NEIGHBORS FROM HELL.  PART TWO.

Shortly after moving into our pleasant cul-de-sac, Cleo decided that she would like to skinny-dunk her cellulites on a regular basis, so she conned her husband Bob into having a "pleasure-dome" created out of their small backyard.

XANADU

A swimming pool was excavated and was then surrounded by closely crowded tables and chairs and phony palm trees. There was also a special bench that held their combination TV and record player.

Every day we were subjected to the sound of Soap Operas on TV and loud rock music from the record player. This was heightened because neither common sense nor the law had mentioned that all swimming pools had to have a surrounding fence.

Besides that, we were subjected to an anatomy lesson every afternoon when Cleo floundered around her "swimming hole" in her natural undress. Ach! Was fuer ein Anblick!   

She also would like to play her "naughty" records at the highest decibel level.  Now, I always liked the comedy of Moms Mabley and Redd Foxx, but I didn't want my kids learning vocabulary words from their routines.

Armed with all my complaints and an explanation about pool fences, I went into a low-key conference with the Smedlaps.  They really did try to be better neighbors.

They lowered the sounds coming from their backyard and Cleo began to take her daily "skinny-dunking" at night. Best of all, they agreed to fence their pool!

They placed a six-foot wooden fence around the sides of their yard and a four-foot chain-link fence across the back. While helping me, it probably did not help people living in the development behind them.

THE BLUES

Bob had this idea that some juvenile offenders were climbing over his chain-link fencing and sneaking dips in his beloved pool.  He had a great idea to stop this.

He purchased some dark blue paint-like greasy substance from an auto-parts store and smeared it all over the fence. Surely, that would deter these miscreants!

Shortly later, as their mother (Elaine) was doing the laundry, our pre-teen daughters came in crying from the backyard.  Their clothes were colored a dark greasy blue that could never be removed.

Elaine was normally a calm individual, but in this case she went ballistic. She went to the backyard, surveyed the situation, removed the blue clothing and carried it to Bob's front door, which she almost pounded to oblivion.

When Bob popped out, Elaine threw the blue duds at him and threatened him with a beating that he would never forget.  To appease her, he agreed to remove the blue gunk from his fence and buy replacement clothing for my little girls.  Which he did.

THE IMPERIAL GARDENS CANAL

In a while, we decided to sell our cul-de-sac home and move to our just-constructed house in Carroll County.  On a Thursday, potential buyers were coming for an inspection on Friday, the next day.

I had spent lots of hours mowing and raking and the yard never looked so good. 

During the night we had a heavy downpour of rain and apparently a little rainwater entered Bob's basement.  To get rid of it before morning light, Bob grabbed a shovel and dug a ditch from his basement door, through his backyard and then all the way through our backyard to the back of our property.  

Elaine woke at seven A.M. and looked out the bedroom window.  Seeing the deep ditch snaking through our backyard, she went ballistic for the second time in her life.

Still dressed in her nightgown, she ran to Bob's house and pounded on the door.

Bob appeared in his underwear, at which time, Elaine grabbed him by the neck until he muttered: "Uncle!"

She made him get his shovel and still in his underwear, fill in all of the holes that he had dug.

We didn't have any more trouble with the Smedlaps since we moved to our new location.  I just felt sorry for the people who had purchased our house.

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