Being Short Is Not A Curse! 

When I was a kid, I was always head and shoulders taller than my friends and school mates.  I was 5 foot 7 (close to 5 foot 8 if I stretched.)  I became that tall when I turned 11 years old.  At the time, average age for United States adults was 5 foot 8, so I didn't seem worried about my height until I fell in love with a beautiful girl who was 5 foot 6.  

Because I wanted everything to be equal with us, I decided that I too, would say that I was 5 foot 6.

Over the years, the average height for American men increased.  Suddenly, 5 foot 8 was a short height.  My view at the time was: "So what!"

In yesterday's blog, I mentioned the chores I had at my "YMCA" job during the 1950's. I left one out.

The New Bedford Police Department was in desperate need of new recruits, but they had to be at least 5 foot 8.  My job was to help some applicants reach the height requirement by means of gym equipment. I would help these guys climb up on the parallel bars and hang upside down while holding heavy dumbbells.

This procedure worked well for those whose heights were already close to the required limit, but not for the other guys who were quite a bit shorter, and who sometimes broke down and cried.  Discrimination!   I believe that many of these shorter guys would have made great cops.

Here are a few "vignettes" about my height experience:

01.  When I was in Air Force Basic Training, my Drill Sargent made me stand at attention in front of him so he could berate me about some minor breaking of rules.  When he was through, he said, in a heavily accented Texas drawl: 

"Son, do you know why you are so short?"

"No, sir!"

"Its because some rebel done beat the ____ out of you!"

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir!"

This was odd because he was at least 4 inches shorter than me.

(Incidentally, I was the only recruit in my unit that he didn't slug on a regular basis, but I was also the only weight-lifter in the outfit.)

02.  During the 1970's, I was starting to get leadership positions at the Social Security Administration, and in local organizations, I thought that if I were taller, I could look some of my bosses, co-managers and adversaries eye-to-eye, and get better results in negotiations.  So, I bought a pair of "elevator" shoes.

It was very difficult to wear these shoes; I constantly felt like I was about to topple over.  But the shoes gave me 3 (count-em) inches of extra height.  I was now close by 3 inches to 6 feet.  When I met with my contacts, they would wonder why they hadn't noticed my "tall" height before.

Anyway, my feet ached and the ploy didn't really work that well, so I soon gave it up and decided that I needed to go back to my prior height and be proud of it.

03.  Over two years ago, I fell on my face and needed emergency care.  After Shock Trauma, Carroll County Hospital and Carroll Lutheran Village Health Care, it was decided that my condition required Hospice Care.  My prognosis was not good.  I opted to have my care at home.  

After a couple of years of excellent Hospice care, they terminated my contract because I now amazedly appeared to be in good health.  But after getting all that medical care, my height was shown to have become  either 5 foot 5, 5 foot 4, or 5 foot 3, depending on the equipment used.

But, being short should not be a barrier to doing good works and becoming famous, for instance:

4' 11"  Henri Toulous-Lautrec  (Famous Painter of Parisian Fun)

5'  0"   Danny DeVito (Comic Movie and TV Star. Big Arnie's   Brother?)

5'  1"   Genghis Khan  (Warrior Commander..  A Mean SOB)

5'  2"   Yuri Gagarin (First Russian Cosmonaut .. First to Fly Around The World)

5'  4"   Picasso (Master Artist .. Have You Seen Guernica?)

5'  4"   Woody Allen  (Movie Comedian and Possible P...)

5'  4"   Harry Houdini (Master Magician .. Died of a Burst Appendix.)

5'  4"   Truman Capote  (Well, he did write a few good essays)

5'  4"    Jason Alexander (You know, the Seinfeld guy)

5'  4"    Mel Brooks (Did you see Blazing Saddles?)

5'  5"    Charlie Chaplin (A Very Funny Old-Time Movie Star)

5'  5"     Franco Columbo (Fellow Body Builder Who Liked To Compete for Mr Universe With Big Arnie) 

5'  5"     J.R.R. Tolkien (Excellent Story-Teller)

And last in my list, but first in all philosophers' lists:

5'   5"    Aristotle (Do You Remember Your Greek History?)

For my "shortness" notes, I still have two chores:

01.  Find my shortness jokes that are gentle on the short person.

02.  Figure out some good retorts to use when teased about one's height.  For instance I really like this interplay that was recently told to me: 

Teaser:  "You sure are short!"

Teasee:   "And you sure are ugly!"

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