INTERESTING PEOPLE - PART ONE

In my long life I have been involved with hundreds of people, some of whom I worked with or for. As I've said many times, I always wanted to learn something from each of them.

Here are three of those people.  I like every one of them and learned a lot from each.  I will name them.  I don't think they will mind.

1.  Lloyd Hess

Lloyd was a fantastic computer programmer.  He would produce vital computer data, even before the Users realized they needed it.

Lloyd is a humorist.  I believe he was the first person to unravel my "Fuzzy Bunny" caper.

His "Camel Bricker" joke is a classic.

At one time, programmers had to name massive computer drives and programs with acronyms that began with CS, which stood for "Claims Systems."  The rest of the acronyms had to be something memorable to help the computer operators and tape handlers. 

Lloyd's most memorable acronyms were CSPOTRUN and CSHITFLY.

Another of Lloyd's gifts is the ability to create marvelous poems, usually with a surprise ending and always with a meaningful message.  I share his poems on FACEBOOK because they are so good.

Let me leave you with a quote from Lloyd:

"Tip for a successful marriage: Don't ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she's mowing the lawn."

2.  Bob Hale

Bob was a Computer Analyst and a consummate wordsmith.  He was a great grandson of Sarah Josepha Hale who wrote "Mary had a little lamb," and was a famous writer and editor.

Bob tried to live up to his ancestor's fame by forming wordsmith groups and writing his own poetry and prose.

He liked to collect grammar-related writings and created several compilations, such as the plural names of creatures.  Example: A gaggle of geese.

I joined his Wordsmith group and encouraged him to publish.  Which he did.

Here is one of his "silly" poems:

"Tim O'Donohue

longs for Irish stew.

Rosa Gonzales 

loves hot tamales.

Eddy Alston-Jones

prefers tea and scones.

Herman Hitzel

craves Wiener Schnitzel."

3.  Bert Mellinger

When I first became a Programmer/Analyst at the Social Security Administration (SSA) headquarters in Woodlawn Maryland, I was introduced to analysts who had worked at SSA offices for years.

My job was to listen to them and then develop computer programs that would convert old punched-card information into new manageable data files and use them in additional new programs for our new giant computers.

One of these old-time analysts was named Bert Mellinger. He was a little guy, barely five feet tall, and was always impeccably dressed. He had a bad stutter which caused him to be the butt of jokes.

But he took the ribbing with good humor and he could give as well as take.  I really liked the guy.

He was related to the famous Mellinger family of Hollywood and tried to get them to recognize him.  It didn't work.

Bert lived in a high-priced condo and some guy asked him how he kept the big place clean.  Bert replied: "I h-have a w-woman in twice a week."

Shame on you, Bert.

When Bert retired, he moved to Florida where he was bored out of his mind.  One day, at a mall, he saw an ad for a movie that was filming in his area.  He applied and got a part in the movie PORKY'S, probably one of the stupidest films of all time.  It was so bad, PORKY'S 2 was created. Teenagers have money to spend on crap.

When the movie was released, Bert called me up to see if I had seen him in the film.  I had lived through a screening but I had not seen Bert.  He told me to watch it again and zero in on the bar scenes. 

I sat through that "bomb" again and guess what?  There was Bert at the bar and his face filled the whole screen. I called and congratulated him.

He went on to play bit parts in a few other films. He hired an agent and became "Mr. Mellinger, Movie Star."  We lost touch when he became a big shot.

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 LOVE AND HATE

LOVE

I love you

Ich liebe dich

Je t'adore

Te amo

Te quiero

Szeretiek

Ya vas lyublyu

Ya tebe lyublyu

Itoshi teru

Salanghae

Ana ahibuk

Any way you say it is ok as long as you have a habit of saying it to those dear to you or to others who also deserve it.  Unfortunately, some folks haven't said it for years.  I wonder if saying it often to a spouse could save a few marriages.

I was lucky to have been raised in a household with three beautiful women; my Aunt, my Mother and my Grandmother.  They often told me they loved me.  My Grandfather didn't say it as far as I knew, except one time when he and my grandmother didn't know I was listening and I heard them expressing their love for each other.

When I was rescued from a "life of juvenile crime" by the First Baptist Church in New Bedford, I plugged into the "love everybody" vibe.

I learned that it was stupid to hate anyone, even those guys I fought with, and even Hitler and Mussolini, who I thought were crazy and mean and  who would have to pay for their crimes. 

We taught our kids to love others and to say "I love you" when appropriate. To this day, my children and grandchildren tell me they love me and that makes me feel so good!

HATE

I believe that hate is unnatural for human beings.  It can "stir your juices" and cause premature aging. (IMHO)

I think it was a song in "The King and I" that mentioned that children are taught by their parents to hate others who have "a different skin." And that is sad.

The Southern Poverty Law Center keeps track of the many many "Hate Groups" in America.  Why do people join these groups?  What are they afraid of?  

Why do they spend their lives in the agony of hate when they might like their adversaries if they learned more about them. (But their daddies taught them to hate when their young minds were impressionable.)

