C'EST  L'HEURE  DU SEXE!

A little boy was sitting on the curb crying.  An old guy saw him and asked:

"Why are you crying?"

The little boy said between sobs:

"Because I can't do what the big boys can."

The old man sat down next to the boy and joined him in crying.

When us old dudes think about sex (after crying) we think about America's first famous sex symbol, Mae West and how she packed all that voluptuousness into an "hourglass" figure.  

Mae lived from 1893 to 1980.  She was sexy into her 70's.

Her first claim to fame was in a play which she wrote and produced, with an appropriate title: SEX.

Some write-ups say that she was five foot zero, but I think she was shorter than that because she wore special "double-decker" 9 1/2 inch high-heels, so she could pose "nose to nose" with her movie leading men.  But not many of those men were as tall as five foot nine.

This reminds me of a naughty "poem," probably written for Miss West. Please skip over said work so that you won't be shocked.

"Nose to nose,

Her toes are in it.

Toes to toes,

Her nose is in it."

Sorry about that, but I couldn't resist.

 

That "lovable bigot," Archie Bunker had a lot to say about sex. One of his sermons to his son-in-law, Mike included this exchange:

Archie:  "In my day we used to keep things in their proper suspective.  Take keepin' company, for instance.  When your mother-in-law and me was goin' around together (two whole years it was) we didn't - I never - there was nothin' - I mean nothin' - not till the wedding night."

Edith: "Even then." 

Famous poet Ogden Nash liked to comment on letters that Ann Landers got for her newspaper column. 

One he really liked was:  "The plight of a (sex-starved) teen-ager who doubted the affection of her boy friend because the only compliment he ever paid her was 'You sweat less than any fat girl I know.'"

Famous funnyman George Burns liked letters too, especially those addressed to him.  He loved to respond memorably, for instance:

"Dear George -- My boyfriend and I have never made love with the light on.  I'm dying to try it and see what it's like.  Do you think this is an unreasonable desire?"

George wrote back: "There's nothing wrong with making love with the light on.  Just make sure the car door is closed."

Another, kind of gross, example:

"Dear George, ... how long does a man have to wait for sex after his wife dies?"  From Bereaved Husband.

George says: "Dear Bereaved, I'd say it depends on how long you had to wait for it when your wife was alive."

I would recommend George's 1985 book "Dear George,"  from which these two examples were taken.

........................................................

oy!