MY TOP TEN LIMERICKS

To counter the many negative things going on in my life today, I want to revert to the things that make me feel better. Limericks are a good choice.

Here are my top ten picks. I collected them from EMAILS from friends, Facebook, Readers Digest, Mensa Bulletin and other sources.  Since Limericks are not owned by anyone, I felt free to change some of them a little to make them more "current."

10.

There once was a farmer from Leeds

Who swallowed a packet of seeds

It soon came to pass

He was covered with grass

And all of the parsnips he needs.

09.

An elephant slept in his bunk

And in slumber his chest rose and sunk

But he snored - how he snored!

All the other animals roared

So his wife tied a knot in his trunk.

08.

There once was a racer named Dwight

Whose speed was much faster than light

He set out one day

In a relative way

And returned on the previous night.

07.

There once was a lady named Lynn

Who was so excessively thin

That when she assayed

To drink lemonade

She slipped through the straw and fell in.

06.

An ambitious young fellow named Matt

Tried to parachute using his hat

Folks below looked so small

As he started to fall

Then got bigger and bigger and SPLAT!

05.

A psychic small person named Marge

Went to jail with the most heinous crime

But despite lock and key

The next day she broke free

And the headline read "Small Medium at Large."

04.

There was a young fellow from Crete

Who was so exceedingly neat

He stood on his head

When he got out of bed

So the floor would not dirty his feet.

 

03.

If you catch a chinchilla in Chile

And cut off its fur willy-nilly

You can honestly say

That you have just made

A Chilean chinchilla's chin chilly.

 02.  (A classic!)

One Saturday morning at three

A cheese-seller's shop in Paree

Collapsed to the ground

With a thunderous sound

Leaving only a pile of de brie.

01. (My favorite of all favorites!)

On the chest of a barmaid named Gail

Were tattooed the prices of ale

And, on her behind

For the sake of the blind

Was the same information in Braille.

..................................................................

Go, and laugh some more.