(Elaine is scheduled to come home at 9 pm.  I can't wait.)

How about some more humor?

01.  Kids

M.F. says, "My granddaughter had just turned five when my wife asked whether she was being a good girl.

After a deep- sigh and a thoughtful pause, she responded, "You know, I'm doing the best I can."

02.  Classic Senior Citizen Joke

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get started.

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when its finished?"

The little silver-haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.  She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax.  Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh...

Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box!"

03.  Yuk!

Linda Bennett writes:

My husband was displeased with the jar of pimiento-stuffed olives he had bought.

"They're just not vinegary."

"They were vinegary when I ate them," said our youngest son.

"When did you eat them?" I asked.

"This morning.  I sucked all the red things out and put the olives back in the jar."

04. Dream On!

From Gilliam Moore:

A lady was admiring her naked body in the bedroom mirror.  She told her husband, "Today the doctor told me I was in great shape, with breasts like a nineteen-year-old girl."

Her husband said, "Yeah, but what did he say about your 40-year-old butt?"

05.  Toastmasters Tip

To advance in public speaking, 

Fill your mouth with marbles and make a speech.

Every day, remove one marble and make a speech.

You'll be an expert speaker by the time you lose all your marbles!

06.  I Got A Horse Right Here

A minister was looking out his window and saw a lady being given money by some passers-by.  Being a good man, he wanted to help this poor woman, so, at noon, he went down, handed her $2 and said, "Despair not!"

The next day, the same lady approached him and handed him $100.  She told him:

"Despair Not came in at Belmont and paid 50 to 1.

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