Music in my head today: something after Mahler ..maybe yes; maybe no.
More old sorted items:\
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Steve Bell of Carroll Lutheran Village said:
"Before criticizing, walk a mile in the person's shoes... that way, you are a mile away and you have their shoes.!
He also said: "If you lend someone $100 and never see them again... it's probably for the best."
Some Statistics from 1905 (one hundred and ten years ago!)
o The average life expectancy was 50.
o Only 8% of the homes had a telephone.
o Only 14% of the homes had a bath tub.
o The maximum speed limit was usually 14 MPH.
o The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
o 90% of all U.S. physicians had no college education.
o Sugar cost four cents per pound. (There was no sugar substitute.)
o Eggs cost 15 cents per dozen.
o The main cause of death in the U.S. was: pneumonia and influenza
o The second cause of death in the U.S. was tuberculosis.
o The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30.
o Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were available over the counter at drug stores (aptly named.)
Yes, we've come a long way, baby... maybe!
Iraq war Leader and Civil War Leader had similar fates.\
When Jefferson Davis was tracked down, he was wearing his wife's clothes, which he hastily donned when fleeing his captors
This is one of my favorite stories.... I know I've mentioned it before, so I apologize.
Church Gossip Come-uppance
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She mad a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. he said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.
.............................................................................................................................................
Items from Wait Wait Don't Tell Me
Beer
Annheuser Busch has decided that it is cheaper to change it's famous beer's name than turn it into a tasty... good.... beer. Shortly, Budweiser Beer will be called American Beer.
Australian Brewers have started using an unusual, locally sourced ingredient: Yeast grown from their own belly-button fluff. One fragrant strain went into Belly Button Beer, a white beer with hints of fresh orange zest and toasted coriander seeds.. Yeast is yeast, no matter the source.
Odoriferous Decision
Some South African DJ's have decided to enhance the life of bored Teen-Agers by planning a Farting Contest.
Remember the song: Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot.
I've mentioned before the product of Baltimore's Ghetto, Willie, who served with me in Germany, and who could fart at will. And, I'm sure I mentioned how a German cab driver would come to our base every evening so he could smell Willie's farts and give him a free ride into Nuremburg.
London Snobism
I'm reminded of the necessity of writing your "orders" next to your name when you sign in to some London hotels. For instance, if you are British.. perhaps you can write "OBE" after your name... or, if you are an American lawyer, you can write in "ESQ" after your name. Without any "letters" you do not get as nice service. What a bunch of BS.
If I wanted to, I can append the following initials after my name:
BS; CDP; CSA; CQA; CSP, CTM8, and ATM2.
These represent "degrees" that I have earned over the years... and they don't mean a goddamn thing.. except that they apparently would gladden the eyes of British snobs in London.
Toastmasters Tip
One of the things that one learns in the Toastmasters organization, is to not use a long introduction when introducing famous people. This backfired on me once... the Toastmaster introduced me thusly: This is Joe Vaughan and the less said about him the better.""
Abusive Software
A few years ago, a new software APP was made available to the general public. Called "ABUSE", the program will interrupt your typing to hurl curses at you, antagonize you with trivia questions, and sometimes take over the typewritten exchange, after announcing that you are too dumb to talk with it. Once activated, it cannot be turned off.
Just what I need!
.........................................................................................................................
Church Gossip Come-uppance
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She mad a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. he said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.
.............................................................................................................................................
Items from Wait Wait Don't Tell Me
Beer
Annheuser Busch has decided that it is cheaper to change it's famous beer's name than turn it into a tasty... good.... beer. Shortly, Budweiser Beer will be called American Beer.
Australian Brewers have started using an unusual, locally sourced ingredient: Yeast grown from their own belly-button fluff. One fragrant strain went into Belly Button Beer, a white beer with hints of fresh orange zest and toasted coriander seeds.. Yeast is yeast, no matter the source.
Odoriferous Decision
Some South African DJ's have decided to enhance the life of bored Teen-Agers by planning a Farting Contest.
Remember the song: Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot.
I've mentioned before the product of Baltimore's Ghetto, Willie, who served with me in Germany, and who could fart at will. And, I'm sure I mentioned how a German cab driver would come to our base every evening so he could smell Willie's farts and give him a free ride into Nuremburg.
London Snobism
I'm reminded of the necessity of writing your "orders" next to your name when you sign in to some London hotels. For instance, if you are British.. perhaps you can write "OBE" after your name... or, if you are an American lawyer, you can write in "ESQ" after your name. Without any "letters" you do not get as nice service. What a bunch of BS.
If I wanted to, I can append the following initials after my name:
BS; CDP; CSA; CQA; CSP, CTM8, and ATM2.
These represent "degrees" that I have earned over the years... and they don't mean a goddamn thing.. except that they apparently would gladden the eyes of British snobs in London.
Toastmasters Tip
One of the things that one learns in the Toastmasters organization, is to not use a long introduction when introducing famous people. This backfired on me once... the Toastmaster introduced me thusly: This is Joe Vaughan and the less said about him the better.""
Abusive Software
A few years ago, a new software APP was made available to the general public. Called "ABUSE", the program will interrupt your typing to hurl curses at you, antagonize you with trivia questions, and sometimes take over the typewritten exchange, after announcing that you are too dumb to talk with it. Once activated, it cannot be turned off.
Just what I need!
.........................................................................................................................
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