Today was AARP Chapter meeting day. Let me recap... don't ignore it because I have two great jokes for you.
I brought in:
50 Joe Vaughan Fan Club pens... they all disappeared.
10 2017 calendars. They all disappeared.
A large walker.. it disappeared.
A large stand for the infirm... nobody took it.
A funny kind of cane on wheels... nobody took it.
Health Program:
A lady from Mathias Monuments in Westminster talked to us old folks about a subject nobody usually discusses until after a death has occurred.
She asked for some input and I spoke about the pink granite gravestone that I had put up for my Aunt Marjorie and other relatives.
The presenter said that if graves are next to a church.. it is a church yard.
She said that if graves are far from a church.. it is a cemetery.
She mentioned that the average stone costs around $4,100. As she said that, I heard a gasp go up from the audience.
I asked a bunch of questions:
Q. Who carves the stones?
A. An artisan who has lots of years of experience. Unless there is a very detailed colorful picture needed, then it is sent to a factory down south.
Q. Suppose I have set up a stone with me and my wife's information on it... and later she leaves me... what happens?
A. We can erase the wife's information without detection.
Q. Could you make a stone like my mother has? Black and opaque unless you look at it a certain way, then colorful flowers and such shine out.
A. Yes.
Q. Suppose I find a nice big stone in my yard and I want to have it made into a tombstone. Could it be done?
A. Not an uncommon occurrence. Yes.
Q. As a student of genealogy, could I bring a name to you and ask you if you had ever made a stone for that name?
A. We have 3x5 cards going back to 1926 with that information, including where the stone was erected.
After this kind of depressing presentation, we ate a nice Italian meal... ziti and garlic bread.
Following this, a lady played recordings and sang show tunes for us. Some of us chimed in. Now, I want to be charitable.. this lady had lots of energy.. but not much voice. But she gave it a great try and the audience seemed pleased.
During the business session, Louise Miller gave us the following great joke:
Three elderly ladies lived together. Annie, Betty, and Clara.
One day, Annie yelled to the others: "Help, I'm standing in the bathtub, but I don't know if I getting in to the tub or if I've finished." Betty replied: "Hold on, I'm on the stairs. I'll be there as soon as I figure out if I'm coming up or going down." Meanwhile, Clara said: "Don't you both worry, you are doing all right, knock on wood. I'll be there as soon as I see who is at the door."
I followed Louise with my joke of the month:
A man and his wife went to the Doctor's. After the man was examined, the doctor came out to talk to the wife. "Well, your husband has some very bad problems and might die if he doesn't get help. I think though that he might get better if you make love three times a week."
The wife thinks about this and when her husband comes out he says: "What did the doctor tell you about my condition?"
The wife said: "He said you're going to die!"
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