Religious Humor

Over three years ago, the beloved pastor at Carroll Lutheran Village was in a very bad accident and was bed-ridden for months.  In an attempt to make him feel a little better, I composed this letter.

Dear Pastor Jimmie:

Here are a few attempts at humor that I hope you will be able to read and enjoy, because a good laugh is much better than a bunch of pain pills.  If laughter is painful for you, I hope you will at least be able to smile a bit at this silliness.

...

One Sunday, a preacher announced that his next sermon would be on the topic of lying.

"To prepare, I'd like you all to read the 30th chapter of the Book of Matthew," he said.

The next Sunday, he asked those who had done the recommended reading to raise their hands.  All hands went up.

"That's a good introduction to my topic," said the preacher.  "You're all liars. There is no 30th chapter of the Book of Matthew."

...

"Knock, Knock, Hello, I'm here to convert you."

"What religion?"

"None, I'm from the telephone company."

...

Did you hear about the student studying to be a minister, who thought that the Epistles were the wives of the Apostles?

... 

Did you hear about the couple who got married so late in life that Medicare paid for the wedding?

...

A.J.Jamal said: "My father was so cheap. For Easter, we'd wear the same clothes, but he'd take us to a different church."

... 

Garrison Keillor said: "Anyone who thinks that sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car."

..

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked: "Grandpa, do you know how you and God are alike?"

Kind of pleased, I said, "No, how are we alike?"

"You're both old," he replied.

...

And when my grandson finally asked me how old I really was, I teasingly replied: "I'm not sure."

"Look in your underwear, Grandpa, " he advised. "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

...

One day, my grandson was diligently pounding on my word-processor.  He told me he was writing a story.

"What's it about?" I asked.

"I don't know," he replied.  "I can't read yet."

...

But my young granddaughter is the artist in the family.  One day I saw her busily engaged in drawing on a sketch pad with crayons.

I asked her what she was drawing.

She said that she was drawing a picture of God.

I said that I didn't think anyone knew what God looked like.

She said:  "They will when I get through."

...

A vocal and pompous political candidate was trying to drum up voters at a nursing home. He approached a dear little lady in a wheelchair and bent over, took her hand and asked in a loud voice: "Do you know who I am?"

The lady tilted her head to one side, gently patted the man's hand and replied:  "No, but if you stop at that desk over there, they'll tell you."

...