changes, such as:
Old: Bring home the bacon.
New: Bring home the bagels.
Old: Kill two birds with one stone.
New: Feed two birds with one scone.
Old: There's more than one way to skin a cat.
New: There's more than one way to feed a cat.
What do you think? I think that PETA also wants pet owners to clothe their animals. I could be wrong on this... I hope so.
...................................
Large Population Solution
The Saturday Evening Post says that Texas could contain the Earth's entire population if it were as densely populated as New York City.
And Ted Cruz would run the show.
...........................................
Animal Talk (from my 1988 stand-up routine)
Wife bear to husband bear: "Did you eat something that disagreed with you? You tossed and turned all Winter long."
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Perseverance for sure!
The Week Magazine in 2016 reported that an 80 year-old homeless woman won a 16-year-long battle to claim Social Security benefits. She received a lump sum check for $99,999.
This reminds me of the time that our Social Security programmers accidentally paid beneficiaries an amount that was really their zip-code. This was not so great for someone on the East Coast in zip-code 00125, but was great for someone on the West Coast in zip-code 99555. Luckily, the error was caught quickly and not too many people were involved.
.......................................
Enough for now.
Sunday, February 24, 2019
A Little More Politics, Religion and Sex
It's hard to tell whether my audience is enjoying my Politics, Religion and Sex blog entries, but I will try it again and see what happens.
Politics: djt
Our current president (the BLOB) said in 2016: "The law's totally on my side... the President can't have a conflict of interest."
(In 2019, the House is in Democratic hands and we'll see if mr trump is correct after some investigation.)
Also, in 2016, The Week Magazine reported that trump supporters were urging via the Internet that coffee-drinkers say their name is 'trump' when ordering at Starbucks, so that the baristas would call out djt's last name whenever an order is ready. (Free advertising.)
.........................................
Religion: 666
The Week Magazine reported in 2013 that a Kentucky high schooler dropped out of her sports competition when she was given the bib number '666.' The devout Christian considers the number to be a sign of the devil. The race organizers refused to give her another number, so she quit, saying: "I didn't want to risk my relationship with God."
1. I read somewhere recently that the number '666' was a mis-translation. It might have been '777' or '999.' What about all the books and pamphlets and sermons alerting us to '666?' Wow! So that's why we are all so messed up!
2. When I was 11 years old, I worked part-time at a circus and learned that when you throw a ring to go around a peg labeled '66' and expected a prize, the one who ran the site would pull the peg, turn it over, and show it as '99' which was not a winner. Same thing with '18' and '81. etc.
While we are at it... after everyone left the circus grounds except us workers, the door on the iron lung would open and the girl who was inside would climb out, yell for a drink and saunter off to her trailer to rest until the next day. (Some of you may not know that an iron lung was used by people with polio. Polio was eradicated in the U.S. a long time ago, but when I was 11, it was still a scourge and many people spent their lives enclosed in an "iron lung." To see someone inside, caused most viewers to dig deep into their wallets.)
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Sex: Nudism
This week's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me! radio show mentioned a new fun thing to do in Australia:
Nude Golf.
They mentioned that this would give new meaning to the phrase: "How's it swingin'?"
Or, in case of "The Blob"... i.e., djt: "How's it hangin'?"
..................................................
OK OK here are a few nudist notes:
A problem at a nudist wedding is where does the best man keep the ring? One might suggest using tape. And just who is considered the "best" man anyway?
Another problem at a nudist wedding is where to put the white carnation.
......................................................
OK OK here is another sex item to consider:
A ninety year old man married a 20 year old girl. He died on the wedding night, and it took the undertaker three days to wipe the smile off of his face.
.......................................
enough!
Politics: djt
Our current president (the BLOB) said in 2016: "The law's totally on my side... the President can't have a conflict of interest."
(In 2019, the House is in Democratic hands and we'll see if mr trump is correct after some investigation.)
Also, in 2016, The Week Magazine reported that trump supporters were urging via the Internet that coffee-drinkers say their name is 'trump' when ordering at Starbucks, so that the baristas would call out djt's last name whenever an order is ready. (Free advertising.)
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Religion: 666
The Week Magazine reported in 2013 that a Kentucky high schooler dropped out of her sports competition when she was given the bib number '666.' The devout Christian considers the number to be a sign of the devil. The race organizers refused to give her another number, so she quit, saying: "I didn't want to risk my relationship with God."
1. I read somewhere recently that the number '666' was a mis-translation. It might have been '777' or '999.' What about all the books and pamphlets and sermons alerting us to '666?' Wow! So that's why we are all so messed up!
2. When I was 11 years old, I worked part-time at a circus and learned that when you throw a ring to go around a peg labeled '66' and expected a prize, the one who ran the site would pull the peg, turn it over, and show it as '99' which was not a winner. Same thing with '18' and '81. etc.
While we are at it... after everyone left the circus grounds except us workers, the door on the iron lung would open and the girl who was inside would climb out, yell for a drink and saunter off to her trailer to rest until the next day. (Some of you may not know that an iron lung was used by people with polio. Polio was eradicated in the U.S. a long time ago, but when I was 11, it was still a scourge and many people spent their lives enclosed in an "iron lung." To see someone inside, caused most viewers to dig deep into their wallets.)
..................................................
Sex: Nudism
This week's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me! radio show mentioned a new fun thing to do in Australia:
Nude Golf.
They mentioned that this would give new meaning to the phrase: "How's it swingin'?"
Or, in case of "The Blob"... i.e., djt: "How's it hangin'?"
..................................................
OK OK here are a few nudist notes:
A problem at a nudist wedding is where does the best man keep the ring? One might suggest using tape. And just who is considered the "best" man anyway?
Another problem at a nudist wedding is where to put the white carnation.
......................................................
OK OK here is another sex item to consider:
A ninety year old man married a 20 year old girl. He died on the wedding night, and it took the undertaker three days to wipe the smile off of his face.
.......................................
enough!
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