More humor from my files.

EGO SQUELCH

(Here is a story from Robert Spangler.  I did not keep a record of where I read it, maybe Readers Digest, The New York Times or The Mensa Bulletin.)

"In my early thirties, I attended a large and lavish wedding reception.  Going through the receiving line, I noticed that one of the bridesmaids, a stunningly gorgeous young woman, couldn't keep her eyes off me. My ego soared.

After greeting the bridal couple, I approached the lovely bridesmaid, preparing to turn on the charm. She spoke up first: 'Sir, your necktie is hanging in your champagne glass!'"

Church Bull (Anon)

This was a notice in a Florida church bulletin, reprimanding parents for driving too fast when dropping children off for church functions:

"We want everyone to know that safety is one of our priorities.  Driving slowly on church property is a necessity or we may have to install bums on the driveway,"

SPAM DESSERT?

(From Steffanni Hicken in an unrecorded publication.)

"You have been specifically selected, Mrs. Emery " the voice on the phone announced.

Before she could continue, I interrupted, "You must have the wrong number."

With just the slightest hesitation, she recovered and informed me, "Well, whoever you are, you have been specifically selected to receive an amazing offer."

POETRY SQUEEZE?

(From Erica Stux in an unrecorded publication.)

In response to a batch of poems I had submitted, a poetry magazine sent me a rejection letter saying that my work "does not fit our nerds at this time."

ARTISTRY IN FOOD PREP?

(Quoted by Herb Caen in the San Francisco Chronicle.)

A delicatessen in Los Angeles is called "Salvador Deli."

IS THE HUMERUS HUMOROUS?

(From Anon in Woodbury, Michigan.)

The phrase "Funny Bone" is a pun on the name of the arm bone involved - the humerus.

A bump on the knob at the end of the elbow jangles the ulnar nerve there and causes the painfully tingling sensation that we all know so well.

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