01.  Mind Benders

Wild theories outlined in a recent issue of Business Daily and slightly amended by me.

a.  The Illuminati Cave

Mount Rushmore sculptor, Gutzon de la Mothe Borglum carved out a large area in back of Lincoln's head.  Mr. Borglum wanted to use it as a depository for important American documents, a "Hall of Records."  The plan was not followed properly and only a few documents are stored there.

When some looney folks heard about it, they decided that it was a secret hiding place for the Illuminati.

b.  Little Noise on the Prairie

For years, people in Minnesota have been hearing faint humming seemingly coming from the sky.  Sound recordings have confirmed the humming, but nobody has been able to find the source.

However, some "armchair scientists" declare that the noise is definitely coming from aliens trying to communicate with us.

 

c.  Getting Even

The Denver International Airport is twice the size of Manhattan!  Some "armchair reporters" say that it is that big because it houses an army of "neo-naziis" who are getting ready to avenge Germany's defeat in WW2.

They also tell us that high-flying aircraft can see swastikas on top of the terminal.

d.  Bare Spots

"Armchair investigators" have told the world about two 15 foot circular areas in a Mississippi forest. Nothing grows in these spots.

 There have been several UFO sightings in this part of the State and some folks think that these two areas were spots where alien craft stopped to adjust their power supply.

02.  Calendars

Wait a minute! Isn't this August?  Why am I getting 2023 calendars now? So far, I have received calendars from:

American Heart Foundation

Audubon Society (2)

Best Friends

Doctors Without Borders

Earth Justice

NARFE

National Park Foundation

National Wildlife Federation (2)

Nature Conservancy 

Peta

U.S. Olympic and Paralympic Foundation

Wilderness Society

World Wildlife Fund

That's 15 free calendars.  Especially free because my budget is tight and I can't donate to any of them this year. 

So - what do I do with all these beautiful calendars?

03.  Add a Word

Jimmy Fallon recently asked his audience to help him with a fun game.  He asked that one take a well-known and respected brand, add a word to the title and come up with what might qualify as a not-so-nice product.  Some entries that I liked:

Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey POX.

Gorilla Tape WORMS.

You Tubes TIED.

Peppermint COW Patties.

Fleetwood Mac AND CHEESE

My favorite:

7up YOURS

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