That reminds me:

A few people have hated me over the years.  Here  are a couple of them:

 

This gentleman worked for me in a programming job.  He did not like me and made it known to anyone who would listen.  I think he blamed me for keeping him out of a promotion - that he didn't deserve.  He refused to talk to me and gave me hateful looks.

I decided that this had to stop. I wanted him back on my team.  At a meeting with some bigshots, I ordered him to accompany me.   

We discussed an upcoming project and I introduced him as part of the development team. I mentioned that he was experienced and would do a good job.  Then I took a risk and asked him to give us all some tips on how to continue.  

He rose to the bait, stood up and did a great job.  The Users were pleased and he was pleased with himself and did become an asset to our team.  Most supervisors would have been tempted to ignore him and let him stew for the rest of his career, but I was hoping to release his "better angels," and it worked.

This gentleman gave a presentation for his business at a function I attended.  He had developed some kind of roof protection apparatus that did not work for me and he refused to refund my money.

After his presentation he asked if anyone in the audience had used his product.  I was the only person to raise my hand and I gave my assessment in what I thought was a polite and respectful manner.

This gentleman immediately gave me a nasty look and you might say, "The Evil Eye."  After that, whenever he saw me in this rather small town, he would scrunch up his face and glare at me like that guy who was always glaring at Laurel and Hardy.  This guy really hated me.

A while later, Elaine and I went to a social movie showing and we came late.  There were only three seats left.  We sat there by ourselves until someone came through the darkness and took the last seat next to me.

When the lights went up, my new seat mate almost fainted.  He had been sitting next to his arch enemy. He quickly muttered an incantation and raced out of the theater.

I often tried to think about how to change this man's view of me, but before I could think of something he died.  I hope his life was not cut short because of his hate for me.  I definitely did not hate him.

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OUR "CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL"

Just as probably most of you, we live with lots of creatures (mostly small.)  Let me tell you about ours.

SuZee

As I've mentioned before, we live with a sophisticated and beautiful Siamese cat named SuZee.  She was born in a barn, the only survivor of a fox attack.

She is an indoor cat because if we let her out someone would steal her.

Siamese cats were once raised to guard queens and their jewels, and SuZee fulfills those inherited duties by laying in the doorway of Elaine's bedroom at night to make sure nobody bothers her as she sleeps.

She doesn't like intruders in our domain and runs to hide until the interlopers leave the premises.

However, she loves our wonderful helper, Kathy and pouts until she shows up each day.

COOKIE

I've mentioned the little creature that lives under the side boards of my bathroom.  I named her Cookie just for fun, after a North-end New Bedford girl who tried unsuccessfully to steal me away from my beloved Elaine. 

She sees or hears me come into the bathroom, usually at 3 AM.  At which times she stays quietly near me as if to say "Hello again, Mr. Joe."

She waits quietly until she hears the flow of liquids and then she swirls round and round in a little dance and runs back home without even saying "Good Night, Mr. Joe." I don't mind. I just hope that some unthinking bathroom cleaner doesn't squash her.

MICE

I'm sure they are in residence, but they must be scared of SuZee and keep hidden.  You can sometimes hear some scurrying but they don't make an appearance.

Last year I found a mice nest in the garage.  SuZee doesn't go out there.

Shortly after she entered our family, SuZee caught a mouse that she proudly showed to us.  She hasn't had to catch one since.

BIRDS

So far this (so-called) Spring, we have only seen Sparrows and Blue Jays.  The Cardinals went away somewhere and we've only seen one Robin - over a month ago.

Later we will see Juncos, Humming Birds and Blue Birds.  At least that's what I'm hoping.

Kathy keeps a hanging feeder filled and if it starts to get low the Blue Jays start to raise hell.

SQUIRRELS

Grey squirrels are in abundance around here.  One has a tail that looks like a feather and he mutters curses at us if we don't throw a few slices of bread at him from time to time.

ANTS

I know, everybody has ants.  As I sit here, a few of the little rascals are peeking out from under my mouse pad.  Where do they come from? Parthenogenesis? 

THE BORROWERS

Last, but not least, "The Borrowers" live in our house.  These are little leprechaun-like creatures that have learned from Lamont Cranston how to "cloud men's minds," to make sure they remain unobserved.

They have fun hiding your cellphone or your keys.  In fact, anything of value is "fair game" to them.  Another favorite acquisition is a pair of reading glasses.  They know that the owner will have an impossible search for them.  This makes the little creatures cackle with glee.

In time, when the fun has gotten stale, they lay the missing items back where the owner left them, causing the owner to shake his or her head in confusion; thus resulting in even more laughter by the little guys.

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 MORE MUSINGS

(I finished my special nursing duties today. I hope I did it properly.  Elaine, you'll get my bill tomorrow.)

1.  WORDLE  (an English exercise)

Once again, a hard one today. I was nervously swirling around in my kitchen chair, thinking that it was hopeless, when the solution word popped out of my head allowing me to preserve my winning streak. 

who - me

what - solving WORDLE

where - in my kitchen 

when - today

why - because it's fun

2.  WAIT, WAIT, DON'T TELL ME!

Once again I learned some things from my favorite podcast:

A Girl's Best Friend

A company has found that they can create real diamonds out of - - Ranch Dressing!

