Office Stuff; Dogs; Aging; Knowledge; Old Jokes; Kid's Jokes

Another old blog entry I thought you might have missed.

Snow on the ground, but not much because the ground is still warm from the Spring-like weather of last week.  I knew there might be some more cold weather for a while yet, so I sent for a leather (kind of) jacket.  It's nice and warm.. Elaine thinks I look like a motorcycler, and a couple of people asked me today why I didn't have a skull and crossbones on the back.  Hmmm'

How about a mélange of meaningless stuff?  In bunches of four.

How to Irritate your Co-workers: (from an Allan Kaufman email)

o  Adjust the tint on  your monitor so that the brightness level lights us the entire work area.

o  Find out where  your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.  Wear them one day after your boss does.

o  Put mosquito netting around  your cubicle.

o  Send email to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing.  For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

It's a Dog's Life:

"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue."  Anonymous

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."  Will Rogers

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down." Robert Benchley

"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events.  The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard."  Dave Barry

 On Aging:

o  Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age, and start bragging about it.

o  How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

o  Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.

o  First you forget names, then you forget faces.  Then you forget to pull up your zipper.  It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

What I've Learned:

o  Life is like a roll of toilet paper.  The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

o  Love, not time, heals all wounds.

o  A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

o  The less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.


Real old jokes:

o  "Help! An alligator just bit off my leg!"
     "Which one?"
     "I don't know, they all look alike to me.""

o    Two women were talking, "So,  how's your sex life?"
      "Oh, nothing special.  I'm having Social Security sex."
       "Social Security sex?"
       "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

o   A 95 year old and a 92 year old were soon to be married.  To prepare, the groom goes into a drug  store to get some necessities:  He says: "Do you have heart medicine?  Diabetes medicine?  Viagra? etc., etc."
The druggist says.. "Wait a minute.  Would you like to set up a registry?"

o Two women were watching a funeral procession.  After watching the thirty-fifth car go by, Mrs. Alexander turned to Mrs. David, and asked: "Wow!  Who died?" 
Mrs. David said: "I'm not sure but I think it's the one in the first car."

Jokes for Fourth Graders:

o  It was a very short marriage.  They fought over custody of the wedding cake.

o  Man to barber:  "What do you have for gray hair?"  Barber: "A lot of respect."

o  Q.  What do you get if  you cross an apeman with a zebra?
    A.   Tarzan stripes forever.

o  Q.  What do you get if  you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
    A.  Deep holes all over Australia

........................................bye.....................