Jokes; Electricity; Cookies; Motel; Confession; Snail; Cremation; Hearing Aids; Pampers

This is a make-up entry for Wednesday, June 8, 2016

How about some jokes:

Jakov Smirnoff said"

Electricity

"My father was an electrician; when I was grounded, there was a cord attached."

Bakery Order

Jakov:  Do you have cookies?
Baker:  Do I have cookies?  Man, I have cookies coming out of my ears.
Jakov:  Maybe I'll have something else.


Prairie Home Jokes:

To See or Not to See

Receptionist:  There is an invisible man waiting to see  you.
Doctor:  Tell him I can't see him now.

At the Motel

Customer:  Hey.. I've gotta leak in the sink.
Clerk:  That's OK, go ahead.

Confession is Good for the Soul

Tom:  Father, I have committed a sin with a young lady in the parish.
Father Jim:  Who was the woman?  Jane? Brenda? Ann?  Sue?
Tom:  No, father.
Father Jim:  Well, say 5 Hail Marys and go and sin no more.

Bill:  Hey, Tom, how'd it go?
Tom:  Fine.  I got off with only 5 Hail Marys and I got four  good leads.

Living in the Fast Lane

A snail got beat up by two turtles.
Policeman:  Did  you get a good look at the assailants?
Snail:  No.. it happened so fast.

Just like Being Married

The other night, a  young lady asked me: "Will  you make me feel like a woman?"
So I gave her a shirt to iron.

"Aging with a Smile" Jokes

Ashes, ashes...

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated.
Second, she wanted her ashes scattered over the grocery store.

"The grocery store?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why the grocery store?"

She replied, "I want to be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."

What?

The technicians who design hearing aids must not be very old.  You can tell, because their models don't come with filters for "rap music," "spouse," or "neighbor's dog."

Gotta Pee?

Things weren't turning out quite the way Chester intended.  Working hard all his life and investing his money well, he'd hoped one day to retire and be a little pampered.  However, he didn't realize that by now he'd also be wearing them.

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