Criticism; Tweets; Cosmetic Surgery; Smells; AARP Humor

This is for a sunny Monday... temps in 50's.. I let the sun heat my legs through our patio glass door.. very pleasant.  Snow is almost gone.  On Saturday, Burnie, our arsonist neighbor, spent two hours chopping his remaining snowdrifts into squares.  I wondered if he was trying to build an igloo.. but I guess he just wanted the snow to melt faster.. or... he was bored and needed something to do.. and it was too early and windy to start his daily bonfire.

So far this year, we have encountered two ladybugs, 3 ants, 2 mealy bugs and zero stink bugs.  Knock on wood.

Funny Times Stuff

Touchy touchy! 

Chuck Shepherd reports that a Scottish author and TV person, was so incensed by an unfavorable internet review of his latest book by an 18 year old girl,  that he traveled 500 miles to the Supermarket where she worked and clobbered her with a wine bottle.

Now he can cool his anger in prison and perhaps write a sequel to his book, like Hitler did in Jail, and call it Mein Kampf mit ein dummes Fraulein.

Tweets

Roz Warren  quotes some comic tweets  from The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets, edited by Kate Hall:

The 4yo saw picture of me pregnant.  I explained that she was inside me.  She thought about it for a bit, then said, "I never want to do that again."

"No, honey, The deer is just sleeping.  They tied him down so he wouldn't fall of the top of their Ford Explorer."

A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."

Cosmetic Surgery

Jon Winokur compiled a few choice quotes:

Bob Hope:  "Phyllis Diller had so many facelifts, there's nothing left in her shoes."

Emo Philips:  "I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like."

Rita Rudner: "I don't plan to grow old gracefully.  I plan to have facelifts until my ears meet."

Sense of Smell

Chuck Shepherd reports  about a 24 year old guy who was arrested for threatening a woman at knifepoint because she would not "smell his armpits."

This reminds me of a guy I knew of in Germany when I was stationed there in the Air Force.  Willy had the ability to fart at will and he had found a German cab driver who liked that smell.  So, Willy would get dressed up, call for his cabbie friend, and get a free ride into town... and back later.

AARP Humor

Q:  What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A:  One is heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Q:  What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A:  I don't know and I don't care.

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