More of the same ... from my hidden archives.

01.  Exercise 

(From Beverly Gross)

This is an exercise for people who are out of shape:

Begin with a 5-pound potato bag in each hand.  Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, then relax.

After a few weeks, move up to 10-pound potato bags.  Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

02.  First Line

Christine Hamilton provides us with an opening line to a novel that is not yet written"

"She was the most desired object in the room, not unlike the last deviled egg at an Easter potluck."

03.  Identity

A spy master was recruiting for his cell and he had heard good things about a spy named Smedlap.  Mr. Smedlap was hiding somewhere in town.

After a very long investigation, the spy master thought that he might have located Smedlap and rang the bell near the entrance to an apartment house.  He asked the person who answered the bell, "Are you Mr. Smedlap?"

"Well, I'm Smedlap the butcher, you're probably looking for Smedlap the spy.  He lives on the second floor."

04.  My Problem Too

I reached up to grab an overhanging tree branch and found that it was just a crack in my glasses.

05.  Trojan Horse

A soldier is sick.  Is there a doctor in the horse?

06.  Diet Needed

I'm getting so fat, I had to let out my shower curtain!

07.  Advertising?

I was walking through town when I saw some nice-looking watches in a store window, so I went in to buy one.  The proprietor said, "I'm sorry. I do not sell watches.  I am a Mohel and I circumcise little children."

"Well, why do you have watches in your store window?"

"If you were a Mohel, what would you put in your window?"

08.  Clothes

I bought a camouflage jacket and now I can't find it.

 

09.  Family Pride

How many kids carry pictures of their parents in their wallets?

10.  Corny Confession

RD reports:

Lying on her deathbed, a woman tells her husband of 60 years that he can finally open the chest at the foot of the bed, which had been off limits to him throughout their marriage.

Much to his surprise, he finds three ears of corn and $100,000 inside.  "Why are there three ears of corn in here? he asks.

"Every time I cheated on you, I put an ear of corn in the chest."

"I forgive you," said the husband. "But what about the $100,000?"

"Every time I got a bushel of corn, I sold it."

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