WAITING

I feel like this, waiting for Elaine to come home from the hospital

Wait, Wait!

One of my favorite podcast/radio show is  Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.  I've mentioned it before and how it is related to British (kind of) quiz shows.

I listen to it every Sunday night and I fall asleep half-way through.  Not because its boring, which it isn't, but because my bedtime pills knock me out.

However I am able to listen to it in its entirety on Monday morning and I highly recommend it.  I always learn interesting (and/or silly) things from the program, such as:

You're so nice!

In Stockholm Sweden, talking trash cans are scattered around the town.  What could trash cans possibly say?

Well, they compliment every person who deposits garbage like:  "Thank you, you good-looking Sweetheart," or "You sure look good today, Honey."

Some even moan and groan suggestively.

The city governors say these lovable creations are helping keep the streets clear of litter.

Poo Poo Putin

When Vladimir visits another country, he always has a lacky who collects his poop and takes it home to Russia. Putin does not want agents from other countries digging through his excrement looking for secrets.

Blame Amy

Amy Schumer "hits back after being blamed for the Tampon shortage. She says: 'I don't even have a uterus!'"

Interesting Euphemism

Scare the bejesus out of someone.

To shock or frighten one very suddenly or severely. (Mostly used in Ireland, but I've heard it used a lot in Massachusetts.)

Weed

There may be a marijuana strain named JAREDKUSH.  Maybe not.

Question 

A group of chickens are having a "gabfest." They are pondering a burning question: "Why does anyone cross the road?"

Tired?

My Roomba says:  "This job sucks!"

Yuk!

A pest control company is looking for someone to babysit 100 cockroaches in their home for 30 days. They are willing to pay $2000 to the home owner.

That reminds me of when one of my employees invited me into her home for lunch.  As I sat eating Egg Fu Yung, I remarked about her wallpaper with its moire effect.  However, upon closer examination, I found that the rippling effect was caused by scurrying creatures.

My friend Bob Crum remarked that he saw the same effect when he was a Social Security Claims Rep in the slums of the Bronx. 

Lifeguard!

Comedian Paul Lynde was a star on Hollywood Squares when he was asked:

"What do you yell when a man falls into the ocean?"

Paul: "Man overboard!"

"What do you yell when a woman falls into the ocean?"

Paul: "Full speed ahead!"

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