Quick, let me check the fridge!

Scientists have always known that diamonds are formed by carbon manipulation. (I think.)

My Walden Farms "Sugar and Fat Free" Ranch Dressing has the following ingredients:

Water

Vinegar

Corn Fiber

Erythritol (Sugar Substitute)

Salt

Cellulose

Titanian Oxide (Food Coloring)

Xanthan Gum (Food Stabilizer)

Garlic

Onion

Propylene Glycol (Flavor and Moisture Aid)

Lemon Juice

Yeast

Mustard Flour

Lactic Acid

Chives

Black Pepper

Parsley

Celery

Dill

Flavoring

OMG!  Should we be ingesting all that on our currently overpriced salads?

Which ingredient provides the carbon to be squeezed into diamonds? 

GET YOUR GOAT?

The Kawasaki company has developed "BEX" a rideable robot goat! (I wonder why)

May I refer you to a recent FACEBOOK video of a little monkey riding on the back of an amenable little goat. 

I wonder if Kawasaki will next develop "MEX" a robotic monkey to ride their robotic goat.

3.  GETTING PUTIN'S GOAT

A couple of days ago a frustrated President Biden accidently (?) uttered nine words "heard round the world" that seemed to hope for the overthrow of the ruler of Russia. "For God's sake this man cannot remain in power."  Oh Oh!

This, of course, sounded like a violation of the tacit agreement among nations that one nation's ruler should never advocate the overthrow of a duly elected leader of another country, even if is felt that their election might have been rigged.

This reminds me:

Centuries ago the Roman orator, Cato ended each speech with a long-winded Latin denunciation of Rome's rival Carthage.  The crux of these remarks was that Rome had to make sure that all power was removed from its rival.  Cato's remarks were condensed to a potent and successful phrase:

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST

(Carthage must be destroyed)

How about a rallying phrase for the current situation?

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 THINGS I THINK ABOUT

1.  WORDLE

Yesterday I wrote about solving a difficult puzzle. according to a lecturer in a Great Courses writing course that I am following, I should have "beefed it up."  Thus - here is my story supposedly improved:

I jumped out of my bed this morning, eager to try a new opening word in WORDLE.  The word did not give me any help and I felt it was worthless.  I was anxious because I didn't want to end my winning streak.

By guessing at several entries, I finally came to the last moment when the word I needed suddenly popped out of my brain, and my winning streak was preserved!

Did I satisfy the basic points of any story?

WHO?     Me (I)

WHAT?    A short story about WORDLE

WHERE?  Outside of my bed.

WHEN?    This morning.   

WHY?       To tell you about one of my experiences with a fun time solving WORDLE.

Well, I tried.

2.  TV SERIES

When Elaine came home from the hospital, we began to watch the Showtime series The Affair. It has several convoluted plots including the sexual exploits of the main protagonists, teacher/author Noah and waitress Allison, and the shenanigans of their relatives, some rich and some dealing in drugs.

There seems to be almost constant explicit sexual activity going on and if the F-word was removed from their vocabularies they would have nothing at all to say.

After a while I was hoping that they would slow down the sexual stuff and get to some other plot device.  We watched 50 Shades of Gray recently and that movie's sexual activity seems like Kindergarten stuff in comparison to that in this series.

That reminds me:

A long time ago I purchased My Life and Loves by Frank Harris at a left-bank book stall in Paris.  The book was banned in America.

Frank Harris (1856 - 1931) was an Irish-American who had an interesting life. Born in Ireland, he bought his way to America, where he "punched cattle" (like in the series 1883), worked underwater building the Brooklyn Bridge, wrote short and long stories, was considered a "bulls------", was a notorious name-dropper and eventually became a famous editor of The Saturday Review in London.

Down on his luck and blaming others for his misfortunes, and hoping to renew his fame he wrote an autobiography which caused quite a "stir."  He outlined his many sexual encounters through four volumes and peppered the pages with depictions of nude women.

But in between the sexy parts, Frank told entertaining anecdotes about world figures.  I got quickly tired of the titillating excerpts and thumbed past them to get to the more interesting parts. 

Why I mention this is to say that the antics in The Affair would certainly shock and disgust Frank the libertine with its lewdness and lack of interesting sidelights. (IMHO)

The Affair was developed in 2014 and lasted for five seasons.  I watched Season One, but I don't think I want to suffer through any more.

3. Prisoners

The Washington Post had an article today about German prisoners of war who were held in Maryland during WWII.  Some were held in Fort Holabird at Baltimore and thousands (the U.S. held 450,000 German prisoners) were sent to work on Maryland farms.

Carroll County, Maryland historian Kevin Dayhoff has written about these prisoners who were happy to get out of the war and do farm work in a welcoming environment.  Many prisoners stayed in the U.S. after the war and became good American citizens.

Fort Holabird was an important place during WWII.  Counterspies were trained there, mainly just-commissioned Second Lieutenants.

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 A BEAUTIFUL BUT CHILLY DAY

(Elaine is home and looks good.  I will have some nursing duties for three days. I just got a lesson on how to perform those duties.)

