STORIES ABOUT SOME SSA CHARACTERS

I can't vouch for the complete accuracy of the following, but it was relayed to me by reliable sources, and I do know some of it personally to be absolutely true. 

"Names have been changed to protect the innocent."

DEBBIE HARDING'S ORDER

Debbie was a Presidential appointee entrusted to protect the important payment information for our aged and disabled Social Security (SSA) beneficiaries. 

Unfortunately, Debbie was not well liked by SSA employees and the Security staff.  However, they quickly learned to honor any of her suggestions (orders) without question, otherwise, there would be "hell to pay."

One day she got the idea that bombs and contraband could be smuggled into the SSA Woodlawn Building, hidden in the large pocketbooks that female employees were using as part of their wardrobe.

Debbie called the Security staff together that afternoon and gave them this order:

"Stop every female entering the Woodlawn buildings if they are carrying large pocketbooks. Examine every item in these pocketbooks and let me know if any content is questionable.  Start tomorrow!"

Debbie forgot to tell the staff not to examine her own bag and turned livid the next morning as she watched a Security Officer pull out and examine her own pocketbook's contents:

"Lipstick

Makeup Kit

Condoms

Note Pads

Half-eaten Ham Sandwich

Combs 

Brushes

Hair Spray

Perfume Bottle

Broom?

Unknown Substance"

Embarrassed, Debbie immediately rescinded her order.

BENNY AND CUFF

Like Mutt and Jeff or Laurel and Hardy, Benny and Cuff were inseparable buddies. They each were great computer analysts who loved adventure... and their booze.

Benny was 6'6" tall and weighed a non-muscular 280 pounds.  Cuff was 5'2" and might have weighed 120 pounds, soaking wet.

When their workload allowed it, they would repair to Monahan's to recharge their alcoholic batteries. Sometimes, they would disappear for a few days, after which they would have lots of interesting tales to relate.

CHECK THE BADGES!

In her eternal quest to arrest terrorists, Debbie Harding required the SSA Security Guards to check each entrant's identification badge against the carrier's face.  This was not a fun thing for the guards to do.

One day, Benny and Cuff purchased costumes at a Baltimore Halloween Store.  Benny became a gorilla and Cuff became a chimpanzee. 

The couple arrived for work in their costumes and were examined by a guard.  The guard looked from Benny's ID badge to his gorilla face and nodded: "OK."

The guard then looked from Cuff's ID badge to his chimpanzee face and also nodded: "OK."

So much for SSA Security.

THE BROKEN COW

Cuff had been a paratrooper in World War II, and had made hundreds of jumps from high-flying planes.  Benny had never even been in an airplane.

In a drunken stupor, Cuff convinced Benny that he needed to become a parachutist.

They waddled over to the Woodbine Airport, which was really only a large flat area in a farmer's field.

Cuff made Benny a parachute out of a tablecloth and arranged for a Cessna to take them up high enough for a sky dive.

Unfortunately, Cuff got mixed up and when the plane was only 100 feet from the ground, he pushed Benny out of the plane.

Benny doesn't remember what happened next, except for the ambulance and the angry farmer.

Benny had landed on a poor contented cow that was minding her business.  She became hamburger and Benny had bandages, splints and casts all over his body.

Benny forgave Cuff and in a few months they were back to their old tricks,

Be careful... they may be in your neighborhood!

.........................................................................

Go, and stay sober.