Toastmasters has a feature called "Table Topics" where a member is given a subject and is required to talk about it in a mini-speech.  At one time, I wrote down some of these subjects with a little bit about what was in the mini-speech.  

(or, maybe some are the words of Rodney Dangerfield)

Here goes: (best are at the end)

01. Turkey

I tried stuffing a turkey once.  The recipe didn't say anything about the bird being dead.  I'll never forget the look of reproach on that bird's face.

02.  Seat Belts for Kids

If the kid gives you a hard time about wearing a belt, belt him.

03.  Car Problems?

I know how to fix all of your car problems.  Just leave it overnight in a bad neighborhood.

04.  Income Tax

Try the new simplified IRS form: 

a.  How much did you earn?

b.  How much do you have left?

c.  Send b.

05.  At a Baltimore restaurant

"Do you serve crabs?"

"We serve everybody, Hon, have a seat.

06.  Crime

Crime in NYC is so bad.. last week I visited the city and the Statue of Liberty had both arms up.

07.  Cleanliness

A bird pooped on a guy's head and his wife said, "Yuk!  I wish I had toilet paper."  He said, "Why?  That bird must be a long way off by now."

Here is some other random humor:

09.  Zukes

My zucchini crop was so large this year that I tried to give some to neighbors.  No luck.

So, I put a bunch in a basket, placed it on a chair in the driveway with a sign that said "FREE."

In a few hours I went out to check.  The zukes were still there, but the chair was gone.

10.  Diplomacy

RD writes:

Visiting a village in a Third-World nation, an American dignitary tells the natives, "I bring you warm greetings from my people."

The natives respond, "Kazanga!"

"We wish you prosperity!"

"Kazanga!" they bellow.

"I promise years of friendship and economic benefit."

"Kazanga! Kazanga!"

As the dignitary leaves the podium, he tells the chief, "That went well."

"Uh-huh," the chief replies, "Look out! Don't step in the Kazanga!"

11.  Clerihew

A clerihew is a 4-line poem, rhyming aabb about a celebrity mentioned in the first line.  Here is one from RD:

Eli Whitney invented a machine

That cotton growers thought was mighty keen.

Drinking too much at a party for him,

Eli said, "Keep your cotton-picken' hands off my gin!"

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