WORDLE

My 18 days winning streak almost failed today.  Tough word to dope out.  Took me some time.  As I said, I'm hooked and now WORDLE joins my schedule of doing at least one crossword puzzle each day.

CROSSWORDS

I really enjoy the puzzles that Evan Birnholz constructs.  He is the Sunday crossword writer for the Washington Post and Francine kindly sends me copies of his puzzles.  Evan has a wonderful sense of humor as shown in his puzzles, Try them, they may be tough, but entertaining.

WHAT NEXT!

For a while, a Family Dollar store on MLJ Boulevard in Tulsa had a vending machine that was supposed to dispense toy dinosaurs, but in some instances dispensed toy plastic rings imprinted with swastikas.

It makes me sad to think that lots of Americans glorify that madman Hitler and his evil regime that murdered millions of Jews, Gypsies, the Old, the Disabled and other innocent people, and caused a war that resulted in the deaths of another millions of people.

(THINK, YOU GUYS!)

BAD WEATHER

Evangelistic groups in Louisiana blame the tornados and hurricanes they continue to experience on "gays and abortion."   

(THINK, YOU GUYS!)

CRUNCHY OR SMOOTH?

In 2017, twelve inmates of an Alabama prison escaped by fooling a new guard.  They spread peanut butter over the EXIT door sign and told him it was a cell door that needed to be opened so a prisoner could get into the right cell.

It was a nutty attempt because all the escapees were soon captured.

(THINK, YOU GUYS!)

GENEOLOGY

This is an edited extract from a poem by Marguerite Loucks Dye, "humorist, author, poet, pianist and world traveler":

"Where do you get your good sense of humor?"

"I can't help it, Grandpa.  It's in my genes."

Then he thrust his hand into his dungaree pocket -

"Also in my Jeans are a flashlight and beans."

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" UN BEL DI, VEDREMO"

(Today is that day, Elaine will be coming home this afternoon!)

This indeed is an interesting time here in the old-folks paradise that I call home.

1. "Lookie, lookie,lookie, here comes Cookie"

It looks like hibernation is over for the tiny creature that lives under my bathroom molding. I call "her" Cookie.

She finally reappeared the other night and stayed there so I could admire her shiny blackness.  But, wait! Nearby was an even tinier creature with the same coloring.

Did she give birth during her hibernation?

Is my bathroom her universe? A small Garden of Eden for other God's creatures?

2.  A Maryland Delicacy

For years, devoted Maryland crab-crackers have relied on Old Bay seasoning to make their crab repasts even more delicious.

Sometimes bartenders have sprinkled Old Bay into alcoholic drinks to make them more spicey, so this had to happen.

Ads are now appearing for Old Bay Flavored Vodka and Old Bay Bloody Mary Mix.  Vodka would kill me, but I think I might like the Bloody Mary mix.

3.  TV Heaven

For a few years we have been paying for TV movies and documentaries that should have been free based on what we were paying to a provider.

My clever daughter, Diane took the steps necessary to fix our account so we could get free what we have been paying for.

Now we have access to 861 TV channels!

4.  Taxation

Anon says: "I believe we should all pay taxes with a smile.  I tried, but they wanted cash!"

Michelle Singletary said today in The Washington Post: "So far in the 2022 tax season, the average tax refund is more than $3,300."

This 88-year-old owes Uncle about that amount!

5. Noon-time Musings

Weather

As I watched the world through our kitchen window, I saw the sunshine go away and the temperature drop from 70 degrees to 54 degrees and a gusty wind begin anew.

Music

As I ate my lunch of a cheese pizza slice, followed by pistachio nuts and a nice cold beer, I listened to part 3 of L'enfance du Christ.  Nice vocal solos.

This reminded me of when my son, Chris and I were members of The Baltimore Opera League.

 We indulged in some remarkable luncheons at exclusive area clubs as we listened to vocal renditions.

These were usually given by the current star of the opera being showcased that week.  The singer stood next to a grand piano and "belted it out!" The Director of the Lyric Opera usually accompanied the singer on the piano.

In my opinion, there is no better way to listen to opera artists sing than to hear them as they stand within three feet away from you.  So much better than on discs and records and in movies or on You Tube.

After luncheons the Guild would have tables set up to sell overpriced opera memorabilia.  I bought opera-themed jewelry for Elaine and once I bought a very expensive opera-themed necktie. I loved that necktie!

One day I gave a class at the Eldersburg Senior Center and part of my schtick was to throw off my jacket and tie, "to get down to business."

After the class I found my jacket, but my beloved tie was missing.  It never showed up.  It was hard for me to believe that the Center was harboring elderly thieves.

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 "A NUMBER OF THINGS"

(I'm told that Elaine may be coming home this weekend.  I can't wait!)

Robert Louis Stevenson in his Child's Garden of Verses wrote:

"The world is so full of a number of things,

I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings."

And Patrick Dennis quoted Auntie Mame:

"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death."

L'CHIAM!

In my Toastmasters life I gave many toasts, especially at weddings.  I ordered couples to enjoy this great life together.  I wonder how many took me up on that and are still married?

