IF - THEN

Fellow Mensan and consummate wordsmith Richard Lederer wrote an article targeting our "goofy English Language."  It appeared in the Mensa Bulletin for January 2022.  I want to pick out parts you might enjoy thinking about.

If a megaphone makes your voice louder, what does a microphone do?

If you board a "nonstop" flight, when will you ever get off?

If the contents of a can of tuna is called "tuna fish," why aren't the contents of a can of salmon not called "salmon fish?"

If the plural of tooth is "teeth," why isn't the plural of booth "beeth?"

If adults commit "adultery," do infants commit "infantry?"

If a cow is unable to produce milk, is it a "milk dud" or an "udder failure?"

If a "weightlifter" lifts weights, what does a "shoplifter" lift?

If a clergyman is defrocked and lawyers disbarred, why aren't:

hairdressers distressed;

manicurists defiled;

electricians delighted;

cowboys deranged;

models disposed;

songwriters decomposed?

If eating at night is bad for you, why do they put light bulbs in refrigerators?

If fridge is spelled with a d, shouldn't refrigerator be spelled the same?

If you sue a parsley farmer, do you hope to garnish her wages? 

Should a person who drives a race car be called a racist?

If you know where the big apple is, why don't you know where the Minneapolis?

Thought for today - If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

..............................................................