We had Elaine's 70th birthday party yesterday. Everyone said they had a good time. The food was good (even some for people to take home) and the music was just right. Elaine let me do a little emceeing, but I couldn't do too many jokes because she wanted it to be a kind of serious occasion. It's not everyday that you have a 70th birthday.
Here are the jokes I told, in case you weren't there:
What does a Woman want in a Man?
At age 60:
He doesn't scare children.
He remembers where the bathroom is.
He only snores softly.
He is able to stand up by himself.
He likes soft food.
He remembers where he left his teeth.
But, at age 70:
He is breathing.
He usually doesn't miss the toilet.
How Old are You?
When her grandson asked Elaine how old she was, she teasingly replied: "I'm not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandma" he advised, "mine says I'm 4 to 6."
Grandma's granddaughter who was in second grade, told her grandma: "Grandma, guess what? Last week we learned how to make babies."
Grandma, a little shocked, recovered enough to ask: "That's interesting, how do you make babies?"
"It's simple, Grandma. You just change the 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
Shame on You!
Two kids talking and one says: "My grandparents are funny. When they bend over you hear gas leaks and then they blame their dog."
Acute Observation
Her grandson asked grandma: "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"
Feeling proud, Grandma asked: "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
The Story
Her granddaughter, when very young, was diligently pounding away on Grandma's word processor. She said that she was writing a story.
"What's it about? asked Grandma.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read yet."
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I had a lot more ready.. but this was enough.
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Today, we got up early and went on a trip to the Columbia Mall. This was a trip on a Carroll Lutheran Village bus and not many folks went. We spent a lot of time at the mall eating Thai food. Excellent! They snagged us right away by offering lots of free samples.
The only other thing we did of any importance was to buy a box of Wochenfuss chocolates. Elaine picked out twenty delicious delicacies. Eating those, plus the chocolate favors that we had left over from the birthday party means that our blood sugar levels will be sky-high. But, what the hell, we don't overindulge that often.
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Incidentally, another 8 Christmas catalogs appeared in our mailbox today!
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