1.  Noontime Musings

I ate my ham salad lunch at our kitchen window and watched the outdoor thermometer rise from 40 degrees to 60 degrees.  Strange weather.

The violent storms that we were supposed to experience didn't show up. Or else they may have occurred Camelot-like in the night.

As I ate, I listened to another musical selection provided me by the BBC.

2.  Soothing Music

My musical selection was by Hector Berlioz (1803-1869).  L'enfance du Christ (Christ's Infancy) was written in three parts in 1854. I listened to Part 1 and 2 this noon.

Even if you are not a Christian it can be enjoyed, especially the section in Part 2 La fuite en Egypte (The Flight into Egypt) that is called L'adieu des bergers (The Shepherds' Farewell.)

This section is only 4 minutes long but is some of the most beautiful music ever composed. (IMHO)

I'm sure you have heard it many times. 

The BBC writes:  "If ever Berlioz can be said to have achieved glowing perfection in his music, then it is surely contained here in this one priceless miniature,"

3.  The Con is On

Lately I've been watching TV on Elaine's set. One of the shows is a NETFLIX production called Inventing Anna. It is a series and so far the protagonist has conned a fashion designer, a boy friend, a very rich lady and her rich friends.  But - they still like or love her.

Who is this Anna?  Is she Russian? German? American?  Brit?  Is she a millionaire? A pauper? Does she have a billionaire father?  Is she an orphan?  Is she really 25 years old? Does she really speak 7 languages? Is her accent affected?  Or -- does she come from Ohio?

Lots of fun to watch.

4.  Uncle Gets His Due

Albert Einstein: "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the Income Tax."

My wonderful daughter, Diane finished my tax returns, and (as I've said before) because of Trump's Tax Relief for Billionaires efforts, I owe a bundle again. I'm having to use money I saved for retirement to cover the debt, and of course, I will have to pay taxes on those amounts again.  

But I hope that my money will help in some way the suffering people in The Ukraine.

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 STUFF TO THINK ABOUT

(Elaine had excellent MRI results.  Hoping she'll be back home soon! Kathy helped Elaine talk to me on her phone. Elaine sounded good.)

1.  Artiste?

The Funny Paper reports that a Russian security guard at the Yeltsin Art Center in Ekaterinburg was bored, so he took out his ballpoint pen and added "eyes" to the three blank faces in the painting labeled "Three Figures" by Anna Leporskaya.

(Look at the painting.  Do you agree with me and the gallery guard that the painting would look more interesting if the faces had eyes?)  

2.  Bottom Line Personal Items -  March 2022 

Bloody Smart

The Stanford University School of Medicine has found that "Supermice" blood pumped into "Couch Potato" mice caused the lazy mice to get smarter.

(Could this work for humans?  I worked at the New Bedford, Massachusetts YMCA for a few years and met a lot of "Supermen" who couldn't even tie their shoelaces.  Do not give me any of their blood.)

Sniff, Sniff, Grrrr!

Scientists at the Weizmann Institute in Israel found that "sniffing a baby's scalp makes women aggressive."

(Aha! Now I know why!... Just kidding, dear.)

3.  Lunchtime Musings

Birds

I ate my lunch today while gazing out of our kitchen window.  I saw sparrows and blue jays zooming by, looking for sustenance before an impending storm arrives.

Weather

Another torrential rain storm is predicted and it's barging up the coast.  Lots of rain, and it isn't even April.  The gusty March winds are still with us.

Flora (Goddess of flowering plants)

I can see that our neighbor's daffodils are up and smiling.  Mine are just poking their green leaves above ground.  The neighboring yard receives direct sunlight; our yard has a lot of shade.

My daughter Diane has a super "green thumb" and is getting her flower and vegetable seeds potted and ready for April rains and May sunshine.

A nicer Russian

While I ate my lunch I listened to a CD that came with a recent issue of BBC Music.

The "music" consisted of two of the works of Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971).  The Rite of Spring (1913) and Petruska (1911).  Stravinsky was a leader in modern music.

(IMHO) I would like to see The Rite of Spring ballet because then I would probably like the music more. Perhaps I can find it on You Tube. The (to my mind) thumping and grinding sounds at the beginning remind me of the train ride music in John Adams' opera "Nixon in China."  

I think I have watched the Petruska ballet performed somewhere in my long life.  I do like the music.  Perhaps I'll try You Tube for this ballet too.

4.  My Green Jeep

I just wrote a story about how I obtained the vehicle that once ferried me all over Germany.  I submitted it for publication in Carroll Lutheran Village's award-winning annual "Creative Living."  If they accept it I'll plug it into a blog entry.

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 MONEY!  

(Waiting for Elaine to come home.)

Thanks to the Trump changes to the tax code, I now owe an average of $3,000 each year to Uncle, instead of getting a refund every year as before. (Help me toss those tea bags, John!)

Here are some thoughts on taxes and money:

Mark Twain: 

"What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?  

The taxidermist takes only your skin."

Ambrose Bierce

"Money (n.) A blessing that is no advantage to us excepting when we part with it..." 

New Bedford Money Story

Concerned Father (CF): "I hear that you want to marry my daughter.  What is your financial status?"

