THE CRYPTO VAN

During the last 18 months of my three-year assignment as an American Airman in Germany I was stationed at a secret location near Mausdorf. (Yes, it was as small as a mouse.)

To get to work required a one-hour ride in a bouncing Army truck over one-lane gravel paths with several blind corners.

(In fact, on one trip our truck passed a Volkswagen auto that had been squashed by an Army tank whose driver thought he always had the right-of-way.)

The truck dumped us off at a fenced-in area hidden by a grove of large trees. I often wondered how our RADAR worked in such a condition. But it did, and my radio signals also came in loud and clear.

Willie, my sometime friend and sometime enemy Air Policeman originally from Baltimore was already on entrance duty and waved us in for ID inspection, after which I entered my second home for 8 to 12 hour duty, the Crypto Van, a 6' by 12' metal container, with one small peephole so that I could look for any Commies who might be advancing over the hill and get ready to shoot them with my Burp Gun (through that same small hole). 

Later, my commanding officer arrived in his Mercedes after a pleasant commute.  He was my Captain and a nice guy from Ohio, named Ben Bodager.  When he learned that I went to school with Bobby Watkins, an "All American" playing for Ohio State, we became fast friends.

Ben convinced me that I was smarter than my recorded 100 IQ.  He arranged for me to take the "College Level GED Test" that I aced, and insisted that I go to college once I was discharged.  Which I did.  Thank you, Ben!

In the Crypto Van, certain top secret information was received by courier.  The documents always stated that once we had implemented certain codes, the documents had to be shredded in our primitive shredders. This I always did.

Once, when Ben was on extended leave, his command was assumed by another Captain whose only other duty seemed to be caring for a sickly 300 pound wife.

This temporary supervisor began snooping around, looking for discrepancies. He noted that certain actions had no documentation.  He didn't question the actions taken, but he accused me of destroying the documentation and turned me in for some kind of Courts Marshall disciplinary action which might include dishonorable discharge or jail time for destroying top secret information. (He thought he had me.)

 

I tried to explain that I was following the orders to destroy that were written at the end of each piece of documentation, and that could be easily verified by contacting the source of the documents. Did he listen?  Hell no!  (He thought he had me.)

However, his supervisors dismissed his allegations,  called him a "stupid bastard",  and sent him back to resume his marital duties.

After that, I was in sole command of the Crypto Van for a couple of weeks.

When I was discharged, I was accepted by Boston University and earned a degree for Germanic Languages and Literature.

I then searched for a career job that would fit my language education or my cryptologic experience. I know, NSA would be a good fit, but for now,  Boston University Placement set me up for "appropriate" jobs, such as:

Soda delivery salesman for the New England area.

Truck delivery scheduler for the East Coast.

Some others that sounded like they had connections with the Underworld.

These jobs offered immediate acceptance and large salaries.  I turned them all down and started to take placement tests for:

The Secret Service

NSA

Government Service

Some others.

I passed almost all of the tests I took and finally selected Government Service with the Social Security Administration in Baltimore, and I'm so glad I did.

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