Suiter (S) "It is great and you can check that out with my friends at the exclusive Wamsutta Club, where I am a member."

CF:  "I hear that there are many male members (sorry) there who have vast fortunes and engage in wild activity."

S: "Sir, if I marry your daughter I will no longer hang out with those money-spreading guys."

CF: "No, don't do that.  Bring them here to marry my other three daughters!"

Biblical Money Quote

"Wine maketh merry; but money answereth all things."    ( Ecclesiastes X.19.)

(Which would you rather have, wine or money? With money you can buy a lot of wine... which now sells for ridiculous prices.)

Robert Frost

"Never ask of money spent

Where the spender thinks it went.

Nobody was ever meant 

To remember or invent

What he did with every cent."

Making Money

The housewife was proud of her ability to redeem coupons that came with "Sunlight Soap" to get free prizes, including massive amounts of furniture which she used to outfit one of the two "living rooms" in her house. 

A neighbor asked her why she didn't use some of the furniture to outfit the other "living room."

She replied that she could not do that because that's where she kept her many cartons of "Sunlight Soap."

 

That reminded me of when one usually astute neighbor couple got caught up with the "money-making" opportunities in selling hand soap (it may have been called S---- or something similar.)

Soap selling was a form of Ponzi scheme.  The first people who began to sell in a "virgin" territory sold a lot of soap and they then recruited friends or relatives to join in by buying lots of soap to sell.  The recruiters got a "cut" of the new folks' sales.  

Our neighbors earned a lot of money... until the virgin territory was "deflowered."  The money dried up and they and the others were left with cases of unsold soap.  In fact, our neighbors' garage no longer had room for their car.  Instead, it held case after case of soap that was now unsellable.

Sometimes the redempyion of product coupons tyurned out well.  My late wife, Elaine Eva would redeem coupons for money under friends' and relatives' names and addresses.  They would then receive checks of $1 to $20 in the mail and wouldn't know who it came from.

(For a few years one of the diaper companies  included a redeemable coupon for $20 in their "jumbo" package.  Every Thursday night when people in Westminster, Maryland put out their garbage for morning pickup, Elaine would have me go around town looking for emptied packages that still had an intact coupon.  Then, of course, a little while later, a friend or relative would get a nice crisp $20 bill in the mail and wonder why they received it.)

When I gave the eulogy at Elaine's funeral I "spilled the beans," and I heard a lot of people in the audience gasp.  

Elaine was a very generous person.

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 SOME MORE ODDS AND ENDS

(We expect Elaine to come home soon, hopefully today.  At night it's just me and Susie and her diminishing pelage.  We miss Elaine!)

01.  WORDLE

A WORDLE expert suggests that we use the same opening word for each puzzle.  I disagree.

I think that there is a lot more mental fun to use a different opening word each time.

02.  WAIT!  WAIT!

I like the entertaining radio show: "Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me." A different episode airs on a Washington, D.C. station each Sunday at noon.  I am not always available to listen on Sundays, so I listen to it on Mondays as a podcast.

It is a British-style question and answer program and I believe in what they say. I learn something whenever I listen, for instance:

SHRINKFLATION

To address the potential rising cost of buying  products, and to keep their current prices from rising,  Charmin will be reducing the number of sheets in their toilet paper rolls.

Oh, and there will also now be fewer Doritos in a package.

WOOKIES?

Disney will be opening a Star Wars themed hotel in Orlando.  For $5,000 a night, fans can interact  with actors playing Chewbacca and Han Solo.

BALONEY!

Bologna is being smuggled into the U.S. from Mexico.

(I read that 250 pounds of illegal bologna has already been seized at the U.S./Mexican border.  It is illegal because it is made from pork and might introduce pathogens into our country.)

IT'S  CHAR-MING!

It's hard for me to believe, but "couch-potatoes" are going crazy over potato food that used to be thrown away.

Most major potato-chip manufacturers are now marketing formerly over-cooked and rejected burnt chips.

Damn clever!

 

WHAT'S FOR SUPPER?

Wisconsin has made an APP available for residents to claim and eat ROAD-KILL!

03.  OY!

This is from The Progressive for 2015:

"(Former Wisconsin Governor) Scott Walker, when he was Milwaukee County executive, tried to show his sensitivity to the Jewish community by promising in a letter to display a menorah at the courthouse.

He ended the letter, which was recently made public, by writing, 'Thank you again and Molotov.'"   

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 MORE ODDS AND ENDS

(Elaine is still in the hospital. We expect her home soon.)

I wonder why problems always seem to happen on weekends.  Oh well...

My daily schedule now includes WORDLE.  It is addictive, and I've solved 12 out of 12 so far. Hooray for me.

01. Snake in the Bowl

A Texas boy preparing to relieve himself found an adult western diamond rattlesnake poking its head out of the water in the toilet bowl.  Its a good thing he saw it because if it had gotten a good tushy "asp-bite" the boy would not have recovered.

02.  Wanna get rich?

Max Gunter in "How We Feel about Our Money" reports on a Roper poll from 1967 that asked Americans what they would do for a million dollars.  These are the results:

1% would leave their families

4% would yield citizenship

10% would marry someone they didn't love

11% would permanently give up friends

12% would take off their clothes in public

13% would serve a year's jail term on a framed charge

14% would take a dangerous job with a 1-in-10 chance of losing one's life

21% would become a beggar for a year

14%  ?  Maybe they don't feel that large amounts of money is important.

03.  Incarceration

Adam Gopnik wrote in 2017 in the New Yorker:

"... 6.7 million people, mostly men, were under correctional supervision during the year 2015 -- more than were enslaved in antebellum America and more than resided in the Gulag Archipelago at the height of Stalin's misrule."

(I wonder how many folks are in jail because of holding marijuana joints, or not paying their parking tickets.)

In September, 2014 it was reported that "A Maryland Senate Bill goes into effect on October 1st. It makes the possession of less than 10 grams of marijuana a civil offense, subject to a fine.  However, more than 10 grams and its paraphernalia remains a criminal offence."

I have heard that some southern states may have reinstituted "chain gangs."

Civilization?

04.  Slang

Michael G. Williams wrote about the origin of certain slang phrases for senior communities' newsletters.  Here are a few paraphrased examples:

SLANG - from "Shortened Language."

TOAST - Years ago it was common to drop toasted bread into wine glasses to filter out the sediment. Over the years winemakers (even I) learned how to filter wine and toast was no longer needed.  However the phrase "a toast (to the host)" persisted.

HELLO/HI - Around 1820, Davy Crockett invented "hello" as a greeting.  When the telephone appeared in 1860, it was shortened to "hi."

05.  Sex Education?

A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what?  We learned how to make babies today."

The grandmother, more than a little surprized  - tried to keep her cool.  "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl.  "you just change "y" to "i" and add "es."

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 MORE ODDS AND ENDS

(Elaine is in the hospital with pain issues.  Her Siamese cat SuZee and I expect her to get better and come home shortly.  We miss her.) 

I found a box in our basement containing articles and other information that once interested me.  Let's see if it still "rings my bell."

01.  DISCRIMMINATION?

In 2015, a Bel Air, California citizen of Indian descent was accosted by a policeman who thought she was an illegal alien.

I wonder if this happens a lot.  I hope that police organizations conduct training to stop this practice.

02.  BIRTH OF WIKIPEDIA

Readers Digest says that WIKIPEDIA got named in 1995 by a computer programmer named Ward Cunningham after a user-editable website he called the "WikiWikiWeb" after the phrase "Wikiwiki" that means "quickly" in Hawaiian.

03.  FUNNY MONEY

A New York Times article tells the story of Steven Boggs (J.S.G. Boggs) who learned in 1984 that he had the ability to duplicate artistically British Pounds, Swiss Francs and American Dollars.

He never sold his works, he just enjoyed spending them.

If a merchant accepted a bill (which was  always blank on the back!) he would ask for a receipt, sign it, and sell it to "collectors."  It was then up to the "collector" to contact the merchant for details.

Recovered money copies were considered to be art and some were exhibited at the Smithsonian American Art Museum in DC.

Mr. Boggs said: "They (The Secret Service) said I was a counterfeiter ... they don't understand the difference between art and crime!"

(Interesting side note:  His mother was once billed in a carnival as "Margo, Queen of the Jungle.")

Over the years (he died at 62) Boggs "traded his bills for goods and services, from candy bars to motorcycles, whose worth he estimated at several million dollars."

Famous British Civil Rights lawyer Geoffrey Robertson successfully got Boggs out of a counterfeiting charge and writes in his book "The Justice Game" (1998) "... that the Bank of England, in response to the Boggs Case, added a copyright notice to its paper currency."

03.  A BOOZE POEM I LIKE

This ancestry remembrance was written by Hugh G. White of Midland, Texas. It always makes me smile to hear it read.)

"A century ago, 'neath a Tennessee Hill

Hepzibah White ran a mountain still.

Her product was widely noted

As first-rate likker and meat,

Guaranteed to cloud your mind 

And knock you off your feet.

Hepzibah is now long gone,

Her spirits left the rill,

And though she no longer cooks her mash,

The hills remember her still!"

04.  ASTRONOMY

Reporter: "Ma'am, did you see Halley's Comet?"

Older Lady: "Yes, but only from a distance."

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 MUSINGS ON A WARM PRE-SPRING DAY

1.  WORDLE Tip

In addition to words I mentioned before, these opening words might also give good letter placement:

tunes

notes

those

steno

onset

stone

These are words that use some of the most frequently used English letters.

And remember:

"Do not wear an itchy girdle

When you try to solve a WORDLE."

2. Saint Patrick Day

This is my favorite rhyme (kind of) from a Clancy Brothers ballad (A Jug of Punch):

"What more diversion can a man desire

Than to sit down by a snug turf fire?

Upon his knee a pretty wench

Aye, and on the table a jug of punch."

3. A Terrible Puzzle (IMHO)

I hated the LA TIMES crossword puzzle for yesterday (Thursday March 17th, 2022.)

I had never heard of 17 solution words, a few of which I couldn't even guess and had to look up. Normally, I rarely need to look up answers for LA or NY Thursday puzzles.

The puzzle had several irritating NATICKS and I thought the puzzle's theme was idiotic, although it had been used before by the NY TIMES.

Looking at puzzle comments online it appears that half of the solvers  liked it; the other half disliked it.

There! I've said my piece and life goes on.

4.  Prisoner Upkeep

A Harper's Index item posted in the Funny Times April 2022 issue has the following statistic:

"Amount spent per year to incarcerate someone in a New York City jail:  $556,539"

Amazing?  But wait.  Another item says:  

"Amount spent last November on a private island in the metaverse:  $398,685"

(As a former subscriber to the mind-bending Harper's Magazine, I trust their statistics.)

Many people have always pushed for a deal with some poor country to get paid to hold our prisoners.  It would be a lot cheaper than in our prisons.

Drawbacks:

Foreign prison guards might beat prisoners.

Probably no chance for reform.

It might be easy for them to escape.

Probably unconstitutional.

But who knows if our Government hasn't already farmed out prisoners. It would have to have been terrorists or lifers whose appeal chances are over and with no possibility of parole.

We are in control of the prisoners in Cuba.  There is a whole American enclave at the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base, where the prison is.

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 MOVIES #4

SOME MORE COMMENTS AND QUESTIONS ABOUT MOVIES AND ALSO ADS

1. Naughty content

Last night Elaine and I watched "Fifty Shades of Grey" the 2015 erotic "romance," and I thought of how movies have opted to show implicit sex on the screen.  Have we become customers of "porn flicks?"

But the movie can be found free on TV, a boon to teen-agers everywhere.  Years ago, my friend Courtney and I would visit the only "Art" theater in New Bedford, Massachusetts and were once shocked and astounded to see a bare-bosomed native in a documentary about a trip in a canoe through shark-infested waters.  

Yes, as I said before, I am an old-fashioned prude, and I worry about the sexual lessons this "Grey" sado-masochist is giving to our adolescents.

If there is a moral teaching given off by this film, it might be:

True love cannot exist where one part of a couple inflicts physical pain on the other.

2.  Ads at free online movies

If you are able to see free streamed movies, or watch "live" TV, you probably get to experience some pretty stupid advertisements, such as these name-changed parodies, ... which are close to the truth.

Mr. Back Helper

This ingenious devise is placed behind your back and supposedly relaxes you and makes you healthier.

For only $19.95, you can make use of this hard cardboard piece, shaped like an upside-down V. (If you accidently spill liquid on it, you can get a replacement for just $9.95.)

Mr. Pad

This looks like the same piece of hard cardboard unfolded. Once placed on the floor, you can lean on it to do pushups, or stand on it to do squats.  A bargain for just $19.95.

Mr. Door Guadian

This is a device that even a three-year old can use to keep bad guys from entering their home.  It blocks door access and keeps the door from breaking.  A necessary family safeguard for just $19.95.

(Surely bad guys know how to smash windows.)

Oh, by the way, that obnoxious intelligence insulting Honda ad is back on Podcasts!

To all ad agencies and purveyors of filthy movies:

"Beser volt oyf dyn ort a shteyn arayn!"

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 MOVIES #3

Questions and Comments 

1.  Does anyone over the age of 16 go to movie theaters anymore?

Movie reviews that I read seem very childish with predictable or no plots.  We choose to see movies on our home computer setups.

2.  Are movie theater tickets costly?

When I was young, tickets were cheap. Candy and popcorn consumption were costly and paid the theater owner's bills.  Now, I understand that both tickets and "food" items are costly. (Yes, I know about inflation.) 

Skinny little candy bars top $2 each, while buckets of popcorn might cost $6 each.

As I mentioned yesterday, a friend and I could spend 15 cents and stuff lots and lots of sugar-filled goodies into our maws as we watched triple features.

3.  Why do companies charge so much to see their movies online?

You can watch When Harry Met Sally online for $29.  I think that no movie is worth that much, especially one that has only one remarkable scene. 

4.  Why do companies say I've entered their movie reservation service when I was just spending 5 minutes checking out a film?

Even if after two minutes viewing of a film and finding it dumb and obnoxious, and moving on, several companies bill my credit card for a monthly fee.

For instance, I found out in less than a minute that a movie was idiotic and moved on, the "Shouts and Screams" movie club automatically began to charge me $8,97 per month as a member of their movie club.

5.  Why do movie producers allow young kids to curse?

It makes me mad to hear an eight-tear-old forced to use the F-word in a movie role.  (Yes, I guess I am a prude, although I do have my cursing moments.)

Also, if the movie characters curse a lot, I sign off.  I realize that some studios use unnecessary cursing to get an "R" rating, but such attempts kill any chance for the picture to earn an award. (In my opinion.)

Other movie dialogue

Roy Blunt Jr. writes in Alphabet Soup:

"Nobody writes dialogue like this any more:

'My liver works like a buttered eagle.' - Joel McCrea in Preston Sturges' The Great Moment.'"

Thank goodness for that.

Another quote (Anon Student)

"It's a good thing electricity was invented, otherwise we all would be watching televised movies by whale oil candle light."

 

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